They were about to head out the door when Kelsie stopped her.
“Um, you’re not going out like that, are you?”
Lacie glanced down at her yoga pants and T-shirt and chuckled. “What? You don’t like my Mickey Mouse shirt?”
Kelsie’s brows rose. “You look fat.”
Inside, Lacie wanted to scream and tell her daughter to mind her own business and accept her the way she was, but she didn’t. She didn’t stand up for herself, didn’t put her daughter in her place . . . didn’t do any of the things she should have done. Instead, she plastered a smile on her face like a good Christian should do and stepped backward. It didn’t matter that Kelsie had been on this kick lately about appearances and was starting that stage where it didn’t take much for Lacie to embarrass her. It didn’t matter that what her daughter had said might be true.
“Give me two minutes and I’ll get changed.” She gave in. Again. One day she wouldn’t.
She threw on jeans, a top, and a light sweater and ran back downstairs. Just as she was locking the door, her cell phone rang.
“Hey, there.” If it had been anyone else she wouldn’t have answered, but Charlotte Stone was one of her girls, among her best friends.
“I’m sure you’re rushing out the door, but do you have time to chat later?” Charlotte asked.
With the phone tucked tight against her shoulder, Lacie headed to the vehicle. Wes was helping Liam into his car seat while Kelsie was brushing her hair.
“Depends on when. Emily will be here in an hour, but I think Scott’s coming home early today.” She loved when Emily came to the house to work with Liam. Their support home worker was a godsend, and Lacie still couldn’t believe they’d received state funding for her help as easily as they had.
“Is he sick?” Lacie heard the concern in Charlotte’s voice.
“No,” she hedged, unsure of what or how much to say.
“Everything okay?”
“Everything is good.” She used her pastor’s-wife voice, the one that pretended everything was fine, she was happy, and life couldn’t be better.
“Don’t you use that tone with me, Lacie Helman.”
She smiled. Trust Charlotte to know when she wasn’t telling the truth. “I have to run and get cookies from Sweet Bakes. It’s Wes’s day to bring snacks, but,” she tried to not sound bitter, “Scott took the cookies I made into the office with him.”
“That was nice of Scott—I’m sure everyone in the church office appreciated it.”
Lacie sighed and changed the subject. “I’m really looking forward to our girls’ night. I need it more than you can know.”
“I’m looking forward to it as well. A night away, with no expectations and just plain girlfriend fun . . . it couldn’t come sooner. Give me a shout later, okay? Or come by Gina’s after Emily arrives. I’m meeting Jenn for coffee.”
Lacie told her she’d think about it and then twisted to make sure Liam was buckled in properly.
“What kind of cookies should we get?” she asked while Charlotte’s words rang in her mind. That was nice of him. Of course it was. Except he’d walked in last night after the men’s Bible study and seen her packing them up. He’d even managed to sneak a few out of the container before she put it in the freezer. He knew they weren’t meant for him or the church or anyone else other than Wesley’s class.
She knew he’d just forgotten; he basically admitted that in his text earlier. But it still upset her. One more example of Scott placing something ahead of his own family. Why couldn’t someone else provide the cookies? Why couldn’t someone else bake something and tell Scott to take it home for once, rather than the other way around?
No one in Stillwater Bay would have agreed with her, much less understood her frustration. They all hailed Scott as one of the best pastors to ever come to Stillwater Faith Community Church. They praised him on a continual basis for how he put the church first, how dedicated he was to not only the town, but the church, the members, the families.
And now she was asking him to be dedicated to his own and only his own. Everyone in town would hate her, but would they understand? Would her friends, at least? She had a feeling they would, that when they found out tomorrow night what she’d done, they would be on her side one hundred percent.
While the kids called out every type of cookie they knew Anne Marie made, Lacie drove across First Bridge Street, breathing in the crisp morning air. She loved where they lived—on Whidbey Island off the coast of Washington, close to the water, where the breeze carried the smell of the ocean in from beyond the bay. But she longed for the days when they used to live closer to the water, where she could hear and see the waves crashing along the shore. The parsonage where they’d first lived when they moved here was nestled among the cottages on the shores of South Beach; she and Scott used to sit out on the back porch and watch the sun set over the waves and dream about what their lives would be.
“Are we decided then on our cookies?” She turned in her seat after parking across from Sweet Bakes and winked at her kids.
“I am!” Liam yelled out. He pulled at his buckles, straining to get out, and then laughed as Wes tickled him.
“Watch for cars.” Lacie climbed out and held the door open for the kids. She was glad the street was quiet, because she knew the moment Liam was out of his seat, he would try to run.
“Liam,” she called out to grab his attention. “Should we pick out a cookie for Miss Emily?”
His eyes widened as she held out her hand for him to take. Liam loved his helper; he thought she was not only beautiful but smart and kind, and he was always coloring pictures for when she came over three times a week to work with him. Next year they were going to sign him up for kindergarten at Stillwater Elementary, where Emily would go in and work with him in a class setting.
Wesley held the door open so they could all file in, and the minute Liam entered the bakery, he ran right toward the back, around the corner, and tackled Anne Marie, who luckily was waiting for him.
“Hey, big guy.” She leaned down and wrapped her arms around him. “How come you don’t come visit me anymore?”
Liam gazed up, his eyes wide. “Mommy says you don’t want me ruining your pies again.” His lips pushed out into a pout but quickly turned into a smile when Anne Marie laughed and nuzzled the top of his head.
The last time Lacie had brought Liam into the bakery, he’d tackled Anne Marie while her hands were full of homemade pies. Liam grabbed her so hard that the pies fell out of her hands and landed on the floor.
“You can’t ruin a pie; it’s not possible. In fact, how about I show you what I did to a pie this morning.” She reached for Liam’s hand and pulled him to the side. Lacie made her way to the counter and leaned over it so she could see as well.
On a pie plate sat what looked like a cherry explosion. There was a little bit of crust, but basically cherries covered everything else. Anne Marie handed Liam a plastic fork, and then grabbed one for herself and stuck it in the pie.
“Try it and let me know if it tastes okay?” She smiled down at Liam before glancing over to Lacie and winking. “You too, Kelsie and Wes. I originally meant this pie for your dad, but now . . . well, who said we can’t have pie for breakfast?” She handed the other two forks before she wiped her hands on her apron and approached Lacie.
“That man of yours sure did it this morning, huh?”
“Don’t even get me started.” Lacie smiled, thankful to Anne Marie for not starting off praising her husband. Most people never saw the man, only the title. Put Reverend in front of a name and then a man could do no wrong.
“I put a box together and added a mixture of cookies. I’m trying out a new recipe with caramel, and made sure they’re all peanut-free.”
“Thanks. I told the kids they could pick out some cookies and I’ll take them home too. And maybe a pie for dessert.”
“Sure thing. I’ll have your order for the fair committee ready for tonight as well. Want
me to drop it off on my way home?”
“If you don’t mind, that would be great.”
Each year, Stillwater Bay held a summer fair that began on the last day of school and ran for three days. Lacie was part of the committee, and she loved their meetings. It meant a rare night out that had nothing to do with the church.
Anne Marie gave her a smile, and then turned. “Okay, kiddos, I hear we have some cookies to pick for when you’re at home. Who wants to go first?”
Lacie stood to the side and watched her children as they made their choices. Anne Marie was amazing with kids. She helped out with the Sunday school program at church and was always the first to volunteer for any child events in the town. She once told Lacie that she considered the children of Stillwater her family, since she didn’t have any of her own.
“Add it to your tab?” Anne Marie called out as she boxed everything up and placed them in bags. Lacie nodded. Scott came in weekly to pay their tab—things the church ordered as well as their own family’s items.
“Are we still on for our girls’ night tomorrow?” Anne Marie asked.
“At this point only God himself could cancel it. I think it’s at Grey Rose.” Lacie didn’t really care where they met—as long as there were no husbands or kids around.
“Right, I almost forgot. Go figure Jenn would pick there. Seems to be her favorite spot for us.”
Every month Jennifer Crowne, Julia Berry, Charlotte, Anne Marie, and Lacie got together. They talked, they argued, and they reminded themselves that they were more than just mothers, wives, the mayor, or business owners. It was a night Lacie always looked forward to. Twice a year they planned a weekend trip, and tonight they were going to plan their summer one. They always did it in August, before school started and after things started to quiet down from all the summer activities in town.
“Have a good day, kids.” Anne Marie handed her the bags and Lacie herded her children out of the store. She shook her head when she noticed a cookie in each of the kids’ hands, and when she looked back, Anne Marie had the widest smile on her face.
Today was going to be the mother of all sugar overloads, and it was Friday, which meant the kids came home early. Lacie would need to figure out a healthy lunch for Liam or he was going to crash later on from all the sugar, and a crashed Liam was never a good thing.
The ride to school was relatively quiet, thanks to the cookies the kids were eating. Lacie drove past the church and saw Scott standing in his office window, as if he were waiting for them to drive by. She honked the horn; the kids all waved and Scott waved back.
There was still enough time that if she drove home, they could walk to school and make it before the bell rang.
“Want to walk or have me drop you off?”
“Drop off, please,” Kelsie and Wes called out at the same time.
Lacie drove past Bay Street, where they lived right on the corner, and made her way to Pelican Street. There was quite the lineup of cars waiting to turn left toward the school.
“Or I could drop you off here?”
“Sure, that works,” Wesley said.
She pulled over to the curb and waited for the kids to unbuckle themselves and gather their belongings. She handed Wes the bag with his cookies.
“Have a great day, okay? Be safe, play smart, and remember I love you.” She said the same thing to them every morning. It was her little prayer over them, and the few times she’d forgotten to say it, Kelsie had gotten upset and asked her whether she still loved them.
“Love you, Mom!” Kelsie called out.
“See you after school, Mom,” Wesley said.
“Bye, Wes. By, Kels. Bye, bye, bye,” Liam called out as they shut the door.
Lacie watched them walk down the sidewalk and waited until they had crossed the street before she pulled out and drove home.
A heaviness lodged in her stomach and she tried to ignore it. Today was going to be a good day. She was going to go home, wait for Emily to arrive, and then have a shower and maybe lock herself away in her room for a bit before Scott came home. She needed time to think, to really register the change that was about to take place.
If she were really the kind of wife Scott needed, the kind of pastor’s wife their church needed, she would be with Scott right now at the church, standing by him, going to various meetings and lending her support. But she wasn’t. She tried—she really did—but the harder she tried, the more she lost herself.
It was selfish of her, but she was glad she wasn’t going to be there. Today wouldn’t be easy for him. He was long overdue for a sabbatical, and they’d both agreed last night that he would take that first—so that there would be a source of income for them while they figured the next step out. But was he having any doubts? Did he wish that he’d responded to her in a different way?
How would things be between them now? What kind of wife was she to force her husband to make a choice?
She remembered a conference she’d gone to a few years ago for pastors and their wives. She’d sat among some of the biggest names in their ministry and listened to the wives as they talked about standing beside their men, being their support. Lacie took to heart that God had created her not to follow after her husband but to stand by his side . . . to be his strength when he was weak, to urge him on when he needed help, to hold him when he couldn’t be strong. But she’d walked away from there feeling as if she were missing something.
Everything had been focused on how she could support her husband. But what about him supporting her? Why was it only a one-way street? Why did she need to make the sacrifices when he couldn’t? Why was it okay for her to expect him to put the Church first? She knew she was part of the problem. She’d let this go on for years, never demanding anything different from him, not wanting to be another burden. She quit her job as an administrative assistant when Kelsie was born and never looked back. Not until recently, when she realized she had no life other than the roles of mother and pastor’s wife.
She felt sick inside. Sick because of how she felt. Sick because she knew that after today, their lives would never be the same and it was all her fault.
“Going to be a good day, right, Mommy?” Liam asked her as she parked the car in the driveway.
“It’s going to be a good day, Liam. The best.”
As she helped him out of his car seat, he jumped forward and wrapped his arms around her neck.
“You’re the bestest mommy ever,” he said to her, his nose touching hers.
“I’m trying, honey. I’m trying.” She gave him a kiss, and then untangled his hands from her neck before leading him up to their front door.
She was trying.
3
Charlotte Stone
The Past: Friday, May 31
Black or blue? Charlotte held up the dresses, one in each hand, and couldn’t decide what to wear.
“Blue.” Jordan, her husband, walked into the closet and reached for a tie from the rack. “Think this will be okay?” He held in his hand a pink-and-black checked tie.
“I thought you were going to go with a more relaxed feel on Fridays?” She hung the blue dress back up. It was a wraparound and didn’t hide anything, whereas the black one had a higher waist, which meant she could eat a couple of scones at Gina’s and not have it show.
“I’ve got a few parent-teacher interviews this afternoon.” Jordan was the principal at Stillwater Public School. They made a good team, running the town together, if Charlotte did say so herself. While she worried about keeping the town strong and getting them through the long winter months until Stillwater’s summer tourist season began, her husband focused on the families, especially the kids. Between the two of them, they were able to handle most of the situations that arose around town.
Charlotte handed Jordan her black dress so that she could help him with his tie. She loved a tie on a man, and had given him this one a few months ago, after he found out he was nominated for an award through the local school district. She loved
that he always looked good.
“I knew you would pick the black dress.”
She tightened the knot around his neck, smoothed the fabric, and smiled. “So why suggest the blue one?”
“To see if you’d actually wear something I liked.” He leaned forward and placed a kiss on her cheek.
She caught his little dig but decided to ignore it.
“I don’t need you to dress me,” she reminded him.
“I know you don’t. You don’t need much from me; it’s why I love you so much.” He smiled at her before he walked out of their closet and into their bedroom. She followed after him, a bit bothered by his comment.
“What do you mean, I don’t need much from you? You make me sound . . .”
“Independent? You haven’t changed in the ten years we’ve been married. Is that such a bad thing? You’re very self-sufficient, able to handle things on your own, and you don’t need me to tell you what to do or how to do it,” he continued while he opened a box on his dresser and chose a pair of cuff links. “I can’t tell you how many calls Tyler gets from his wife on a daily basis, asking his opinion on this or that. Especially asking what he wants for dinner.”
Tyler Redding was the vice principal at Stillwater Public School, and Jordan’s best friend.
Charlotte really didn’t see the issue; nor did she feel like hearing any gossip about Tyler and his marriage. “On that note, what would you like for dinner tonight?” She gave Jordan a wink before she slipped back into the closet and began getting dressed. With the warmer weather, leggings weren’t needed, thank God.
“I thought we were meeting at Fred’s after work?”
“We are. I was only teasing.”
“Or we could drive up the coast, stop in at our favorite bed-and-breakfast, and enjoy a weekend away from everything?” Jordan stood behind her and helped her with the zipper.
“I’m busy tomorrow night. Remember? It’s my monthly girls’ night out.” She couldn’t wait. They always had so much fun. It was Jenn’s turn to pick and she’d chosen the Grey Rose. Next month it was Charlotte’s turn, and she already had the perfect place picked out: She’d heard about a new chocolate bar that had opened up in Seattle and was hoping to convince the girls to try it out.
The Stillwater Bay Collection (Books 1-4): Stillwater Bay Series Boxed Set Page 3