That day had started out like any other. She’d made the kids breakfast and they’d rushed to school, running a little late due to Charity having to change her outfit three or four times that morning. On the drive down to school, the kids fought, with Bobby upset about being late and worried that he’d have to get a late slip and stay after school. Jenn had gone in with the kids and signed them in at school; said hello to Jordan, the school principal, as he walked with the kids down the hallway to their class; and waved at the kindergarten teacher, who hustled her kids from the cloakroom into their class. She remembered the sound of her cell phone ringing and the feel of her keys digging into her palm as she searched her purse for the phone. She’d pushed the school doors open with her hip as she answered her phone and bumped into him, Gabriel Berry, on her way out.
Those next few seconds were forever etched in her mind. If she’d been paying attention, if she hadn’t been on the phone, if she’d actually stopped to think about why that boy—especially that boy—was at the public school and not at his own school, maybe things would have been different.
She pictured Gabriel as they bumped into one another, the scowl on his face, the frantic, wide-eyed look. She should have known; she should have noticed. But instead, she’d been on the phone with her lawyer, who’d called to make sure she’d received the documents.
It wasn’t until she’d made her way to the parking lot, almost at her SUV, before she heard the first shot. And then the screams through the open windows.
Jenn covered her ears as the screams replayed in her mind, over and over and over. For days afterward she thought if she could just concentrate hard enough, she’d be able to pick out the different voices from those screams and maybe, just maybe, hear her son.
Lost in thought, she screamed herself as someone knocked on the passenger door window.
The door opened and her best friend, Charlotte Stone, the mayor and wife of Principal Jordan Stone, popped her head in.
“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” She held the door open wide and stood there, a look of concern on her face.
“You scared me.” Jenn waited for her heartbeat to return to normal while Charlotte opened the door farther and sat down in the passenger seat.
“Sorry.” She reached across and grabbed Jenn’s hand. “How are you doing?”
Jenn leaned her head back against the headrest and rubbed her forehead. She stared out the open sunroof at the dark-gray clouds as they rolled in and had the sudden desire to drive down to North Beach and view the bay as the turbulent wind rolled in.
“Char, I love you, but would you please stop asking me how I’m doing?” She kept her gaze upward, counting how long it took for the massive cloud to pass over her. “Isn’t there something else you could ask that doesn’t start with needing to know how my mental state is?”
“Jenn . . .”
“No. Seriously. Can we just agree not to ever ask each other how we’re doing? Ever? If I need to talk, trust me that I’ll talk, and I’ll do the same for you. Okay?” She turned her attention from the clouds to her friend and caught the wariness in her gaze.
“I’m okay. I promise.”
“Fake it till you make it,” isn’t that what they always say? She doubted she’d ever be okay from losing her little boy, but she wasn’t the only one in town who had suffered a loss that day. She needed to focus on that.
She could tell from her best friend’s gaze that she didn’t believe her.
“Do you have time for coffee later? There’s something I want to discuss with you.”
Jenn’s brow rose. All she wanted to do was head back home and bury herself under mounds of covers while the storm rolled in. And maybe make herself a drink.
“I’m not really dressed for coffee.” She wasn’t in the mood to socialize, even if it was with her best friend.
“Just meet me for coffee at Gina’s in about an hour. That should give you enough time to freshen up, right?”
The school bell rang, and Charlotte opened the door. “Please?”
“What are you doing here at the school?”
“Supporting Jordan. He’s not as tough as he appears to be. This has shaken him more than I’d like to admit.”
“So why open the school even if for a few hours? Why allow our children to relive the horrors? Don’t you think they’ve gone through enough?”
“They need closure. All the psychologists I’ve spoken to say the same thing.” She reached for the door and closed it before sitting back in the seat with a dejected air. “There’s not much I can do, but this . . . this I can. Give closure, help others to heal.” She pointed toward the school yard. “Besides, you know we closed off all the main areas where . . . only the gym and the front of the school are open, and we have outdoor activities planned for the morning.”
Jenn shook her head.
“Not good enough, Charlotte. I’m telling you, as a parent, the worst thing you could have done was open that school, even for half a day. We need to put this behind us, to move on . . . this isn’t the closure our kids need.”
This wasn’t the first time she’d voiced her opinion about this whole issue to her friend. She’d been open about it from the very beginning.
As far as Jenn was concerned, the school should be torn down and a memorial put in its place. Another school could always be built elsewhere.
4
CHARLOTTE
A swell of pride filled Charlotte’s heart as she watched the parents and children make their way onto the school grounds. She thought for sure more parents would feel the same as Jenn, and if truth be told, she had doubted many would show up today. Never had she been happier to have been proved wrong.
“Hi, Mayor Stone,” the cheerful voices of a group of girls called out to her as they passed her. The four girls all had their arms linked together as they headed toward the front doors.
The resiliency of children amazed her. To experience something so horrific, to have their innocence stolen at such an early age and in such a terrifying way and still be able to smile, it stole her heart. It made her to want to be a better person, to look at life differently, to stop looking at the future and enjoy the moment.
Jordan stood at the front door, in his suit, and welcomed each student into the school. Some he shook their hands, others he gave a side hug, but not one student managed to slide past him without a greeting. That’s the one thing she loved about him so much, his gentle heart. He had been the perfect principal and the perfect partner and husband during the aftermath of the shooting. The perfect hero to the children in that school.
“Mrs. Stone?” A tiny hand tugged at hers. Charlotte knelt down to face little Ellie Thomlin.
“Hi, Ellie, I love your dress.” Charlotte fingered the hem of the pink dress Ellie wore. The material was so soft, and she knew her mother, Lauren, had made the dress herself.
“My mommy made it.” Ellie wore a proud smile on her face as she swayed her dress so it billowed out.
“It’s beautiful, just like you.” Charlotte smiled up at Lauren, who gave her a small nod. Lauren’s face was tense despite the smile she gave her daughter. It was the same look on Jenn’s face earlier. Lauren’s blond hair was pulled back into a tight braid, and she looked like she’d lost some weight, which wasn’t a good thing since Lauren was in the middle of battling breast cancer.
“Will you come with me into the school?” Ellie’s soft voice whispered.
Charlotte reached her hand out and waited for Ellie to take it. “Of course.”
Ellie had been one of the children hidden in a closet on that fateful day. Lauren had mentioned over coffee that Ellie was still afraid of the dark and close spaces. No doubt she always would be. “Are you looking forward to the Teddy Bear Picnic next week?” Charlotte asked as they slowly made their way toward Jordan. She noticed the way Ellie tried to hold back, making her steps smaller and smaller the closer they got to the front doors.
Ellie nodded.
“I think we
might need more teddy bears, though, would you like to help me pick some out?” Charlotte glanced over at Lauren as she said this. She knew she should have asked first and hoped she hadn’t overstepped.
“Really?” Ellie’s eyes brightened.
“If it’s okay with your mom,” Charlotte added. “Please, please?” Ellie begged.
Lauren swung Ellie’s hand, which was clasped tight in hers, and smiled down at her daughter. “Of course.”
Charlotte winked at her before she wrinkled her nose at Ellie. “It’s a date then. How about I pick you up Sunday after breakfast? We can walk downtown and go through all the stores looking for the best teddy bears they have, okay?”
Ellie gave a deep nod of her head but then stopped dead in her tracks. They’d reached the end of the grass and were only feet away from Jordan and the front doors.
“It’s going to be okay.” Charlotte stroked Ellie’s hair and wanted to cry as her little body trembled. “You’re very brave, Ellie.”
The little girl shook her head. “No I’m not.”
Charlotte caught Jordan’s gaze as he waited for them. She squared down in front of Ellie and gently touched her chin. “But you are. You’re here and you even dressed up. Do you know what that tells me?” She paused. “That tells me that you are a very strong little girl who is determined to conquer anything that comes her way.”
Ellie’s lip quivered before she took in a deep breath and looked up toward her mom.
“Today is going to be a good day, Ellie. I promise.” Lauren bent down and placed a kiss on the top of her daughter’s head. “We get to choose to have a good or bad day, and today is going to be good. I know it.”
Ellie took the first step, from grass to pavement, and Charlotte noticed the way Lauren’s shoulder relaxed.
“She’s been so scared to come back today,” Lauren murmured.
Charlotte reached for her hand. “I’m so glad she did, though. I know it must be hard.”
“No, you have no idea how hard.” She shook off Charlotte’s hand and wrapped her arms tight around her body. “Her night- mares came back earlier this week, and last night she hardly slept. Every time she closed her eyes she could hear the screams. I almost didn’t bring her.”
A moment of guilt filled Charlotte before she shook it off. No, she wasn’t going to go there. The psychologist she’d spoken to had confirmed that the children needed closure and that while today would be difficult, for most it would be a step toward facing their nightmare.
“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
“You’ve already done it. She’ll have something to look forward to this weekend.” She squeezed her hand. “Thank you.”
“Miss Thomlin, don’t you look like a ray of sunshine.” Jordan stepped away from the front door and stopped in front of Ellie. “I think Mary is inside waiting for you.” He winked at her.
“Mary’s here?” Her voice notched in excitement, Ellie let go of Charlotte’s hand and turned to her mom.
“Can I go in now? Can I go find Mary?”
“Let’s go find her together, okay?” Lauren mouthed thank you to Jordan before she left to trail after Ellie.
Charlotte walked beside Jordan as he returned to his station at the front door. Some stragglers still lingered on the front lawn or in the parking lot.
“Are you ready?” she asked him.
Jordan nodded before he stopped and turned to stare out on the grounds. “Last year this front yard was full of parade floats that parents were getting ready, do you remember?”
“Do you think I made the right decision?” Not just for reopening the school for one day, but also for canceling the annual school parade. She pushed it back to coincide with their July Fourth events.
He shrugged. “Change, no matter the reason, is hard. We should have done something, though, anything to help cement today as a good memory.”
She laid her hand on his shoulder. “But you did.” The back grounds of the school were covered with obstacle courses, water balloons, and games for the kids to enjoy.
“Will a little bit of fun in the school playground wipe away the nightmares? You can still see it in the kids’ eyes.” Jordan rubbed his eye and sighed. “I wish there was more I could have done . . .” His voice drifted off.
“You were there, protecting them when you could have lost your own life. You saved children’s lives, Jordan. I’m not sure what more you could have done.”
A shadow of . . . something, regret maybe, crossed over his features.
“Principal Stone?”
They both turned and faced the school where Pamela Holden, one of the teachers who taught sixth grade, stood holding one of the doors open.
“Could you come inside, please?”
Anyone passing by wouldn’t have been concerned by her words, but with one look at her face, both Charlotte and her husband knew something was wrong. Jordan jogged back toward the doors while Charlotte followed.
In the few seconds it took to make it inside, Charlotte imagined all the worst-case scenarios she could think of, but standing in the school foyer, there was nothing to see. In fact, the area was empty.
“What’s going on?” Jordan asked.
“It’s Molly.” Pamela pointed toward the staff lunchroom while she walked ahead. When she entered the room, she stood to the side and waited for Jordan and Charlotte to join her.
“She’s hiding in the closet.” Pamela kept her voice low.
Jordan headed toward the closet and sank down to rest on his heels. He didn’t open the door, instead leaned toward the small opening and spoke quietly to the little girl inside.
Charlotte sat down on one of the chairs in the room and watched as Jordan attempted to coax the seven-year-old out of the closet.
While Charlotte couldn’t hear what was being said, she did sigh in relief as the door slowly opened and a hand reached out. She wondered how many times this scene would play out with other children.
5
JULIA BERRY
A tiny stream of sunshine pierced the darkness in her room, illuminating dust particles in the air and tempting her to crawl out of bed and open the curtains. Instead, she burrowed deeper beneath her blankets and turned her face toward the wall where a photo of Gabe sat on her small dresser.
Her son’s face shone with happiness and joy as they stood together, on the beach a few years ago. Gabe would have been around thirteen then. That was the beginning of the end.
A thud, clatter, and then another thud had the walls in her room shaking.
Julia burrowed deeper in her covers. She knew what those thuds meant.
Right now, outside her bedroom wall and soon on her front porch, the ground would be covered with broken eggs and smashed glass bottles. On the outside walls of her home, the words Murderer, Monster, and even Slut or Whore would be graffitied across the whitewashed boards of her cottage home she rented.
She expected an eviction notice anytime. Legally, she wasn’t sure if they could force her to move, but morally, she probably should. It’s what would be best for the town.
She wasn’t the murderer. She wasn’t the monster. But she had given birth to one. Somehow, somewhere, something had changed within Gabriel. It was her job as his mother to notice this, to see it, and then do whatever needed to be done to help.
But she hadn’t done enough. That much was obvious.
Gabe’s smile in that photo taunted her. Had he known, back then, what he would become? He had been a smart kid, blowing her away most days with his knowledge, level of understanding, and ability to read people so easily. She often wondered if he’d learned to manipulate those around him as well.
Her heart squeezed tight as she realized what was happening to her. She was slowly starting to see her son in the same way everyone else did. A monster.
With a groan, she flung the tattered cover of her handmade quilt off and slid her legs from beneath its warmth. She couldn’t do this. Not again. She needed to force herself u
p and move, do some- thing. Her home was a mess; she hadn’t cleaned it in weeks. Dishes needed to be done, laundry washed, floors swept . . . but the idea of doing all of that exhausted her.
She reached for her long sweater and dragged it across the bed until she wrapped it around her shoulders and slowly stood, her one hand firm on the small bedside table as the room spun. The room always spun nowadays whenever she got out of bed.
She could hear Lacie’s voice in her head, scolding her. You need to eat.
Every time she ate something, her stomach rebelled. She wasn’t sure if it was the drugs her doctor had prescribed or just her body revolting against being healthy. With the way she was losing weight, maybe she carried her own death wish.
With slow steps, she made her way into the kitchen, her slippers shuffling against the hardwood floor, and she blinked at the image of Lacie standing at her messy kitchen counter.
“I hope I didn’t wake you.” Lacie glanced over her shoulder and smiled.
“What . . .” Julia moistened her cracked lips. “What are you doing here?” She rubbed the back of her neck and wished she’d pulled her oily hair back into a ponytail.
“Sit down before you fall down,” Lacie ordered. “I just wanted to make you some fresh coffee and bring you something to eat for breakfast.”
“I don’t need to be mothered,” Julia mumbled but did as she was told.
“Are you sleeping?” Julia shrugged.
“But you’re taking the pills, right?” Lacie turned on the coffee machine.
Julia shrugged again. “I am. I just . . . I don’t like how they make me feel.”
Lacie grabbed a container and brought it over to the table. She opened the lid and set it in front of Julia.
Homemade double-chocolate muffins. Julia breathed in deep and found herself reaching for a muffin.
“How do they make you feel?”
“Numb.”
“I would give anything to feel that way. Anything.” Lacie’s eyes watered before she blinked repeatedly.
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