by Natalie Grey
Chapter Fourteen
I hate this, Shinigami commented as she strutted away from Aliana and the others. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love how my ass looks in these pants, but this sucks otherwise. Why did I get stuck with the douche-nozzle and the rest of you get to do the fun parts?
The real question, Barnabas asked drily, is why you started having a Russian accent halfway through that conversation?
I had to amuse myself somehow!
Well, I hope you know you’re going to have to keep it up or he’ll get suspicious.
Please. He’s dazzled by this shirt. He’s not going to notice if I start speaking in actual Russian.
That is depressingly true.
Shinigami grinned and tossed a smile at Lawrence. Her assessment of attractiveness, based on the media she had been able to evaluate, showed that Lawrence had many features others might consider attractive.
He was, however, an irredeemable douche.
“Tell me about yourself,” she said to him. “How does a man with such manners come to run a cargo ship?”
His chest puffed up, but she noted from his faint evasiveness that he wasn’t quite sure how to play this. She would bet that the real question was whether he wanted to play an honest, blue-collar craftsman who would impress women with his down-to-earth attitude and callused hands, or if he wanted to pretend that he was a gentleman having a lark captaining a ship.
She started composing a douche bingo card in her head.
“How does a lady of such class come to be interested in having a fleet?” he asked her.
Sounding her out. Clever. Of course, that would make sense if he were someone who liked to con people.
“Oh,” she waved her hand, “I am sure you are too busy to hear about it.”
“No, no.” He stopped and drew her to a halt, swinging her to face him. His touch was very gentle on her elbow.
As if she hadn’t seen how hard he had been gripping Aliana’s arm. She busied herself with a new bingo card: karmically appropriate ways to hurt Lawrence. Breaking all of his finger bones was definitely on there.
“Has anyone told you how enchanting you are?” Lawrence asked winningly. “I think I could listen to you talk all day.”
Shinigami gave him a smile and ignored the urge to punch that smarmy expression off his face. She added punching to the karmic punishment card and checked off, absurd over-the-top compliment on the douche card.
“Well…” She looked around. “I’ll certainly need a drink if I’m to tell you all of it. Although I might go through several drinks, I warn you.”
“Oh, that would be just fine.” His smile was smarmy in the extreme. “And Victory Station has some truly spectacular bars, did you know? Here, let me introduce you to Gianni. He’s the bartender at Endless Reach, and he makes divine cocktails.” He kissed Shinigami’s hand.
“Oh.” She dimpled at him, not quite sure what to say. “Well, if you insist—if you think you have time—”
“I have all the time in the world for you,” he assured her.
It was a good thing for Lawrence that Shinigami didn’t have a normal stomach. If she did, she would have puked all over him. As it was, she waited until his back was turned and followed him with a massive eye roll.
It was a pity she couldn’t get drunk because this was going to be a long hour or so.
Still… She perked up. Barnabas and the rest were really going to owe her after this one. Maybe she could get them to give her a second body. Or more flamethrowers.
Yes. More flamethrowers.
And she’d test them on Lawrence.
Thoroughly cheered up, she followed him with a wide smile.
* * *
“So.” Barnabas looked at Aliana and Zinqued. “Zinqued, it’s good to see you again. You know, after the battle with the Jotun fleet, I was worried about you. You came very close to being vaporized.”
Aliana glanced between the two of them, open-mouthed.
Barnabas decided to have a little bit of fun. “You won’t know about this, of course,” he told Aliana, “but Zinqued once tried to steal my ship. More than once, in fact. Isn’t that right, Zinqued? I’m sure he’s quite reformed now, though. He must be if he’s taken up with you.”
Aliana gave him a deer-in-the-headlights look.
“Just messing with you.” Barnabas gave a grin. “He’s still trying to steal the ship, and you’re helping him.”
Now they both gaped at him.
“So here’s my deal,” Barnabas said. He wasn’t going to explain the mindreading just yet. “Carter asked me to keep an eye out for you. He, of course, does not realize why you wanted to meet me on High Tortuga.”
Aliana gave a groan and dropped her head into her hands. “I didn’t want to meet you,” she said, her voice muffled. “That was the worst.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“No! I didn’t mean…” She picked her head up, now blushing furiously. “You’re not the worst, it was just the worst to— Oh, never mind.”
Zinqued was looking back and forth between them curiously.
“I’m sorry, I’m still messing with you.” Barnabas could feel his lips twitching. “This is fun. However, we have somewhat limited time. The woman you just saw distracting Lawrence was Shini—Shannon, my associate.” As far as he knew, Zinqued was still unaware that Shinigami was an avatar of the AI, and he didn’t want to spill the beans on that. “She’s agreed to keep him occupied by stringing him along and making him buy very, very overpriced drinks for her while I help you steal the ship. To clarify,” he added, “steal Lawrence’s ship, not the Shinigami.”
There was a long pause.
“We weren’t trying to steal his ship,” Zinqued explained finally.
“Yeah, why would you think that?” Aliana asked.
“For one thing, the two of you currently look like two children who’ve painted the dog and are trying to keep their mother from finding out, and for another, stealing ships seems to be how Zinqued solves problems. And Lawrence did take your ship, didn’t he? We did some research, Shinigami and I.”
“The AI,” Aliana murmured to Zinqued. She added meaningfully, “They’re famously loyal.”
Barnabas, peering into her head for a moment, found several memories of her telling Zinqued that it would be impossible to steal the Shinigami.
He found himself hoping that she tried anyway.
“The people who say that haven’t met Shinigami,” he told them blandly.
Hey! I am busting my ass for you guys right now!
“I meant Achronyx,” Barnabas corrected.
That’s better. However…”Shannon?”
We’ll talk about this later.
Aliana and Zinqued looked at him like he was a grenade that might go off at any moment.
“Shinigami and I discussed it,” Barnabas continued, “and decided that there was no way you could have known we were going to be on this station. Despite past interactions, it seems that this meeting happened genuinely by chance. So, for that reason—and also because the man you were speaking to seems to be a terrible excuse for a human being—we are going to help you steal his ship. Or, rather, steal your ship back. Then we will all go our separate ways. I can’t imagine we’ll cross paths again, after all.” He gave Aliana a bland smile.
Her internal monologue was fairly consistent swearing.
BINGO! The interjection from Shinigami was so unexpected that Barnabas jumped. Aliana looked at him with a frown and he shook his head.
Bingo? he asked Shinigami.
Oh, sorry. I was playing bingo with all of the douchey things he was saying. And I won!
Yes, yes, very good.
He looked at Aliana. This was going to be fun. Well, it was going to be fun if she said yes. Barnabas slid his hands into his pockets, tilted his head to the side, and waited for her to remember how to speak.
He really was hoping she accepted his help on this one.
* * *
This was bad. It was very, very bad. In fact, it was probably a trap.
“Excuse me.” Aliana gave Barnabas a polite smile and dragged Zinqued a few feet away. “All right, level with me. You’ve run into him how many times?”
“Four,” Barnabas offered.
“It’s rude to eavesdrop,” Aliana told him with great dignity.
“Indeed.” His mouth twitched. “I’ll go a few feet farther away.”
“Thank you.” She watched while he strolled away, looking elegant and entirely unconcerned, then looked at Zinqued. “So?”
“He was right, you know.” He was still looking at the Shinigami.
“Yes, yes. Focus.” Aliana took him by the shoulders. “Do you have any idea how dangerous he is?”
“Oh, yes.” Zinqued looked both amused and terrified. “I once saw him and two friends work their way through hundreds of mercenaries.”
“Okay.” Aliana felt a bit queasy. She stole a glance over her shoulder. “Wait, really? Him in the suit right there?”
“You said—”
“I know, it’s just hard to believe.” She blew out a breath. “My point is, if he really wanted you dead, you’d be dead right now.”
“Yes. I suppose so.”
“So he’s toying with you,” Aliana said resignedly. “With us, I guess. Well, let him. If he wants to get his jollies helping screw Lawrence over, I say we take the deal.”
“And steal his ship,” Zinqued said.
“One thing at a time,” Aliana advised him. She marched back over to Barnabas. “All right, we’ll take the deal. The first thing we have to do is get Ria out of jail. She screwed me over, but she did try to make it right. It wouldn’t be good to leave her here. Let’s go.”
“Incorrect,” Barnabas told her. “We have to rewrite the ship’s registration so it’s solely in your name, then you’ll be able to get her out as the captain of the Melisande.”
“Oh, that is better.”
“I thought you’d say so.” He smiled at her. “Let me just ask Shinigami.” There was a pause. “Your middle name is Lilly, yes? Two Ls?”
“I—yes.”
“Place of birth approximately in the Betoger Nebula, yes?”
“That’s about where the Meredith Reynolds was, yes, but—”
“Approximate is fine. Bethany Anne has great respect for the power of bureaucracy. Anyone trying to verify information on humans has a very, very difficult time doing so unless they can prove there’s a need.” He gave her a smile.
“I still can’t get over the fact that you just call her Bethany Anne.”
“It is her name. Now, come along, both of you—yes, you too, Zinqued, I see how you’re looking at my ship—and let’s get Ria out of jail.”
As they walked, Barnabas pointed out some of the features of Victory Station and recounted his exploits here. Aliana gaped at him, laughing at some of the cons he’d pulled. She knew that in some ways, his actions were very similar to Lawrence’s, yet—
“That’s the difference,” she murmured to herself.
“Hmm?” Barnabas looked at her with interest.
“I, uh…I was just thinking.” Seeing his curious look, she took a deep breath for courage and explained, “Lawrence is a con artist too. It made me uncomfortable that I was applauding you for your cons, because his ruin people. Then I realized the difference: he finds a target, he learns everything he needs to about them, and he pretends to be the perfect person so he can take everything. You find a target and you learn about them, but you always give them an out. It’s like you set a trap right in the middle of the easy way out, and if they do the right thing, they’ll never know the trap was there.”
Barnabas looked absurdly pleased. “Yes. Yes, that’s exactly it.” He didn’t say anything more, but she could tell he was happy by the way he hid his smile.
It turned out to be very simple to get Ria out of jail. Aliana waltzed in with her chin held high, introduced Barnabas as her lawyer, and complained that they had imprisoned her mechanic on false charges without even speaking to her first.
“Ma’am, we verified that the accusations were being made by the owner of the human ship—” The Torcellan checked the paperwork “Melisande.”
“Well, clearly you didn’t,” Aliana said, “since I’m the owner.”
There was some hasty muttering as they ran her card. The Torcellan came back, hands fluttering.
“I am so sorry, Captain. I promise this will not happen again.”
“I should hope not,” Aliana said severely.
“Is there anything else we can do for you?”
“Yes.” She gave an icy smile. “We’ll want to leave shortly—to go to a station where this sort of thing doesn’t happen. I’d appreciate it if you’d take care of all the notifications. You know who I am, so there shouldn’t be any problems.”
“Yes. Yes, of course.” They waved her away, Ria trotting in her wake, and Aliana gave a disbelieving laugh.
“We pulled it off!” she said excitedly as they emerged into the docking bays.
“You pulled it off,” Barnabas corrected. “And before you get all flattered, let me just say that you’re rather too good at that for comfort.”
“Says the man who proposed stealing a ship.” Aliana flashed him a grin. “Now, how do we get back onto the ship? Lawrence said he changed the codes.”
“Leave that to Tafa.” Barnabas nodded toward a Yofu mechanic who was fiddling with the control panel. “We’ll be on the ship in a jiffy.”
“Who is this guy?” Ria asked dubiously.
“Oh.” Aliana coughed. “Right, of course, you don’t know. Hang onto your hat, because this is good…”
Chapter Fifteen
“How’s it going?” Barnabas asked Tafa as he led their strange party up the ramp.
“To be honest, I’m just holding this scanner thingy here while Shinigami does the work.” Tafa shook her head. “I’m a glorified pedestal.”
Oh, don’t say that, Shinigami cut in. You’re so much more than that, Tafa.
Thank you, Shinigami.
You have thumbs! Four of them!
Tafa gave Barnabas a long-suffering look as he snorted with laughter.
To distract her, he asked, “I don’t believe you’ve met Aliana, have you? She’s Carter’s niece. Tafa, Aliana; Aliana, Tafa. Tafa came to be part of our crew after we ran into a mercenary group that was taking hostages. And this is Zinqued, captain of the Palpari, who you may remember as the one who has tried to steal the Shinigami several times. Zinqued, Tafa.”
Tafa looked curiously at Zinqued and Aliana.
“Where’s Gar?” Barnabas asked Tafa.
“On board,” Tafa replied. “Well, on board the Shinigami. He says he doesn’t want to take the chance of Zinqued stealing it.”
“Ha!” Zinqued exclaimed, pleased. “So he thinks it is possible.”
Everyone gave him a look.
“Read the room, man,” Aliana told him.
“We are all friends here,” Zinqued said with great dignity. “For now. What benefit in pretending none of our history has occurred, eh? Often adversaries become friends.”
“He’s a philosopher,” Barnabas told Aliana. “Less uncommon than you’d think amongst thieves.”
“I…see.”
Barnabas was enjoying this every bit as much as he’d expected. As Tafa gave a small sound of satisfaction and the doors clicked open, he grinned and stepped back with an artful bow, gesturing for Aliana to go first.
“Your ship, Captain.”
“I do like the sound of that.” She gave Zinqued a small smile. “And thank you, Zinqued. Thank you for setting this up and—”
“If I may interject,” the Hieto said, “we missed our window last time. Let us not make the same mistake twice.”
“Ah. Yes.” Aliana nodded decisively and strode onto the ship. “All right, two major tasks, as far as I can tell. No, three. First, get all of the verification systems retagged to me ins
tead of Lawrence.”
“I can help you with that,” Barnabas suggested.
“Excellent. Next, make sure there aren’t any booby traps anywhere, probably on secret caches of goods he’s hidden away. Or in the captain’s quarters.”
“I’ll call Gilwar to come scan for those,” Tafa offered.
“Good,” Barnabas replied. He was trying not to laugh at the idea of a high-profile Jotun spy assisting in a single-ship theft. “Wait, what was the third thing?”
“Put all of Lawrence’s things in a pile on the dock and set them on fire,” Aliana said sweetly.
I like her. Can we keep her?
We’re getting her a ship, so I doubt it. He didn’t hate the idea, however.
That’s a shame.
Barnabas agreed and followed Aliana to the bridge. He used some of the tools in Tafa’s bag, as well as Ria’s knowledge of recent missions, to scan the area for booby traps.
There were several.
“You know,” he mused, as he helped Ria disable one of them, “one might say it would be very fitting for Lawrence to be killed by his own booby traps.”
“Yes,” Aliana agreed. “Although I don’t really want him dead. I just want him not to have anything he got by cheating it out of people. And I want him to stop being such an asshole.”
“He’s not going to stop being an asshole,” Ria predicted from under the desk. “You, ginger dude—keep holding that.”
“Sorry.” Barnabas held the piece of machinery as he peered under the desk. “My hair is not ginger.”
“It’s basically ginger.”
“She’s right,” Aliana weighed in. Seeing the look on Barnabas’ face, she added hastily, “But it suits you! It really does.”
“Mmm.” Barnabas looked back under the desk. “Almost done?”
“Not really.” Ria sounded annoyed. “He didn’t have me install these. He did them himself, which means they’re all messed up and are a pain in the ass to remove. Once an asshole, always an asshole. I should have just clocked him on the back of the head with a brick the first time I saw him with a welding torch.”