“Lyssa, you’re going to look so hot in that,” Anna had said as she’d shoved the scrap of fabric at me. “No one is going to be able to take their eyes off you.”
I had flushed and felt so uncomfortable putting it on – it was so tight that I couldn’t even wear panties underneath. Over the years, I’d tried to hide my big body in leggings and oversized tops and sweaters. Curt had told me that dressing to show off my figure was wrong, the kind of thing that only an idiot tramp would do.
I had been surprised to discover that wearing the dress made me feel sexy and powerful.
And immediately, I’d known who I had wanted to see me in it.
Texting Mom to ask if I was still welcome that night had felt a little silly, especially considering that she had begged me to come earlier in the day and I’d told her that I was busy. But when she’d told me that Dan would be there, I knew I had to see him. Knew that I had to see if what I had felt between us was real.
He couldn’t tear his gaze away from me, and I felt like the air would catch on fire between us if I didn’t get the chance to be alone with him soon.
“Honey, are you listening?” Mom asked, and I finally yanked my eyes from Dan and turned to her.
“Sorry,” I said as a blush spread over my cheeks. “I think I’m a little tired – Anna and I went out dancing.”
Across the room, I tried to watch Dan’s face for any hint of emotion: jealousy, attraction, lust. But Mom tapped my wrist, bringing my attention back to her.
“You seem it,” Mom said. “And I’ve never seen you in anything so ... um, form-fitting.”
“Anna picked it out,” I said. “I probably should have changed, but I didn’t want to go all the way back to Brooklyn before getting an Uber out here.”
Mom just nodded slowly, making me wonder how exactly I was supposed to feel. I loved my mother – I always had, and I always would – but sometimes, I was left with the distinct impression that she didn’t understand me all that much. When I was a teenager, that had been par for the course. But in my late thirties, I still felt like a total kid whenever I was around my parents.
And I’d since learned that feeling that way wasn’t at all normal, not at my age.
Mom and Dad had always been supportive. Growing up, I’d almost taken that for granted. My friends in high school used to be so envious. They’d encourage me to take full advantage of my parents’ trusting nature. They’d encourage me to sneak out or date older boys ... neither of which I was interested in doing. What I hadn’t understood at the time was that my parents had taken such a hands-off approach to raising me that I’d grown up believing I was far more mature and intelligent than I really was.
Really, my life had been a perfect storm. I’d begun dating Curt when I was nineteen – he seemed so glamorous, being older and “wiser” than I was. When he’d asked me to marry him in the middle of my senior year of college, it hadn’t ever occurred to me that I could say no.
Even if that was what I’d wanted.
Now, sitting next to my mother, I felt a wide gulf growing between us. It wasn’t exactly disapproval that I saw in my mother’s eyes, but rather uncertainty. A normal middle-aged woman wouldn’t have shown up to her parents’ house in a dress like this, unless she was seeking attention.
Was that what I was doing?
It left me feeling troubled, and that feeling mixed with the intense attraction to Dan made me wonder if I hadn’t made a horrid mistake coming here in this get-up.
“Excuse me,” I said to Mom, effectively cutting off yet another question about my work. “I’ll be right back.”
Mom narrowed her eyes at me with concern and I got to my feet with some effort – as a curvy girl, moving in spandex was proving difficult – and walked out of the room to the bathroom, where I shut the door and sat down on the toilet lid, pressing my thighs together and leaning over them. My heart was beating hard in my chest.
For so many years, my goal had been merely to survive. Anticipate Curt’s violent mood swings and try to stay ahead of them. Avoid any and all triggers that would set him off. And when he inevitably did explode, try to stay safe and try to calm him down. Never talk back. Never argue.
That kind of thing would wear down the strongest person, except I’d never been particularly strong. Growing up, I had never been one to take things seriously. Being with Curt had made me mature quickly, but not for the better.
Now that I was single, I wondered just how much of my brain was still in survival mode. Clearly, my body was waking up faster than my mind did – how else would I explain the intense reaction I felt whenever I looked at Dan?
“Lyssa? Are you okay?” There was a sharp rap on the door. “It’s getting late, honey. Are you going to stay overnight?”
“I’m fine, Mom,” I called from inside the bathroom. “And no, I should get back to the city.”
“Well, okay, honey,” Mom said. Her voice was tinged with anxiety and I held my breath as I waited for the sound of her retreating footsteps. Once she was gone, I got to my feet, flushed the toilet for effect, and washed my hands. In the mirror, my face looked splotchy. The lighting was so bright that I could see every bulge, every soft part of my body and suddenly, I desperately wished that I was in my comfort clothes: sweats and a t-shirt.
What had I been thinking, letting Anna talk me into this absurd dress? Parading around like a teenager and flirting with, of all people, my fertility doctor.
I was a total mess, and I needed to get the hell out of my parents’ house and head back to the city, to my space, where I felt truly comfortable.
When I left the bathroom, everyone was standing in the living room.
“I’m going to call for an Uber,” I said as I took my phone from my purse.
“Want a lift?” Dan asked.
I blushed. The offer was tempting, but then what? Would we ride in silence to the city, the awkwardness growing between us? And surely, he was only offering as a favor – the kind of favor I knew that people weren’t actually supposed to accept.
“No, thank you,” I told him. “I already called for the Uber.”
I could have been mistaken, but I thought I saw a flash of disappointment in Dan’s eyes.
After kissing Mom and Dad and giving my brother a hug, I turned to Dan.
“Well, um, see you,” I said awkwardly. I realized that I’d gone the whole evening without mentioning what I was doing – trying to conceive as a single woman – to my parents, which somehow just made things feel even more awkward. I knew that I shouldn’t care what my parents would think about that, but deep down, I thought they would be disappointed, which I would wind up taking personally.
And working with Dan? I could see my mother flushing over it now.
“Uber’s here,” I said as a flush spread over my face. “Bye, everyone.”
I stumbled out into the cold, dark night and scurried down the driveway as fast as my heels would carry me. My Uber was waiting by the curb and just as I was almost there, I heard the sound of my name being called through the darkness.
“Lyssa, wait!”
Turning around, I saw Dan jogging towards me. He was grinning, and my heart began to race at the sight of his body moving closer and closer to mine. The air felt electric and I swallowed hard and clutched my purse tightly in my hands, just for the sake of something to do.
“What is it?” I asked breathlessly, as if I was the one who had just been running.
In that moment, Dan felt like so much more than just my doctor. He felt like a friend – like someone who knew me better than almost anyone else on earth.
And it’s true, I realized. He’s known me since we were both kids.
The air crackled with static between us and our breath came out as white clouds.
“Lyssa, just how are you planning to have a child if you’re single?” Dan asked in a low voice that sent a shiver down my spine.
“I ...” I trailed off, then licked my lips. Before I could think about wh
at was happening, Dan closed the distance between us and took me into his strong arms. When his lips touched mine, I closed my eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer and pressing my body against his. He felt so strong and muscular, so tough, like he could hold me and protect me forever.
The kiss grew deeper, more passionate. His tongue flicked into my mouth and gently teased my lower lip, then danced with my own tongue. He tasted so good and the scent of his musky cologne flooded my nostrils. My body felt like it was going to tremble and levitate straight off the ground as if I weighed nothing at all – my stomach was twisting with excitement and my lower belly felt strangely warm and ticklish.
It was a sensation that I’d never felt before, a sensation that I’d never even been able to imagine. I moaned softly into Dan’s mouth as he ran his hands down my body, holding me firmly against his. His cock was hard and I could feel it pressing against me and I had the insane urge to rip his pants down and take him, right in the middle of my parents’ driveway.
I wanted him – I wanted him. The thought filled me with joy and lust and a maddening, racing sensation between my legs. I could feel that my inner thighs were slippery with arousal and I whimpered and moaned as Dan sucked on my lower lip.
When he pulled away, I nearly gasped with frustration. I wanted more – didn’t he know that?
“I have an offer for you,” Dan said. His voice was a husky growl that tickled my ears and I nodded.
“What?” I asked softly.
“What if I want to be the father of your child,” Dan said.
I gasped. “I ...”
“Think about it,” Dan said. He leaned in and kissed me again, this time lightly and chastely. I reached for him, wanting more passionate, but he pulled back.
Then, with a grin, he turned and jogged back in the direction of the house.
I stood there, my heart thudding and my body tingling and aching with lust for the first time in my life. I felt like a teenager who had just been kissed by her celebrity crush, like I was walking on air.
The sound of a car horn blaring shattered that and I whirled around, blushing hotly at the sight of my Uber.
In the passion and intensity with Dan, I’d completely forgotten that the driver had been waiting there.
“Sorry,” I mumbled as I hastily climbed into the back seat. “I didn’t mean to keep you waiting.”
To my surprise, the driver chuckled. He was a younger guy in a Mets jersey, with dark hair.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said in a thick Brooklyn accent. “Your boyfriend gonna miss you?”
“What?”
“Your boyfriend, lady. The guy just now.”
“Oh!” I flushed again, feeling like an idiot. But how was I supposed to think with Dan’s daring offer, fresh in my mind like wet ink on parchment?
“Um, yeah,” I said after a pause. “Something like that.”
Normally, I’d be fretting about the cost of an Uber all the way from Cos Cob back to New York, but right now my mind was solely focused on Dan.
Had I imagined it?
Was I dreaming? It was cliché, but I pinched my thigh to see if it hurt.
It did.
Dan had seemed so passionate and intense, so masculine. He’d seemed like he really meant it, and that was almost troubling.
What was even more troubling was the idea that I wanted to immediately accept. To stop the Uber, or have him turn around and go back to Cos Cob and throw myself into Dan’s arms.
I knew that over the next few days, I would have a lot to think about. My stomach churned nervously, but in a strange way it wasn’t a bad feeling.
Still, I was on the brink of a decision that would change my life. The last time I’d been faced with something so huge, I had been too young to seriously contemplate the reality and impact of my choice.
Now, I’d have to be absolutely sure before I gave Dan my answer.
That night, in my apartment, I stripped out of my dress and thought about calling Anna. In the end, I didn’t. I put on comfy clothes and curled up on my IKEA couch, staring at the TV and not paying the slightest amount of attention to the program. It could have been an NFL game or a Real Housewives episode and I wouldn’t have noticed.
Dan, Dan, Dan.
I kept saying his name in my head like a prayer. Every time I closed my eyes, I pictured his handsome face. His strong jaw with just the slightest hint of golden stubble. His dark blue eyes and the way they flashed when he looked over my body.
Was he making this offer because he wanted me?
Or because he took pity on me, as the middle-aged sister of his best friend?
Furthermore, did I even want to know?
My body and my heart wanted him.
But my brain – the part of my body that Curt had damaged so badly, had scarred over with pain and abuse – hesitated.
If I said yes, would Dan wind up breaking my heart?
12
Dan – Monday
I spent Sunday in a hungover fog, lying in bed and groaning as the sunlight flashed through my blinds. I couldn’t believe I’d done something so fucking foolish – suggested to Lyssa that I father her child.
And worse – I couldn’t believe that sober, in broad daylight, I felt just as strong about offering to do as I had while intoxicated the night before.
If anything, the urge to take her and make her mine and give her my baby was stronger than it had ever been before. Somehow, saying the words out loud had just made it all the more real.
And god, finally, finally touching her.
After literal years of lusting over Lyssa Holm, I had finally broken the ice and kissed her.
She’d loved it. I had sensed it – the way she’d pressed her ripe curves against me and moaned and panted into my mouth. The way she’d massaged her tongue against mine, the way she’d tangled her hands in my hair.
That kiss alone was well worth the hangover I had today, but it had unleashed a dangerous urge in me. I worried that the next time I saw her, I wouldn’t be able to hold back. That I’d have to take her right then and there, make her mine.
For good.
Monday morning, I went into the office and tried to pretend like everything was normal.
“Good morning, Dr. Andrews,” Alice greeted me. “You have a very busy day lined up!” She gave me an expectant smile. When I didn’t reply immediately, her smile began to fade. “That’s a good thing,” Alice reminded me. “There was a write-up of the clinic in some chichi little paper in New Canaan, and now you’ve got a waitlist for new patients.”
“That’s good,” I said hollowly. It felt like the words were coming from a different person altogether as I nodded at Alice and went into my office. It was untouched from the last time I’d been in, but it felt like a lifetime had passed in the last twenty-four hours. It was hard to believe that Saturday, I’d sat behind my desk and then gone to Cos Cob to kiss Lyssa mere hours later.
To make things even worse, I had opened myself – and my clinic – up for the potential of a lawsuit. The frustration I felt at myself for having acted so recklessly was only matched by the intense lust I felt for Lyssa.
I had vowed to protect her, and I had failed. I’d opened her up to hurt and pain and sorrow, and I would be lucky if I ever saw her again.
My mind was on her the entire morning. I saw patient after patient, but my heart wasn’t in it. I felt like I was just going through the motions, which was a new low for me. Even in the past when I’d come in and felt distracted, I still hadn’t been like this.
If this keeps up, I bet that waitlist is going to shrink exponentially, I thought darkly as I sat down to my desk to eat my lunch. No one wants a fertility specialist who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about them.
A few hours after lunch and several patients later, there was a knock on my door.
“Come in,” I called.
Alice was standing there, looking concerned. “I have a patient here who says that she has
to see you immediately,” she said. “It’s apparently very urgent.”
I blinked. “Who is it?”
Before Alice could reply, Lyssa pushed into my office. Her face was pale except for two bright pink circles on her cheeks from the cold and she looked like she had been sweating, like she’d run all the way to my office from her Brooklyn apartment. Her red hair clung to her forehead in sweaty, wet strands and her massive tits were heaving with every breath. In a black parka and a gray sheath skirt with dark tights, she was conservatively attired for work. Her pink lips were parted and she was breathing hard. Most of all, her big blue eyes were wide and hungry, filled with desperation and hope and love.
I’d never seen her look more beautiful.
“Alice, please give us a few moments,” I said.
Alice gave me a strange look, but nodded. “Yes, Dr. Andrews,” she said. “Of course.” She closed the door and I stared at Lyssa.
She swallowed hard. “I want to talk to you,” she said.
I nodded.
“I ... I didn’t have anyone in mind. You know, for my baby,” she said softly. “But I didn’t want the father to be a stranger. I didn’t like that idea.”
My stomach churned and I dared to hope – was she here because she wanted to accept my offer?
To accept me?
“But I want the baby to have a good father,” Lyssa said. “A father who I know is smart and kind. And loving,” she added.
I stared at her. Time seemed to slow to a crawl and my heart beat faster in my chest. Then, I crossed the room and took her in my arms.
Lyssa practically melted against my body. She tilted her head up to mine, eager for a kiss.
“I need to hear you say it,” I growled.
Lyssa nodded slightly. “I ... I want you,” she confessed, closing her eyes and pressing her mouth to mine. “I want you,” she repeated, the words a mumble against my mouth.
I had never felt anything as soft as Lyssa’s mouth against mine, never felt the intense lust that took hold of my body as her tongue slipped against mine. She moaned softly and shivered as I slid my hands inside of her parka and peeled it down her arms, tossing it to the side. Underneath, she was wearing an impossibly soft blouse and her tits pushed against my chest. I groaned with desire as I stroked her back. The kiss grew more passionate and soon, Lyssa was panting into my mouth. I ran my fingers through the damp tangles of her hair and her light, floral perfume washed over me in waves as she nibbled and sucked on my lower lip. It was like we had been kissing all of our lives, and my cock stiffened and hardened in my pants as we moved together to my desk.
Baby for Brother’s Best Friend: Brother’s Best Friend Book 1 Page 8