I slowly climbed out of the tub, being careful not to splash the water over the candles I’d put along the tiled ledge. Reaching for my towel, I wrapped it around my damp body and padded into my bedroom. It was dark outside now, and somehow the twinkling Brooklyn lights made my room feel cozy and almost romantic. My breathing began to come faster as I sat down on the bed, spread my legs, and cautiously laid down, my wet hair pooling around my shoulders.
I had to do this. I had to – Anna had made it sound like something that would help to heal me, help to break me out of the shell where I’d been living for so long.
But how?
With another deep breath, I pictured Dan in my mind. His handsome, chiseled face. His strong, capable hands that knew how to please me so well.
His open, amazingly beautiful heart.
My heart began to beat a little faster in my chest and I let my towel fall open. My hands slowly wandered down my body and I cupped my breasts, moaning softly as my thumbs grazed my nipples, just like Dan had done. When I experimented by pinching and rolling them in my hands, I gasped with pleasure. Instantly, electric heat began pouring in my body and my pussy began to tingle and come to life. My clit grew hard and swollen and I could feel myself becoming wet.
Dan, I thought. God, I wish you were here.
I pictured him kneeling beside the bed and taking my generous thighs in his hands, spreading my legs and dipping his face into my pussy. He’d lap my clit, circle it with his lips and flick his tongue against the sensitive surface.
A tentative moan escaped my lips as I moved one of my hands lower and began to stroke and rub my clit. It felt so good that I whimpered and arched my back, leaning into my hand as I rubbed faster and faster. I imagined Dan on top of me, kissing me deeply, and I licked my lips and closed my eyes as I pleasured myself. Dan would take his time with me, make sure that I was good and ready and wet before plunging deep inside of me and burying his cock in my pussy.
My pussy practically cried out for him as I began rubbing circles around my clit, experimenting with which side felt best. The sensation was so overwhelming that my body began to buck and shake and soon, I was gasping and trembling and coming hard, coming on my own.
The intense, erotic experience of my orgasm seemed to last forever. When it was over, I lay there on my bed, still wet from the shower and my own arousal, trembling and panting.
I didn’t feel silly.
Not even a little bit.
As I thought about what I’d just done, a slow smile spread across my face and I pulled my towel around my naked body. I sat up in bed, still grinning like an idiot, electric sensations still rocking through my pelvis. My heart was still thudding fast as I got to my wobbly legs and stood before shaking out my wet hair and grabbing a hair tie from my nightstand.
No, I didn’t feel silly at all.
But I was starting to feel hungry. As I walked through the apartment, I admired the glow of the candles as their reflections flickered along the walls. For what felt like the first time, I truly took comfort in my solitude, my very own apartment. In the dim glow of the candles, it didn’t look cheap at all. It looked elegant and womanly, the exact kind of image that I wanted to project.
I padded into the kitchen and got my Whole Foods snacks out of the fridge. After microwaving myself a big plate, I sat down with another glass of red wine and began to eat. To my surprise, I was ravenous – I couldn’t remember the last time that I’d felt so hungry. I ate everything I’d bought, even the giant slice of chocolate cake that I’d promised would last at least two portions.
At the end of the night, I lay in bed, feeling satisfied. My “date” with myself had been successful ... but likely only because of Dan, and my feelings for him.
My feelings, which were continuing to grow by the day. I knew that I’d have to address them at some point, but how?
There had been so many chances, so many opportunities over the years to return Dan’s affectionate feelings for me.
How the hell was I supposed to do that, now?
22
Dan – Wednesday
“That was great,” Alice said to me and I nodded. We’d just finished our second interview with Jennifer, and she was easily my favorite of the candidates that we’d spoken with so far. A few others were good – I was thinking about hiring two of them, for part-time work during the week, but Jennifer was truly excellent. She had the exact kind of compassion and caring that I knew would make her a valued member of my team.
“It was,” I said. “She’ll do well here.”
Alice raised an eyebrow. “You really think she’ll go for the salary that we can offer? We’re not exactly a big operation here,” she added. “Maybe we could think about downsizing to a smaller office – that way we could easily hire her and another person full-time.”
I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. “No,” I said. “I don’t really think that’s the way to go here.”
“Why not? For what we’re paying in Manhattan, we could get double the office space in Brooklyn or Queens and pay like, half,” Alice said.
I sighed. “I know,” I told her. “But I picked this office because of the natural lighting and how comfortable it looks – I don’t want some place that reminds our patients of a dental clinic or something scary,” I said. “I want them to feel at home here.”
Alice looked thoughtful for a moment, the nodded her head.
“That makes sense,” she said finally. “So, should I draw up the offer package?”
“I’ll do it,” I offered. “I cleared most of my afternoon.”
Alice nodded. “Great,” she said. “Just let me know when you have it and I’ll email everything over to Jennifer. You want to call her, or should I?”
Now that the immediate matter of finding a replacement for Carrie had been dealt with, I could already feel myself starting to get distracted again.
“You,” I said. “Thanks.”
“You bet,” Alice replied. She got to her feet and left my office, giving me a thumbs-up sign on the way out.
Once I was alone, I leaned back in my chair and sighed. Jennifer would no doubt be a perfect fit for my office, but I realized that I’d hired her with Lyssa in mind. After the last time Lyssa had acted in my office, I wanted to make sure that she was always comfortable – and Jennifer seemed just like the right person to make sure that was the case.
I was beginning to understand that if I wanted to truly unlock Lyssa’s heart and get her to open up to me for more than just sex, I was going to really have to try to be more than her doctor.
And more than her brother’s best friend.
Boundaries be damned, I wanted to help her heal.
Fuck that. I was going to help her heal.
I picked up my phone, planning to call her, but paused halfway through dialing. If I was really going to do this – try to date her, properly – then I had to do it right.
Which meant calling from my personal phone, after hours.
Waiting the rest of the day was torture. Alice called Jennifer, who immediately accepted the position with enthusiasm, and then sent over the paperwork once I’d approved the offer letter and signed it. I was relieved to have one more set of helping hands around the clinic, and eager to see the effect on our patients. Most women who came to see me were either nervous wrecks or on the verge of tears, or both, but Jennifer had a soothing aura that I felt would help.
At least, I hoped it would. Despair and hopelessness were things that I dealt on a daily basis. For every woman who walked out of my office and considered herself a pregnant success story, there were two women who found out they were infertile – or with partners who were. I had a huge resource of information pertaining to adoption available, but I knew the process could be costly and lengthy – even more expensive than working with a top-notch fertility specialist.
It had been weeks since Lyssa had first walked into my office, and not much longer after that date when we’d first slept togeth
er. There was a slim chance that she’d conceived during that first steamy encounter and yet, I found myself incredibly, irrationally hopeful.
And I knew that hope was just one more thing that would bind Lyssa and I together.
When I got home that evening, I poured myself a glass of scotch, kicked off my shoes, and sat down on my couch with my phone in my hand. It was hard not to feel as nervous as teenage me had felt around gorgeous, curvy Lyssa, but I took a deep breath and dialed her number.
“Hey,” Lyssa said. She’d answered on the second ring, and she sounded a little tired and withdrawn. I pictured her sitting in her apartment and suddenly, I was filled with hot longing for her.
“Hey, yourself,” I said. “I was calling to ask if you’d like to go out with me on Friday.”
There – I’d said it. I hadn’t beaten around the bush like a pussy and first asked if she’d been free. I’d asserted myself and been bold.
Lyssa was silent for a long moment.
“Is this about Steven and Meredith?” Lyssa asked.
“No,” I told her. After a beat, I added: “This is about us.”
There was an audible inhaling sound as Lyssa held her breath.
“Okay,” she said after a pause. “I mean, yes. That sounds good.”
“Good,” I told her. “Is Italian good for you?”
“Yes,” Lyssa said. She sounded both oddly formal and hesitant and while she had accepted, I wondered if I hadn’t made some blunder by asking in the first place.
“Perfect. We can meet at the restaurant,” I told her, before giving her the name and street address of a quaint little Italian-American place in Brooklyn. I figured that meeting me there would feel safer for her – she wouldn’t have to deal with me seeing her apartment for the first time.
Lyssa agreed to meet me there at eight-thirty in two days, and we hung up. As I took a deep breath, I realized that I was going to have to work damn hard to break down the barriers that Lyssa had worked for so long to keep around her heart.
23
Lyssa – Friday
“It’s a date,” Anna had chirped enthusiastically when I’d first told her about Dan’s invitation to dinner.
“Are you sure?” I asked skeptically. “What if he found something in my test results while he was looking over them again? What if he just wants to take me somewhere nice so I don’t freak out in his office?”
“Lyss, I love you, but I think you’re being paranoid,” Anna had replied. Her tone changed, became more serious. “I mean, do you want to go on a date with him?”
Of course, I did – but I wasn’t sure whether or not telling Anna that was a good idea. I didn’t want her to think that I was weak for leeching onto the first man who had paid me any attention or kindness in years.
“I’m not sure,” I’d lied. Then, we’d hung up and I’d tried to go back to focusing on the rerun of The Hills playing in the background.
That had been two evenings ago. Now, it was almost time for me to leave for my date with Dan, and I was both excited and nervous. The classic butterflies were swarming around in my stomach and it seemed that no matter how often I wiped my palms on my thighs, they were still sweating like mad. It had taken me hours to find something appropriate to wear – it wasn’t like I could show up in the spandex dress that Anna had persuaded me to buy, and the stuff I wore to work wasn’t exactly ... flattering to my large body. In the end, I settled on a pair of comfortable but classy velvet leggings (we were going to have Italian, after all) and an oversized sweater. The winter weather had turned surprisingly mild for January, and I left out the camisole that I’d normally have worn underneath in favor of a lacy bra.
Just in case.
I was relieved that Dan had asked me to meet him at the restaurant instead of offering to pick me up. My apartment was fairly tidy but no matter how hard I cleaned, it was impossible to make my place look like something from a Martha Stewart magazine.
Dan had picked a place in Brooklyn, only a few blocks from my apartment. After getting dressed, I swiped on some nude lipstick and mascara. Then, after slipping on my favorite ankle boots, I left the apartment with a pashmina scarf around my neck and shoulders for warmth.
The sidewalks were crowded with couples and groups of men and women enthusiastically heading out for their own nights. Seeing so many people out and having fun was almost was enough to put me in the mood of a holiday or an unexpected day off from work. It made me realize that unless I had plans to go out with Anna, I didn’t do very much over the weekend unless it involved going to Cos Cob and having dinner with my parents.
The restaurant was nice – fancier than I’d expected, and I glanced nervously over my leggings and sweater before going inside. It was a real old-school place, with those wine-bottle candles and checkered red-and-white squares of oilcloth covering each table. The light was dim and flattering and I flushed as the hostess led me to a private booth in the back.
I hadn’t ever thought that Dan could look hotter than he normally did, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw him and my stomach did a nervous flip. He was wearing a black button-down shirt that showed off his sculpted, muscular physique. In the dim candlelight of the restaurant, his skin was practically golden and his hair gleamed.
He grinned when he saw me, then got to his feet and reached for my hand. A spark leapt between us when he laced his fingers with mine and brought my hand to his mouth for a kiss. Just the sensation of his lips against my hand made me shiver.
“Hi,” I said nervously. “Um, this is a really nice place.”
Dan released my hand and nodded. He looked serious and again, I wondered just why he’d asked me here. Was it a date like Anna had suggested?
Or was it something bad? Had he wanted to see me out of the office to talk about our little arrangement and how inappropriate and unprofessional it had become? Before I could help myself, the anxiety began to spiral in my head and I took several shallow breaths before sitting down.
“Are you okay?” Dan asked.
I nodded hastily. “Um, yeah,” I said. “Just ... um, nevermind.”
A brief frown crossed Dan’s face and I squirmed awkwardly in my chair.
“So, how was work?” Dan asked.
I stared at him. Is that why he asked me out? I thought. Because he wants to talk about work?
“Fine,” I said. “I mean, it was okay.”
The truth was, ever since Curt had ambushed me in the lobby of my office building, I had been secretly working on my resume during my lunch hour. Instead of going out for food, I’d brought my sandwich and chips from home, then spent the hour eating at my desk.
“We just hired a new nurse at my clinic,” Dan said. Then he frowned. “Sorry,” he added. “Maybe we shouldn’t be talking about work.”
It was the strangest thing – we had seen each other’s most intimate parts. Kissed until our lips were raw, made each other moan and gasp and come.
And now, it felt almost like I was sitting across the table from a stranger, like I was on a blind date.
“I guess not,” I said hastily.
The waiter came, only furthering the awkwardness between Dan and myself.
“We’ll have a bottle of the ’93 pinot noir,” Dan said smoothly. “And the calamari to start – grilled, not fried.”
The waiter made a note on his pad and scurried away, leaving me feeling more awkward than ever. Dan and I barely exchanged two words between the time the waiter left and the sommelier arrived to let Dan sample the wine, then pour us each a healthy-sized glass and leave the bottle tableside.
I took a big swallow of mine, eager for the warmth and comfort that always came with a glass of red. Dan did the same, then looked at me. There was something almost shy, almost naked in his eyes that made my heart flutter.
“Lyssa, thank you for meeting me,” he said. “I’ve really been looking forward to this.”
“I was, too,” I said. “I mean, I am. I still am.”
Dan gri
nned and I felt a spark leap between us.
“Good,” he said. He reached across the table for my hand, just he had before at the deli.
This time, I didn’t pull away. His hand was sturdy and warm and strong and just the feel of his fingers against mine made me feel safe and comfortable. With my free hand, I took another sip of wine. The pinot was already beginning to work its magic on me, and I could feel myself begin to relax, just the tiniest bit.
“So,” Dan said, leaning forward conspiratorially. “Have you heard about the prenup?”
“What?” I asked before finishing my glass. Dan took his hand away from mine for a moment to refill it, then returned to stroking my palm with his thumb as I sipped my second glass.
“The prenup,” he said in a low voice. He raised an eyebrow at me. “I had breakfast with your brother and Meredith the other day, and when he went to piss, she told me that your parents want her to sign one.”
I blinked. “No shit,” I muttered. “That’s ... almost surprising.”
“Well, I think they’re on to something,” Dan said darkly. I leaned forward until our foreheads were touching. The tension and awkwardness between us had vanished, almost immediately, and it suddenly felt so good to be with him that I never wanted the evening to end.
“Yeah,” I said. “I mean, she clearly has motivations.”
Dan nodded. “Yeah,” he said darkly. “The thing is, like, I could see why a lot of women would be offended – it is kind of off-putting, and it’s not exactly romantic to think about the possibility of a divorce while still planning a wedding. But with her ... it seemed different.”
I pressed my lips together. “She’s always wanted someone with money like Steven,” I said.
“Your parents have it, too,” Dan continued. “And what if she’s out to soak him for as much as she could?”
Gossiping like this was wrong – I knew it – but it felt so good to be sharing secret thoughts with Dan that I couldn’t stop. The talk was flowing effortlessly between us now, and the more and more I looked at him, the more I realized that I wanted him.
Baby for Brother’s Best Friend: Brother’s Best Friend Book 1 Page 15