“Oh, no,” I heard the waitress say from behind Anna. “What happened here?”
“It must’ve been slippery,” Anna said. There was a fiercely protective edge to her voice, almost like she was talking about her daughter as opposed to her best friend and instantly, I felt comforted.
I just wished that I could stop crying! It was only a pitcher, for fuck’s sake – here I was acting ...
Acting like a total loon, I thought. My blood froze in my veins and I pulled away from Anna.
“What?” Anna asked. “Are you okay? Geez, hon, you look really rough,” she said. Frowning, she bit her lip. “Maybe bringing out for brunch wasn’t such a great idea, after all.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. The tears were still coming, hot and sticky down my cheeks, and I took big gulps of air. Everyone in the bistro was staring at me, but I knew there was nothing I could do. I stood out like a sore thumb – a crying, red-faced, shaking sore thumb – and even the elegant restaurant couldn’t change that.
“Lyss, are you pregnant?”
The question hit me like a shock to the system and my jaw dropped.
“Um,” I said hesitantly. “I ... I don’t know.”
Anna lowered herself back down across the table from me and raised an eyebrow. “When was the last time you had your period?”
My hands shook as I reached into my purse and fumbled for my phone. I gnawed on the inside of my lip as I flipped through the calendar app, where I had meticulously kept track of my periods ever since I’d first gotten a smartphone.
“I’ve been crying a lot,” I confessed. “At like, the smallest things.”
Anna smirked as she looked down at the pooling orange juice.
“You don’t say,” she said drily.
“And nauseous. And sore, like, everywhere,” I said, nodding down at my breasts. “But I thought it was just because of the stress.”
“Tell you what,” Anna said. She flagged down the waitress, who was now eyeing us warily.
“We’ll take our food boxed up to go,” Anna told her. “And I’ll take the check now.”
Half an hour later, Anna and I were sitting inside of her apartment’s tiny bathroom, glancing impatiently down at the timer I’d set on my phone. In the living room, songs from The Lion King blared, echoed by Trina shouting along with Simba and Nala. I shifted on the toilet seat, crossing my legs at the thigh and uncrossing them seconds later.
Anna was perched on the edge of the tub and she wrinkled her nose. “Isn’t it done yet We’ve been in here forever,” she said. She got to her feet. “I’m going to get some water.”
“Wait,” I said, reaching out and grabbing her wrist. “Don’t go, okay? Please.”
Anna’s playful smile faded and she nodded.
“Okay,” she said.
Inside, I was a jumbled mix of emotions. This was the moment I’d dreamed of – and feared – for ages now. But this wasn’t how I’d seen it playing out, not since Dan Andrews had come back into my life. Ever since we’d started sleeping together, I’d imagined that he would be the one waiting by my side, that he would be the one to comfort me and hold my hand as the seconds ticked anxiously by.
I wanted him there. And I wanted this baby, too – assuming that I really was pregnant, assuming that this wasn’t a false alarm.
My phone began to ring and buzz, breaking my concentration. I looked up at Anna and took a deep breath.
“It’s time,” I told her.
“Are you ready?”
I’ve been ready for my entire life, I thought.
But all I could do was nod.
Anna reached for the test, where it was sitting in a Dixie cup full of pee. She flicked it dry, then peered down at the results.
“You’re killing me,” I said. My heart was in my throat as I watched Anna check the back of the box, then look back down at the test.
“What is it,” I cried anxiously. “Tell me!”
Anna smiled broadly. “Well, Mama, you’re pregnant!”
The words hung in the air for a moment. My heart skipped a beat, then began to thud in my chest as fresh tears welled up in my eyes and I started to cry. I couldn’t ever remember a time in my life when I had been so emotional and confused. I was happy and sad and terrified all at once. Happy that my dream had finally come true, that I would finally be a mother.
But the happiness was tinged with a bittersweet ache. More than anything, I wanted Dan to be there to watch our baby grow up. To be a father. To help me read bedtime stories and pack lunches and watch our little family swell and grow.
Anna hugged me tightly. “I’m so happy for you,” she whispered in my ear. “This is incredible, Lyssa.”
I swallowed and nodded. The lump in my throat just wouldn’t go away, and I wiped my eyes on the backs of my hands.
“I guess it’s good you spilled those mimosas after all,” Anna teased. “Not something a mom-to-be should be having.”
I nodded.
“We’ll raise the baby together,” Anna continued. “It’ll be like one of those sitcoms, you know? And Trina’s going to love being a big sister,” she gushed.
I smiled. Her words had made me feel less alone, but I still wondered about the future and how things would go.
“I know,” I told her finally. “And I love that. I appreciate you guys so much.”
“What’s wrong?” Anna asked quietly. “I thought you’d be like, jumping for joy and over the moon.”
“I’m scared,” I told her.
“Of what? Of it hurting?”
“No. Well, sort of,” I admitted. “But not that, really. More like, scared of not giving the baby everything she’ll need. She won’t have a father.” And I desperately wish that I could call Dan up right now and tell him.
But I can’t.
Anna shrugged. “There are probably more kids with single parents today than whole families,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “I’ve always hated that expression. Trina and I are a whole family, we don’t need no man,” she sassed. “And you and your little one are gonna be just fine.”
I stayed with Anna and Trina for the remainder of the afternoon, splashing cold water on my face and then playing games with my favorite little toddler. Anna and I didn’t talk much more about the baby – she didn’t want Trina asking too many questions – but of course, it was practically the only thing on my mind. All I could think about was what would happen when the baby was born.
And how much I wanted to tell Dan. The urge to contact him was like a burning desire inside of me, and I had the unfortunate feeling that it would just continue to grow with time.
If I reached out to him, though, that would be putting him in danger. If Curt really was following me around, the last thing I wanted to do was put Dan right in the middle of harm’s way.
I loved him too much for that, even if he’d never know it. This was the price I had to pay for my past, and I knew that I was strong enough to do it.
Even though it hurt more than anything else ever had, I had to be strong now because it wouldn’t be just me for much longer. Soon, I’d have another living, breathing little human to care for.
When I left Anna’s apartment, it was getting late. The sun was sinking low in the sky and the day had been a little warmer than usual. Now, it was blustery and cold and I pulled my coat tightly around my body as I wondered how I’d be able to afford new maternity clothes.
Maybe I’ll check out Goodwill tomorrow, I thought. I’ll probably be able to get away with just wearing baggy things, but I’ll definitely need a new coat and some stuff for work.
My mind was so wrapped up in thoughts of my pregnancy and my coming baby that I hardly noticed anything around me. There were groups of people clustered on the street, getting ready to enjoy their Saturday nights, and I moved past them as I crossed over to my block.
Was I having a boy? Or a girl? And what about names? There was so much to do – tomorrow, I’d have to make an appointment with a new family docto
r who could refer me to an OB-GYN.
The thought of working with anyone but Dan made me feel sick and sad, but I told myself that it would be worth it. In less than a year, I’ll be a mother, I thought in excitement as I reached my building and unlocked the front door.
There was a black shiny envelope sticking out of my mailbox and I picked it up, not glancing at the return address as I slit the paper open with my thumb. It was the kind of formal envelope that someone would use for a wedding invitation, but there was no card inside.
Instead, there was a note.
I know everything, it said.
I’ll be watching you.
It was in Curt’s handwriting – he hadn’t even bothered trying to disguise it – and my heart stopped. Cold sweat broke out on my palms and on the back of my neck. How did he find me, I thought as I began to panic. I crumpled up the note, cramming it in my pocket, and ran up the flights of stairs to my apartment where once inside, I bolted the door behind me and leaned against it, breathing heavily.
My phone buzzed in my pocket and it started me into a short yelp of surprise.
“Please, no,” I muttered as I reached for it.
To my surprise, it was Anna.
“Hey,” I answered shakily. “What is it?”
Anna laughed. “You must be so distracted right now,” she said. “You left your wallet here. You want to meet up tomorrow and grab it?”
My breath was coming in hot little gulps and I steadied myself with a hand against the wall.
“Lyssa? Are you okay?” Anna asked. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
I pulled the note out of my pocket, willing it to be different. Some kind of stupid advertising mailer that I’d mistakenly seen.
Anything.
But of course, the note was still there. Curt’s ragged handwriting seemed to glare up at me.
“Lyssa?” Anna sounded worried now. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I lied. “I’m fine.”
28
Dan – Tuesday
Tuesday afternoon, I was sitting at my desk in a rare moment of quiet when my inbox pinged. Looking up, I saw Steven’s name and groaned.
We hadn’t spoken since our argument. It was the longest period of time in our entire friendship that we’d been so mad at each other, and it didn’t feel great. But men didn’t kiss and make up like women did after a fight with a girlfriend, and I’d been uneasily contemplating what to do next. It was clear that Steven wasn’t going to listen to me about Meredith, that he might continue to stay with the woman who only wanted his money. And the fact that he thought I’d taken advantage of his sister pissed me off beyond belief. For all of the love and affection that Lyssa’s parents – and Steven – gave her, she had still closed off.
And she had only just begun opening up to me when something had come along to change that. I’d spent every night in a drunken, pissed off haze. Sometimes I wanted to go to her place and shake her by the shoulders, demand to know what she was really doing.
Sometimes, I was just too heartbroken to even dwell on it.
I sighed as I clicked open the email.
It wasn’t long – just a single line asking me to call him when I got the chance. After checking with Alice to make sure that I was free for another fifteen minutes, I picked up my phone and dialed Steven’s work number.
“It’s me,” I said when he picked up.
“Oh,” Steven said. “Hey.”
The air between us was awkward and tense and I frowned, leaning back in my chair and kicking my feet up on my desk.
“So, uh, I wanted to let you know that I think you were right about Meredith.”
“Oh, yeah?” I asked.
“Yeah,” Steven said sourly. “So, uh, you can go ahead and tell me I told you so.”
I sighed. “Come on, man,” I said. “You know I’m not doing that shit.”
Steven was silent.
“What happened?” I asked.
“We got into it when I brought up the prenup. She said she wouldn’t settle for anything less than five million dollars, and that was if we split up immediately after the wedding. She said that I was being cruel and abusive by asking her to sign it.”
“Jesus.”
“Yeah,” Steven said. “That was what really pissed me off. I don’t give a fuck about the money. But hearing her throw the word abusive around made me so angry. The shit my sister went though, that was abuse. But asking your fucking fiancée to sign a prenup?”
“That would’ve pissed me off, too,” I admitted.
“Yeah.” Steven exhaled sharply. “Anyway, it’s over.”
“Well, I can’t say that I’m not glad about that,” I said slowly. “I always thought she was kind of a pill.”
“I think everyone did,” Steven said. He sighed again. “It was just so hard to believe that someone like her wanted to be with me – I think the delusion felt so good that I ignored like, the Berlin airport worth of red flags.”
“We’ve all been there,” I said.
“Yeah, well, I was a real ass,” Steven muttered.
“It’s fine,” I said. “Really.”
“Not really,” Steven said. “But thanks for talking to me.”
“Are you holding up okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, fine,” Steven said. “I actually have a date with someone coming up.”
“No shit,” I said. “That’s great.”
“Yeah,” Steven said, sounding slightly guilty. “You remember that girl Beth? From my parents’ house?”
I burst out laughing. That felt good – it was the first time I’d laughed in days.
“What’s so funny?” Steven asked defensively. “She’s great.”
“It’s nothing,” I told him. “I’ve just had a rough time lately.”
“Me, too, but I think things are turning around now,” Steven said. “Listen – I gotta ask. Have you heard from Lyssa?”
“No.”
“Yeah. Me, either,” Steven said. “She missed dinner on Sunday and my parents weren’t worried, but it’s not like her. I think something weird is going on.”
“I’ve tried calling her a few times,” I lied. More like a few dozen, I added silently. “She never picks up or calls back. And she hasn’t responded to texts, either.”
“Could you swing by her place and see if she’s okay?” Steven asked.
I blinked. “Uh, sure,” I said. “But what about you? Have you tried?”
“I’m still up here with the fam,” Steven said. “Traffic is murder right now. I can try tomorrow, but I just have this bad feelings about her. Do you mind?”
“No,” I said. “Not at all.”
We shot the shit for a few more minutes, but inside I was too nervous to really pay attention to Steven’s words. The fact that Lyssa hadn’t been in touch with her family, either, made me really worry about her ex ... and hope desperately that she hadn’t gone back to him. When Steven and I hung up, I buried my face in my hands. It was only three o’clock in the afternoon – Lyssa would likely still be at work, and there was nothing I could do for hours.
I felt powerless. I was barely present during my afternoon appointments, letting Jennifer take the reins when it came to asking the usual questions. At five-thirty on the dot, I grabbed my stuff and practically ran out of the office. I took a cab into Brooklyn, which took almost another hour, and it was dark by the time I got to Lyssa’s apartment building and rang the buzzer.
She didn’t answer.
Glancing up, I shielded my eyes and tried to see if there was a light on inside her apartment. I rang the buzzer again.
“Lyssa, it’s me,” I said. “I don’t have to come in, but I need to know that you’re okay. Please.”
There was no answer and I groaned, punching the buzzer box and cursing as hot pain flared and spread up my arm and shoulder.
“Lyssa, your family is really worried,” I said. “Steven called me and asked me to come check on you. I know you don�
�t want me around – but please, tell me that you’re okay.”
There was a beep, followed by crackling static and the sound of the door unlocking. Sighing with relief, I pushed my way inside and took the stairs two at a time. Lyssa’s door was closed, and I knocked softly.
It swung open a fraction of an inch – the chain was drawn – and I saw Lyssa’s pale, drawn face on the other side.
“Hey,” I said. “Can I come in?”
“You shouldn’t be here, Dan,” Lyssa said. She swallowed and narrowed her eyes at me. “You really should go.”
“Well, if you’re worried about someone seeing me here, they’ve got a better chance from the hallway than the apartment,” I joked.
The door shut in my face and I frowned. Then, I heard the sound of the chain being drawn and the door reopened. Lyssa stuck her head into the hallway, peered from one side to the other, then grabbed the sleeve of my coat and yanked me inside.
“What’s with the intrigue?” I asked, hoping to lighten the mood. Lyssa wasn’t laughing. She wasn’t doing anything other than standing there with her arms crossed and her eyes downcast. This was the moment I had been anticipating for days and now, I was so worried about her that my chest physically ached.
“I’ve been so worried about you,” I told her as I took her by the arms. “What’s been going on?”
“Nothing,” Lyssa said. She licked her lips, a sign that I now recognized as one of her nervous tics, and swallowed hard.
“Well, if nothing happened, then why did you stop coming into the clinic?” I asked gently. “You missed two appointments – you could have at least called and told my receptionist that you wouldn’t be coming. You know how booked up I am.”
That did it. Lyssa looked up at me, her chin wobbling and her eyes tearing up.
“I’m sorry,” she said in a small voice. “You’re right – that was really inconsiderate of me.”
“Hey, it’s okay,” I said. “Don’t cry, I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
Baby for Brother’s Best Friend: Brother’s Best Friend Book 1 Page 18