by Carrie Elks
“Two hours maybe?” And they’d been the longest two hours of her life. So many thoughts had been rushing through her mind as she stared out of the window at the Pacific coast. Was he going to say something? Would he try to kiss her again?
The answer to all those was a firm no. Instead, he turned on the music as loud as it would go and tapped his fingers on the wheel to the rhythm. And here she was, wondering if she was supposed to forget it ever happened.
How the heck could she do that when she couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss?
“Maybe he’ll talk to you tonight,” Ember said, her face full of sympathy. “When Riley’s in bed. He can’t just pretend it didn’t happen, can he? Not when it was as hot as you described.”
“What did you do when Lucas first kissed you?” Ally asked her friend. “Did you talk about it?”
Ember shifted her eyes away, looking suddenly embarrassed. “I… um… went back to his cottage and then…” she trailed off. “Okay, I’m officially not answering that question.”
“It was different for you guys,” Brooke interjected. She was chopping vegetables, her knife slicing through stiff carrots. “First of all, you weren’t working for him. Plus he doesn’t have a daughter. There weren’t as many complications as there are for Ally.”
“My whole life is one big complication,” Ally said, sighing. “I’ve no idea how I can go out and face him again without blushing like crazy. If I act like a loon then Riley will wonder what’s going on, and that will only make things worse.” She shook her head. “Ugh. Why can’t this ground just swallow me up right now?”
“You’ll be fine,” Brooke told her, giving her a warm smile. “You’re catastrophizing. If he kissed you then that means he likes you. There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“But what if he doesn’t like me the way I like him?” Ally asked. “Maybe he got carried away by the moment. We were having fun, sitting out looking at the ocean. Everything was beautiful. What if he regrets it?”
“Did he look like he regretted it?” Ember asked.
Ally thought back to that long car ride home. “I’ve no idea. He has this ability to make his expression totally blank. He’d make a killing at poker.”
“It’s probably the businessman in him.”
“Well it’s not very helpful.” Ally sighed. “I wish I knew how he felt.”
“How do you feel?” Ember asked, taking a sip of coffee. “Isn’t that the important thing?”
How did she feel? It was almost impossible to tell. She felt high from the kiss and low from the aftermath and in between she felt completely confused.
“Would you kiss him again if he asked you to?” Brooke laid the knife down and stared at Ally through the square in her screen.
“Yes.”
“And if he asked you on a date would you go?”
“Of course.”
She could see Ember’s eyebrows rise up in her part of the split screen. “Oh honey,” she said, trying not to smirk. “You’ve got it bad.”
“I have?”
“Oh yes,” Brooke agreed. “One of the worst cases I’ve seen.”
“You guys aren’t helping,” Ally protested. “It’s not about me. It’s about him. Who cares if I’ve got it bad when he’s pretending that kiss never happened?”
“Then remind him.”
“Maybe I should move out now,” Ally said, ignoring the way Ember was wiggling her eyebrows. “Because there’s no way I’m going to survive living here for another week. I’d rather hop up five flights of stairs every day.”
“And down. You’d need to hop down them, too,” Ember said helpfully.
They were both having way too much fun at her expense. “Guys, this is serious. What do I do now?”
“You do nothing,” Brooke said, her expression thoughtful. “You just go out there and eat dinner and pretend that kiss didn’t happen. He’s not going to say anything in front of Riley, is he? So enjoy your dinner and wait to see what unfolds.”
“And don’t forget,” Ember said, giving her a small smile. “He may not do anything while you’re staying there with him. He strikes me as the kind of guy who wouldn’t want to put you in an awkward position. Maybe he’ll wait until you’ve moved back home.”
Ugh. Ally hated waiting. She hated worrying, too, and right now her life was full of both of those things. The skin beneath her cast was itching like crazy, too, and she couldn’t do a damn thing about that either.
Somebody tapped on her door. “Ally?” Riley called out. “Dinner’s almost ready.”
“I’m coming,” she replied, then quickly turned to the laptop screen. “Guys, I gotta go,” she said, talking quietly so Riley couldn’t hear her. She was supposed to be napping after all.
“Me too,” Brooke agreed. “I got a hungry boy sitting at the table waiting on me.”
“And I’ve got a guy who’s calling for take out,” Ember said, grinning. “Message us later, okay? I want a full status report.”
“There won’t be anything to report,” Ally told her.
“Well message even if there isn’t. Now go, you got dinner to eat.”
Ally leaned forward to switch the laptop off. Thank God for her friends. They might not have been much help with Nate, but at least she knew they were always there for her. They were like sisters to her, and she loved them so much.
Twisting her legs on the bed, she put her feet on the ground and grabbed the crutches resting on the wall. Slowly she pulled herself to standing, taking a deep breath to try and steel herself for what was to come.
“Wish me luck,” she murmured to the empty room. She had a feeling she was going to need it.
“How was your trip?” Riley asked as she sliced into the steak Nate had broiled for them. “Did you guys have fun?”
Ally looked down at her plate. The whole room was silent. She could hear the beat of her heart and nothing else. But there was no way she was answering first. Let Nate handle this one. Riley was his daughter, after all. And right now, Ally had no answer for her.
Nate cleared his throat. “It was good.”
“Was it good for you?” She turned to Ally. “Or did he make you listen to his playlist? I swear it’s a form of torture. I keep threatening to report him to the Geneva Convention.”
Ally coughed loudly. Riley didn’t really want the answer to that one. “Um. Yeah. It was fine,” she said.
Riley frowned. “You two must be exhausted. I’ve never seen you so quiet.”
“It was a long day,” Nate told her, then quickly changed the subject. “How was school? Did you get the grades back on your English assignment?”
“Not yet, but the teacher promised us we’d have them tomorrow. And school was good.” Riley put her fork down and looked up at him. “Actually, I have something to ask you. My friends are going to the movies on Saturday night and they’ve asked me to join them. We’ll only be gone for a few hours.” She looked up with hope in her eyes. “Can I go?”
“You’re still grounded,” Nate reminded her. “It’s been less than two weeks since you tried to jump off a cliff. So the answer’s no,” he said firmly.
“But it’s only a few hours. Laura’s mom’s going to take us and pick us up, so you don’t have to worry about me being in a car with a teenage driver.” She pulled her lips between her teeth, worrying at them. “Please, Dad. I really want to.”
Ally looked up, curious.
“The answer’s still no,” Nate said again, his voice sharper. “Maybe another time.”
“God!” Riley cried out. “That’s so unfair. Do you know how hard it is to make friends when you’re new in town? They’ll probably never ask me again.”
“Riley.” His voice was a low warning.
“Don’t Riley me. I don’t believe this. You took me away from all my friends when we left Seattle. You don’t want me to be happy, do you? You don’t care if I don’t have anybody to talk to. I bet you like it when I’m miserable.” Her eyes flashed with an anger Ally
hadn’t seen before. It made her breath catch.
“I don’t.”
Riley glared at him, her eyes flashing. “Could have fooled me.” She pushed her plate away, the silverware rattling loudly against the china. “And your steak tastes like rubber.” Standing up, she folded her arms across her chest, her eyes narrowing as she stared at him. “I’m not hungry,” she said, letting out a big huff. “I’m going to my room.”
She stomped out of the kitchen, slamming the door, and Nate stared after her, his jaw tight and eyes narrow.
Ally blew out a mouthful of air. It had been weird watching them go at it. As though she was being transported back through the years, to her dad’s old blue-and-yellow kitchen where they’d had their most electric arguments. She could feel Riley’s sense of injustice, but strangely, she could feel Nate’s frustrations, too.
“Are you okay?” she asked softly.
He raked his fingers through his hair. Like Riley, he’d abandoned his half-eaten steak. “Apart from being the worst father in the world? Yeah, I’m great.”
“You’re not the world’s worst father,” she told him. “You’re coming from a place of love. Riley might not realize that now, but she will one day.”
“Did you realize that with your dad?”
Touché. Ally looked down at her fingers, suddenly fascinated by the oval of her nail beds. The air felt loaded and heavy, as though it was full of conversations neither one of them wanted to have.
“I’m running out of ideas.” His voice was low. “I can’t seem to make her happy at all. I know she’s still grieving and it takes time, but I can’t stand seeing her so angry.” Gone was his heated expression, replaced by a lost look that tugged at her. “What should I do?”
“You’re asking me?” She shook her head. “I’m not that experienced with kids. I wish I could help you.”
“I’m asking you as someone who was in Riley’s place. What did you need from your dad? Should I be stern, should I let her get away with stuff? Tell me, because I have no idea.”
She took a moment to consider his question. “When I was in Riley’s place I felt isolated. As though nobody understood me at all. When I was with my friends I wanted them to treat me like anybody else would. I wanted to go out with them and be a teenager because as soon as I got home and my mom wasn’t there, reality was going to hit me all over again. And it hurt like hell every time it did.”
Ally wasn’t looking at him. She couldn’t. There were too many memories and emotions pushing at her chest. “But more than being isolated, I felt so damn afraid. I was a kid and yet I had to come to terms with the fact that my mom wasn’t coming back. I had to leave the only home I felt comfort in and move in with my dad. And unlike you, he had a girlfriend at the time, and she made it clear she wasn’t happy with having me there.” She rolled her shoulders, trying to loosen her tight muscles. “I was so scared he was going to make me leave. That he was going to choose her over me. And I guess it could have gone two ways – I could have tried to be the best kid ever and make him want me. But,” she lowered her voice, “what if he still didn’t?”
Nate leaned forward, but remained silent.
“So instead I went the other way,” she told him. “I kept pushing and pushing to see what the boundaries were. How bad did I have to be to make him throw me out? I needed to know. I was so used to the worst happening; it felt like it was only a matter of time before I lost my dad, too.”
“But somehow I didn’t lose him. Not then, anyway. His girlfriend moved out after a couple of months, and it was just the two of us for the next few years.” She took another deep breath in, the air pushing through her tight chest. “And I’m guessing right now Riley’s trying to see how far she can push you. She’d never admit it to anybody but she’s scared. She wants you to love her unconditionally, but she’s afraid that you don’t. She’s too old to ask for hugs, but she still wants you to offer them, even if she rejects them nine times out of ten. But more than anything, she wants to believe in you. She wants to believe you’ll always be there for her. But she believed that of her mom, too, and life stole that certainty away from her.”
She lifted her hand to wipe the tear that had begun its long roll down her cheek. Her other hand was flat on the table, resting near her water glass.
Nate’s voice was soft. “I’m so sorry.” And when she looked at him, he really was. Empathy molded his features as though he understood every emotion rushing through her.
“It happened a long time ago.” She took a deep breath. “And as it turned out, my dad left anyway.”
“You want to talk about it?”
She shook her head. “No. We’re talking about Riley.”
“So what should I do?” he asked her. “How can I make things right?”
“You take each day at a time. You understand that however you feel, her emotions are about ten times as big and she has no experience in dealing with them. You show her love, but you also show her that love means sometimes saying no.” She raised her eyebrows. “It also means saying yes, sometimes. And admitting when you’re wrong.”
“So you think I should tell her she can go to the movies?”
He was close enough for her to smell his cologne. She shut her eyes for a moment, trying not to get distracted. It was important, for Riley and for Nate.
Maybe, just maybe, her terrible experiences might help somebody else. And wouldn’t that be amazing after everything she’d been through?
“I don’t want to tell you what to do as a father, that’s not my place. But if you’re considering it, I could make a couple of phone calls and check that Laura’s mom really will be driving them there and back. I know pretty much everybody in Angel Sands, or at least I know somebody who knows them.”
“You’d do that?”
“After everything you’ve done for me? Of course I would.”
“Thank you.”
Every time she looked at him her heart ached a little more, remembering how perfect that kiss on the beach had been. The details were etched into her mind. The soft whisper of his breath against her lips. The silkiness of his thick, wavy hair as she threaded her fingers through it. But more than anything, she could remember the way he made her feel. The way desire and need tugged at her every time his lips touched hers.
She needed to get over this and fast. He was obviously not going to talk about it, and she wasn’t ready to open herself up and spill her guts to him. That kiss they’d shared earlier might have been the best one she’d ever had, but for him it was a mistake.
Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself up to standing, grabbing the crutches she’d rested on the table. “I’ll go and make some calls,” she said, needing to put some space between herself and Nate. Because right now all she could think about was that he was the best kiss she’d ever had.
Nate shut the door to his office and slumped in the black leather chair. Right now it felt like the only room where he could truly be alone. The only room that didn’t hold a high note of Ally’s fragrance, and the only one that Riley didn’t enter unless she knocked first – even at her very worst when she was rebelling against everything.
He reached down to pull out the bottom drawer, before he curled his fingers around the neck of the bottle he had stashed down there. It was still three-quarters full. He twisted the lid open to pour himself out a splash. No ice, no water, just pure bronze liquid. Lifting the glass to his mouth, he closed his eyes, tipping the whiskey in. It slipped down way too easily, warming his stomach, and he let the burn soothe him.
He could hear the occasional squeal from Riley as she spoke into her cellphone, no doubt telling her friends that her dad had relented and she was allowed to go with them to the movies. Ally had been right; banning his daughter from going out with her friends had been foolish. He didn’t want to make her life any harder than it already was.
And then there was Ally.
He shook his head and poured himself out another mouthful of whiskey, swallo
wing it as quickly as the first. Then he tightened the lid and put the bottle back into the drawer.
What the hell had he been thinking, kissing her? He dropped his head into his hands. It was bad enough that she was an employee, she was also more than a decade younger than him, and living with him, too. He knew how stupid it was to have feelings for her – the kind of feelings that would engulf him if he let them.
Hadn’t he learned from his mistakes with Stephanie? She had been younger too – not as young as Ally, but the difference was enough – and from the start it was clear she wanted different things than he did.
She wanted to have fun. To go out and be seen by people that mattered to her. She wanted to be a twenty-something woman, not somebody burdened by a step-daughter and all the crises and tears that were brought with it.
He and Stephanie had been at totally different stages in life. They’d both thought it didn’t matter, but it did, more than either of them had ever anticipated. Ally was even younger, and she’d want different things, too.
It could never work.
He lifted his head and leaned back on the smooth leather chair, letting a sigh escape his lips. What a damn mess he’d made of things. He’d behaved like a teenager at the beach with Ally, not thinking through the consequences. Just living in the moment, tasting the pleasure of her lips, letting desire mold his every move when common sense should have prevailed.
Yeah, well he wasn’t a teenager – far from it. He was a grown man with the ability to control himself. He’d made a mistake, given in to primal needs, but that didn’t mean he had to do it again.
How long was it until Ally’s elevator would be repaired? Just another week or so? He could hold out until then, couldn’t he? Once they weren’t stuck under the same roof things would be so much easier. He’d be able to breathe without inhaling her fragrance, to relax in his living room without his eyes being drawn to her. And maybe, just maybe, he’d be able to sleep without waking up every hour, his body damp with sweat, his heart pounding against his chest.
Two weeks maximum. He could do this.