by Carrie Elks
Breck’s eyes were wide with surprise. The irony of their conversation didn’t escape Aiden’s notice. For a guy who didn’t want to talk about it, he sure was saying a lot. It felt good, to finally get it out. Like somebody uncorking a bottle, he could feel the pressure slowly release from him.
“Why haven’t you already called her?” Breck asked. He pulled up a chair and sat down, crossing his legs in front of him.
“Because I’ve made enough decisions for her, I don’t want to make any more. I don’t want to pressure her into talking to me. I want her to make the choice to do it willingly.”
“That sounds fair enough.”
“Yeah, but it’s killing me.”
Breck laughed. “I can see that, man.” He shrugged. “But for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing. I’m no expert on relationships, but I can tell you’ve thought this through. You’re not playing games. You’re handing back control.”
“And I freaking hate it.”
“You’re giving her the time and space to think things through. You’re a good guy, Aiden. She’ll realize it eventually.”
Good guy, bad guy, at the end of the day it didn’t matter. He’d ended up treating her the same way she’d always been treated. No wonder she didn’t believe him when he’d said he was different.
But he’d do whatever it took to be the man she wanted. Even leave her alone if that was her choice. It would hurt him like nothing had ever hurt him before, but he’d still do it.
Because he loved her, and right now it was the only thing keeping him going.
Brooke flicked on Nick’s nightlight and pulled the door closed behind her, walking back into her small living room. “He’s finally asleep,” she told Ember and Ally, who were sitting on her sofa looking up at her. Three insulated cups of coffee were on the table in front of them – Ally had finished her shift at the coffee shop and had brought them over with her, along with some pastries that looked delicious.
“I’ve got one for Nick, too,” Ally said, pointing at the paper bag next to the cups. “I thought he could have it for breakfast. It’s completely nut free, I promise.”
“Thank God for that.” Brooke wasn’t quite up to smiling at the situation yet, but she still appreciated Ally’s levity. It was so good to have her friends with her. For the past few days she’d taken time off work and her classes to stay at home with Nick while he recuperated. He was itching to get back to school, and the doctor had given him the all clear to start back on Monday.
But for now, all she wanted to do was keep him home and hug him tight.
“Nick’s teacher asked me to give you this,” Ember said, pulling a large envelope from her bag. “His classmates made him a get well soon card.”
Brooke took it, pulling the large white card out of the envelope. Each child had drawn a self-portrait on it, and beneath their drawings they’d written their names in varying degrees of scrawl. Opening it up, she smiled as she read the words.
Get well soon, Nicholas. We miss you.
“That’s so sweet,” Ally said, leaning over Brooke to read the message inside. “I didn’t think of bringing a card.”
“You brought coffee, which is even better,” Ember pointed out.
“Talking of coffee, your mom came into the shop today,” Ally said, glancing at Brooke from the corner of her eye. “She said she and your dad came to dinner here yesterday.”
“I didn’t know you were talking to them again,” Ember said, leaning forward with interest. “Tell me more.”
“It’s still early in repairing the relationship,” Brooke said slowly, remembering the awkward politeness of the previous night. “And they’re probably not going to be talking to me for a while after I fed them chicken nuggets and mashed potatoes, but it was Nick’s choice and they got what they were given.”
“I’d pay good money to see your folks eating chicken nuggets,” Ally said, trying to suppress a grin. “Did they really eat it?”
“Every last morsel,” Brooke said, biting down a smile. “I guess they really wanted to spend some time with Nick.”
“And have you heard from Aiden?” Ally asked.
“No. Not a word.” She tried to hide the disappointment from her voice, but it didn’t work at all. “Actually, that’s not true. He messaged on Wednesday to ask how Nick was, and to see if he was up for staying with him on Saturday.” Brooke licked her dry lips. “I said it would be fine. End of conversation.”
“He didn’t talk about your relationship?”
Brooke shook her head. “No.”
“Maybe he’ll say something tomorrow when you drop Nick off?” Ember said, frowning at Brooke’s words.
“Maybe.” Brooke tried to ignore the taste of disappointment on her tongue. “But wouldn’t he have said something already if he was still interested? Maybe my running out of the gala and being all high maintenance has put him off.”
“Your reaction was understandable. You discovered he was lying to you.” Ally crossed her arms in front of her.
“Yeah, but he’d done it with good intentions,” Ember said. “He never meant to hurt you. He was so upset. But as soon as you ran out of the Beach Club he realized his mistake. I’ve never seen him so shaken.”
“So why hasn’t he called?”
“I don’t know.” Ember pressed her lips together, her eyes soft as they met Brooke’s. “And you won’t either, unless you ask him.”
“Oh this is such a mess.” Brooke dropped her head against the back of her chair and closed her eyes, pressing her palms to her face. “I wish Jamie had never come back.”
“Have you heard from him?” Ally asked.
“No. Thank goodness.” He was the Black brother she could do without talking to. “I know all children have a right to know their fathers, but I really don’t think he’ll bring anything good into Nick’s life. Not unless he cleans his act up massively.”
“I don’t think he’ll ever do that,” Ally said, her voice solemn. “Does Nick know about him?”
“Yeah. I told him on Wednesday.”
“What did he say?”
“Nothing, really. He was thoughtful for about five minutes before he asked me to get him some ice cream and completely changed the subject. I guess I’m taking my lead from him. I’m ready to answer his questions when he has them, but I’m not going to push him to talk about it until he’s ready.”
“You’re such a great mom.” Ember gave her a warm smile.
“Yeah, sure.”
“You are. I wish you had more confidence in yourself. Look at you, you have motherhood cracked, you’re almost finished with your studies, and you’re one of the mainstays of the animal shelter. All of Angel Sands thinks you’re fabulous.”
Brooke looked over at her friend. There wasn’t a hint of humor on Ember’s face. It was as though she meant every word. But she couldn’t bring herself to believe it. Because right now it felt as though everything she touched turned to dust.
“I know of at least one person in Angel Sands who doesn’t think I’m fabulous,” Brooke said, her voice thick. And damn if he wasn’t the one person whose opinion mattered most of all.
“You sure about that?” Ally asked, raising an eyebrow. “Maybe you should ask him first, before you come to any conclusions.”
30
“Mom, will my dad be at Uncle Aiden’s?” Nick asked as Brooke turned the car onto Beach Drive. He was a ball of pent up energy after a week of being cooped in their apartment. Brooke glanced in the mirror and saw him fidgeting in his seat. It was as if his body had no idea how to contain his excitement. He’d been talking about having ‘guy time’ with Uncle Aiden all day. She loved seeing him so happy, but there was still a tender spot in her heart which hurt every time he said Aiden’s name.
Maybe she needed some guy time, too.
“No, sweetie, he doesn’t live around here, remember? He’s in Sacramento.”
“Is that far?”
“Quite far. A few
hundred miles.” She smiled at his reflection in the mirror, and he grinned back. “Sacramento is right at the top of California, and we’re near the bottom.”
“So I won’t be seeing him, will I?”
“Not unless you want to.” She took a deep breath in. The two of them were booked for family therapy next week, and as far as Brooke was concerned, it couldn’t come soon enough. She needed all the help she could get in answering his questions as truthfully as possible, while making sure he didn’t get hurt. Lies weren’t an option. Ever.
“But he’s Uncle Aiden’s brother, right?”
“Yes.”
“I wonder what it’s like to have a brother,” Nick mused, as she turned onto the new development where Aiden’s beach house was. “It must be kind of cool.”
“Your guess is as good as mine. We’re both only children, kiddo. Though I think sometimes you make your own family.”
“How do you make your own family?” Nick frowned.
“You build it up, person by person. First you start with the family you have, and then you add some friends. And one day you wake up and you know you can rely on those people, no matter what happens.”
“Like Ember and Ally?” he asked.
“That’s right. And Lucas and Nate, plus Max and Ellie. They’re like family, too.”
“And Uncle Aiden,” Nick added.
The mention of his name was enough to make her feel warm inside. “Yeah, though he’s your blood family as well.”
“But not yours,” Nick pointed out.”
“No, not mine.” She pulled into the empty space next to Aiden’s Audi and switched off the engine. “Right, have you got all your things?” she asked, glad to change the subject.
“Yup.”
“So let’s go.”
She wasn’t sure whether she was dreading this or desperate for it. It had been a week since the gala and almost as long since she’d last seen Aiden. Her whole body ached at the thought of seeing him again. The tightness in her chest was making it hard to breathe.
She had no idea what she was going to say to him.
“Can you stay in the car and I’ll go in on my own?” Nick asked. “That’s what Owen does when his mom takes him to his dad’s house. She said if she had to talk to that, you-know-what, she’d end up smacking him in the face.”
Brooke grimaced. Owen’s parents’ divorce was legendary in its toxicity – not exactly a model she wanted to follow. “No, I won’t sit in the car. I’d like to make sure you get in safely.” To prove her point, she climbed out, and opened the back door, grabbing Nick’s bags as he scrambled out. “And anyway, you have too many things to carry yourself.”
Nick ran ahead, his tennis shoes barely touching the steps up to Aiden’s front door. She smiled, wondering if Aiden knew what he was in for. Within a minute of Nick’s first over-enthusiastic knock on the door, the man himself was opening it, a grin lighting up his face as he saw Nick standing on the porch.
“Hey bud, how are you feeling?” He stepped aside to let Nick in, reaching out to ruffle his hair. Nick glowed at the attention.
“I’m good. Do you have any soda? I’m thirsty. Can we go swimming? I got my shorts somewhere.” He turned to look at Brooke. “Mom, have you got my shorts?” He was still barking out orders as Brooke made it up the steps. Almost immediately, Aiden caught her eye.
“There’s juice in the fridge,” he called out, as Nick ran past him into the house. Turning back to Brooke, he leaned against the door jamb. “I guess that means he’s feeling better.”
“He’s been going stir crazy cooped up at home.” She smiled apologetically. “I think you’re going to bear the brunt of it.”
Aiden shrugged. “I’ve spent the week arguing with ten angry builders. I think I can handle it.” He tipped his head to the side, scrutinizing her. “And how are you doing? You recovered from Nick’s reaction yet?”
“I’ll tell you after tonight. It’s the first time I’ve been on my own since it all went down. I’ll either sleep for a thousand hours, or I’ll break down.” She shrugged. “But I’m guessing sleep will win out.”
“You haven’t got anything planned?”
“Nope. Ember and Lucas have a date night, and it’s game night at Nate and Ally’s. They invited me but I’ll pass. They’re way too competitive for their own good.” She raised an eyebrow. “So it’s me, the sofa, and a chick flick.”
He was still looking at her with those deep whiskey eyes. “You’re welcome to stay here with us.”
“Don’t say that in front of Nick. He’s made it very clear to me it’s Guys’ Night. I believe that means there are no moms allowed.” She laughed. “I don’t want to cramp either of your styles.”
“You’d never cramp mine.”
Oh! How few words it took to light the little flame of hope inside her. He only had to offer the smallest of olive branches and her mind started to race with possibilities. She needed to stop speeding ahead.
“Aiden, can we go to the beach now?” Nick reappeared, a small carton of juice in hand. “I can see some of my school friends out there. I wanna tell them about the hospital.” Nick came to a stop beside him. “Oh, hey, Mom.” He looked surprised to see her still there.
Maybe if she’d been another kind of mom, she’d feel upset at him wanting her to leave him with Aiden. Jealous, even. But she couldn’t help but feel her heart swell at the sight of Nick standing next to his six-foot-two lookalike, knowing their relationship was filling the holes in Nick’s soul Brooke never could.
“I’m about to leave,” she told him. “Have a good time and do what Aiden tells you to. And brush your teeth, otherwise they’ll rot with all that sugar.”
Aiden looked at Nick and then back to Brooke. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
She nodded, keeping the smile plastered on her face. “Yep, I’m all good. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye!” Nick waved absentmindedly and dropped to his knees, rifling through his bag, no doubt looking for his swim shorts.
Aiden caught her gaze one last time. There was a question behind his eyes she didn’t know the answer to. A softness, too, and it made her want to melt. She needed to go, before she made an idiot of herself. Time to head home and pour herself an ice cold glass of water – or take a cold shower.
“Goodbye honey. Bye Aiden.” Lifting her hand in a brief wave, she turned and all but ran back to her car, not sure whether to be happy their first encounter had been so civilized.
Her apartment was eerily quiet. The small table she and Nick ate their meals at – and she did her work on – was completely bare. Her project was finished, and all the housework was done. For the first night in forever she had absolutely nothing to do.
It should have felt like heaven. Wasn’t this what she’d been longing for? Some peace and quiet, time to relax without the pressure of her academic work bearing down on her? But now that she had it, she felt so lonesome it actually hurt. As though there was a hole inside her nothing could fill.
Leaning on the kitchen counter, she wondered what Nick and Aiden were doing now. It was almost nine – Nick should have crashed and burned, in spite of him wanting to stay up as late as he could. Maybe Aiden was sitting out on the deck, staring out at the ocean as the sun slowly slipped below the water line, leaving the inky black night to creep in. Or maybe he was watching a movie – not the chickflick sort she’d intended to watch; he’d always preferred action to words.
She’d planned on leaving whatever happened between them up to fate. But what if fate made the wrong decision?
Had it been fate that pulled them apart after her father discovered them in a compromising position? Was it fate that led her to being pregnant at the tender age of eighteen? Or was it their decisions, as bad as they were, which led them to the spot they were in now?
Her thoughts felt as though they were punching at her skull, trying to force their way out into the world. She started to pace her small living area, from the kitchen spac
e to the glass windows at the other end of the room and back again.
Hadn’t she been complaining about not being trusted to make her own decisions, first by her parents and then by Aiden? So, why was she afraid to make a decision about the two of them now? Because leaving it to fate was pretty much removing herself from the equation. Giving control over to somebody – or something – else.
Did she really want to do that? She was only beginning to take control of her own life.
Leaning her head against the cool glass, she stared out of the window and into the encroaching night beyond. Through the ghost of her reflection in the glass she could see the lamplit streets and the dark outlines of houses with their yellow square windows, lit from within like a child’s Christmas scene. She pulled her phone from her shorts pocket and swiped it on, smiling as the photo of Nick playing at the beach flickered to life.
She’d asked for control, she’d demanded to make her own decisions. It was time for action.
Pulling up her message app, she quickly found Aiden’s contact, and swiped her finger across the keyboard like a pro.
I wanted to check that everything’s okay with Nick. And with you. I miss you. xx
“I didn’t expect to see you here on a Sunday.” Brecken Miller craned his head around the office door.
Aiden looked up from the spreadsheet he’d been working on, his eyes blinking against the sudden onslaught of daylight flooding through the open door. “I could say the same thing about you.”
“I left a couple of tools here, and I need them back at the house,” Breck told him, leaning on the side of the door. “I saw some movement up here. Wanted to make sure we didn’t have a break in.”
“I need to get these projections over to the head office before tomorrow.” Aiden inclined his head at the laptop screen.
“And you can’t do them at home on your deck?”
“There are too many distractions there.”
The truth was there weren’t enough. After Brooke had picked up Nick this morning, he’d been unable to sit still. He’d tried to talk to her, to ask her about the message she’d sent him – and the fact she missed him – but she’d smiled and told him she’d see him soon.