Dead but not gone. Not yet… her voice faded.
9
Alex
As her voice faded, other sounds began to slip back into focus. Someone was yelling my name, but I couldn’t quite get to them.
“ALEX?!”
I came to still on the couch with Ash shaking me and Jade peering over his shoulder with tight eyes. When he saw my eyes were open, he snaked one hand behind my head and tilted my face up to him.
“Hey, Princess. You back with me?” He studied my eyes for a long moment, then traced the rest of my face with his gaze.
“Babe, can you say something, so he'll calm down?” Jade suggested.
“Huh? Oh. Yeah. Sorry, I'm… I’m okay,” I responded.
“Care to tell us where you just went?” Ash’s voice sounded breathy and strained. “We were brainstorming about what my father might have been up to, and you were so quiet... I glanced over, and your eyes were rolled back into your head and you weren't responding.” Ash’s voice caught in his throat, and he closed his eyes and swallowed.
“You were really worried,” I whispered curiously as I studied at the fear etched into the lines of his face, mere inches from mine.
“I—” I could see the turmoil in his golden eyes, but then his mask of disenchantment settled back over his features. He stood and backed away a few steps. “The consensus seems to be that all our lives are in your hands. It would suck if you died on my couch.”
My disappointment was slight, but I knew it was on display for all to see. I simply didn't have the energy for a snarky comeback or eye roll this time, but Jade, who had my back as always, rolled her eyes for me and shoved him out of the way.
She came and sat next to me, putting a comforting arm around my shoulder. “So... where did you go?”
“I have no idea. I just closed my eyes and was thinking, you know... trying to wrap my head around everything, and suddenly, there was this voice in my head. I thought it was my subconscious at first, like maybe I was just talking to myself, sorting out my conflicting feelings or something. But then she started saying things that obviously weren’t my thoughts and we... argued. Then I kind of woke up to Ash hovering above me.”
“Lucky you.” Ash interjected with an eyebrow waggle, to which I both rolled my eyes and laughed.
“So, this voice,” Jade continued. “What did it sound like?”
“Feminine and kind of... purred?”
Jade and Ash shared a strange look between them, then Jade asked one final question. “You said you argued. About what?”
My spontaneous glance at Ash then instantly back to Jade told her all she needed to know to save me.
“Right, then. Okay.”
“What do you mean ‘okay’? She didn't answer!” Ash raved indignantly.
“That's the benefit of being best friends. You can read each other’s minds.”
“You seem to be able to read everyone's mind, friend or not. Care to finally explain that little mystery?”
“Actually, I think it's about time we all revealed exactly what we are. Care to go first?”
The expression that marred Ash’s features in response was very similar to the look on his face in the hall at the wedding, when I’d told him that his father had caught us and was alone with Andrew. Only now did I truly grasp the depth of his fear that day, and that understanding gave me pause now. After everything I'd heard and seen in the past week and a half, what could he be so afraid to show me?
“It's okay. You don't have to,” I said gently, and the relief that flooded his expression was unmistakable, clouded only by the obvious disdain he seemed to feel for needing to be rescued. Or maybe it was simply that he wasn’t used to being given any reprieve or shown any kindness. Given my new understanding of his family, that didn’t seem like much of a stretch.
Before the silence in lieu of his response got too terribly awkward, Jade piped up, saving us all once again. “Oh, hell, I'll go first. It's probably more relevant, anyway. Remember the story, how the Earth Mother saved the witches?”
“So you are a witch!” Ash accused.
“No, I am not a witch. I am the current incarnation of the Earth's magic. Some call me the Goddess or the Earth Mother. Some call me Gaia. I am simply the original magic the Earth was created from, born of a piece of the First's spirit.”
Ash and I gaped at her. The Goddess. A piece of the original magic, of the spirit of this… Entity, a piece of the Creator whom I called God. Could this be real?
After a time, when neither of us spoke, she continued. “From time to time, I take human form and live a human life to be closer to my children. Especially when the world is in turmoil and needs my guidance. I've taken many forms over the years—”
“But what about your grandmother? Who is she?”
Jade laughed, “Well, she is me. We are each a part of the Earth's magic given human form. The last human form I took was about a century ago. I believe she says she is a hundred and three, but human years mean little to us. I spend more time in human form when the Earth is in distress, and both nature and humanity have been in distress for quite some time now.”
I knew my mouth was hanging open, but I absolutely did not care. “‘We are one, and we are both…’ That's what she said.”
“What?” Both heads snapped my direction simultaneously.
“Earlier, that voice or whatever she was, when I realized they weren't exactly my thoughts and opinions, I asked who she was. She said, ‘I am you, and you are me. We are one, and we are both.’ I didn't understand at the time, and what you're saying now sounds similar. What did she mean?”
Ash's face looked pale, and his eyes were wide. Jade looked a little surprised, but nothing like Ash, and both remained irritatingly silent.
“What?!” I cried as my frustration found a voice.
“Sorry, I was just surprised,” Jade responded. “I think... I think it was your other form. I felt something earlier. It just felt too strong to be a second form. Strong enough to keep me out, which is—”
“She killed Mr. Tennyn,” I blurted out. “She told me as much. Hell, she seemed pretty freaking proud of herself. She called it vengeance.”
“It wasn't just vengeance.” Ash cut in. “It was justice. And I watched you—er—her… dole it out without mercy. It was…”
“Horrifying?” I finished for him.
“Amazing, actually. I was going to say amazing. I was a little jealous, honestly. And a little grateful.” The way he was looking at me made me a little uncomfortable. He was open and vulnerable for a second and everything in his eyes spoke of gratitude, respect, even affection... desire. Intense, unrelenting, consuming desire. His eyes were beginning to glow again, heading toward that brilliant gold that had so captivated me earlier. Before they could blaze fully to life and devour me as surely as would a black hole, I swallowed and forcibly turned my head back toward Jade. I could deal with everything else, but whatever this thing with Ash was, I wasn't ready to deal with that. Not yet.
. I focused my gaze on my friend and took a deep breath. “What is she? Or... what am I?”
“That's a question I can answer. There are different terms across the world, but almost every culture has a legend about her because she’s been here almost as long as humanity, and as it’s Guardian, her hosts have been all over the world. You'd know her form best as a gryphon. It is the true angelic form of a Cherubim, the second highest order of angels behind the Archangels. They attend to the Entity itself and are tasked with protecting the greatest treasures in existence. It was a Cherubim that gifted her form and powers to the first Guardian.”
“So, the stories are true?” Ash interjected, looking suddenly excited. “The ones the elders used to tell about winged Guardians? I thought they were just fairytales.”
“I told you, there's truth in every story. The thing I can't answer for you is why. I can only guess it's related to your parents.”
“My parents?”
“Not T
ess and Will, sweetie. Your birth parents.”
“I didn't know you were adopted,” a stunned looking Ash questioned me.
“That's not surprising. We've only known each other for like a week and a half, and I've been asleep most of that?”
“It's just… you never told Andrew,” he accused.
“How do you know that?”
“Oh… he just... would've said something.” He bolted out of his seat. “I'm gonna go make us something to eat while you two talk.”
I stared at Ash from the corner of my eye as he literally ran away from me into the kitchen. I tried to study him inconspicuously as Jade and I discussed what this might mean and what I knew about my birth parents. It wasn’t much, unlike Ash, who seemed to know all manner of things about me. Private things I don't think Andrew would've shared. For one, Andrew never remembered how I took my coffee.
I appreciated what Ash had said because, when put on the spot, he had chosen to make me feel more connected to Andrew, but I was also pretty sure that was mostly designed to distract me. They weren't close. Andrew hadn't trusted his brother, and he trusted him even less with anything pertaining to me. He'd never even let me meet Ash until the wedding, and that was by accident.
This man... Ash was a conundrum wrapped in an enigma and swathed in layers of mystery. The conundrum being that I found myself more and more attracted to him despite my better judgement, or my own will. He was a paradox, a walking contradiction, and a liar. The question was about what? One minute he was shut down, the next he was open and vulnerable. He was a complete asshole, then caring and attentive. I felt this pull to be near him that seemed to be growing stronger by the minute, now, and my... my Other, she wanted him. She already considered him hers, and I knew that, eventually, she would win.
“Interesting…”
I’d only realized Jade had stopped talking when she suddenly spoke again. Then I remembered what Ash said about her being able to read minds…
“Yep,” she responded again.
My eyes widened, and my cheeks flamed a color of pink I didn't think existed in nature.
“It's okay. I still know some things you don't. And I have some questions for Ash to answer too. He's better at keeping his mind guarded,” she said and winked at me.
“Guess that's the first trick I need to learn,” I mumbled. My thoughts were embarrassing enough in my head. I didn't need the added humiliation of Jade hearing them, too.
“I didn't use to have to read your mind. Until the past few days, you told me everything,” she accused.
It wasn't untrue. I doubt a thought had crossed my mind in the past few years that I hadn't instantly relayed to Jade the second I saw her. Then I realized I’d been chattering on about my inane life to someone who was basically a deity and certainly had better things to think about. Complaining about homework and professors and Andrew... Ugh! She probably thought I was ridiculous.
“Stop, right there. That is quite enough of that. Alex, I love you. I cherish every memory we've made and every moment of your life you've deemed me worthy of sharing. I complained about all those same things to you. Well, except boys,” she chuckled. “No complaints in that department.”
Then she hugged me, and even when I didn't respond she kept hugging me. She held on until I gave in and hugged her back, held on through the tears that began to stream down my cheeks. After everything, she was still here, standing by my side, proving to me that I hadn't lost her. Whatever else she was, she was also my best friend and always would be. In the shitstorm that was now my life, that was one victory I would treasure.
Finally, Jade pulled back and looked at me. She brushed the hair back from my face and smiled as she said, “Okay. Enough of that. Why don't you go change before the food is ready?”
“Okay. Be right back.” I stood to leave then turned back to Jade. “Wait. I’m the Guardian, but I have no Anchor to guard, so what does that mean? And if Andrew’s really gone, then why hasn’t the Veil fallen?”
“That’s one of those questions we can’t answer yet, but we will. I promise. We’ll find answers for you. For all of us,” Jade whispered.
10
Alex
Inodded, then turned and walked back to the bedroom where I'd woken up earlier today. It felt like years had passed since then. Everything I knew about the world and about my place in it had changed in the past hour. Everything. I suddenly felt very overwhelmed and a little dizzy. I took a step toward the bed and stumbled. I almost righted myself, but my wings shot out to balance me as well, knocking something off the dresser to my right and startling me into over-correcting. It was simply too much for my already questionable balance, and I went down. I thought for sure I was going to hit the bedframe, but I was snatched from my descent just in time by two strong arms.
Ash hauled me up off the floor and into his arms. He carried me over and sat me gently on the edge of the bed before kneeling down to look at me.
“Are you okay? That was almost a pretty bad fall.”
“I'm sorry, I just got dizzy, and then my wings moved, and something fell and—”
“You're sorry? For what? Almost cracking your skull on my bed frame?” Ash looked a little amused, at my apology. “You wouldn’t be the first, Princess.”
I glared at him. “Gross. I guess I was apologizing for you having to catch me for, like, the hundredth time in two weeks. I don't usually require so much saving, but now it seems like you owe womankind, so we’ll call it even. Plus, I knocked something off the dresser, I think.”
“There are easier ways to get my attention than this damsel in distress act, you know” he grinned at me. Usually, that stupid bad boy smirk made me want to punch him in the face, but lucky for him, I saw no malice in this smile. He actually seemed to be kidding around. There seemed to be a timid camaraderie here that hadn't existed so far. I didn't want to push it, so I simply smiled and waited for him to continue.
“Sorry, Jade said you needed some fresh clothes. At least until we can get some of your stuff here.”
I heard the Other purring in the periphery of my mind, and my thoughts were inundated with images: memories of being in bed with Ash, those precious early moments before reality had a chance to hit, memories of being warm, safe, and cared for. My skin felt flushed and warm as I drifted back and realized Ash was talking to me from the dresser where he had pulled open a drawer.
“...check the apartment out and get some stuff for you guys, later. Did you two get to the bottom of your… uh... heritage?”
“Um, maybe, though I was only half listening. She thinks my energy doesn't feel as human as it should. Apparently, she suspected I was something all along, and given the form I've taken, she’s guessing part angel.”
Ash had gone completely still while I was speaking. “Ash? What is it?”
I started to reach for him, but he just said, “It's nothing. I was just listening.” Then he fished out a pair of sweats and a T-shirt. He turned to hand them to me as I stood to take them and our fingers brushed, creating a spark. A literal spark. A big, blue spark of electricity jumped from the place where our skin touched, and I gasped. We looked up at the same time, our gazes meeting.
We seemed held in place by the power of that joined gaze for what felt like hours but, in truth, was only a minute or so, like two massively powerful magnets incapable of denying their natural draw to one another. Then his eyes flicked to my lips and back and I knew. I knew what would come next and I was powerless to stop myself.
“What are you?” Powerless to stop myself from ruining it.
He closed his eyes and started to turn away, but I wasn't having it. Not this time.
I grabbed the hand still touching mine and said, “Wait. I’m sorry. Don’t go.”
He turned back to me, meeting my eyes again, but this time he wasn’t so immersed in mine. He seemed nervous and fidgety. “I can’t. What I am, it’s... You’ll hate me… I hate me.” He was shaking his head in disgust as he whispered. That ex
plained a few things.
“Then you don’t have to. I trust you, Ash. Only God—er—the Entity, I guess... knows why, but I do. And when you’re ready to tell me, I won’t judge you. I get the feeling we’re in this together, and I don’t know much about this world, but trusting my instincts has always proven beneficial.”
He was looking at the floor, avoiding my gaze while I was talking, but when I finished, he looked up at me with hooded eyes. “And what are your instincts telling you about me now, Princess? Are they warning you about the monster in the room? Because they should be.”
His eyes lit up, skipping the beautiful golden glow and jumping right to the flames I'd seen before. Where before there had seemed to be a void behind the flames, black and empty, I could now see it was a well. Deep and full. Even as the flames danced in his eyes, I could see what was burning. Fear. Fear and so many other things: sorrow, pain, regret, desire, passion, hope, and need. He desperately needed to be accepted. And even as he challenged me, I could see he was terrified I would reject him like everyone else had. His father, even his own brother.
I stood to face him, placed my hands on his cheeks, and brushed my thumbs over his eyes. They closed beneath my touch, and I heard him forcibly exhale. When they opened again, they were back to their normal, breathtaking gold.
“You can act like a top-shelf asshole all day long, but I see you, Ash. You can’t hide from me. All of you is beautiful. All of you is good. And when you’re ready to face it, I’ll be there to face it with you, just like you were there with me, like you’re here with me now. And speaking of now, I'm going to go take a shower, because I can smell myself.” With a measure of effort, I dropped my hands from his face and stepped around him to head to the shower. Taking a shaky breath and exhaling slowly to calm myself.
“I can smell you too,” Ash said, just as I reached for the door.
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