I started laughing again, at that ridiculous yet somehow true statement, and so did she. When our cackles were finally spent, with tears of laughter in our eyes, I rolled toward her and she met me in the most awkward hug ever to be hugged. It didn’t matter. Sometimes you just needed a hug, and we did.
All I knew at this moment was that I was really glad Jade had poofed into my path. I didn’t actually know where I’d been headed when she had, but she’d stopped me before I’d done something truly stupid, like chased Ash through the woods. That would’ve solved nothing and left me looking desperate. The last thing I wanted was to let Ash see my raw, vulnerable heart. He’d devour it and spit out the leftovers.
Despite the fact that I could feel the veracity of that singular truth in my very bones, I still wanted him. I pulled back from my friend with an irritated groan. “Why, for the love of God, do I respond to him the way I do?”
“Ha!” The expletive burst forth from my friend’s mouth with so much force it sounded a little like a balloon popping. “I think the secret to your reaction lies within the mysteries of female hormones. That man is hot, mysterious, broken, and a bad boy if I ever saw one. And you are stressed and horny.”
“Jade,” I chided half-heartedly. When you’re beat, you’re beat, and I was. “Are you quite sure you’re a goddess? Cuz you don’t sound like an ageless being to me,” I quipped, narrowing my eyes at her.
Jade and I had taken Spring Break in Vegas one year. If you've ever been to Vegas, there are a lot of strange sights and even stranger people. One night, walking back from whichever club we’d been to, this crazy dude had started talking to us. Trying to convince us he was an alien and knew who Jade really was. He also tried to show us his ‘spaceship.’ Right now, she was looking at me like she’d looked at that raving lunatic in Vegas. Although, thinking about it now, he might not have been as crazy as he seemed.
“What, Jade? Why are you looking at me like that? What?!” I snapped.
She just cocked one eyebrow at me. “Are you ever gonna give that boy a break? He's been really nice to you between moments of apocalyptic stupidity, and you’re treating him like he shot your puppy with a submachine gun. What gives?”
“He's only being so nice one minute because he knows how big of an ass he was the minute immediately preceding that one. That’s what men do. They tear you down, then apologize and expect all to be forgiven. He just doesn’t know how to deal with a girl that’s not falling all over herself for the opportunity to forgive him for being a giant dick, so he's overcompensating.”
Jade’s eyebrows knit together as she considered me before finally responding. “...Or maybe you're getting a little defensive and self-destructive because you like him.”
“I do not like him. I loathe him. He’s a horrible human being. He’s a playboy who’s slept with half the women in the city, and because he has a nice smile and looks good without a shirt on, he thinks he had the right to.”
“And you’re jealous. Because you like him.” Jade looked like she’d just won the God... Goddess... someone-damned lottery. My brain was so addled by all the information that'd been unloaded on me recently I couldn't even curse effectively anymore. God was Allah, was the energy that created the universe, was the Entity, was fucking everything.
“Please listen carefully, I do not... like... Ash. I thought he might not be a total waste of space for one gleaming moment of monumental naivety. I was wrong, and will you please stop smiling like an idiot?”
“Do. Too.” Jade practically sang the words as her musical laugh echoed around the clearing.
“I don’t, Jade.”
“Then why are you fighting me so hard?”
“Please stop. I—”
“Because you’re defensive.”
“Jade, stop! I don’t—”
“Because you liiiike him! The only time you’ve ever risen to the challenge of proving me wrong in regard to your feelings for a guy was Andrew and—”
Her face fell from high and mighty to devastated in an instant when she realized what she’d said. The silence was deafening. It’s a strange saying, to be sure, but I thought I finally understood it. The silence between us in the breath after she said his name was so complete it seemed to have created a vacuum, sucking away all the sound that should have been reaching my ears.
“I can’t,” I whispered so quietly I barely heard myself. “It feels wrong. Or it feels wrong that it doesn’t feel wrong. It just…” I was having trouble finding the right words.
What I wanted to do was go sit on the sofa together, curl our feet underneath us and gossip like the young women we were supposed to be. I wanted to tell my best friend how right it felt, to tell her how I could feel my heart beating in time with his when he was near. I wanted to tell her that I dreamed about his lips and the feeling of electricity that trailed across my skin when he touched me. I wanted to gossip with my bestie about how perfect it felt when we were together, even when we were at each other’s throats, and about how badly those moments made me want to actually have him at my throat. I wanted to share that I fantasized about what it would be like to have his weight on top of me and how he’d feel inside me. I wanted to tell her the truth.
“It feels like a betrayal.”
That was the truth, too. The harsh, unforgiving truth in this harsh, unforgiving world I now lived in. We weren’t just two young roommates who could gossip and giggle and make bad choices. Jade was a fucking goddess, a manifestation of pure magic and I... I was part angel. I was the Guardian that half the supernatural population of the world now wanted to worship as the focal point of some prophecy and the other half wanted dead for the same reason. I was supposed to save the world.
“It’s not a betrayal, Alex. If Andrew were here, maybe things would be different, or maybe he’d still be stuck under his Daddy’s thumb, following orders like a good little heir. He found the courage to rebel at the end, but make no mistake, he knew it was the end. He sacrificed himself to keep you safe. To give you a fighting chance. I doubt his hope at that moment was for you to spend the rest of your life alone, mourning what could have been. Andrew would want you to be happy. He wasn’t your husband or your boyfriend. He was your friend. He was someone you loved. You had one beautiful moment in the sun when you both thought it might be more, but it didn’t work out that way. You’ll carry that love with you. Always. Denying yourself love or joy in this life will not honor the love you lost.”
The tears streaming down my face must’ve softened her, somewhat. She reached over and placed one hand over the locket Andrew had given me, the one I wore daily. “Andrew would want you to love and to be loved, Alex. He would want you to be happy.” The pain was too much and it broke something, releasing the flood I was barely holding back.
My friend rolled toward me, held me in her arms, and continued. “I know you feel guilty, but you won’t feel that way forever. What you’ve been through… what you’ve both been through… it has a way of connecting people,” she finished softly, as I sobbed out the remainder of my heartache.
I ached over the friend I’d lost, the love we’d never experience together, and the guilt I felt about having feelings for someone else. But I was also mourning the loss of my life as I had known it, all the dreams and plans for my future that I’d never see come to fruition. I wept for the girl I had been a month ago because her life had ended as well. I was accepting this new lot that life had dealt me, and I was mourning myself.
Finally, my tears began to subside, and I regained some modicum of control over myself. I noticed a gentle, silvery glow encasing my body, but it was already diminishing. Nothing felt off, though. In fact, I felt stronger than I ever had before, so I dismissed it as one more strange thing to add to the growing list.
“She wants him.” The statement escaped my mouth before I realized it had left my brain. I’d avoided that fact with every ounce of my being, but now here I was, putting it out there in the universe, like that wasn’t going to com
e back and bite me on the ass.
Jade was quiet but staring at me more soberly than before. Her gaze seemed sharper, somehow. “What has she said?”
“She calls him ‘mate’. She said he’d make a strong Anchor. She calls Andrew my beloved, but with Ash, it’s always ‘mate.’” I rushed to get it out before I lost my nerve, feeling ridiculous the entire time for calling anyone my mate.
“Hmmm.”
“She also says Andrew is ‘dead but not gone’ and that the Veil is fading fast.”
“Yeah, I can feel it. The Veil allows my magic to flourish, uncontaminated by the others. It separates the Earth from the Light, but it also protects it from the effects of the Darkness. Without it... I feel weaker, already.”
“What about the other part? Andrew? Could it be true?”
Jade eyed me surreptitiously for a moment before she answered, as though she was weighing her response options. “First, you need to understand, there’s no bringing him back. He’s gone. It is possible he hasn’t crossed over completely yet. When you were out, I felt a presence with you. I told Ash it didn’t feel quite right, but then you told me you spoke with Andrew and it confirmed my suspicions. He was hanging around to communicate with you. Hopefully, he said what he needed and moved on, though I suspect he hasn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because while it is extremely weak, the Veil is still standing. In the Shadow Realm, Andrew still has a foot in this world. Once he crosses over, that will probably be the end of the Veil. Not great for us, but better for him. I wish I knew what he was holding out for. If something should catch him before he moves on…” Jade’s voice trailed off, but she looked shaken by the idea.
“What, Jade? What will happen?”
“You were already attacked by one of the hounds, but with only minor injuries.”
All the color drained from my face. “Those were minor?”
“Alex, the hellhounds are soul-eaters. They’d devour him. He would either simply cease to exist or exist within them for eternity. No one knows. You’re a nephilim and still alive. You can get hurt, but your soul can’t be taken. Andrew...”
“... is nothing but a soul,” I finished for her. I felt my chest contract. My breaths shortened and began coming faster, but my imminent spiral into chaotic, panicky darkness was put on hold by the sound of light, padded footsteps nearby.
Jade and I shot up off the carpet of grass. I somehow beat her to a standing position, but immediately dropped into an animalistic, fighting crouch. My every sense, every nerve was on alert, searching my environment for any sign of a threat. It all took less than the length of a single heartbeat, and I still had time to wonder at my own speed, agility, and reaction as I scanned the night for the source of the noise.
“It’s not close yet,” I wondered, amazed I’d heard something so far away. Now that I was aware of it, I could hear more. Whatever was coming was running. Fast.
“Very good. Sounds like you’re coming into your powers. The glow earlier… Alex, you accepted her!” Jade cheered excitedly. “Tell me what else you can hear?” she asked.
“Soft, padded feet. Running on all fours. Coming straight toward us from the Southwest.”
“Now tell me what you smell,” Jade commanded gently, watching me patiently like a teacher with a prized pupil.
I took a deep breath in my nose, then opened my mouth a little and tasted the air. No doubt that was a little strange, but my instincts were taking over, and my body was responding the way it now knew how. I was starting to know what she knew, just like she’d said.
“I smell wolf. And Ash.”
Jade lifted her eyebrows in surprise. “That’s very good. It’s hard for most beings to distinguish one werewolf from another in wolf form.”
“Wait,” I interrupted. “There’s a second coming from the North.”
Jade looked at me curiously and opened her mouth to speak, but I was forced to cut her off. “No, scratch that, two from the North and two more from the East,” I corrected. “And Ash is scared. He reeks of fear.”
“Are you sure?” Jade looked like she was past the point of doubting me as long as I didn’t doubt myself. I didn’t.
“Yes.” I’m not sure how, but I couldn’t just hear them, I could feel the earth tremble with the impact of each paw as they ran, I could smell them and taste them on the air. They weren’t headed directly for the house at first, but more in a zigzag a few miles outside of the warning marker Ash had set for the wards. I wouldn’t be able to see them for a while because of the forest, but I had the feeling that I could see them from miles and miles away if I simply hovered above the tree line. Something in Ash’s scent, however, the quality of his fear perhaps, kept me grounded, awaiting his arrival.
“Ash is moving a hell of a lot faster than the others. He’ll arrive first. I think we should wait for him. He might know something we don’t.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Jade conceded, and as we waited in silence, I took in my surroundings. The last of the light had fled the sky, chasing the sun. The moon wasn’t up yet, so the yard was illuminated by very little ambient light. I could still see. As though it were daylight, I could make out every detail of the tree line, and I glanced at my friend to share in my moment of wonder and gasped. There was a gentle, greenish, goldish aura emanating from her.
“Jade, are you glowing?”
She snapped her head toward me so fast it looked painful, then looked down at herself and back at me. “You can see that? No one can see that! I was purposely keeping it hidden so I wouldn’t freak you out.” She stared at me in wonder, but not for long as seconds later an enormous black wolf exploded from the tree line into the clearing and skidded to a halt in front of me.
He looked at me quizzically, for a moment, which gave me time to study his wolf form. I’d been waiting for this since the moment I found out what he was. His coat was shiny, full, and a deep, unforgiving black. Even as a wolf and on all fours, he stood almost tall enough to come eye to eye with me. He was absolutely magnificent as he stalked warily toward me.
I held out my hand to him, and he tentatively shoved his head into it, whimpering once and encouraging me to stroke his fur. It was silky soft and so full my hands disappeared beneath his coat. I’d never been that close to a living wolf before and the experience was intoxicating. Even as I could hear the others fast approaching, I continued to marvel at the creature before me. I leaned in and laid my head against the big animal’s neck and chest, and I felt him shiver in response, reminding me this was no ordinary wolf, yet I felt a kinship I couldn’t entirely explain.
I stood and backed away, nodding twice in the two directions from which our visitors were coming to let him know I knew they were there. I knew instinctively that I shouldn’t speak aloud and chance revealing anything a potential enemy might not already know. I was much more relaxed than I would have imagined, as well. While I didn’t thrill at the idea of injuring or killing any living being, my only source of anxiety was the knowledge that I might, in fact, have to hurt them. See, I also knew instinctively that I could take only four with little to no effort and that I would hear any others coming long before they reached our little homestead. Something had changed between my Guardian and myself.
Jade crowded close by my side and Wolf Ash took a defensive first line position between us and the uninvited visitors. I let him. If he was in real danger, I could take out any threat before they could harm him or Jade.
I could feel every nerve ending in my body, I could feel my senses like muscles, tensed and ready, just waiting to be put to work. I could feel the blood pumping through my veins, and the chambers of my heart working in unison. I could feel the magic in the air around me, the tiny sparks of energy whirring around my skin. I could see them too. I could see everything. I could see the individual beams of moonlight, and microscopic particles floating in the air. I could see the fibers of each leaf or needle on each tree, and in the bark on their trunks. I could hear them growin
g, hear the roots reaching through the soil and the leaves trembling slightly as miniscule lengths were added to each branch. It was electrifying. Like I’d never experienced the world before.
They were through the wards. They’d slowed and deviated from their course about a mile out, probably confused by the wards, but they were inside the mile warning now and headed straight for us. I listened to them draw near, listened to the thrumming of their paws on the forest floor, listened to the pounding of their hearts and the gentle rhythm of their breath. They sounded calm, only mildly anxious.
They had no idea who they were up against.
The first of the wolves, a large gray beast, skidded into the clearing slightly to our left, his companion hot on his tail, and I smiled.
18
Ash
I’d never felt fear quite like what overtook me at that moment. I’d smelled werewolf as I was nearing the edge of the forest, and all I could think about was her. She was with Jade, and consciously, I understood that Jade would and could protect her—Hell, she could protect herself—but my conscious mind had abdicated its rule over my actions the second I’d realized she might be in danger. My instincts had taken over, and I had to reach Alex before whoever it was got to her.
I’d burst into the clearing expecting to have to run into the house and warn them, but they were on the lawn when I arrived. Jade had a sort of greenish, goldish glowing thing happening. Weird. And Alex... Alex didn’t look like Alex.
Her body looked somehow leaner, supple, lithe, and more agile than before. She even looked a bit taller. Every movement she made was so far beyond graceful you almost couldn’t tell she was moving, save the fact that she was, in fact, moving. Every muscle, ligament, and tendon in her body seemed to work in utter harmony, expending no energy or effort to move her skeleton. It was eerie and beautiful at the same time.
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