by Laurel Greer
“I got attached to him more than my previous trainees,” she admitted. “He’s lovely. I wish he could be what you needed him to be.”
“He’ll be exactly what the people who adopt him needs him to be—a loving animal.”
They arranged for Maggie to drive to Missoula to drop him off on Sunday and then hung up.
Laura let out a little baby squeak and nuzzled her face against the inside of the baby sling.
Jackson, ever alert to people noises, turned his head and gave the infant side-eye.
“What’s that look for? You don’t like human puppies?”
He grumbled an ah-roo.
“Oh, stop it. She’s not mine.” And neither are you, big guy. “I’m sorry, Jacks.” She made him heel so she could scratch him between the ears, and her heart twisted. “Sorry I couldn’t teach you what you need to know. And sorry I can’t adopt you myself. But I have a new puppy coming.”
His long tail drooped. He couldn’t understand her words, but he definitely picked up on her tone.
Ten minutes later, they approached the end of the trail, near where an access path connected to a street dominated by a handful of houses with views of the lake. Garnet lived out here now, had moved from her place in town in order to get more time with Caleb, given how busy their schedules were. It was a modern monstrosity of a house, and Garnet was having fun softening the edges of the decor. If Maggie was in a better mood, she’d drop in and say hi, share some tea and commiserate. She wasn’t suitable company for anyone older than two months, though.
“Sorry, Laura, you’re stuck with Auntie Eeyore tonight.”
Voices carried from down the path, interrupting her solitude. A group of people emerged from behind the wall of fir and pine trees, and a familiar, dark brown head came tearing down the trail, followed by her equally familiar father and his brother and sister-in-law-to-be. Good grief, had she summoned them or something?
Garnet and Caleb studied Maggie with enough interest that suspicion crept into her chest. What had Asher told them? Had he mentioned their ill-advised kiss?
“Jackson!” Ruth held out her arms.
“Ruth,” Asher said, smiling at Maggie as he followed in his daughter’s wake. “Check to see if he’s working.”
Regret tightened Maggie’s belly. “You’re free to fuss, Ruth.”
The girl wasted no time, throwing her arms around Jackson’s neck. Her family caught up a few seconds later.
Garnet, red hair bound in a messy bun and wearing a casual dress, immediately homed in on the baby, crowding in to Maggie’s side to get a better look. “Ohhh, Maggie, look at that face.” She crossed her hands over her breastbone. “Oh my God, I want one so much. Cale, we should really—”
“We should.” Asher’s brother’s dark eyes twinkled, reflecting his bemused, contented smile. He looked a whole lot like Asher, minus the beard and a couple of inches in height. And even though Caleb was fit, he didn’t look ready to walk into a superhero casting room.
Her fingers still held the sense memory of how hard Asher’s chest had been. She tossed him a glance. “Hey.”
He nodded his greeting, mouth twitching at the corner.
Could he tell what she was thinking about?
Ignore it. Moving along...
She refocused on Garnet. By the happy expressions she was sharing with the man she loved, Maggie was going to have more infants than just Laura in her life sooner rather than later. She sucked in a breath. How did the people in her life manage to barrel ahead with each other, ignoring how things could go so wrong? Believing that they’d be the ones to beat the odds?
And how do I get off, doubting their love and marring the beauty they’ve found, that they’re continuing to create?
Sighing, she dropped a kiss on her niece’s hat-covered head and held the leash out to Ruth. “Want to be in charge?”
Ruth nodded and happily took over, bounding down the trail with the dog.
Hands free, Maggie gave Garnet a side hug. “Margaret makes for an excellent middle name, you know. Or Reid, for a boy.”
Garnet nudged her with an elbow. “Noted. I’ll let Caleb know they’re on the list.”
Caleb came up and absorbed his fiancée into an embrace. “Tell me more about this list.” Linking hands, they set off down the trail after Ruth.
Asher hung back, observing the scene with his arms loosely crossed. The affection on his face matched what Maggie felt whenever she managed to get together with her siblings.
“You have a pretty great family,” she said. “Out for a walk?”
“Just waiting for dinner to finish cooking,” he explained. “I convinced Caleb to make our mom’s lamb recipe.”
She tried not to make a face. “I’m sure it’s—” She shook her head. “Sorry. Can’t pretend that sounds good.”
He chuckled. “I get it. The thought of eating shrimp makes me gag. We all have our limits.” He pointed to his family. “My daughter’s annexed your dog—are you okay with changing direction?”
“Sure.” Her earlier malaise settled over her again. “I’m looking for a distraction. Not picky about what kind.”
Cocking an eyebrow, he set off in the same direction as his family, the one she’d come from. Didn’t seem in a hurry to catch up to the group, though. Nor was she. Partly because she didn’t want to inflict her mood on Garnet and Caleb, and partly because she loved having Asher, looking all cozy in a thick sweater and down vest, all to herself. She could see borrowing that sweater, wearing it on a day she had nothing better to do than snuggle up against his hard body and binge the latest Netflix series. It would smell like him, that mix of fresh air and fabric softener.
“Why a distraction?” he asked.
Because neither dwelling on Jackson or dreaming of lazy afternoons with you will have any positive results. “Lachlan tested Jackson today. He didn’t pass. I have to take him back to the Parkinson’s organization.” She sucked in a breath. Ugh, it was feeling like Cleo all over again. Which was stupid, because she’d trained dogs before without getting this attached.
He rubbed her shoulder over the strap of the baby carrier. The comforting gesture eased her disappointment more than she wanted to admit.
She sighed. “I don’t know why I got my hopes up so much. I knew there were no guarantees, given his anxiety.”
“He’s a special dog.” He stared down the path, gazed fixed on his daughter as she let Jackson drag her to and fro. “Ruth will be sad to see him go.”
“So will I,” she admitted. “It’s reminding me of when my ex moved and took—”
Ruth let out a yelp as Jackson broke free and bounded toward Maggie.
“Oh, crud. He shouldn’t have done that.” She snapped out a command and gave him a hand signal, and he galloped to her side. She took his leash and made him sit before they started walking again.
“Sorry, Maggie.” Ruth ducked her head as they caught up to her. “I didn’t mean to let go, but he yanked when he heard something in the bushes.”
“He’s strong. It’ll happen.”
“He’s still learning, right? And soon you’ll have him trained?”
Maggie’s heart crashed to the dirt trail. “About that, Ruth—Jackson failed his testing today. He’s going to be put up for adoption. He’ll be placed in a really good home.”
Ruth stopped so fast it kicked up dirt.
Maggie stumbled to avoid running into the girl, and the baby squawked in protest. One big hand gripped her shoulder and the other tenderly cupped Laura’s back, steadying and stabilizing.
“You can’t just stop like that, Ruthie.” His tone was calm but firm.
“But, Daddy.” Ruth knelt and hugged Jackson’s neck. “He can’t leave!”
Asher grimaced. He was still rubbing both the baby and Maggie’s shoulder, and it was really hard not to scoo
t closer, steal a hug or a kiss or—
“He was always going to leave, peanut.”
“We could adopt him!” Ruth cried, brown eyes glistening.
“We’re not in a place to adopt a dog.” Asher’s jaw tightened. “We’re still getting settled.”
“I know. And Jackson’s the best part of being here!”
Doubt crossed his face. “We’ll talk about this later, okay?”
“But—”
“Later.” He cut off the protest with an admirable mix of empathy and firmness.
Fisting her hands, Ruth spun and speed walked after her uncle and Garnet, who were strolling ahead, seemingly unaware of the family drama.
“This’ll be fun,” Asher said sarcastically, dropping his hands. The loss of contact echoed through her body. Laura didn’t seem any happier with the change, squawking and squirming.
Maggie bobbed on her toes to settle the baby. “Sorry. I feel this is my fault, introducing Ruth and Jackson in the first place.”
“Don’t. It is what it is. I’m just frustrated that I keep having to say no to her.”
Saying no was necessary sometimes, though. Setting limits to keep kids safe. And to keep her heart safe...
“Dogs are a lot of work,” she said sympathetically.
“Alex and I both grew up with dogs,” he mumbled. His jaw sagged, a flash of sadness that had to be bone deep.
“Lucky. My parents never had time for pets. I learned to love them when we moved in with my grandparents during the summers.” I learned to love, period. Not well enough, though. Jeff had left her easily enough. “Jackson is crate trained. He can be by himself for parts of the day. Not that that would change things for you,” she finished in a rush.
He lifted the corner of his mouth, a weak attempt at a smile, and the urge to step into him shimmered along her limbs. If only she could coax some happiness from him with her lips.
“Want to come to dinner tonight?” he said. “I’m sure there are enough options without the lamb, and Ruth loves to have an audience when she practices Shabbat blessings.”
She motioned to the baby and the dog. “I need to take Laura back to sleep in her bed. But thanks for the invite.”
“Maybe one of these days I need to get the message, stop asking.”
“No! That’s not what it is.” She laid a hand on his shoulder. “You’re great. But I—”
“It’s not you, it’s me, Maggie?” He managed to look both amused and sad. “Been a while since I heard that one.”
“It’s true, though.”
“Sort of. But I think you’re selling yourself short.”
She rocked back on her heels. “What does that mean?”
“Sit down with me for dinner sometime and I’ll explain. Just as friends. I promise. I’m not looking for a relationship any more than you are.” And he jogged off before she could get more of an answer.
Chapter Six
Ruth’s ability to keep a good sulk going was downright impressive. She alternated between pouting and sniffling all the way through dinner. Had it not been for the brimming tears, Asher would have gotten annoyed after the first hour, but she was genuinely sad. And he didn’t need a reminder as to why the loss hit her extra hard.
She slunk over to the couch and buried her nose in a book after helping clear the table, leaving Asher standing in his brother’s open-plan kitchen with a stack of dirty dishes and no damned clue what to do.
Caleb hitched a hip on the counter. “So Ruth wants a puppy.”
“So Garnet wants a baby,” Asher retorted, bending over to load the dishwasher.
His brother snorted. “And she’ll get one, too. Something tells me Ruth won’t be so lucky.”
“She wants a Great Dane, Cale,” he said as he started loading the dishwasher. “Not exactly, as you called him, a puppy.”
“Does your lease allow animals?”
“Yes.” But his bank account didn’t. An adoption fee, not to mention the monthly kibble bill... It stung too much to admit that to his older brother, though. Both Caleb and Asher’s twin, David, made exponentially more than Asher, given they both had “Dr.” attached to their names.
Which made him question his life choices when it came to not being able to make Ruth happy.
Kids need love and structure, Asher, not money.
His mother’s voice. Backed up by Alex on more than one occasion.
But in this moment, to Ruth, “love” and “Jackson” were the exact same thing.
“I’d make it work if I could,” he said to his brother. “But this skiing gambit she’s on—”
“I don’t need to ski.” A small, desperate voice came from behind him.
He put the last plate in the bottom rack of the dishwasher and straightened, turning toward his daughter. He caught his brother’s retreating footsteps behind him, and the sound of the back porch door closing soon after.
Ruth’s voice wasn’t the only desperate part of her. Her dark eyes swam with sadness and a fraction of hope. Damn it, how was he going to live with himself if he extinguished that hope?
“What do you mean, you don’t need to ski? It’s all you’ve talked about these past weeks.” In between facts about Great Danes, that was.
“If I don’t join the ski team, I could take Jackson for walks every day, and—”
He held up a hand. “It’s not just the time. It’s... Dogs are expensive. And I’m good with the extra work I’m doing for the Reids on a short-term basis, to save up for equipment and a pass and club fees. But only short-term. It cuts too much into our family time.”
“We don’t have a family! Not a whole one!” She burst into tears.
“Oh, honey.” He rushed to scoop her into an embrace, kneeling on the floor so he could hold her on his lap. Her body shook. And he tried to be strong for his daughter, to hold in his own sorrow. But it leaked out of him, stinging his eyes and thickening in his throat.
Alex, I could really use a hand right now.
He squeezed his eyes shut and pictured his husband’s face, the humor that had danced on his mouth right until the end. How about a paw?
Yeah, that sounded like Alex, all right. As did throwing financial caution to the wind. For all his strengths, his husband had been an abysmal budgeter.
But you’re the opposite.
He swallowed. Budgeting was one thing. Wizardry was another.
Footsteps shuffled behind him. Tightening his grip on Ruth, he turned his head. Both his brother and Garnet stood a few feet away. Caleb held a small notepad. He flashed it at Asher, angling it so that it was out of Ruth’s line of sight.
If you can swing the ongoing costs, I’m happy to cover the adoption fee and the pet insurance.
Oh great. His brother had overheard the message about money after all. Which... He locked gazes with Caleb. All he saw there was generosity and love. No judgment.
Yeah. Taking some money from his brother in order to make Ruth happy wasn’t an issue at all. No point in holding on to his pride and harming his daughter in the process.
I owe you, he mouthed.
“Never,” Caleb replied. “I love you. Both of you.”
Garnet wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and held out a Kleenex box.
He took it and nestled a tissue into Ruth’s hand before nudging her chin with a finger.
“Let me give Maggie a call.”
“About what?” she asked.
“We’ll talk about it after.” He didn’t want to get her hopes up if this didn’t work.
“Are you calling her about Jackson?” Ruth’s voice rose to a gleeful squeak.
“Ruth, come see the stars. They’re really bright tonight,” Caleb said. Giving her a hand up from the floor, he guided her toward the back porch. Garnet trailed behind them.
Asher di
dn’t bother moving to somewhere more comfortable. He leaned against one of the cupboards, stretched out his legs and took out his cell.
It rang four times before Maggie picked up.
“Hello?” An infant wail drowned out her greeting.
“Uh—oh,” he said. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“I’m out of my element, here. She’s had a bottle and a burp. She’s swaddled and is in her bed... I’m rubbing her back, but she doesn’t want to settle. Marisol says they never have to rock her to sleep, but...”
“Do what you need to do, Maggie. If she wants a snuggle, she wants a snuggle.”
“I don’t want to screw up the routine Lachlan and Marisol have set.”
Asher smiled. “Babies love messing with routines.”
“Fine. Give me a minute.”
He waited, listening as both Maggie’s shushing and the infant’s cries grew distant, then lessened.
“Hey,” she whispered. “We’re in the rocking chair. Seems to be working.”
“Solid choice.” As much as he’d give anything to have Ruth be tiny again, just for a few hours, he did not miss the sleepless nights and purple crying jags. “Sorry to catch you at a bad time. I thought you’d be home by now.”
“Marisol and Lachlan decided to go to a movie after dinner. They need this. Date night is really important.”
So how come they can have love and a family, but you can’t? The question rested on his tongue, but that was something to ask when they weren’t on the phone.
“Do you think we’d be eligible to adopt Jackson?”
For a moment, all he heard were the baby’s slowing whimpers. “I didn’t think you wanted to take him on.”
“I was worried about the finances. But that—well, we figured that out. I think he’ll be good for Ruth.”
“I do, too.” Her concern softened into joy. “Let me talk to my contact tomorrow. I love the idea of Jackson staying in Sutter Creek where I can see him.”
And he loved the guarantee that he’d keep seeing her after he finished the renovations.
* * *
“That bed would fit me.”
“And Ruth would fit in the food bag.” Maggie couldn’t help but laugh at Asher’s stunned expression as he took in the pile of Jackson detritus crowding her front entryway on Monday afternoon. God, his dropped jaw was adorable. Not to mention the way his cardigan hugged his shoulders...