by K. A Knight
Fuck, the love of my life is hurt, tired, and drained.
We all need some time to heal, both physically and mentally, but that’s not going to happen. We have things to do once we get out of here, like stopping anyone else from ever going down there. I wish I could shoulder all of the burden for them, but they would never let me.
As if she knows my thoughts, Peyton lifts her head and smiles at me. Squeezing Tyler’s hand, who’s asleep again, she stands and heads my way. Riggs takes her spot and talks to Tyler about numbers and animals. One of us is always at his side so he knows he’s not alone and that we are okay.
“Hey, babe,” she murmurs as she climbs onto my knee. I sit back and hold her tight, burying my head in her shoulder and sucking in the scent that is my girl. How does she always know when I need her?
“Behave, Andrews, don’t rip your stitches again,” I warn.
“Shut up.” She laughs and kisses my head, making me shiver as she holds me back, giving me the comfort I didn’t know how to ask for.
“Whatever you say, princess,” I promise and nuzzle closer, letting her warmth, her scent, and the feel of her in my arms settle me the way nothing else ever could.
“Just breathe,” she whispers. “Take one moment at a time, one day at a time.”
It’s almost word for word what she used to say to me when I struggled before she left, when the memories of the tours were too much and overwhelming me. It helped then and it helps now. I breathe, letting the sound of her steady heartbeat guide me, anchor me, and bring me back to life like she always does.
“He’ll be okay, Kay. We all will, you did so good. Without you, we wouldn’t have made it,” she murmurs and lifts her head, cupping my jaw and dragging it up until I meet her eyes. “I mean it, Kalen, you saved us.” She leans down and kisses me softly, lovingly, telling me everything I need to know with her actions.
Just when I thought I couldn’t love this woman any more, she steals that last broken part of my heart.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Tyler
A masculine voice hisses, “I swear, if you don’t stop putting your cock in my face—”
Groaning, I open my eyes, fighting through the fog and numbness. Pain instantly flares through me, but it’s less than the last time I woke up, almost a dull ache. I blink, clearing my eyes as the bright lights shine down on me. Whoever is arguing is too busy to notice, so I sigh and try to lift my head, but I feel weak, so I drop it back.
I’m annoyed at my own body.
“No yelling at the hospital, people are trying to sleep,” I chastise them with a croaky voice. There’s silence, and then they all surround me, asking questions. I grin and look at Peyton who, with a shaky hand, helps lift my head so I can sip some water before she assists me with getting comfortable.
“Are you okay?” she asks worriedly, her big eyes staring right into my soul like always.
“I am now that I know you’re here,” I reply promptly, and she grins, even as Fin fake gags. In my drugged state, I panicked, anxious she would slip through my fingers again, that she would be gone when I woke up, but she’s here. I see her flinch at the reminder, and I wince, wishing I could take it back. It’s going to take time for us not to worry about her disappearing, but I didn’t mean to throw it in her face and hurt her…even if she smiles at me to pretend it didn’t.
“What did the doctors say about you?” I demand.
She rolls her eyes while Riggs recounts everything, making me frown at her. “Then you should be resting.”
“I’m fine.” She sighs.
“And the cave?” I demand, questions flowing from my mouth now that I’m awake. Fin laughs, and even Kalen joins in. “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just good to have you back. It was almost too quiet for a moment there.” Fin grins at me.
“Asshole,” I mutter and relax back with a wince. I fucking hate being injured or ill, but it won’t stop me. I plan on getting out of this bed as soon as possible and back out there with my family, with my girl, making sure those we lost are honoured, and their families are made aware—we need to come up with a plan to explain what happened.
But my body forces me to wait as pain flows through me. Peyton notices, of course, and presses the buzzer for more pain meds until I feel floaty again. Gripping her hand, I close my eyes once more. “Don’t leave,” I beg just before I pass out.
Five days later, I discharge myself, agreeing to rest at the hotel. My family needs to rest too. Spending every day at my bedside in cramped chairs is not helping, and they refuse to leave me. The other crew members have been by to see me as well, as have the police, who collected our reports before Steve ushered them away.
I’m even wheeled out of the back door to avoid the press and then taken with my family in a tinted window van to the hotel. I refuse the wheelchair on the other side, though, taking Peyton’s hand as we head to the top floor and our suite—kindly provided by Steve. Once there, she strips me and forces me into bed, and not for a fun reason.
She checks my wounds and then bustles around the room before I roll my eyes. “Fin,” I bark.
He stops hitting Riggs with a pillow, looks at Peyton, and smiles. “Got it, boss,” he calls and then rushes her, scooping her up despite her protests. She kicks and punches, defending herself as he laughs and passes her to Kalen, who glares down at her, making her stop. Gently, even with the dark expression, he lays her down next to me and takes painstaking care to tuck her in.
“You need to rest,” he snaps. “Behave, Andrews.” He walks to the sofa and collapses, going to sleep almost instantly.
I grab her hand and stop her from getting up. “Lie with me, baby,” I murmur, knowing she will when she sighs and turns into me, resting her head on my shoulder.
“I just want to look—”
“I know,” I murmur and stroke along her heartbreaking face. “But right now, you need to rest, and so do I, and I can’t do it without you next to me. Close those beautiful fucking eyes and get your cute ass to sleep so we can all rest.”
“Love you,” she whispers, even as she huffs and settles down. Her eyes close, and I watch as she falls asleep almost immediately. Everyone is exhausted, their snores filling the room as I stare down at my girl.
“I love you too, Peyton Andrews,” I whisper, pulling her closer. “We all do. Please don’t break our hearts again…please don’t break mine. It’s yours, always has been.” I kiss her parted lips softly.
Please be here when I wake up.
Chapter Fifty-Six
Peyton
We wake up to a knock on the door. Kalen answers it, and three trolleys of food roll in, all steaming hot and smelling delicious. We pile onto the bed and eat as we talk and laugh, reminiscing. We purposely don’t bring up what happened, and we won’t until Tyler is better. Once we’ve eaten, Tyler falls back to sleep, and I sit with Riggs and Fin, just relaxing…until a knock comes again.
It’s Steve. He seems serious as he sits us all down. Tyler struggles over to the sofa, refusing to stay in bed no matter how much I glare. It hurts my heart how tired he appears. He kept waking during the night as if to check I was still there. I sit next to him now, holding his hand as I look at my old friend.
“I wanted to take a moment to express my sincere apologies for what happened—”
“You never could have known,” I interrupt, unwilling to let him blame himself. His shoulders are hunched, and he’s pale and tired. I’m betting he’s condemning himself and carrying the weight of all those deaths like we are.
“Still, I will never forgive myself for not protecting you. It was my dive, and I let you down. I need you to know those…those we lost down there will never be forgotten, I’ll make sure of it. They will be called heroes. Their families will be provided for, for life, and their funerals will be paid for. It’s the least I can do, it’s not a lot but…” He scrubs at his face. “Michael…” He looks at me as I flinch. “I’m so sorry, Peyton. I know how much he
meant to you.”
“He died doing what he loved with family by his side. That’s all a diver can ask for,” I murmur, even as I swallow back tears.
He nods, probably realising I’m not ready to talk about it. “I have some other news. I don’t know if you want to hear this, but you should know before anyone else.” I nod, and he takes a deep breath before he continues, “We dove down to the exit you escaped from to check it out, and we found a few of…the monsters’ bodies.” He stumbles over the words. “We can use them for research and proof to block off the cave. I will ensure no one ever goes down there again, but it will back up your story and, of course, so will I, if you ever wish to tell it. If not, that’s okay as well. You will all be paid double for what you did, and every other expense will be covered. I can’t buy your forgiveness, but I hope it will ease any worries.” He stands and smiles sadly at me. “If you need me, you know where I am.” He turns and starts to walk away, his shoulders stooped.
Kissing Tyler, I get to my feet and rush after him, stopping him at the door. “Thank you for trusting us and for making sure no one else will ever get hurt. I can’t stand the thought of their bodies being left down there for those monsters, but I…” I swallow. “I can’t let anyone else die. You didn’t ask for our forgiveness because deep down, you know you don’t need it. It was a bad situation, and no one’s at fault. We don’t blame you at all, so please try to sleep and eat. We’ll see you soon.” He nods and departs as I stare after him.
It’s the best of a bad situation. At least I know nobody will ever get hurt down there again. It doesn’t make up for their deaths, their impact on this world, or their families’ losses.
But maybe, just maybe, it will have to be enough.
After dinner, I help Tyler back to bed and go for a long bath. I showered quickly once we got back to get the blood and feel of the cave off me, but I had to be careful of my wounds. I shouldn’t be having one now, but I need to soak, to get rid of that last layer of grime and the impression of what happened down there in the dark.
My stomach pulls as I bend over to turn on the tap. I give that dream up though, and with a sigh, I turn on the shower, letting it warm up as steam flows through the giant en suite. The shower takes up nearly the entire back wall, with three heads and a seat. Turning to the mirror, I strip and stare at myself.
I’m skinnier, and I have more scars…but it’s my eyes. They look different. Filled with more pain, more ghosts. How can someone suffer so much, lose so much, and yet also find love again? My inside is a battle between grief for Michael and fear of what happened.
Yet I also feel true happiness about being back with my men, alive.
Annoyed with myself, I step into the cubicle and shut the glass door. Propping my hands on the tiled wall, I drop my head and let the water run across my body. My hair hangs down my back and shoulders as tears escape my eyes—tears I can’t let them see. It would worry Tyler, and right now, he needs to focus on healing, but I lost someone I loved so deeply, there is a hole in my heart, and the grief finally pours out of me. Sobs catch in my throat and snot drips from my nose as I fall to the tiled floor and wrap my arms around myself. I bury my head in my arms, hoping it stifles the sound as I cry it all out.
Michael’s face is in the forefront of my mind, his touch, his screams, even his jokes and snores. I miss him already, miss him more than I could even explain. It’s like losing my father all over again. I was a mess then, thinking nothing could pull me from the pain. I survived it, but I lost a piece of myself. Will this be the same?
How much can a person endure and lose before there is just an empty shell? A husk where they should be?
Arms touch me, and I jump. I turn my head and meet Fin’s sad eyes. One look into them, and I hiccup before throwing myself at him. I need him, need them to hold me while I break. I don’t have to do it alone, and he reminds me of that as he holds me in his lap. He rubs my back, embracing me as he kisses my hair and whispers sweet nothings into my ear.
Fin promises me it’s okay, I’m safe. He reminds me they are here, and that it’s all right to mourn.
More arms wrap around me, and when I peek through my wet lashes, I see Riggs’ concerned face. He smiles at me and kisses my shoulder as he helps Fin hold me. All of us sit in silence under the warm spray, my cries the only sound other than their heartbeats.
“It’s okay to not be okay, Pey,” Riggs whispers against my skin as they hold me together. “He might be gone, but he loved you so much.”
“You gave him his life back, a purpose,” Kalen murmurs, and I jerk my head up to see him crouched before us. His eyes are dark and sad, and his lips are tugged down as he takes me in. “He told me about his past. He told me how you saved him, how you made him want to live again. He died to save you, princess, to save the only person in this world he loved. He would be happy, and now he gets to be with his family again.”
“But—but I’m his family,” I sob. He leans in and cups my cheek.
“You are, and he’ll be waiting on the other side, but it’s not your time now. He knew you would be okay, that you had us, the rest of your family. You gave him such a good life, princess. I know, because you gave me mine back too. Cry it out, let it hurt, but don’t you dare blame yourself. Michael was a great man, but he had ghosts. You saved him, my love, the way you saved us…saved me,” he rasps and swallows hard. “He knew we needed you, and I will owe him forever for that. I can’t live in a world without you. The only reason I survived before was because I knew you were out there, but there is no us without you, Andrews.”
“What if I hurt you again? What if I’m not enough?” I whisper.
“Peyton fucking Andrews,” he snarls. “Don’t let that shit even cross your mind, you hear me? You are more than enough, no one else ever could be. You are everything, and even if you broke my heart again, smashed it to pieces, it would still be yours, I would still be yours, because some people are worth the pain, worth the fight, and you, baby girl? You are worth every inch we suffered.”
“You won’t hurt us again,” Riggs whispers. “I know you won’t. We trust you, babe.”
“More than anyone. We can do this, we can figure it out, together this time. We promise not to lie and hold back our feelings, and you promise not to run,” Fin adds.
“Always,” Tyler calls, and I look up to see him leaning against the door—he’s pale, but there. “I can’t get my broken ass over there, otherwise I’d be spanking you raw for doubting yourself.”
I laugh, I can’t help it. It’s a snort as I wipe away my tears and try to glare at him. “You should be in bed.”
“Yeah, well, you should have been next to me,” he snaps and narrows his eyes on all of us. “Get her washed and bandaged and back in bed.” He turns and stumbles. “Fuck, one of you morons needs to help me.”
Kalen rolls his eyes and kisses me softly before going to help his brother, leaving a wet trail behind him.
“We’ve got her,” Riggs calls and helps me to my feet.
“You’re both wet through,” I tease.
“Easy fix.” Fin winks and quickly sheds his clothes, tossing them in a wet puddle on the floor outside of the shower. Riggs nods seriously and does the same so they are both naked before me.
Fuck.
My pain quite literally explodes into lust, into a raging need to feel them. My breathing is still ragged from crying, but I’m panting for a whole other reason now as I watch them. Riggs is oblivious as he turns, his muscles bunching with the movements. His plump ass twists as he reaches to turn up the shower and grab some soap. My eyes drag down him greedily. Now that I’m allowed, now that we don’t have the threat of death over us, I appreciate him. I stare, just drinking in the man I’ve been in love with for years.
I’m turned to meet Fin’s sparkling eyes as he leans in, making me shiver as he whispers in my ear. His dark voice lights me up, my nipples harden, and my clit pulses. “Not going to check me out too, sweet cheeks? How rude.”<
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I push him back as he pouts and purposely run my eyes down his body. It starts as a joke, but as my gaze slides across his abs and then over his half-mast cock, it turns serious. My teeth catch on my lip. I may be hurting, I may be sad, but I’m still alive, and two of the men I dreamed about for years are right here. Wanting me, loving me.
He groans. “Shit, babe, I was joking. Don’t look at me like that when we’re supposed to be looking after you.” I watch his cock harden the longer I stare, and I throw Tyler’s words out of the window. He’s right—I needed them, but not in the way he’s thinking.
I need a reminder that we’re alive, that we’re safe and together, and what better way than with fucking their brains out? The very same dirty things they whispered about down in the cave?
We are about to see if they really can handle sharing me.
I know Fin will break the easiest. Riggs will run the numbers and determine it’s not worth hurting me for it, even if his cock is hard and he’s watching me with dark, hungry eyes. He always puts me first, even over his own needs. His head controls his emotions, but if I break Fin…Riggs will follow. I don’t need his brains at the moment, I need his hands, mouth, and cock. Turning my gaze back to Fin, I step closer. He retreats, his eyes widening as his breathing picks up. He knows what I want but is still trying to play the good guy, to look after me, but that’s not what I need.
“Babe,” he warns as I stop before him. He’s pressed against the tiled wall now in his retreat. I drag my hand down his slick chest as he trembles and wrap it around his stiff cock, squeezing as I stand on my tiptoes and run my lips across his.
I wonder if he can taste the desperation on my lips, since he doesn’t protest anymore. He stands still as I kiss him, until I stroke my hand up his cock, and then he finally breaks. He groans into my mouth as he fists my hair and pulls me closer.