by K. A Knight
“Then what’s the problem?”
I search her eyes, needing to know she’s not doing this out of guilt, but all I see in her eyes is sadness, love, and desire. Rolling my lips inwards, I observe her before laying my head back. She grins, wiggling her ass as she curls between my legs and sucks my cock back into her mouth. I reach down, anchoring my hand in her hair and pulling her close as I thrust into that hot little mouth. She hums around me, bobbing her head as she sucks me off.
My heart slams as my body flushes with desire. My world narrows to her and that talented mouth. Popping free again, she licks down my length, teasing me until I’ve had enough. I drag her up by her hair and crush my lips to hers. She whimpers and grinds against my cock, rubbing herself on me. Running my hands down her curves, I trace every inch of her body, relearning her, making her gasp and groan. I flick her hard nipples, stroke her belly, and squeeze her ass before I stop her grinding.
“I love you,” I mumble against her lips before I slam her down on my length.
She cries out, her head falling back. “I love you too!”
Working together, we make love. She rides my cock, grinding, lifting, and dropping while being careful of my injuries. I watch her incredible tits bounce with the force. Dragging my hand up her hip and across her belly, I grab one and squeeze, making her cunt clench around me as I tighten my hold. Thrusting up, I fuck her while I hold her.
It feels like old times, but only better. There are no unsaid secrets between us now, just life and a whole lot of desire and memories.
I watch her ride me, each roll of her hips, each bob of her breasts driving me crazy until I grab her throat and pull her down. I kiss her hard as we make love. The beauty of my girl steals my words like nothing else ever could. We come together like we can’t bear to breathe without each other anymore. Our bodies are in sync, fitting together so perfectly, and our kisses are slow and drugging. We make promises with our bodies, our hearts healing. This isn’t about pleasure or desperation, it’s about love.
It’s a slow orgasm that builds between us, the type that grows so softly, rolling like a gentle wave until it crests. We gasp as we come, swallowing each other’s cries of pleasure and love until we lie in a sweaty, satisfied, tangled mess. I can’t help but smile at the feel of her in my arms again, where she belongs.
That’s how I fall asleep, filled with so much love and happiness, I can’t imagine anything ever ruining it.
Chapter Sixty
PEYTON
I watch him sleep. Each steady rise of his chest makes my heart crack further. There’s a small smile on his face as he holds me close. A tear drips onto his chest as I turn my head away.
He’s in love with me, I know it. He’s happy and content…while I’m struggling. When he’s there with his eyes on me, I feel happy, I feel like I can breathe, but in the quiet of sleep, I have a hard time. It comes when I’m alone. That darkness returns. I hear Michael’s screams in my ears, bringing back those demons Kalen dared me to fight.
I slip from his arms and pad to the window. Staring out at the ocean, I remember what happened. How he sacrificed himself for me. His cries and last words fill my head until it’s too much. I close my eyes, but his face is there, wearing the expression he had when he fell. I struggle to breathe, to escape.
I can’t. I need air.
I open my eyes, finding the window fogged. A tear escapes, dripping from my eye and rolling down my cheek as I quickly scribble in the fog before turning away.
I grab the first clothes I see and get dressed. I freeze at the door with my hand on the handle. I should stay, wake him…but this isn’t his fight. Kalen is right—I need to do this alone, and right now, all I can think about is needing air and escaping those demons clambering through the darkness, not the love of my life sleeping peacefully in the mussed bed. I can’t even think clearly—my only thought is that air will help.
I need it.
I rush from the room, shutting the door behind me. I don’t bother waiting for the elevator, my heart is racing too fast. I take the stairs and hurry from the hotel.
Once outside in the early morning light, I swallow desperate gulps of air. My head is muddled, fuzzy. I know Tyler will wake and panic, and I know the others will be back from wherever they went and worry, but my world narrows to the need to escape, to evade my own memories, my own demons. I don’t even consider where I’m going. I just start to walk, faster and faster, until I’m jogging and then sprinting.
I’m convinced if I can just go fast enough, I can escape it, but no matter how fast I run, I know deep down, it will never be far away. The only way to stop the darkness is to stay and fight.
But I can’t, not yet…so I run.
I’m not running from my men, but from myself.
The streets blur, and the people watch me pass until I find myself at the dock, my heart racing and lungs tight. Even in my pain, in my darkest hour, I ran to the ocean. I find myself viewing the churning waves and needing to be on them, to feel them and the oblivion and peace they offer. I search the harbour for a small boat about to set out. On bare feet, I carefully tread down the docks and find a tourist boat. The man frowns at me as I quickly thrust some money at him from my pocket. He holds out his hand to help me on, but I ignore it and jump on, moving to the front. I lean against the rails as the engine starts, and we pull from the docks and into the ocean. I turn and look over my shoulder to see the shore and city getting smaller as we chug through the water.
Guilt fills me as the panic starts to subside. They will be so worried. Fuck! They will think I’ve left them again, and that was never my intention. I just needed air, I just needed to get away from the demons surging within me.
But it didn’t help. I can’t outrun my own mind. I can drown it in sound, the waves, music, and films. I can ignore it with booze and drugs. I can make it disappear for a time in my lovers’ bodies, but eventually, it will catch up to me when I’m alone or weak. When I’m not distracting myself from it. I know that, yet I still have those emotions inside of me. Running won’t fix it.
I fucked up.
I look back at the dock and see four figures there, and my heart breaks.
No.
Fuck.
I can’t hurt them again. I wasn’t thinking…but that’s not an excuse. Just because I’m hurting, it doesn’t give me the right to abandon others, to inflict pain on them.
I rush to the stern before turning to the man at the wheel. “I need to go back,” I exclaim, my heart racing for another reason now.
He turns, frowns, and starts speaking another language. I gesture to the shore.
“Back, I need to go back,” I demand quickly. I won’t break their hearts again. Not ever.
He cuts the engine and faces me fully as I look between him and the shore, but when I glance back, they are gone.
No.
Fuck.
No!
Chapter Sixty-One
RIGGS
After eating breakfast and sleeping on Steve’s yacht, all three of us head back, laughing and joking, excited to see Peyton again. Even after being away from her for a few hours, I miss her. She needed Tyler last night, and they needed space, so we gave them that, but I can’t wait to hold my girl again and promise her it’s going to be okay. We’ve all seen her struggling the last few days, but I know it will pass. She will get better, she’s too strong not to, and we will be there every step of the way as we discover our new life and set a new course for our future.
I’m excited at the thought of being together. We’re not hurting anymore, and we’re together, like old times. We can get a bigger boat and explore the ocean. We can heal together and create our own happiness.
We’ll be a family once again.
When we get back to the hotel, we let ourselves into the room. Tyler is still asleep, but the bed next to him is crumpled and empty. I frown as Fin grabs a bottle of water. Kalen changes his shirt as I check the other rooms and bathroom, but they’re all empty. Moving back
to the other room, I search for a sign before spotting the slightly fogged window.
“What’s up?” Fin calls, waking Tyler. “Yo, baby cakes, get your sweet ass out here and let me have my breakfast. It’s you, by the way.”
I don’t speak, staring at the window and the words written there. My heart drops and shatters into a million pieces at the one simple word. It’s only five letters, and yet they steal my breath and destroy the future I was just imagining.
“Princess?” Kalen calls with a frown, moving farther into the room.
On the window, ‘sorry’ is hastily drawn.
Why does it feel like goodbye? As if we are trying to hold her to us, but the harder we grasp her, the more she slips away?
I’m losing my life again, and this time, I know if I let her go, she won’t come back.
I turn to them, my heart cracking further.
“She’s gone.”
FIN
“No, she can’t be.” I frown. “She probably went for a walk or breakfast,” I offer, even as my heart races at Riggs’ heartbroken expression.
Not again.
“She’s not here,” Riggs snaps as Tyler quickly gets dressed.
“Let’s find her.” We are out of the room in minutes. We rush into the streets, searching faces as we walk as quickly as we can. We ask those we pass, and a man points to the docks, so we rush there and search the boats. How did we ever miss her? We were right here—
“The boat,” Tyler whispers, pointing to a small boat on the ocean.
I shield my eyes and look out, spotting a lone female on the back of it, gazing at us.
Peyton.
The boat becomes smaller and smaller, and I have flashbacks of last time. Of watching her speed off into the ocean not to be seen again for years. She took my heart then, and she will now as well.
Only, I know this time she won’t come back. We’ll lose her to the depths forever. She was struggling, but I didn’t think—Fuck, how could she do this? How could she leave us again? She promised! She knew how much it hurt. How could she?
“Fuck!” I scream and turn away, pacing as the others just stare. “Fuck!”
“No,” Tyler murmurs.
“What?” I snap, whirling to face him. “Can’t you see? She’s leaving again!” I pull at my hair as he shakes his head.
“No, she’s not leaving this time. I won’t let her.” He looks us over. “I don’t know about you, but I regretted not going after her every day of my life. Not again.” He dives into the harbour.
We stare before rushing to the edge. He surfaces and begins to swim, chasing her.
“He’s right.” Riggs nods and dives in after him.
“Fuck,” Kalen growls and goes too, leaving me standing here alone.
I didn’t believe in love, but she made me. Can I really go back to the empty pain? The numbness? To seeing my brothers hurting and destroying themselves?
No.
So I dive in also, deciding to fight for her, even when she won’t fight for us.
Chapter Sixty-Two
I’m arguing with the captain when I hear my name being shouted over the waves. I turn to the edge of the boat, grip the rail, and search the waves—then I spot all four of them swimming towards me.
They—they came after me.
They cut through the water, chasing me this time.
Kalen is the first to reach the boat. He drags himself out of the water, dripping wet and pissed. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Andrews?” he demands.
“I wasn’t running, I promise. I woke and I couldn’t breathe, I needed air. I was coming—”
Tyler is next, and Kalen helps him up, and then Riggs and Fin follow. Tyler glares at me, but I see the hurt in his expression. Riggs looks devastated…and Fin? My easygoing Fin looks so angry.
“What the fuck, Peyton? Was leaving once not enough? What? That’s it, no goodbye? Nothing? Just a fucking shag and then gone again?” he screams.
I stumble back, eyes wide, knowing I fucked up. “I didn’t mean—” I start, but he ignores me, his face thunderous.
“No, you didn’t mean, you never do! You broke our hearts once, you won’t ever do that again! You promised!”
“I wasn’t leaving!” I yell, but he doesn’t give me the chance to continue.
“Sure the fuck you weren’t.”
I turn to Tyler, pleading. “I promise, I wasn’t leaving, Ty. I couldn’t breathe, I needed air. I didn’t even notice until I was on the water, and then I panicked. I tried to come back, I tried, he doesn’t speak English,” I explain in a rush. He steps forward, frowning.
“Do you love me?” he demands.
Tears fall as I nod. “Words,” Kalen snaps.
“Yes, yes, I love you.”
“Do you love Kalen?” he questions, stepping closer.
“Yes,” I reply instantly.
“Do you love Fin?” he asks.
“Yes, yes.” I nod.
“And Riggs, you love him?”
“Yes, I love you all!” I yell in worry, meeting their eyes. “I do, I love you all. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I rasp, nearly sobbing. “I’m sorry.”
Tyler stops before me, tilting my chin up to meet his eyes. “I watched you leave on a boat once before, and it destroyed me. I said never again. I woke, and you were gone, my heart broke.” I shiver at the pain in his voice. “But I had to see, had to know. You say you love us…do you want to be with us?”
“Yes,” I reply instantly, knowing it’s true. No matter how much I’m struggling, it’s what I want. They are what I want. “More than anything.”
“And you weren’t leaving?”
“No,” I murmur. “I promise.”
“It wouldn’t have mattered.” I flinch at that as he smiles down at me.
“I watched you leave once, and I promised myself never again,” he murmurs. “You are never getting away, Peyton. We will always come after you, even when you’re lost, hurt, or angry. We will always follow.”
“You’re not mad?” I ask.
“Oh, I’m angry as hell and you’ll pay for it.” I shiver at the dominance in his tone. “But if you’re sure, if you’re not running, then okay, but try that shit again, and I’ll let Kalen loose on you.”
“Not just Kalen,” Fin snaps. “I’ll chain you to me, understood?”
I nod, smiling through the tears. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” I tell him as he moves closer. Kalen sighs and steps over too, kissing my head.
“I’m sorry, I should have been there, princess.”
I lift my head and see Riggs standing at the stern, his face turned down. I slip from their arms and stop before him. “Riggs, I’m sorry—”
He grabs me, pulls me closer, and kisses me hard, stealing my breath. When he moves back, his eyes are narrowed dangerously. “Leave one more time, and you will be locked up in my bed,” he snarls, then softens as I suck in a breath. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I whisper.
“Good, you better.” He kisses my head and sighs. “God, you’re a pain in the ass.” He chuckles, making me laugh too.
He kisses me softly and turns me. I stumble into him when I see Tyler, Fin, and Kalen staring at me intently. “Help me?” Tyler asks them, and I frown as Kalen assists him to his knees before me. He pulls the ring from his neck and meets my eyes.
“Peyton Andrews, I asked once before, but you were right—it wasn’t perfect then, but it is now. We were the right people, but it was the wrong time. Now, I know it’s the right time. I love you more than anything in this world, you’re my best friend. My family, my soul mate. Will you marry me?”
“Tyler,” I whisper with wide eyes. Fin drops next.
“Yeah, babe, will you marry us?” he asks, and steals the ring to show me. Tyler chuckles and rolls his eyes. Kalen smacks Fin’s head and moves over, getting to his knees before me, his dark eyes on mine.
“Princess, be mine?”
Riggs
plucks it from his fingers and turns me, falling to his knees with a blushing grin. “Peyton Andrews, will you marry us? Tie yourself to us for the rest of our lives?”
“Yes…yes!” I shout, and then I’m surrounded by arms and hands and passed around and kissed until the ring is placed on my trembling finger.
“If you ever take this off, I’ll super glue it on. It’s always belonged to you, and so have we,” Tyler swears as I laugh.
There, under the sun, my heart heals.
The darkness still circles in the background, but I know with them here at my back, loving me, that I can defeat it like always. I will come out stronger than ever with four men to love me unconditionally. Every broken, damaged, scarred piece of me.
We have to move forward. We can’t dwell on what happened in the past, and holding on doesn’t change a thing. Those memories hurt nobody but us. We have to learn to let go, heal, and move past it and into our future. Otherwise, we’ll always be stuck in the same spot, caught halfway between our past and our future.
We can’t give in to the doubts, anger, and pain. Being embarrassed, disgusted, or even hating who we were back then doesn’t make us better people now. We have to learn from it, use it, and be the people we want to be. In this moment, with them, I realise it’s time we all healed from it.
That cave might have been a place of true horror, but down there in the rubble and water, through the bloodshed and hopelessness, we found each other. We found the love we used to have, and now it’s stronger than ever.
Maybe I disappeared last time because I knew I didn’t deserve them back then. I bet they often asked why I left, but the truth is, I didn’t, not really, not deep down. I was pulled away from them because I didn’t deserve them yet.
I do now, and I will fight every day for the rest of my life.
This world is a wide, unexplored place. My love for them is the same, it’s like the ocean. We can only see the very top of it, yet its roots run so much deeper. It makes up all of me, and it flows so deeply, I could drown in it, but they keep me aloft, like always.