ME: You left Summit? What the fuck?
Three bubbles appear on the screen, then stop. They appear again, then stop. I dial her number a second time, and it goes back to voicemail.
ME: Answer the phone, Elle
Three bubbles appear and disappear. I dial a third time and it goes to voicemail after just one ring.
ME: Elle? Please
A moment later a text appears.
ELLE: I wanted to talk in person. When do you get back?
ME: my flight arrives in an hour.
ELLE: I’m in the airport. Send me the gate and I’ll come meet you.
I’m texting my reply when the flight attendant brushes down the aisle next to my seat and taps my arm, telling me I have to put my phone in airplane mode. I look up at her and I don’t know if she sees desperation or pain or something else painted across my face, but her look immediately softens. “Just be quick for me, okay?”
L
Our home airport in Charlotte is incredibly busy and also far too small and outdated for the amount of traffic it serves. Flights are notoriously late landing, and ours, unfortunately, is no exception. The twenty minutes we circle the airport feel like an eternity knowing the woman I love, and probably more questions than answers, are waiting for me inside the terminal.
I nearly run up the jetway and when I walk through the door into the terminal, there, leaning back on one of those massive pillars at the front of the boarding area, is Elle. Her eyes are on mine as soon as I spot her. She’s wearing leggings and a giant sweatshirt. Her hair is pulled on top of her head in a ponytail, and her face is puffy and pink. Her lips are swollen and red, and there’s black makeup smudged underneath her eyes.
When I close the distance between us, I stand right in front of her, looking down into the most beautiful face I know and the pain I see painted across it kicks me in the gut. Her lips part a little to speak, but nothing comes out. Without a word, I drop my briefcase to the floor at my side, reach down to take her face in my hands, and cover her mouth with mine.
We’re standing in the Charlotte airport where I’m sure thousands of couples have kissed before. Kisses hello. Kisses goodbye. Kisses between new couples getting together for the first time, and kisses between couples who are breaking apart. Of all those kisses that have come before us in this place, I’m sure ours is the most desperate, and just maybe, the saddest one of all, because when my lips leave hers and I look into her watery eyes, I know it’s all true.
My girl is leaving me.
Chapter 27
Elle
The only phrase I can think of to describe what I felt when I saw Noah walk through the door into the boarding area are tragically ecstatic. I’ve never been so happy to see anyone, and never had it completely tear my heart out like seeing him did.
He’s been trying to call me all week, and I have been straight-up dodging him. I thought I should say what needs saying in person. I wanted to wait for him to get back, but his return got pushed back, and pushed back again and now, here we are in the airport, two hours before I leave for Australia where I’m running away from the man I’ve loved for years because he said he likes me and at the time I set all these events in motion it seemed like a more palatable option than the idea that I could have his fantastic, gorgeous everything knowing that he’d eventually leave me forever.
I talked to McMasters first, letting him know that I was looking planning to take another opportunity, and I asked that he let me talk to Donovan by myself since I was sure Ian would want to gloat over acquiring me for his own team if he hadn’t been doing it already. Donovan was far more gracious than I expected, apologizing again for not being ready to pull the trigger on the VP job, and even saying he hopes we can work together again in the future.
“I know you’ll be working closely with whoever takes your place since we’ll be partnering with Banshee on our Australian launch. I don’t want that to be awkward for you, Elle. We think a lot of you around here, and I wish I could keep you, but I just can’t offer the money Ian can, the bastard.” He chuckled. “But seriously, as much as I hate this in a selfish way, I wish you only the best.”
When he stepped out around his desk, I thought he was going to shake my hand, but instead, he actually hugged me. I didn’t even know CEOs did that sort of thing in this day and age. I held it together, though, and maintained my decorum as a professional woman by not crying. At least I held it together until I got into the bathroom.
That was just three days ago, but apparently, Ian called Donovan and got him to release me without a two-weeks-notice because on Tuesday afternoon, his assistant called to let me know a business-class ticket to Sydney was being booked for me for today.
I kept thinking Noah would be back sooner, that I’d have the chance to talk to him in person, but the longer he was gone, the more scared I became and the harder it was to put together the words I wanted to say.
When he texted me earlier as I was arriving at the ticket counter to check in, I knew this was the last chance I’d have to tell him everything in person.
Noah doesn’t say a word when he approaches. When he’s standing inches from me, and my face, marked by the endless tears I’ve been crying all morning, looks up into his, he doesn’t speak. He doesn’t ask. He just kisses me. It’s one of those all-consuming Noah kisses that make the rest of the world seem to grind to a halt. When he releases my lips, and the tears start falling again, silently this time, he cups my face in his massive palms and brushes them away with his thumbs.
“How long do you have?”
“A couple of hours…maybe an hour and a half now.”
He takes my hand and leads me through the airport toward the international terminal. The very last gate is empty, so we walk to the far end. Rather than taking one of three dozen empty spots, he sits on the ledge of the window, which I soon realize he does so he can put his arm around me without anything between us. When he does, I sink into him.
“How long have you known?” He doesn’t meet my eye when he asks the question. He just keeps his gaze fixed to a post of carpet in front of us.
“Since Sunday.” I say in a voice much smaller than I ever knew I had. “When I talked to Ian that morning, I agreed to meet him at the airport and talk about the offer.” I watch a tiny muscle on his square jaw spasm as it clenches.
“Is this about him?” His eyes are still fixed on the carpet.
“About who, Ian?” Suddenly I realize what he’s implying. “No, Noah, it’s not about Ian. Surprisingly enough, a decision I made for myself is about me.” I sit upright, trying to escape the warmth of his body but his long arm holds me fast in place.
“Of course, it is. I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m hurt, Elle.” He moves his arm, now, standing and pacing back and forth, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “I’m hurt you’re leaving; I’m hurt you weren’t even going to tell me.” He walks back over to the window and sinks back against the ledge until his feet are flat and his ass hits the floor. He rests one straightened arm on each bent knee. He looks straight ahead, and his words are a throaty whisper. “I’m hurt that you don’t want me.”
My heart beats so hard and fast as the air leaves my lungs that I feel as though my ribcage is being crushed in the grip of some unseen giant.
“That’s the thing, though, Noah. I’ve wanted you forever.” I hook my fingers around his thick bicep and slip to the floor next to him. “I tried to deny it for so long, but that weekend, after Nathan and I split up? When I was at your place and you were being so sweet to me. You held me and said sweet things about how you thought I was beautiful and how I was worth more than I gave myself credit for. That’s when I realized. You were taking care of me, body and soul, and I realized that I couldn’t possibly help but be in love with a guy like that.”
He turns abruptly to face me, putting his palms on my shoulders. “Then be with me. If we love each other, what the fuck is all this even about?” He chuckles and
shakes his head. “I mean, if you want to test me, fuck, find some other way but stay with me, sweetheart. Stay with me and let’s start our life together.”
He cocks his head to the side a little and raises his brows. His hair is a little disheveled where he’s been running his hands through it and his eyes are soft and sweet and so full of love right now that I want to take it all back. I want to say, okay, and call Ian and tell him I’ve changed my mind. I want to go home with him and spend all night figuring out how that perfect, thick shaft could fit in my tiny little body. I want to move into his place and pick out furniture and adopt a puppy and plan a wedding and live a perfect life with him forever.
And that’s the problem.
I could have Noah, he’s made that clear, but I know I couldn’t have him forever and when the end came, I’d never recover from being loved by someone like him.
I suck my bottom lip between my teeth, and I see his expression fall. “But you’re not going to stay with me, are you? You’re going to go to Australia and leave me behind.”
I don’t say anything because I don’t have to. He pulls me into his lap and holds me so tight, it almost stills the trembling of my body as the tears fall.
As we sit there, clutching each other, my phone buzzes.
“That’s my flight.” My voice creaks.
“Okay.” He stands and gives me his hands, pulling me to my feet and we silently walk over to the terminal.
We don’t say anything as we stand, waiting for all the passengers to board. When I can’t wait anymore, he turns to me. The emotion in his voice nearly does me in.
“Kiss me goodbye?” I nod, and he wraps me in his arms, kissing me one last time. It’s sweet, strong, tender, and not nearly long enough.
After our lips part, he buries his face in my neck and hugs me tight. “Please text me when you get there so I know you’re safe and let me know how you’re doing. I’ll be worried if you don’t, so just, please, do that for me, okay?”
I nod my agreement, and when he lets me go, I take his hands in mine and give them a squeeze, then I grab the handle of my suitcase and walk toward my flight.
The woman at the counter looks from me to Noah and back half a dozen times while she scans my ticket, then gives me a wry smile which I make a half-hearted attempt to return.
When she gives me back my boarding pass, I walk down the jetway.
I just keep walking toward the plane—toward the future I’ve chosen. I resist the urge to steal one last glance over my shoulder.
I might be named after a Disney princess, but fairy tales don’t happen in real life. Not to girls like me.
Chapter 28
Noah
If someone had their heart ripped out, as in, literally ripped from their body, I wonder if they’d be able to feel it. I wonder if there would be a rush of unimaginable pain, followed by an all-consuming numbness, the weight of which was almost unbearable. I wonder this because I’ve just had my heart figuratively ripped out, and that’s exactly what it feels like.
I kissed Elle goodbye and held her tight. I shouldn’t have let her go. I should’ve just kept holding her, restraining her from boarding that goddamn plane. When she squeezed my hands, I felt something sharp press into my palm. She walked toward the desk, and I watched her. When she handed the woman her ticket, I watched her. When she walked through the door, I watched her. I watched the woman close the door to the jetway, and still, I thought she might come back. I saw them pull the jet bridge away from the airplane, and still, I thought that, any second, Elle would throw an epic tantrum and demand to be released from the plane so she could get back to me, but she didn’t. I watched the plane slowly turn, roll away, taxi down the runway, and ascend into the sky over Charlotte, and when it did, I knew that it wasn’t just some nightmare. She was really gone.
When I finally unclench my fists and look down into my palm, if there had been any doubt in my mind before, it is all obliterated by one small stone shining up from a tiny platinum band that rests in the reddened skin of my palm.
I call Jordan and tell him I’m beat from all the travel and he tells me to take the afternoon and tomorrow too—that I’ve earned it.
Thank God for small favors because it’s going to take some time to get my head back in the game.
L
The buzzing of my phone eases me awake. I stayed up pretty much all of last night and well into the daylight hours this morning, unable to get anywhere near relaxed enough for sleep to come. It’s been about thirty-two hours since Elle left. Not that I’m counting, or anything. She sent me a text last night telling me she had made it safely to her hotel and promising to let me know how she’s doing. As badly as I wanted to beg her to come home or ask her where she’s staying so I could book a flight and chase her down, I didn’t. I just thanked her for letting me know.
The text message that has pulled me from my afternoon siesta is from Todd. Through eyes that are hazy from not enough sleep, too much beer, and more emotion than I’d like to admit to, I can just make out the words.
TODD: Dude it’s book club night. Want to come hang with me and the triple threat?
I sink back into the pillows and realize moping around by myself again all night probably isn’t healthy. I rub my hands up and down my face, grab my phone and text him back. A couple of hours later, I’m driving past the wood and brick sign welcoming me to the Edgehaven neighborhood and pulling into the driveway of a brick two-story with a perfectly manicured lawn.
“Hey man,” Todd greets me when he opens the door. “You look like shit.”
“Maybe so, but I brought cookies,” I say, holding up a bag from a little bakery that’s halfway between my place and his.
He invites me in and after a few minutes, manages to wrangle all three kids to slow down long enough to say hello. I first met Matt and Jerod from when Todd and I worked together. They’re nine and seven now, and both have dark blonde hair with just a tinge of strawberry, just like Todd’s. They say hi and go on with their game.
I haven’t seen Jane for probably a couple of years now. When Todd finally tracks her down, and she comes into the living room to say hello, she’s about the cutest damn kid I’ve ever seen. She’s a petite little thing—she may be four, but she looks like a toddler. What kills me, though, is how red her hair has gotten. It reminds me of the cute little kid that pounced on Elle at the Disney store…the kid that made me wonder what our kids would like if Elle and I had any.
That’s when I was optimistic…when I thought there could be an Elle and me.
“Hi!” Todd’s daughter greets me with animated enthusiasm.
“Hi there. I don’t think you remember me. We met a couple of times but that’s been a while ago. My name’s Noah.”
“I’m Jane.”
She’s wearing one of her dad’s old dress shirts over her t-shirt and shorts, and it’s open in the front. At first, I think it’s supposed to be a painter’s smock or something, then I realize she’s wearing a toy stethoscope around her neck.
“Are you playing nurse, Jane?” I ask her, thankful for the distraction of an uncomplicated conversation.
“I’m not a nurse, silly!” She wags her head back and forth as if my question is ridiculous. “I’m a heart surgeon. It doesn’t look good for Sally. We’re going to have to open her up.” She holds a blue stuffed bear with a pink bow on its ear up by one leg.
“She drives Karen nuts with this stuff,” Todd whispers from behind his hand. “There are always random wads of stuffing and little strips of fake animal fur all over the house.”
I chuckle as Jane runs off, apparently to perform surgery on her stuffed friend.
Todd hands me a beer and we each take a cookie from the bakery bag I brought in and sit down in the living room while the kids run around doing what kids do. I tell him what happened with Elle—how I told her I loved her, and proposed, and how she bolted. Then I tell him how she took a job on another continen
t without telling me.
He looks at me for a long moment, then blows out a short breath and shakes his head. “Dude, that’s fucked up.”
I hear Matt call from the next room. “Dad, you’re not supposed to say fuck!”
“When I call that kid, he can’t hear me, but when I say something Karen doesn’t want me saying in front of him, he has hearing like a bat. Todd yells in the direction of the sounds of race car noises. “What do you say I let you have one of the cookies Noah brought before dinner and we don’t tell mom?”
A moment later, the two boys are standing in the doorway. “Two cookies?” Todd cocks up his eyebrows, testing, but not challenging his dad.
“Done.” Todd replies with a chuckle and the boys run off toward the kitchen. “I don’t know how I ended up with kids smarter than me, but it’s not fair, that’s for sure.”
“They’re awesome. That Jane…she’s freaking adorable.” I reply, taking a draw off the longneck I’m trying to make last.
“She’s too cute for her own good, and she knows it, that’s the problem. She knows her dad’s a pushover.” He shakes his head. “But back to this deal with you. So, she just left the country? Dude, what are you going to do?”
“I have no idea. All I know is that living without her sounds worse than I even want to imagine.” I shake my head. “What would you do?”
“Well ya know…,” he looks over his shoulder then cranes his neck and stills, seeming to be listening for any sign of the kids. “Karen did break up with me once, about a year after we started dating. She said she wanted to have some space to experience the world for herself before she settled down.”
“Dude, I had no idea. What did you do?”
“I sat around like a sorry sack of sh-,” he catches himself. “Sugar. I cried and threw things and even went out on a couple of dates with other women. Then, about a month went by and I was out one night and saw her out with another guy. I pulled her aside and proposed to her right then and there…,”
Sour Page 18