by Marie Sexton
He turned back toward me, but not all the way. I could at least see his face in profile now as he stared out over the lake. “Angelo slept with Cole.”
“What? ” I wasn’t exactly logical when it came to Jared’s old fuck buddy, and my instinctual outrage was directed more at Jared than at Angelo.
“You heard me.”
“And what?” I asked, my tone like ice. “You’re jealous?”
He turned on me, his face livid and angry. “No!” he snapped. “That’s not it.” He hesitated for only a second, then said, “I think we both know I’m not the one who’s jealous of Cole.”
He was right, of course. My assumption that he wanted Cole for himself was purely a product of my own imagination. I knew, once I took my emotions out of the equation, that Jared didn’t feel anything for him other than a fondness born from years of friendship. I took a deep breath, and made myself calm down. I needed to stop reacting as his lover, and start listening as his friend. I made myself think again about what he was telling me, without my own biases coloring it.
“Angelo cheated on Zach?” I asked. I was calm now, the anger gone.
My voice was back to normal.
“Not exactly,” he said, and the challenge had gone from his voice too. We were done snapping at each other. “Is it cheating if Zach lets it happen?”
I had to think about that for a bit. “You’re not jealous of Cole,” I finally said. “You’re jealous of Angelo. You wish I would give you the freedom Zach gives to him.”
I was trying to imagine what it would be like, to know that Jared was with another man. I was wondering if I could stand knowing that somebody else was touching him, or kissing him, or fucking him. But to my relief, he said, “No.” His voice was gentle, but firm. When I looked at him, I found his gaze level on mine. “Not really. I can’t say the thought of sex with other men has never crossed my mind. We’re both male. I’m sure it’s crossed your mind too.”
“Not so much with another man.”
He laughed. “I should have known.” He looked back out across the lake. “I like what we have, Matt. I don’t want to change a thing.”
“Are you sure?”
His gaze met mine again, and he said, “I’m positive.”
“That’s the best news I’ve heard all day,” I said sincerely, and he smiled. His dark blond hair was pulled back in a ponytail. As usual, it wasn’t cooperating. Curls were sticking out all over the place. The sun on his face made the light freckles across his nose stand out. His eyes were blue and shining as he looked out across that stupid manmade lake. And right at that moment my heart seemed to swell inside of my chest, so big I wondered how it didn’t come bursting out of me. We lived our life together day to day. I was always happy with him, but it was a quiet, comfortable happiness built on friendship. And then seemingly out of the blue, I would have these sudden flashes of just how much he meant to me.
Angelo called them my “amazed moments”. They always took my breath away.
I stepped closer to him. I pulled the rubber band out of his hair, setting all of those unruly curls free. I grabbed a handful of them and tipped his head away from me so I could kiss the side of his neck.
I didn’t care at that moment who saw us. I didn’t care if the whole world knew.
“I love you,” I said as I kissed that soft spot just below his ear. He sighed a little, and I knew if I could see his face, I would find his eyes closed, as he tucked this moment away in his box too. He relaxed against me, and I wrapped my arms around him.
“Say it again,” he whispered.
This time I looked in his eyes when I said it. “I love you.”
He smiled at me. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”
I kissed him, and even though we were standing on a public street, he responded enthusiastically. I loved the feel of his arms tight around me and his strong, hard body pushing against mine. But it was only a second before he playfully pushed me away. “Stop,” he said teasingly. “I’m supposed to be feeling guilty.”
“You’re right,” I conceded as I reluctantly let him go. “So if you’re not jealous of Ang, and you’re not jealous of Cole, what exactly is the problem?”
“I guess I thought that Angelo was just doing what he wanted to do, regardless of how Zach felt about it. And I assumed that Zach was only letting him because he thought it was the only way to keep him.”
“So you assumed Ang was a selfish asshole and Zach was a spineless pushover?”
He grinned at me sheepishly. “When you say it that way, you make me sound like an asshole.”
“Is there a way to say it so you don’t sound like an asshole?”
He laughed, just a little. “Point taken.”
“You’re not giving either one of them enough credit. Our way works for us, but it’s not the only way. I can’t say I understand their arrangement.
Hell, I don’t even know exactly what their arrangement is. But….” I shrugged. “You and I don’t have to understand it, Jared. They’re happy together. That’s all that matters.”
He was quiet for a moment, but then he said softly, “You’re right.”
“I think you should apologize to Angelo.”
“I know.”
“Before we leave.”
He rolled his eyes at me. “I know. Where do you think he went?”
“There are only two possibilities, and we’re already at one of them.
Where does that leave?”
“The gallery?”
“I’d bet money on it.” I tugged on one of his curls. “Say it again.”
He looked at me sideways, a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.
“You’re a manipulative bastard.”
“That’s not it.”
He turned to me and put one arm my waist. “You’re right,” he said.
His eyes were sparkling as he looked up at me. “You know what else?”
“What?”
“I do cheat.”
“Every time?”
“Every time.”
…Angelo
GUESS I shoulda seen it comin’. Jared’s had me in his sights ever since New Year’s. Still, why’s it gotta be now?
It’s been a great mornin’, mostly ’cause I had such a great night.
After the club, we’d gone back to the room, and Zach took me to bed and whispered in my ear, “Anything you want, angel.” And for only the second time ever, I was the one pushin’ him onto his stomach, and afterward I went to sleep right there with him, not in the other bed, and that bird in my chest didn’t make a peep.
Can’t really explain it, but I know now we’re gonna make it. I know for sure we’re really meant to be. Sounds silly, but it’s true. And I never felt happier.
So I’m havin’ a great mornin’ with Matt, and if I’m a little embarrassed ’bout that big fuckin’ hickey on my neck, well, it’s not like there’s anything I can do ’bout it. So I put up with him teasin’ me. And when Zach and Jared show up, Zach puts his arm ’round my neck and whispers in my ear, “I’ve been thinking about you all morning.” The only reason I don’t turn ’round and kiss him right then and there is ’cause I know Matt and Jared will get all flustered and embarrassed again.
Then outta the fuckin’ blue Jared opens his big mouth and asks ’bout that hickey. And I know Zach’s not even thinkin’ when he answers him.
Who woulda thought Jared would take him seriously anyway, even if he was tellin’ the truth?
And then before I even know what the fuck’s goin’ on, Jared just tears into me.
His words hurt, ’cause he’s sayin’ exactly what I been thinkin’. But part of me is just pissed. And I’m not sure which way to go. I’m not stupid. I know if I make a move toward Jared, I’ll have to deal with Matt. I don’t wanna fuck things up with him too. So I’m tryin’ to just breathe deep and keep cool.
Zach’s arms tighten ’round me, and his voice in my ear says, “Don’t you dare listen to him,
angel. He doesn’t know a thing about us. I’ll make sure he knows it too. But I don’t want you to do anything, okay? I want you to trust me. Just walk away, and I’ll be right behind you.” The truth is I can’t believe how relieved I am to hear him say that. I can’t believe how good it feels to know I don’t have to deal with Jared. ’Cause I’m just so tired of fightin’. “Can I let go?” he asks, and I nod.
His arms ’round me loosen. I stay there for a second. I want to thank him, but this isn’t the time. I don’t look at Jared. I can’t look at Matt either. I just walk away.
Zach calls only a few minutes later, and I tell him I’m headed for the gallery. I only beat him there by a minute or two. The gallery has little benches all ’round, and I sit on one where I can see the picture I like. He comes in and sits next to me, straddling the bench so I’m between his legs.
He leans close so he can talk quiet and still have me hear him. “I’m so sorry, Ang.”
That surprises me. “For what?”
“That was my fault—”
“It wasn’t, Zach. No reason for you to apologize.”
“It was my fault we went out. It was my fault you ended up with that hickey on your neck. It was my fault that I didn’t just say it was me—”
“Stop,” I say and put my fingers on his lips to make sure. “I don’t want either of us to be sorry ’bout last night, Zach. I got no problems with what happened, and I feel good ’bout us. I don’t want to let him ruin it.”
He takes my hand then and kisses my palm, like he always does. “I love you so much, Ang.”
“I know.”
“We really are great together, aren’t we?”
“We’re absolutely perfect.” He kisses me then. Really, truly kisses me, right there in that gallery. And the lady workin’ there turns away in disgust, and I don’t care a bit.
After a minute he gets up and starts walkin’ ’round, lookin’ at the other paintings. I can tell he doesn’t dig ’em like I do, but that’s okay. Not long after that, Jared comes in. He heads straight for me, and I can tell just by lookin’ at him he’s come to apologize. The truth is I’m not even mad at him anymore. I just want to go back to all of us bein’ friends again. Still, Zach heads him off. They have a quiet but pretty fuckin’ intense conversation for a minute, and then Zach nods, and walks out of the gallery.
Jared comes over and sits down next to me. He doesn’t say anything at first. We sit there for a long time, just starin’ at the painting on the wall in front of us. I wait and wait, and still he doesn’t talk. I start thinkin’ maybe he’s waitin’ for me to apologize. I finally look over at him, and he’s just sittin’ there, with a ridiculously goofy grin on his face.
“What’s so funny?” I ask, and he actually jumps a little, like he was lost in thought.
“I was thinking about Cole.”
“Why?” I ask, although I’m not sure I wanna know.
“I’ve known him for more than ten years now. Did you know that?”
“No,” I say, and I’m wonderin’ where the hell he’s goin’ with this.
“It’s funny, you know? After we graduated from college, he moved back to Phoenix. I’d see him maybe three times a year, never more than one night at a time. I’ve only seen him twice since I met Matt, and that was almost two years ago.”
“Yeah?” I’m still not seein’ where this is goin’.
“Have you ever noticed that I can’t even say his name without Matt practically turning green with jealousy and steam coming out of his ears?”
I have to smile at that. “I noticed.”
“And he spent, what? Twenty? Maybe thirty minutes with you?”
“Wasn’t exactly watchin’ the clock.”
“And it caused all of this trouble between us.”
“Seems like it.”
“It’s like somehow, without even trying, he became this major player in our lives.” He turns and looks at me then, with a funny smile. “Do you have any idea how happy that would make him? He’d say something like, ‘I always make an impression, darling.’” And I have to laugh. I don’t know him like Jared does, but I can picture him sayin’ exactly that.
We sit there again for a minute, and then finally he says, “I’m sorry, Angelo. I wish I had a better way to say it, but—”
“I’m sorry too.”
He looks at me in surprise. “Why?”
“Not sure,” I say, ’cause it’s the truth. “Guess I’m sorry I fucked things up.”
“You didn’t fuck anything up. I was just being an asshole.”
“Only person I had sex with last night was Zach.”
I can tell that surprises him, too, but then he says, “It’s none of my business.”
“You’re right,” I say, “but I guess I want you to know anyway.”
He’s quiet again for a minute, and I know he’s tryin’ to decide if he should say more, or just leave things alone. But in the end, he takes a deep breath and says, “I don’t understand how you can do it.” He glances at me warily. “I don’t mean you. I mean both of you. I guess that was what did it. I kept thinking, under what circumstances would I allow Matt to fuck somebody other than me? And the only things I could come up with was, if I had no other choice.”
“We’re not like you,” I say, and he gets a funny smile on his face.
“Yeah, that seems to be the lesson of the day.”
“Brought to you by the letter Z.”
He laughs. “Z for Zach?”
“No,” I say. “Z for Ziggy.” He looks confused at that, and I don’t mind a bit. I find myself smilin’ at him. “I’m starvin’,” I say. “Let’s go get some lunch.”
…Angelo
One month later
IT’S Zach’s birthday, and he’s fuckin’ hatin’ it. Thirty-five. Guess that’s a big deal to him. We do the dinner thing with Jared’s whole family, and Matt and Jared have a moment that’s so damn sweet it’ll make your teeth hurt—but that’s another story.
We get back home, and we do what we usually do: we turn on some music and sit in the dining room workin’ on a puzzle. Zach’s actin’ kinda funny, glancin’ at me sideways. I wait for him to say somethin’, but he never does. Not ’til we’re gettin’ ready for bed. I just finished brushin’ my teeth when he comes in the bathroom. He stands next to me, lookin’ down at me, and his cheeks are turnin’ red.
“What’s up with you?” I ask.
He takes my hand. He leans over and kisses my palm, then puts something in my hand, looking up at me with a question in his eyes.
It’s eyeliner.
I just laugh. “Is that all?” He puts his arms ’round me, pulls me close so I can feel how excited he is ’bout it. “Gonna have to go a long way to find a club,” I say jokingly, but he shakes his head.
“Not like last time,” he says. “Just the eyes. You can say no.”
But I don’t. I put that black liner all ’round my eyes, and smear some over my lids. And then I go to bed with Zach. And maybe it’s him givin’ to me. Or maybe it’s me givin’ to him. I finally realize it doesn’t matter.
Whatever it is, we’re both happy. That’s the only thing worth worryin’ ’bout.
Like I said at the beginning, the whole thing is Jared’s fault.
I almost think I should thank him for it someday.
I probably should. We all know I won’t.
MARIE SEXTON was always good at the technical aspects of writing but never had any ideas for stories. After graduating from Colorado State University, she worked for eleven years at an OB/GYN clinic. She quit the clinic at about the same time she started reading M/M romances. At some point in the ensuing months, the static in her head cleared, and her first story was born.
Marie lives in Colorado. She’s a fan of just about anything that involves muscular young men piling on top of each other. In particular, she loves the Denver Broncos and enjoys going to the games with her husband. Matt and Jared often tag along. Marie has one daughter,
two cats, and one dog, all of whom seem bent on destroying what remains of her sanity. She loves them anyway.