by Colbie Kay
"You didn’t find her?" Dan questions, blowing out a deep breath as his eyes fill with tears.
"Unfortunately, no. We have an amber alert out, and we are doing everything we can to find her."
"Thank you," Tracy says quietly, her voice warbling.
Detective Dinch steps back outside, and Dan closes the door behind him. Falling into her husband, Tracy loses it, and he holds her in his arms as his own tears begin to fall. Tyler shuffles toward his parents in a daze. I stare blankly, my mind a jumbled mess. Like a zombie, I step past everyone and move outside. I can't even tell you how I got back in my car, how I started it, or how I made it home. Everything is a blur except for the memory of Rowan’s face the last time I saw her. Her eyes shining with unshed tears, her expression a facade to cover her hurt.
Slowly, step by step, I make it into my house. My parents are there waiting, jumping from the couch to run to me. "Jenson?" My mom says my name, concern lacing her tone.
"She's missing. They found her car and her phone. Someone took her." Like a robot and in monotone, I tell them what I know, but I stare blankly past them. What am I supposed to do? I have to do something, but what is there to do? How do I handle this? How do I live with the fact she’s gone because of me?
"Jenson." My mom hugs me, and my dad lays his hand on my shoulder.
I can’t hug her back. I can’t move. I’m frozen in a catatonic state. "I was supposed to be with her tonight, but I went with Patty. Tyler wanted me to go with Patty. So I did. I couldn’t lose my best friend, but I lost her instead. I thought I was doing the right thing. Why didn't I go with her? Why? Why is she missing? Why did someone take her?" I begin rambling as tears pour down my cheeks. "I wanted to go with her. I wanted to so badly." My dad catches me as I collapse to the floor. "I love her! She has to come back! I need her to come back! Why is this happening?" I wail, sobbing and clutching my dad. My mom sits on the floor beside us, both of them embracing me, trying to console me. I cling to them as if my life depends on it. As if they’re my lifeline.
Mom tries to reason with me, "This isn't your fault, Jenson, you couldn't have known this would happen." Maybe not, but I could have prevented it.
Loud cries rip from me. "It is my fault. It's all my fault.” Throwing their arms off me, I stand angrily and storm to my room, flinging the door shut behind me, and I sit on my bed. I scream over and over. "Rowan!" My tears don't stop until I have shed the very last one, and I fall asleep from exhaustion.
WINTER 2018-19
My thin arms hold little Belle as tightly as I possibly can. She's only eight years old and the newest they've brought in.
"I'm scared, Rowan," Belle wails into my chest like she does every day. “I want to go home. I want my mom.”
"Shh. It's going to be okay." I try to comfort her as I pat her back, but I'm lying to her. It's not going to be okay. She won't be here for long. All of the others, except for me and two others, have come and gone, only to be replaced. I don't know where they go or what happens to them when they don't return, but I try to keep hope alive that they escaped. I don’t want to think of the other possibilities because then my own hope of returning home one day will be lost.
I've been here much longer than any of the others, locked away in this metal cell for the last ten years like an animal. My face hasn’t been touched by sunlight except what shines through my small window, my feet haven’t felt the sharp blades of grass, and other than brief moments, the wind hasn’t blown across my flesh since the day I disappeared. I’m kept here for the leader, as were the other two.
"Where are the others that were here?" Belle's fading blue eyes meet mine for a moment before she casts her eyes down and fidgets with the hem of her dress.
"I don't know," I tell her honestly. Chapel and Haven were blood sisters in this very cell the day I was brought in. The three of us shared this space, and then little Belle was brought in. There are multiple cells with many girls, but I’m grateful that Belle was put with me. I have tried my best to take care of her–Chapel and Haven did too, but they were taken out a few months ago and never came back.
Placing my finger under her chin, I lift her head, her blue eyes meeting my gaze. "Belle, I'm going to tell you a secret. Can you keep it between us?" I push strands of her blonde hair that are stuck to her cheek out of her face and wipe away her tears.
"Yes, I promise I won't tell." Big blue water-filled eyes stare up at me with such innocence in their depths. An innocence that will be ripped away if she is held here for long. I see myself in Belle even though I was sixteen when I was brought here; it seems like a lifetime ago that I was stripped of my own purity. I can’t let them harm her too.
Nodding, I let her know I believe her. "Our little window over there,” I tilt my head in the direction of the only daylight we see, "At night while you've been sleeping, I've been working to get the bars loose. They're almost ready, but when I pull them out, I have to break the glass, and then we have to and run. Run as fast as we can, Belle. Can you do that?"
She nods frantically. "I want to go home," She repeats with more confidence.
Lowering my voice, I continue, "I know you do, and I do too. We have to wait until the final rotation tonight. It's going to be cold, and the snow outside will hurt, but you keep going. Run into the woods, and don’t stop until you come to the other side."
"I will. I swear, Rowan, I won’t stop. The pain will be better than being here." Belle's lips lift into a beautiful smile. I know it would be better if I went by myself, but I can't leave her here.
“Okay, we will leave tonight.” I settle my back against the wall, and Belle lays her head on my lap.
THE MOON SHINES BRIGHTLY in the sky, and I’m certain the temperature has dropped significantly since the daylight hours. "It's time, Belle," I whisper into the quiet cell.
As silently as possible, I move the extra cot over to the window and climb on it. Pulling on the bars one at a time, I get each one out of their holes, laying them quietly on the cement floor. I step over to my cot and wrap my blanket around my arm. Moving over to the window, I use my elbow to punch out the glass, breaking it, and lay the blanket down to cover the shattered pieces.
Belle rushes over with her own blanket and I place that over the bottom of the window. Hopefully, this will give us some protection and we won’t cut ourselves. I boost her up. Her tiny frame easily fits through the window, and once she's out, I use all the strength I have to lift myself up and out. I pull at my dress, bunching it up around my thighs, and my flesh is immediately covered in goosebumps. The snow is freezing, it burns my bare feet and ankles.
Belle’s teeth chatter. "It's so cold."
"Ignore it. Let's go!" Taking her hand in mine, we begin to run.
We run as fast as we can until we reach the perimeter of the woods. Glancing over my shoulder, I hear the sounds of the dogs barking in the distance. They know we've escaped. "Faster, Belle!" I have to drag her with me because she’s not keeping up. I ignore every scratch and slice into my skin inflicted on me from the hanging branches, ignore the stinging pain from the cold, and ignore the feel of my feet being ripped open every time I step on something sharp.
Guards yell in the distance, the dogs are getting closer, and flashes of light shine in the darkness. They're coming for us. If we don’t pick up speed, they will catch us soon.
"Ah!" Belle collapses to the ground. She holds her foot, screaming in pain. "I can't go anymore. Something's in my foot. It hurts, Rowan!"
Reaching out, I take her elbow and try to help her up. "You have to, Belle! We have to go!"
She slaps my hand away. "Go! Go, Rowan! Get to freedom!" She pushes on my leg, trying to get me to move. In an instant, I make the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I begin to run again. "I'll come for you, Belle," I holler over my shoulder. “I promise,” I mumble into the cold night air as I run.
I don't know how long I've been running, but I haven't heard the sound of the dogs or guards for a while. My heart sin
ks realizing they found Belle, and I don't know what will happen to her without me there to protect her. Bending over, I lose the contents of my stomach. Heaving a few more times, I try to catch my breath, but my lungs are burning, as is the rest of my body down to my bones. My feet have long gone numb, and I am exhausted, but I have to keep going.
The next few steps I take, lead me to the other side of the woods, just like I told Belle. My feet land on the snow-covered road, and for the first time since I escaped, I breathe a sigh of relief. I’m that much closer to being home. Glancing to the left and right, I choose to go right. No matter how bloody, wounded, or cold I am, nothing will stop me. I push back the pain and fear, and I keep going.
I continue to run.
Lights begin to grow closer, the sound of a vehicle is quickly approaching. Turning, I wave my hands in the air. I pray that the driver will stop, and soon enough, the big diesel does. Opening the door, I jump into the passenger side seat and pull the door closed. This could be really bad for me, but right now, I have no choice. My heart pounds as I bounce on the seat, anxious to get away. "Drive! Please, drive!" I beg and plead for the older man with a long gray beard to push down on the gas.
My skin prickles with fear as my head swivels between him and the window. Finally, we begin to move, and I close my eyes to keep the tears hidden. I release a deep breath I’d been unknowingly holding. "Thank you!" An overwhelming feeling of happiness rushes through me. I did it! I got away! One tear trickles down my cheek then another and another until there is no stopping the cries ripping from deep within my chest.
He glances between me and the road. "What happened to you, and why don't you have on any shoes or a coat? It’s not safe out here at night for a young girl to be by herself, especially in the middle of winter."
Ignoring his questions, I ask one of my own, "Where are we?"
"Colorado. Where you goin’, honey?"
Keeping my eyes straight ahead, I inquire, "How far is Wichita, Kansas?"
"It's a good distance. I'm goin' in that direction, but I can't take you all the way there. We’ll be there by tomorrow night. You got someone you can call?"
Shaking my head, I reply, "No. Please take me as far as you can. I don't know where my family's at. I've been held captive for the last ten years."
"Shit, girl! I’m callin’ the police."
My head darts in his direction. "No!" I shout harsher than I intended.
He holds his hands up on the steering wheel. "Okay. Get some rest, and I'll let you know when we're there. I bet your family’s gonna be real happy to see you. I got kids of my own. They’re grown now, but I can’t imagine how your parents have felt all these years you’ve been gone."
I keep quiet while listening to him talk. Something in his tone is comforting and makes me feel safe. I felt safe once before, and he turned out to be a monster. Hopefully, this man will do me no harm. Before I realize it, my eyes are closing, and I fall into a deep sleep. A peaceful sleep I haven't experienced in a long time.
I’m going home, at least, I hope I am.
A cloud of smoke rolls from my lips; a combination of the fucking freezing air and the only woman that can make the guilt and pain fade even if it’s just a short period of time: Mary fucking Jane. I love the burn in my lungs, and the fog she creates in my mind. I relish in the high she takes me on as I stand at the gate of the compound for my shift.
Normally, this is a prospects duty, but since it's Christmas Eve, most of them and our brothers are spending time with their families. The holidays are always a quiet time at the club, and it's kind of nice compared to the bullshit we deal with on a regular basis. Taking another hit, I gaze up at the moon and release the smoke in large rings while watching them disappear into the thin night air.
I’d be spending Christmas with my parents too, but they gave up on me a long time ago. They haven’t approved of the choices I’ve made over the years and the day they cut ties was the day I decided to prospect for the Satan’s Sinners. Their hopes and dreams vanished into the thin air like the clouds of smoke rolling from my lips, like Rowan Burris did ten years ago. Fuckin’ hell, Rowan Burris, the most beautiful girl to walk the halls of our high school. The girl I wanted but couldn’t have because of a stupid bro code. The girl I loved when I was only seventeen and didn’t even know what love was, but she captivated me. Sometimes I wonder if my heart disappeared with her because since she’s been gone, I’ve grown into the man I am today…empty inside.
I lean against the gate with my foot propped back against it, and the gate suddenly begins to move. What the hell? Scanning both directions, I find someone trying to climb over. "Hey!" I yell, and take off in a full sprint, reaching the trespasser before they can fully make it over. "The fuck you doin'?" Lifting my arms, I grab a bare ankle. Only then do I realize it's a girl wearing a tattered and torn to shreds dress, fucking barefoot, and with no coat on in the fucking freezing winter weather. Jesus Christ!
Pulling on her ankle, she comes tumbling down into my arms. "Ah!" She screams in pain.
I hold her bridal style as she struggles to get free, but she is no match for my strength. My eyes roam over her, and I catch a brief glimpse of scratches and wounds covering her body. It’s too dark out here to see how badly she’s hurt, but I don’t miss the dried blood or the dirt that she’s caked with. “It’s okay. You’re safe,” I tell her, hoping it’ll calm her down from all the jerking she’s doing in my hold.
Her body sags with relief, and she immediately settles. "Help me." Her voice is quiet and scared and almost begging.
"I need to take you inside."
She nods but doesn't reply.
Carrying her in my arms, I step through the gate and rush to the doors of the clubhouse. "Somebody get outside and watch the gate," I yell to no one in particular while taking quick steps as I race through the bar with her in my arms. I reach the hallway and soon after, the door to my bedroom. Flipping the switch, I take her to my bed and lay her down before pulling my phone out of my pocket to call Hacker.
He answers on the second ring, "The fuck you calling me for?"
"I need Sierra. Got a girl here, hurt. Caught her climbing the fence."
"Fuck! We'll be there in fifteen."
After hanging up, I stare down at her as she stares at the ceiling. Neither of us speaks another word. Questions swirl in my mind. Why would she show up here? Where did she come from? Who is she?
SIERRA’S BEEN in there with the girl for a while now, and I pace anxiously as I wait outside in the hallway with Hacker.
Hacker’s been quiet all this time, probably trying to figure out the same shit as me. Where did she come from? But he finally asks, “She just showed up and tried to climb the fence?”
“Yeah.” I stop pacing and face my brother. “I didn’t even fuckin’ see or hear her until I felt the fence moving. No fuckin’ idea where she even came from. When I pulled her down, she screamed, and I saw all the cuts and blood on her. She practically fuckin’ begged me to help her.”
He runs a hand down his face and releases a heavy sigh. “You think it could be a set-up?”
I begin pacing once again. “From Deuce? I don’t know, brother. We killed him, but could he have people still helping from fuckin’ six feet under?” I tug on my long beard in frustration, my eyes connect with his. “Let’s see what your Ol’ Lady says and go from there. I’ll try to see if the girl will talk.”
He blows out a deep breath of air. “You gonna call Prez?”
“I will after I figure this shit out.”
The door opens, and my steps stop. “She’s resting.” Sierra sighs heavily. “I cleaned her up and stitched the wounds that I could. I don’t know what hell she’s been through because she wouldn’t talk to me, but she’s been through some bad shit.”
“So, what now?” I ask dumbfounded about what to do.
Sierra shrugs. “She needs food, fluids, and rest. Keep her wounds clean, and they should heal. If she starts to run a fever or
the redness gets worse, call me.”
Hacker chimes in, “We gotta find out where this girl came from, and why she showed up at our club.”
Sierra chuckles. “She’s not a girl. She’s a woman. I’d say mid-twenties.” My eyes widen. She didn’t feel like a woman in my arms; she felt like a thin, scared girl.
“Fuck, alright.” Staring at the floor, I run my hand through my dark brown hair. “I’ll handle it from here. Go back home, and Merry fuckin’ Christmas,” I grumble.
Hacker takes Sierra’s hand. “If you need anything, call,” She tells me before they walk away.
Opening the door, I enter my room and pull up a chair next to my bed. She’s lying peacefully with her eyes closed. A wound on her cheek and forehead have been stitched, some on her arms and legs. Her face is clean now instead of riddled with dirt like it was, and her jet black hair fans across my pillow. It’s not so caked up now either. Sierra did a good job, she always does for us though.
The girl, or I guess woman, is gorgeous even with her wounds. I study her face even more. Something is drawing me into her, and something about her features is familiar. Standing, I reach for my comforter to pull over her in case she might be cold, and my brows pull down tight the closer I get to her. Her long black lashes flutter before her eyes pop open and snap toward me. I drop the comforter, my body falling back into the chair. The air in my lungs is ripped away as I gape at her. I can hear my pulse pounding in my ears, and my stomach lifts all the way up into my throat, causing it to feel like there’s a huge lump keeping me from being able to swallow.
Those fucking eyes! There’s only one person I’ve ever met with eyes the same color as the clouds in the sky, so fuckin’ crystal clear that they’re almost white.
My chest tightens, and I stand quickly, forcing the chair to fall over. “Rowan?” I cover my face with my hands and run them down, trying to figure out what the fuck is going on. I blink several times, testing to see if my eyes are playing some cruel fuckin’ joke on me.