“I hate I let you guys down.”
“Man, it’s no biggie. It all went down very last minute. We got the call and took off, calling in as many of the club members as we could get. Dante had been working late, and Foghorn had been having dinner at Cupcake’s parents’ house, so you weren’t the only one who couldn’t make it.”
“Ever since Celine’s parents moved to town, seems like they spend a lot of time with her family. I wonder how Jesse feels about that,” I said.
Blaze chuckled. “Foghorn’s gonna be cool with whatever the little wife wants.”
“Yeah, and you’re just like him. You just don’t have to deal with Lake’s family.”
I knew Lake was estranged from his mother but didn’t know the details.
“Does Nick have family? Other than Julianne and her kids, of course.”
“He’s got an asshole of a father who makes him feel like less than nothing. Met him at Nick’s grandmother’s birthday party last weekend.”
“That’s rough. I’m sure he was glad to have you there with him.”
A little embarrassed at how perceptive Blaze was, I said, “We aren’t serious.”
“Why do you say that? Are you dating other people? No. Do you care about him? It’s obvious you do, and I think Nick’s liked you for a long time. You even hold hands with the guy and make goo-goo eyes at him.”
“You can be an obnoxious son of a bitch, you know that?”
Blaze laughed. “What I don’t get is why you don’t want to admit it. There’s no shame in caring about the person you’re seeing.”
I gulped down half the bottle before attempting a reply. “I’m just saying that me and Nick—we’re not what you and Lake are. We’re just fooling around, and going bare’s one of the perks of being monogamous.”
“And that’s another thing,” Blaze said. “Jeovanni Mendoza in a monogamous relationship is something I’ve never known to happen before.”
I snorted. “Come on. I dated that girl from Kenya for three weeks straight.”
“While boinking about five other people on the side,” Blaze reminded me.
“I wasn’t cheating—she had an ex she still slept with. We were in an open relationship.”
“And we were talking about monogamy,” Blaze reminded me.
Oh, yeah. “Doesn’t matter I’ve never done it before. I turned over a new leaf, remember? I’m not fucking around. I’m being responsible and all that now.”
“And Nick just happens to be the guy you start being responsible with.”
“Fuck you, Blaze. I haven’t slept with anyone in a year, so—yeah, I decided to get back in the game. What’s your point?”
Impervious to my ire, Blaze said, “My point is you’ve liked Nick a long time. I saw it back then, and I see how much more you care about him now. So stop trying to convince everyone this is just a fling.”
I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Okay.”
“What?” Blaze sounded surprised.
I looked at him. “I goddamn said okay! I like Nick. We’re not fucking other people. Shit, Blaze, I forgot what we were even talking about before this interrogation.”
Blaze broke into laughter, “God, that was easier than I thought it would be. Well, okay, then. This feels a little anti-climactic, to tell you the truth.”
“Again, fuck you.” I saluted him with my beer bottle before draining it.
Blaze shook his head, still chuckling.
I thought of something. “Is Matteo thinking of moving to Cane’s building?”
“He hasn’t mentioned it to me. Why?”
“Just something he said about wanting to see Nick’s apartment.”
“Oh, my God, are you jealous?”
“No!”
“Yes, you are. You really think Matteo would go after your guy?”
I looked away.
“Jeo, he wouldn’t.”
“It’s just he was looking Nick over like he was dessert, and he asked him if he could see his place. I’ve not seen Matteo interested in anybody in a long time. Not since that guy he dated years ago.”
“Well, he’s not going after Nick. Now cut that jealous bullshit out.”
I sighed. I knew he was right. It just infuriated me when I thought of Matteo being alone with Nick.
“In other news,” Blaze said, “Dante and Isaac want to have the Fourth of July barbecue at their house. Your job is to help get the fireworks. Okay with you?”
“Sure,” I mumbled. “By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask when you and Lake are gonna make things official. I mean, Jesse and Celine, Zeke and Morgan, Dante and Isaac—all three in the throes of marital bliss. Even Axel and Caleb are engaged. But here you and Lake sit, stagnant-”
“We’re not stagnant,” Blaze said, and I couldn’t help but smile because revenge was sweet.
“But no ring? Haven’t even looked at one?”
“None of your business, Mendoza.” Blaze stood, grabbed my empty bottle, and strode into the kitchen, my laughter following him.
****
Back at Rainbow House, I found Katy and Mike in the kitchen baking.
“Cookies? Really? What about dinner?” I asked.
“Cookies sounded better,” Mike said. I was happy to see him slowly coming out of his shell.
“You gotta have something nutritious in you first,” I said.
“Yes, Daddy.” Katy snickered.
I pulled my head out of the refrigerator and looked at her. Had she overheard me and Nick? But she continued dropping dough onto the greased pan and chatting with Mike, so I figured she was just razzing me for bossing them around.
Feet thudded down the stairs and Nathan appeared in the kitchen.
“The coffee shop took me on full time!” He flashed white teeth in a grin.
“That’s great, man.” I slapped Nathan on the back as Katy and Mike congratulated him.
“Yeah. Now I’ll be able to afford my own place soon.”
“Nobody’s in a hurry to get rid of you,” I said.
“I know.” Nathan reached for the cookie dough, and Katy swatted his hand away. “But the sooner I leave, the sooner a new bed opens up for someone else.”
Mike groaned. “I need a job.”
I snapped my fingers. “Hey, that reminds me. Can you work on cars?”
Mike shook his head.
“What about a register?”
“I’ve done some. I worked at a grocery store for a while before I came to New York City.”
“My friend Zeke mentioned he needs someone to work in the garage he runs with his old man. You interested?”
Mike’s face lit up. “Yeah, of course! Do you think he’d hire me?”
“I’m positive he will,” I said, sending a quick text to Zeke. The reply came back quickly. “He says you can start tomorrow. I’ll give you the address.”
Mike hugged the life out of me.
“Thank you, Jeo,” he said.
“No problem. The best thanks will be to see you on your feet and getting closer to being the person you want to be.”
Noticing the overflowing trash can, I tied it and headed outside to the can. As I approached the back door to come in again, I overheard Mike say, “Jeo’s so great. I want to be just like him someday.” The words sank in, completely foreign and very flattering. Had anyone ever said they wanted to be like me before? Maybe my little brothers once upon a time, but that had been in another life. I’d been feeling lousy about myself for so long, I didn’t know how to take it.
I walked into the house, pretending I hadn’t heard. “How about we order a few pizzas?”
The others agreed, and I made the call. Afterward, I entered the living room, finding myself suddenly wanting to talk to Nick. I dialed before I could think too hard about why.
“Hello?” Just the sound of Nick’s voice did something to me. My heart sped up, and I felt inexplicably…better.
“Hey,” I said as casually as I could.
Nick
cleared his throat. “Hey. What’s up?”
I immediately knew something was off.
“You upset about something?”
“What? No, I’m just tired. I’m helping Tony unpack some stuff,” Nick said.
“Oh, well, how about taking a break? I just ordered some pizzas. Katy and Mike are making cookies.”
“Okay.” Nick sounded surprised. “I’ve pretty much finished here. I’ll go down and take a shower. Be there soon.”
When we disconnected, I immediately texted Tony, telling him to call me as soon as Nick left.
“What’s going on?” he asked when I answered his call.
“Nick gone?”
“I can follow directions, Jeo,” Tony said irritably.
“What’s wrong with him? He sounded funny on the phone.”
Tony exhaled loudly. “Nothing serious. You should ask him.”
“T,” I said angrily. “Tell me.”
“It’s not a big deal!” He sighed. “He just accidentally got locked in the bathroom.”
I frowned. “And?”
“And it freaked him out. Remember, Bruder locked Nick in a closet for hours. It’s made him weird about small spaces. He panics. When I finally got the door open, he had to breathe into a bag for five minutes in order to calm down.”
I wondered why Nick hadn’t told me. I guessed he was too embarrassed.
“Was he okay when he left?”
“Of course. God, you think I’d let him leave if he wasn’t?”
“Guess not,” I muttered.
“Jesus, Jeo. You need to figure out what your feelings are. I swear, if you up and dump Nick when it’s obvious you really care about him, I’m going to kill you.”
Where the hell had that come from?
“Mike, you set the napkin on fire!” I heard from the kitchen.
“Gotta go, T.” As I raced into the kitchen to see what the fuck was going on, I wondered if Nick would tell me about his panic attack if I prompted him a little. The thought that he might not bothered me more than it probably should.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Nick
“What?” I asked Jeo. “Why’re you looking at me like that?”
We’d finished the pizza, and the residents of Rainbow House had all retired to their beds except for Ellis and Mike, who were playing a game of chess in the front room.
“I could tell something was bugging you on the phone,” he said, wiping down the counter. “You said you were tired. Just wondered if there was more to it than that.”
I paused. I really didn’t want Jeo to know I’d freaked out just because the bathroom door had jammed.
“No, just lack of sleep. And helping Tony get his stuff put away wore me out.”
Jeo finished cleaning the counters, then flipped off the kitchen lights. “I’ll take you home.”
Outside, the balmy night air kissed my skin. Jeo started to climb on his bike, and, feeling suddenly uneasy, I grabbed his hand.
“Hey. What’s wrong?”
He stared down at me, eyes unreadable. “Nothing.”
“Come on.” I squeezed his fingers. “You’re angry at me.” I didn’t like the feeling. At all.
“Why would I be angry at you?” he asked and swung his leg over his bike.
He handed me my helmet, and before I put it on, I leaned in and kissed him. At first Jeo remained motionless, but gradually, as my lips moved over his, he began to respond. The feel of his tongue pushing into my mouth made me suck in a breath. He ran his hand through my hair, forehead pressed against mine. I thought he was going to say something, but he didn’t. My heart did a funny little flip.
“You have to come back here tonight?” I asked.
Jeo shook his head, moving mine with it. “No. Gabe’s gonna be here by ten.”
I kissed him again. “Good. Then maybe you can stay with me?”
“Sure,” he said and strapped on his helmet.
Normally, I enjoyed riding on the back of Jeo’s motorcycle, but I couldn’t get rid of the feeling that I’d somehow made him mad. Or disappointed him in some way, which was even worse.
When we walked inside my building, Jeo said, “Why don’t you go on up in the elevator? I want to take the stairs. I need the exercise.”
I frowned, not letting go of his hand as he started to pull away. “I’ll take the stairs with you.”
“What for? You said you were tired from helping Tony today.”
That was true.
“Go on, Nick. I’ll be up in a minute.”
I stayed where I was even though he was heading for the stairwell. He turned back to me when he reached the door. I glanced nervously toward the hall before turning and walking that way. I pressed the button for the elevator, finger trembling. I could do this. I could take the elevator up eight floors. Nothing would happen. I wouldn’t get stuck in there. I’d taken elevators many times in my life. Nothing to it—just step inside and wait.
I bit my lip. The doors slid open, and I stared into the empty space. Taking a deep breath, I stepped on and turned to face the doors. When they started to close, I frantically reached out and hit the button to stop them.
I stepped back out.
Five minutes later, I still leaned against the wall opposite the elevator. I could hear the night security moving around down the hall, but otherwise, the building was quiet. My eyes flicked up to the numbers above the elevator when they started moving upward. They stopped at the eighth floor. When the numbers gradually began to come down again, I remained where I was and didn’t move when Jeo stepped out.
“Nick,” he said softly.
“I don’t like small spaces anymore. Not since Bruder locked me in a closet. Happy?” I turned my head look at him.
Jeo sagged against the wall. “Not really. I would have rather you told me without the pressure.”
I studied his face. “Why? It’s embarrassing. I don’t like people to know.”
“And I’m just…people?” Jeo surprised me by asking. I wasn’t sure what to reply.
Jeo sighed. “I think I’ll head home. Let me ride up with you first.”
“I can take the stairs,” I said, heading that way. I could hear him striding after me but didn’t stop or hold the door for him as I entered the stairwell.
“Nick,” he said, pounding up the stairs behind me. “Nick, hold on.”
I continued climbing, but Jeo caught up to me between the third and fourth floors. Grabbing me by the arm, he swung me around.
“Why are you running away from me?”
“I don’t know, Jeo, why do you think? I had to ask you to spend the night with me, and then you tricked me into telling you something you obviously already knew. Then, after I said it, you announced you weren’t staying after all.”
He winced and ran his hand through his hair, making it fall rakishly into his eyes. “Sounds bad when you put it like that.”
I clutched my hands into fists and started to respond, then changed my mind and started up the next flight of stairs.
Jeo followed me. When we finally reached my floor and I opened my apartment door, he pushed his way in.
“Go away,” I said.
“I’m sorry.” Jeo placed his hands on my shoulders, but I shrugged them away.
“I’m sorry, Nick. I wasn’t trying to be an ass. I guess it just comes naturally to me.” His lips curved upward.
“Don’t try to charm me,” I spat at him. “I’m pissed at you.”
“I can see that.” He wasn’t being flip; I could see in his eyes that he regretted his earlier actions. He licked his lips. “I guess I was just hurt.”
I frowned. “Hurt?”
“That you didn’t confide in me. I had to ask Tony what was bothering you. Is it that you don’t trust me?” He stepped back. “I guess I can’t blame you for that.”
“I trust you,” I said. “Fuck, Jeo, I let you into my body with that monster cock. Of course I trust you. I just don’t want to look like a fool in fron
t of you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being scared of small spaces after having some psychopath lock you into one, Nick.”
I chewed on my lip and looked away. I knew he was right, but it was still embarrassing. The way I’d acted when I couldn’t get Tony’s bathroom door open—God, if Cane had been there, I would have died. It was bad enough Tony had witnessed it.
“I couldn’t stand being in there and not being able to get out.” I shuddered. “Tony had to bring me a bag to breath into because I was hyperventilating. It was awful. It had only happened about ten minutes before you called. I was still reeling.”
Jeo ran his hand down my arm, and this time, I leaned closer to him, relieved almost to tears when he took me into his arms. Nothing felt better than being held by Jeovanni Mendoza, and why did I have to go and fall for the man? What had made me so attracted to him in the first place? A porn star with a raging libido and huge ego who hadn’t been able to get to work on time.
But even back then I’d seen there was so much more to Jeo.
“I’m not leaving,” he said into my hair. “Even if you want me to.”
For the briefest of moments, I thought he meant he’d never leave me, but then I realized he meant that night. I nodded against him.
“I’ll help you fix this, okay?” Lifting my chin with his finger, he kissed me, nibbling at my lips until I opened my mouth, and then ravishing me while I clung to him. He picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him while he carried me to the bedroom, all the while knowing the night would just be one more tie binding me to him that would hurt like hell when it was ripped away.
But at that moment, I had Jeovanni in my arms and for the time being, he was mine.
****
Dante and Isaac had rented a tent to put up in their yard for the Fourth of July barbecue. Axel and Cane helped them put it up.
We’d decided it would be easier to prepare the food in Isaac’s big kitchen, so several of us opted to spend the night before the holiday there. Not only were we celebrating Independence Day, but we were also celebrating Dante’s graduation from law school and the new job he’d just gotten at a prestigious law firm in Manhattan. I’d brought several brands of mixed drinks in bottles as well as the ingredients to make my special red, white, and blue marshmallow “salad.”
The Diva and his Daddy Page 13