I look at Jolene, who’s still staring blankly into the horizon. “Is everything all right?”
Jolene’s gaze comes to me and that’s when I see it. She’s crying. Before I can stop myself, I put my arm around her shoulder and pull her against me. I still have no clue why she’s crying, but I want to let her know, that no matter what, I’m here for her.
For a while, we sit there like this. Jolene keeps crying, and I just hold her. Not a word is spoken. I can feel her starting to relax, seems like she needed a shoulder to cry on, and I’m happy to be here for that. No matter what it is, I’m sure that the two of us, can work it out. She lifts her head up from my shoulder and looks at me with red, swollen eyes.
“I’m so sorry, I guess I needed that.”
“What’s wrong?”
She looks at me with so much sadness in her eyes; it takes all my willpower not to pull her into another hug. “I’m so sorry about this, but when I was looking at you and your family, you guys looked so close and happy. I miss my mom and dad, and how life was so much like this with them. I miss them every day.”
I suddenly feel like a selfish bastard. I never thought about that. Here I was, wondering if she was about to tell me she didn’t want anything to do with me. Turns out she’s sad because her family passed away and this whole day triggered it. Why didn’t I think of that?
“I’m sorry, Jolene, it didn’t occur to me that this would remind you of your parents. It’s normal for you to miss them.”
With the back of her hand, she wipes away the last of her tears from her face. Then she looks at me with such vulnerability in her eyes, it makes my chest ache. “Can you help me? Make me forget? Make me not think about it for a while?”
I smile at her. If she wants to shut off her mind, then I’ll do everything in my power to make sure of that. “Gladly.”
I bend forward, I’m sure she thinks I’m about to kiss her. She closes her eyes and before she realizes what’s happening, I drag her with me into the pool. We both go under, but when Jolene comes above the water and I see that heart-stopping smile on her lips, I know this was worth it.
She brushes the hair away from her face and looks at me. She jumps into my arms and kisses me. She kisses me with such fiery passion. I pull her wet body against mine and kiss her with a desire I’ve never felt before. It scares me and excites me at the same time.
I have to find a way to be with her. But I’m too afraid to tell her. She’ll run away because she clearly stated the rules before we got into this. I’ll just have to settle for enjoying every moment I can spend with her until this summer is over.
AFTER SPENDING AN AMAZING weekend at my parents’ house it kills me to be back in this hotel. I had Jolene to myself for an entire weekend. I didn’t need to worry about any prying eyes. If I wanted to kiss her, I kissed her. If I wanted to hold her hand, I held her hand. If I wanted to... Well, I did. It’s a weekend I’m going to remember for as long as I live.
And speaking of the devil, guess who just walked into the lounge? Looking mighty fine as always. Now all I can think about is the time we spent together in the pool the first night. She glances at me, but quickly looks away. That’s when I remember we’re not alone. The entire band is here, including her brother. If I can’t control my urges, he’ll kick my ass for touching his sister the way I did this weekend. Seems like she knows I’m still thinking about her, because she glances over her shoulder at me and gives me a devilish smile.
She’s wearing extremely short denim shorts that make her long legs look even longer. The black top she’s wearing clings to every curve of her body, which I know so well now. Looking closely, I doubt she’s even wearing a bra. And to make matters worse, she’s wearing those fuck-me-sandals! The ones I promised her she could wear the next time I fucked her. She winks at me and then heads over to Karen. They tell each other something and they laugh about it.
The door opens again, and Sticks walks inside, followed by Camille. Camille doesn’t stop to talk to the guys, she goes directly over to Karen and Jolene. I’m glad Jolene gets along so well with them.
Tim comes closer to me and looks at the three of them standing together.
“Well, she looks mighty fine again today,” he mumbles.
“Excuse me?”
“What? I know she’s Max’s little sister, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have eyes. Look at that ass, dude.”
Without thinking, I snap at Tim. “You stay the hell away from her, you hear me?”
At first, he gives me a puzzled look, then he lifts his eyebrow and grins.
Ah, fuck! Now, I’m screwed. Why did I have to react like that? Now he’s going to figure out there’s something going on between me and Jolene. I might as well have gone and pissed around her like a dog marking its territory. I’m about to say something to undo the damage done when Sticks comes over to us.
“You guys ready for the bachelor party?”
Tim, who hasn’t wiped that stupid grin off his face answers. “Oh, we are more than ready, aren’t we, John?”
Sticks gives us a puzzled look. I just laugh and pretend I don’t know what Tim is talking about. It takes a while before Sticks and the rest of the band leave, but as soon as they do, a very curious Tim comes straight at me.
“What the fuck is going on between you and Max’s baby sister?”
Tim, never one to pull any punches and goes right to the heart of the matter.
I hate it when he calls Jolene Max’s baby sister. That reminds me of how complicated this all is. But what should I tell him? That I am in love with Jolene? That I would move heaven and earth for her to be with me? But that I’m afraid she’s not into that? Should I tell Tim about the deal I made with her? Shit, I don’t even know where to begin.
“Long story.”
“Well, then we better grab a drink,” Tim says, determined to find out everything.
“SHIT, MAN,” TIM SAYS. “I thought you were going to tell me you had a one-night stand kind of thing with her, but this... what are you going to do?”
I just confessed everything to Tim. Like, everything. About our little adventure with Carlos the purple vibrator, our first night together, the fact that I took her with me to my parents’ this weekend... And I have to say, I feel the weight lift off from my shoulders after finally being able to talk to someone about this. It was starting to eat me alive. And even if he can’t help me find a solution, it’s nice that I have someone to talk to now.
I comb my hands through my hair. “I don’t know, I’m the one who encouraged her to take a risk, to take a walk on the wild side for once. If I confess my love for her, I’ll be the one holding her down.”
“I think you should talk to her, what if she feels the same?”
“We have a deal. And besides, she’s determined to keep this a secret. If that doesn’t say anything about how she feels, nothing else can.”
“You never know unless you ask her.” Tim grins at me. “It’s rather nice to see you like this, though. She’s got you by the balls, my friend.”
“Tell me something I don’t already know.”
But what if he’s right? What if I tell her and she does feel the same way? I might end up with everything I ever wanted. Or she doesn’t and I end up losing everything.
18
Jolene
Nightclub Diamond is our last stop for the night. My feet are killing me after a long day of walking around, but I promised Camille and the gang I would tag along. This bachelorette party has been exhausting, but it’s the best party I’ve ever been at. Camille looks super sexy in her leather mini skirt and halter top. She’s wearing a white sash that says, Bride to be. She carries it as if it’s what she wears every day.
When we’re all on the dance floor, we notice we’re not the only ones who are here tonight. Apparently, the men’s bachelor party ends here too. Jonathan, John, Max, Tim, and a bunch of other guys I’ve never met before have already hit the floor. Jonathan’s standing with his back to us,
until Tim points in our direction. Jonathan turns around and his attention immediately goes to Camille.
Oh God, I even get warm by the way he’s looking at her. His gaze goes from her feet to her legs, and then farther up. When he gets to her bosom, you can see him swallow hard, which makes his Adam’s apple bob up and down. When their eyes meet, it’s as if everything else around them disappears.
Camille puts her hands on her waist and poses seductively. She wets her lips with the tip of her tongue, never breaking eye contact. Jonathan pushes his beer bottle toward Max and begins walking over to Camille. It’s like everyone in the room went silent and are looking at Jonathan and Camille.
His gaze travels up and down her body one more time before he pulls her close for a kiss. Not just a kiss. He devours her. Everyone in the club erupts into a big cheer and they put their hands together for the happy couple. I don’t think they even notice, their lips still locked in a never-ending kiss. There’s no doubt about it. Those two are made for each other. When I look at them, I only hope I will find my own happily ever after someday. With a man who loves me as much as I love him.
Jonathan bends Camille backward. When he finally lets go of her lips, they both have the brightest smiles on their faces. Those two are going to grow old together, that much is clear.
When I look away toward the dance floor, I can see John looking at me, instead of Jonathan and Camille. As if on cue, a slow song starts to play and John curls his fingers to teasingly invite me to come over. I look around to see where Max is, but he’s too busy dancing with a group of ladies to even notice me. So, I guess it’s safe to go over to John.
I walk to him and he puts his arm around me as soon as I’m within his reach. That safe feeling I always get when I’m in his arms returns immediately. He pulls me with him to the side of the dance floor. Now that we’re out of sight a bit, he starts to dance. As soon as he does, I forget about my painful feet. This morning I decided not to stress about my feelings for John. For once I’m going to enjoy my time with him and get the most out of the time that’s left.
John bends forward and talks into my ear. “Did you have a nice day?”
“You have no idea what we’ve been up to, and maybe it’s best that it stays that way.”
I feel his laugh vibrate through his chest. This is one of the reasons I love him. He’s always happy, always smiling. I can talk to him about everything and he’s always sincere. Wait, did I just say I love him? What the fuck is wrong with me? I just reminded myself not to think that way, and the first thing he says to me makes my brain melt. John made the terms of this deal as clear as day. Whatever we have will end when the summer does. I’m sure he has tons of girls waiting in line to be the next one. If I told him how I feel, he would run screaming.
A sexy upbeat song starts to play, and all the ladies of the bachelorette party line up for the next dance. The men are standing nearby, watching us in complete amusement.
Although I would rather be in John’s arms, I’m enjoying dancing with the ladies. And this gives me an opportunity to go all out. I can dance to seduce John, and no one will know, except him. I can see the sparks in his eyes. His gaze never leaving mine when I dance. I can feel the heat rising with every second that passes. If only I could tell him how I feel. It might be my imagination, but what if he feels the same? What if we could be together and spend the rest of our lives being this happy?
When I look around, I see all the ladies dancing, and more than a few have got their eyes trained at John. Ah, who am I kidding, I could never compete with them.
I’VE BEEN LYING IN bed for more than an hour now, and sleep hasn’t come yet. You would think after the long day I’ve had I would fall asleep the instant my head hit the pillow, but I can’t turn my brain off. All these images of this evening are still dancing around in my mind.
All the job applications are sent, so what will I do if I get accepted to one of them? It’s scary, I don’t feel like I’m ready to be standing in front of a classroom all by myself. On top of that, I only sent out applications to schools in my neighborhood, which means I would have to go back if any one of them offers me a position. Even though I miss my friends, I don’t think I am ready to go back home. To be honest, I don’t think I ever will be. There are just too many memories of my parents there.
Not only in the house but everywhere. We live in a small town, so every street, every store, everything has a memory of them in it. The little street next to the lake is where Dad taught us how to ride our bikes. The playground where we spent hours together, the local pool where Mom always took me to swimming classes. Yeah, there’s not a place there that doesn’t have a memory.
Neither I nor Max have been in our parents’ room since the accident. We closed the door and haven’t gone back inside. Of course, we both know that that day will have to come sooner rather than later. It’s the inevitable moment I’m really not looking forward to.
I’m startled when I hear a soft knock on my door. It’s the middle of the night, so that could only be one person. I step out of the bed, put on my bathrobe and open the door to see John standing in the hallway. His upper torso is naked, and my eyes immediately drop to his tattoo. I used to hate tattoos, but now that I’ve seen John’s tattoo up close, I know now that the right tattoo on the right person can be very sexy.
Without saying a word, John lets himself into the room, straight to the bed and lies down on it. I don’t even ask questions. I close the door and follow him to the bed and lie next to him. We’re facing each other, but neither of us says a word. John looks tired.
“Why are you here?” I finally ask.
He gives an exhausted sigh. “I couldn’t sleep.”
His eyes search my face, I don’t know what he hopes to see there, but I give him a small smile. I run my hand gently over his cheek and watch him close his eyes.
“Sleep tight, John.”
“Sleep tight, Jolene.”
I FEEL SURPRISINGLY well-rested despite the short night. I turn around in bed, only to notice that the other side of the bed is empty. I immediately sit up straight. This time it’s not me who ran. I’m still not entirely sure what John was looking for last night. Why did he come over here? Was it because he couldn’t sleep without me? Or was there something more?
I know exactly how he feels; I got used to falling asleep in his arms the last few days, and now I’m sure it will be hard for me after this summer when he’s no longer around. That’s why I was so glad to see him standing outside my door last night. But now he’s gone? Without even saying anything? Or am I reading way too much into this?
I almost jump out of my skin when the bathroom door swings open and John walks into the room. His hair is still wet and the only thing covering his naked body is the towel wrapped around his waist.
“Good morning,” he says cheerfully.
I don’t say a word until he comes and sits next to me on the bed.
“You’re still here.”
It’s not a question, it’s more of a statement. Maybe I will believe it if I say it out loud.
He laughs. “Where did you think I was?”
“I thought, well, you weren’t in bed anymore when I woke up, so I thought you went back to your room.”
John stands up from the bed and drops his towel. My gaze immediately goes to the part of his body that’s no longer covered. I look at every gorgeous naked inch of him. When my gaze moves back up, I can see him looking intently at me.
“I wouldn’t want to start my day without you,” he grins.
Well, who am I to deny him his wish?
19
John
Max, Tim, and I are lined up by the altar, waiting for Jonathan. When he came to pick us up this morning, I had to do a double take to make sure it was him. He looked totally different in his wedding tux. He finally arrives and joins us. For someone about to get hitched, he looks totally relaxed. Who would have guessed that Sticks would be the first one of us to tie the knot?
Camille is only halfway down the aisle when Jonathan runs over to her. He pulls her toward him and kisses her. The whole crowd laughs and applaud. What can we say, it’s just typical Jonathan, always impatient, especially when it comes to Camille. But when he breaks up the kiss, you can see the most brilliant smile on Camille’s face. These two have withstood some big storms together, but they are exactly where they are supposed to be. With each other.
THE PARTY ENDED LATE but we finally arrive back at the hotel. The band shared the ride back together, so it was impossible for me to join Jolene in her room. It’s starting to get very difficult to hide it from everyone. The longer this goes on, the more I feel like we should tell them. But she gives no indication at all that she wants to do that. Doesn’t she want to be seen with me? Or would there be another reason?
Say You Desire Me (Full Moon, #3) Page 11