4.Know deep in your heart that you’ll get there. You’ll get there because you’re not going to stop until you do. There’s no giving up anymore. Not only do you have a can’t stop, won’t stop attitude, you are not going to stop making and scoring goals for the rest of your life.
5.This is what ultimate vulnerability is . . . . Thinking like this is ultimate openness. This is you trusting whatever is out there that we don’t understand. You cannot possibly comprehend all of it; there’s too much. You have to rely on that possibility that the space between what is and what isn’t may have just what you need to get you where you need to go. Have the faith that there is something bigger than you that is going to help you through and give you the help you need. Believe that there is something bigger than you that will protect you to make sure that you get through it. Trust me. It’s there for you. For some it’s God, Buddha, Jesus, Ganesh, Hanuman, or simply light. Whatever you do . . . believe in something.
6.Bring your arms back down and hold your hands together in your lap. Take a few more deep breaths.
7.Close the meditation out by seeing what you initially began with coming to fruition. See the entire scenario. See the smiles on the faces of everyone involved. The more you focus on this, the closer it will come to being your reality, especially if this is meant to be. Obviously, time, circumstances, and fate play a role here, but the key factor in these meditations is being honest about what you want the outcome to be. Let the universe take care of the rest. I truly believe that, because this meditation has worked for me on many occasions.
PART II
INTENTION
“Wake up . . . show up . . . live it up . . . !”
THREE
SETTING YOUR INTENTIONS
What does it mean to set your intentions? It means making a statement that represents your commitment to do something. I like to make these statements daily, or before any task, big or small, that helps me live in my purpose. It might sound simple, but this is an incredibly empowering process that clears your head so you can move forward. It forces you to slow down and focus on why you are doing what you are doing and how you are going to do it. It helps you to live life intentionally (get it?) instead of haphazardly. Knowing what your intentions are is the first step toward creating change in your life. Once you’ve made your intentions known, you can go about setting goals. I know that as someone with ADHD, if I don’t do this, I’m screwed!
STATE YOUR INTENTIONS
What do you need help with? What kind of power are you looking for? Do you have a tough issue at work you need to deal with? Are you trying to fit in your workout today? Are you about to sit in your car in traffic and all those bad drivers give you anxiety? Do you have a wedding to go to where you will have to deal with difficult family members?
Setting your intention gets you ready and psychs you up for the task at hand. It’s saying, “Okay, I’m going to do this. I’m getting ready. I am focusing on the now.” It’s a little pep talk you give yourself about how you are going to handle a situation.
You set your intention by stating it out loud. Believe me, if you wake up in a grouchy mood and say, “I know I am going to have a bad day,” you will have one. If, instead, you say, “I am not going to let this grouchy mood ruin my day. I am going to go for a run and then come back and eat a big bowl of blueberries with Greek yogurt and honey because that makes me feel good,” you are going to undo the crappy mood and feel a whole lot better.
My goal with every class I teach is to encourage and empower my students to use their physical strength and fortitude to infuse every other aspect of their lives. In order to reach that goal, I always set and state my intentions before class starts. Either I set my intentions when I am taking the short walk from my apartment to the studio, or I shut the door to my office, and I turn off my phone because I need quiet and to be alone, without any interruptions. It’s my time to focus and get my energy ready so I can power up. I’ll close my eyes. Take a deep breath. Exhale, releasing anything I’m holding on to in my body, state my intention out loud (“I am going to give 100 percent of myself to make this a kick-ass class!”), and then I go right into choosing my music for that session.
Doing this for myself sets the tone for the class and for the rest of my students’ day. I’m also choosing music that has a certain beat and feeling to it to reinforce the intentions I’ve decided upon. Some songs are so cheery you just want to sing along. Others are longer and slower, building up to an eventual crescendo subtly so that my students don’t realize how hard they’ve been working to stay on the beat until the song is over.
For example, I once asked a friend who’s a novelist how his process worked—where his plots and characters came from, what inspired him, how he did it. He told me that once he sorted out the general theme, he’d go to bed and start dreaming the characters, and then over time they would coalesce into more detailed scenes. He’d wake up and tell himself what he would write for the day. What he then added resonated with me the most: “I never actually put pen to paper until I know the general outline of the plot. Especially the ending. Some writers can write without a blueprint, but not me. I have to know where my characters are going in order to get them there.”
What this writer was doing was creating a goal (to write a book). Without putting a name to what he was doing, he was setting his daily intentions to reach that goal. He went over his tasks in his head; he stated them aloud; he found his motivation; and he was then able to get to work.
Like this writer, start small with stating your intentions at first. All you need is a calm and quiet minute. What’s most important it is to be alone and uninterrupted when you set up your intention for the day. It is you empowering yourself to get going.
Once you get used to setting intentions for a minute every morning you can increase the time you spend as you get more comfortable doing it. Your intention goal is fifteen minutes of meditation. You’ll soon become so used to this kind of intense focusing that you will enjoy taking more time to do it. Eventually, this intention-setting time can be about visualizing yourself in these actual intentions—in other words, knowing what your intention is and picturing yourself living it.
When you set your intentions, not only will your work flow better, but you will be calmer and more focused when faced with the usual stresses of life. Instead of being anxious about your first meeting of the day (you know, the one with the unpleasant boss who always puts you on edge), your intention not to take this boss’s comments personally will lesson your worries about your performance at work. Instead of dreading the commute home when you know you will be stuck in traffic, your intention to buy an audio book and listen to that instead will leave you calmer and less aggravated by the other drivers.
In addition to stating your intentions aloud, I always say, “LYSU”—line your shit up! That means figuring out your tasks for the day. What are you doing after you leave for work? What is the most pressing issue you need to be prepared for? Do you have an important meeting? Is there an issue with your child’s teacher? Is it an easy day when all you have to worry about is dusting the shelves in the living room, buying food for the dog, and having lunch with your boyfriend?
The Lineup Sheet is my version of a to-do list. Some Lineup Sheets will be easy, like a shopping list of tasks that take little energy or are fun to do. Some will be a little more complicated if you’re dealing with matters that are sensitive. Line it up anyway, as this will help you keep your thoughts and your emotions in order and really assist with those I-am-overwhelmed sensations. Any time I have boxes to check, I turn it into a game, and I make sure I check all the boxes before the end of the day. Like this:
DMV
Call GMA
Call Mom
For all your Lineup Sheets, get a piece of paper and a pen. You can’t do this on a computer—you need to sit at a table and desk and focus on the paper.
SG TRUTH Since the dawning of the iPhone, I tend to do the boxes in my iPhone calenda
r, but it’s not the same! Make the effort to write this down and make the boxes. It works! Post-its are great to fit in your wallet.
Here’s what to do: On the right side of a piece of paper, write down what you have to do—call mom, call plumber, call little Johnny’s teacher, send résumé to XYZ, go to FedEx, pay parking tickets, buy a book to read on vacation, send your friend who’s sick some flowers.
Draw little squares to the left of each task. This way, when you check the box, you know you’ve put something in the pipeline of change. The more checked boxes, the happier you will be with your day.
What I’m doing here is trying to give you a bad-ass-y yet nice way to look at these lists. I know the word task is one of those clichéd kind of words and doesn’t pack a lot of punch. So if, instead, we use the word shit with a positive attitude, and with a positive tone, it will put some velocity behind what you’re doing. So say it with me: “I’ve got to line my shit up. LMSU!”
Feels good, right? You bet it does.
I LOVE MY NOTEBOOKS
What’s the one thing I am never without? No, not a bottle of water. My favorite trusty little notebook. I’m always getting ideas, and I know that if I don’t write them down, I may not remember them. Yes, I could use my phone, but when it comes to ideas, I prefer to write them rather than type them. Besides, having a notebook makes me more conscious of the fact that I am having ideas worthy of writing down—and that, in turn, spurs even more ideas.
Here’s another scenario. Let’s say you know you have to have an uncomfortable conversation with your spouse about things you want to do to liven up your relationship. Maybe your needs aren’t being met anymore, and you’re asking yourself, “Is it something I’m not doing in our relationship that’s making my partner unhappy?”
You put on your Lineup Sheet: What can we do to make our relationship awesome again? When you line it up, think of things that you would be willing to do to make your partner happier. These could be to plan more things to do together, go out to dinner once a week, have more adventures, rub their feet when they get home after a long day, talk about more issues that are important to both of you, or have breakfast together every morning to fill each other in on daily events in your life, etc.
Coaches know all about LYSU; it’s the whole point of training or rehearsing or studying. Someone throws the ball at you, you reach up to catch it, you slip, you fall, what are you going to do to recoup? You may fall nine times, but on the tenth time you are fearlessly up and running without hesitation. It’s the long-term training requiring drills, practice, and repetition until you can easily catch the ball and run with it. Remember, everyone falls. Falling is not failure. Falling is part of the game of life.
As long as you have the instinct in your body to get up and try again, you’re going to be okay. And you are going to realize that you are strong, and that no matter what happens in your life, you’re good. That’s the point of the Lineup Sheet. You have a plan, a list to hold you accountable for putting your life in motion. It is taking your intentions and giving yourself a list of things to do to help make them happen.
Stating your intentions and acknowledging the tasks required to fulfill them is what allows you to take the first turn of the knob toward a happier life. Your life revolves around your ultimate happiness and living with intention and taking the proper steps is how to tap into your happy, every single day.
SG TRUTH Since I got my iPhone, I sometimes use Notes on it, but I always have a real notebook and a pen close by, too!
I think carrying the notebook is one of the best habits you can have. It will also help you take notes when you’re reading this book, not just about my experiences, but about what I’m saying that particularly resonates with you in the moment you’re reading it. You could write, for example, “Ideas of healing” or “Ask for help” or “Move it!” or “Get a jolt!” or anything that jumps out at you. You can keep these notes in the notebook or put them on Post-its and stick them where they’re going to inspire you. Before you know it, you’ll have entire notebooks full of amazing ideas that will inspire and motivate you, and you won’t have to worry about accidentally erasing them the next time you hit the wrong key on your phone! And if your phone ever dies, you’ll still have your notes!
REINFORCING YOUR INTENTIONS WITH VISUALIZATION
Imagine that you have the power to visualize your destiny, and that today could be that day where you cross over into a new level of success in a more creative way, with out-of-the-box thinking and a unique approach to your goals. Imagine that for a second.
Time to visualize this success! In vivid, three-dimensional color, right down to the faded blue hue of your jeans and the soft and well-worn texture of your favorite T-shirt!
I would never be where I am today without visualization. I visualized myself as a teacher, as a loving partner, and as someone who kept quitting cigarettes until it eventually stuck. Of all the toxic things I gave up, smoking was by far one of the hardest. It took me five different times to visualize quitting, but I never gave up. A telling moment was when a seven-year-old found my cigarette butt in the toilet and shrieked through the house, “Someone was smoking!” So much for trying to hide that fail!
Let me be brutally open about this topic. It took me many, many failed attempts at quitting the toxic things I allowed into my life. (I have a method for quitting everything, but that is past the scope of this book—you can read about it in my next one!) This was due to me being what I called a triple-threat kinda gal. When I say that, I don’t mean it in the athletic sense. I mean I had issues as a smoker, a drinker, and a drug user. It totally sucked. I hate admitting that, but the me now will never again be the me I used to be. There is not a chance in hell that I will go back to being Crazy Stacey ever again. Finally, after over ten years of being sober (with the help of my partner, my friends, my family, and my students), I am more connected to the sober version of myself than I was to the partying, crazy version of me.
Everything in your universe starts with what you think—your intentions—followed by your actions. You can totally push forward once you identify what you want. After you have stated your intentions, visualization allows you to see what you want in your mind’s eye and turn it into reality. It clears your mind of all other thoughts except those you’re focusing on with calm intent. This lets your brain do the work for you. During visualizations, you can watch a movie in your mind based on all your new ideas of what you want in your life.
Your visualization can be an image of something positive (“I want a new job”) or something you are trying to overcome (“I want to stop smoking”), or anything at all. It’s like Mad Libs, that fill-in-the-blank game you probably played when you were younger. What I’m going to show you how to do is play out the scenario in your head, imagining yourself in that situation attaining the results you seek. I want you to visualize every step of the way, down to the color of the shoes you are wearing and the jewelry on your wrist during the handshake you make with your boss when he promotes you and gives you a raise, to the ecstatic blush on your cheeks and the jubilant e-mail you send to your friends with the good news.
When you are finished with your visualization, bring your attention back to your breathing and slowly begin to come back to your body and the space you are in. Sit up tall. Your breathing might have changed, along with your body position. You might feel energized, or you might be a bit tired. These are all normal responses, and show you how powerful the visualization actually was.
Remember your feelings of confidence, success, and achievement. Remember how vivid the images were and how mentally tough and inspired you feel. And because you wrote the script, you can recall these images and feelings anytime you choose.
Look, it’s totally normal that doing visualizations may feel weird in the beginning. It takes a pretty grounded, centered, and ready person to sit and visualize. I understand if you aren’t ready, and I also understand if you’re not into them. No biggie! They are here fo
r those of you who need calm in your life, who need help focusing and manifesting some things. I’m not expecting my friend Deepak to read this and go, “Oh, I never thought of that.” These practices have been used for thousands of years—I’m just packaging them my way!
If you have trouble with visualizations at first, don’t worry. It’s a learned skill, and like any other skill, it can sometimes take a while for you to learn. One way is to try picturing your favorite photo—of you. I believe in motivational fridge pics if they are of you in a happy place, not a retouched photo of a supermodel or a fitness guru.
Visualization for Empowerment
This is a very grounding visualization that will empower you by setting a positive vibration for your day.
1.Close your eyes and sit in a comfortable position, in a spot where you won’t be interrupted. Imagine you are at the beach on a glorious summer’s day. Can you feel the soft breeze and taste the tang of the salty sea air? Of course you can!
2.Take your surfboard (yes, you—even if you don’t know how to swim or are scared of the big waves, you can imagine yourself out there in the surf) and run into the sea. Picture yourself lying flat on your tummy, easily paddling out past the shore break, the first set of waves. Turn yourself around now and face the shoreline, powerfully waiting for the next set.
3.Wait for the ideal wave, then pop up on your feet. You’re in charge. You’re balanced perfectly on the board, without a hint of fear. You soften your stance a little bit, confident of your position.
4.You ride the wave all the way back to the shore. It feels like you’re flying. You’ve never felt so alive, with the sound of the ocean and the splash of water on your feet, and your body so utterly in tune with the board and the wave beneath you.
Two Turns from Zero Page 6