My eyes bulged out of my head. “Shit, how old are you in this picture?”
“Sixteen.” Fuck, if I knew her then there wouldn’t be a doubt that I would’ve noticed her. “I developed early.”
“I’d say.” Her cheeks flushed adorably the longer I studied the picture. “Leila looks the same.”
“She does.” I handed her back the phone. “I miss her so much. She’s my voice of reason.”
“Oh yeah? I wonder what she would say about what happened between us last night?” My question was a challenge of sorts.
“No comment.” Her simple response spoke volumes, and I couldn’t hide the grin, knowing she’d spoken to Leila about me. “Should we get the check?” And just like that, the shutters came down. I wasn’t worried. Cocky as I may have been, I knew I could get them back up again.
We received our meals and ate in relative silence. Once done, since our phones were dead, it forced us to resort to old-fashioned methods to find a new route home. After I paid the check, we asked the owner for directions back to LA. He took a liking to Lori, teasing her to leave me for him. She tried to explain we weren’t a couple, and I then admitted we were about to be one, to which he cracked up laughing. Once he finally calmed down, he drew out a map, instructing us to take a maze of roadways in order to corkscrew around the damaged ones.
“Be careful, you two,” he said with a friendly wave. “You guys need to get home safe, get married, and have lots of babies. I’m counting on you, Cannon.”
“I’m just the man for the job, sir,” I called back, laughing as hard as he was when Lori flipped us both the bird.
Chapter 26
Cannon
What should have been a fifteen-minute drive took over an hour because of the three different detours we encountered. We chatted most of the way home, and she showed me an unguarded side of herself that I loved seeing.
Despite that, she still held back, refusing to discuss what had gone on in that room. It was almost comical how the topic of me eating her pussy never came up. It was her way to avoid the truth. By ignoring how she’d come on my tongue, she could ignore how much she’d liked it, how much she’d want to do it again, and how much she wanted more than that.
I allowed her that time, knowing once we got home all bets were off.
Of course, I couldn’t stop wondering where we would go from there. Those daydreams I’d been having hadn’t let up. In fact, the more we fought, the more tangible they became. Sick, I know, but fighting meant there was something there. Under that uptight smokescreen was a woman who would be perfect for me. I could see it, her and me together personally and professionally. It was right there in the forefront of my mind, along with the success everyone was so sure I’d achieve.
She hummed along to a tune on the country station I liked to listen to, unaware of the timer ticking down on the calm before the storm. The directional signal clicking as I pulled up to her condo meant her time was up.
Oblivious to what I was about to demand, she stretched, releasing a yawn. “God, I can’t wait to shower.” With her bag in one hand and the door handle in the other, she turned and gave me a genuine smile. “Guess I’ll talk to you later?” Her question sounded hopeful, even though it reeked of avoidance.
“I’m coming in.” A sudden sliver of contempt flashed in her eyes. I should’ve let her go, but we needed to talk about what had happened. Otherwise, she would shove it in one of her boxes and lock it away.
“Cannon.” Whenever she said my name in that tone, it meant she was caught off guard. I smirked knowingly as she fumbled with a response. “I don’t think… that’s a good idea.”
“I do. We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do, but not now. I need to call Jen for our weekly touch base and schedule the rest of your recording sessions.” She proceeded to get out of my truck, only turning when she heard my door slam shut. “Cannon,” she repeated, but a bit harsher.
“We’re discussing this now, Red.” I gave it right back to her. “We can do it out here on the sidewalk or in your condo. Either way, it’s happening.”
Predictably, her eyes glowed as green and as angry as the Hulk. “You’re such a child sometimes.”
There she is.
The words “you know damn well that isn’t true” sat on the tip of my tongue. Instead, I threw out an annoyed, “Whatever,” forcing my point by walking into her building. The defiant clacking of her boots on the tiled floor almost made me laugh out loud. Once at her condo door I suppressed my amusement while moving aside to let her unlock the it before following her in.
She no longer bothered hiding her annoyance when she tossed her bag and keys on the table beside the door with a thump. “Drink?”
“Sure. Whatever you’re having would be great,” I said cheerfully. My reward was an exaggerated roll of her eyes and more stomping.
I allowed the grin to spread as I took in the sophisticated decor of the modern space. The first thing I noticed was how much it lacked her personality. There were a few scattered photos, one with her and Leila and another with guys I assumed were the crew she and Leila had grown up with. Yes, her scent infiltrated the air, but this space was functional and blah; it lacked any signs of life.
Except… for the huge arrangement of pink roses on the table in the corner.
I couldn’t read the card from where I stood, but the large outline of an “O” left no doubt whom they were from.
Prick.
“Here you go,” she said, handing me a bottle of water. Once I sat on her leather couch, she sat in the club chair adjacent. When she unscrewed the top of her bottle to take a sip, and I did the same. She refastened the cap on the bottle, and I did the same. Tit for tat. Stupid motions that were setting the tone of what I predicted would soon become an intense volleying between us.
Apparently she’d decided to serve the ball first, because she came right out and said, “I’m going to break down why last night was a mistake.”
“Before or after you came on my tongue?” The flare of anger she shot straight at me forced my hands up in defense. “Kidding.” Point for me.
“Nothing changed regarding our situation, Cannon, whether you ate my pussy or not,” she admitted with snark. Christ, hearing her say that made my cock instantly swell. Point for Red.
“You’re wrong. A lot changed. This may be a fucked-up situation that neither of us expected, but it happened. Whether you like it or not, we’ve changed.”
“I’m still your agent… signed up to carry your career toward success. Adding a sexual relationship to our professional one will hinder those efforts. Why can’t you see that?”
“You realize you’re selling yourself short.”
“No, I’m not. I know I can do my job. What I don’t know, or what I can’t control, is how the public will decide to accept you. Starting off your career with a juicy headline—” She lifted her fingers, mimicking air quotes, and said, “‘New Rocker Cannon Davis in Sexual Relationship with His Agent’—will only set you up for a ton of cheaper gossip to follow. Trust me, it happened to Jack and Leila. They needed to keep their relationship a secret for that very reason… on LRV’s advice. And still it tore their world apart when it hit them the way it did.”
“They obviously didn’t listen… or let it rip them apart. Your argument is moot.”
“It still hurt them. They’re lucky they survived it. You saw their rock-solid connection, and still it had been strained from the stress of being in the public eye. Maybe you should speak to them about the toll it took.” Little did she know I’d had an extensive conversation with Jack on this very subject, and his final words were that he’d do it all again to be with Leila.
“This career you chose is already a crapshoot,” she went on with her argument. “Whether the public will love and respect you right out of the gate, or whether you’ll be perceived as the ‘sex symbol’ you’re trying to avoid.”
She tried to use my vulnerabilities against me, but I wouldn�
�t bite. “I can’t worry about what I can’t control.”
When her threat fell flat it caused her composed facade to slip. “I have to, dammit!” She slammed her bottle down on the arm of the chair with such force the bottom crinkled into a new shape. “It’s my job to predict and deflect the gossip. It’s not my job to contribute to it. I refuse to fight with you on this.”
“Fighting with you isn’t a deterrent for me, Red.” I calmly rested an ankle on my knee. “It’s part of our journey.”
“One that needs to remain professional.”
“Why?”
She huffed out a sigh. “This isn’t only about your career, Cannon. What about me? How will it look if LRV got wind that I was fucking my one and only client before he even got started?”
“They don’t care who you fuck, and Jack said the same. He said once their relationship had been outed, Louis gave his blessing. All LRV cared about with them was how much money they made.” This was another topic I’d discussed with Jack, and I’d purposely kept the information he provided in my back pocket for this very moment. “Look, Red, I can guarantee that’s all LRV will give a shit about in my situation as well—the bottom line. But you know what… if it makes you feel better, we’ll hide it from them. Forget all this bullshit that sounds like you’re reading right out of a script.” One that sounded like Jen Baxter wrote. “Let’s talk about the truth beneath all this tension between us.”
A perfectly sculpted brow rose questioningly. “The truth?”
“Yeah. The truth.” I motioned toward the flowers with a sneer. “Is that what you want?” Her eyes glanced at the obnoxious arrangement, but she remained quiet. “It would be nice and neat, convenient. Is he who you think you should be with?”
Who you want to be with?
My imagination ran wild with the possibility her relationship with the pretentious asshole had become physical. Part of me wanted to know, but I’d be damned if I’d ask her. Thinking of any connection they had would be like acknowledging it existed. No fucking thanks.
Still nothing came in response.
“Shit, Lori. I had the balls to admit I want you, to push that physical connection between us. And during it, you were right there with me.” Flying up, I angrily stalked to where she sat and pulled her up with a firm grip on her wrist. “Stop being a coward.” Slicing her gaze over my shoulder, she couldn’t look me in the eye, nor would she answer. I wasn’t letting her off that easy when I gripped her chin to force her hand. “Even though I can see it clear as day, that I know you want me as much as I want you, you won’t admit it?”
“I can’t.”
“Sure you can. What the fuck are you afraid of?”
It took a few long moments for her to respond. “I’m afraid this is turning into something I vowed never to allow again.”
“What? The possibility of falling in love?”
“Falling in love with a rock star.” Her candor caused me to take half a step back, but it was enough to add a mile between us.
Well, fuck. She may as well have slapped me instead of admitting that confession. “I guess I’m shit out of luck here. The goddamn chips were stacked against me before we even met. Basically, I’m being sentenced for someone else’s sins? I’m automatically thrown into the same bucket as him because we both play a fucking guitar?” Her continued silence only served to confirm my claims. “Let me guess, it can’t be Matt who has you hiding behind your excuses, because you ended it with him. It’s Trey Taylor driving this bus from wherever he disappeared to.”
“It has nothing to do with him.”
“You sure about that? You once said although it was brief, you loved him… but he didn’t love you back. Do you still love him? Is that the problem?”
“First of all, I haven’t loved Trey in a very long time. Secondly, this has nothing to do with anyone else but me. I own my mistakes. You live… you learn. Don’t pretend you aren’t trying your damnedest not to repeat any negative patterns from your time with Holly. Especially since she was the only relationship you ever had.”
My hands were on her arms again when I said, “That was between me and her… and now it’s over. I’m not carrying any of what happened with Holly on my shoulders. You literally just told me that this had nothing to do with anyone but yourself. What a hypocrite.” We were running in circles and getting nowhere.
“I’m a hypocrite for admitting I refuse to mix business and pleasure again? Emotions have no place in a professional relationship.”
“Ah… now we’re getting somewhere.” Releasing her, I shook my head with a sarcastic huff. “So if I had admitted to only wanting a physical relationship, would that be acceptable to you? Fucking only? No feeling? That’s nice and simple, right?”
Anger resurfaced as she poked my chest with a rigid finger, hissing, “It’s more complicated than that and you know it.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“It already is!” My aggravation with her had nowhere to go but out my flaring nostrils while waiting for her to continue. “Besides, this conversation would be in vain once you go out on tour.”
“Now you’re reaching for any excuse you can think of.”
“No, I’m not. Touring is a whole different ball game… new temptations, new challenges, indulgences everywhere.”
“And you think I want that? I’ll suddenly get on a tour bus, with my guitar strapped to my back, and fuck anything with a pussy?” Before she could respond I barked, “You’re wrong. I know what I want. Apparently, you can’t admit to the same. It’s a simple question, Red. Forget everything else, forget what you think the label would want you to do.” When I leaned down until we were practically nose to nose, her green eyes blazed as intensely as mine no doubt also did. “Do. You. Have. Feelings. For. Me? Answer it. Yes or no.”
Chapter 27
Lori
Admitting I wanted him as much as he wanted me would open the door to allowing it. I tried telling him parts of the truth I thought he could handle. Like how I truly felt this could ruin both our careers, that I believed he deserved a better start than that.
It all went through one ear and out the other.
Sure, I could have lied and said I did still love Trey. And maybe if I did, Cannon would finally move on and realize he was about to see a world that didn’t include me. I know he’d get over me. I believed that as much as I believed he would become a superstar.
Really, this had more to do with him and what he deserved than it did with my history. But saying it in those words wouldn’t push him away, and I needed to push him away for his own good.
“Whether you admit it or not, you’re a young rock star who hasn’t tasted success yet. Once you do, you’ll change into what I’m trying to avoid,” I pushed harder, took a deep breath, and then voiced words I knew he would hate. “I deserve better.” Remorse smacked me hard once the words were out. I had literally lifted them from his subconscious, from the lyrics to the song titled the same. It was a low blow.
Predictably, his eyes narrowed in anger. “Wow.” He turned away and raked a hand through his hair. “Better… that’s what you are waiting for, something better to come along?”
Wanting to soften the strike, I allowed myself to admit, “You also deserve so much better than the hot mess I become when it comes to matters of the heart.”
Funny, not long ago I’d been accused of being heartless. The mask I wore made it seem as if I were. Men could go about life with an indifferent air and be considered strong, tough, and resilient. When a woman acted that way, they were labeled a bitch, cold, and calculating. In my case, it was just the opposite. I was strong, tough, and resilient unless under the influence of love. Developing feelings for someone made me everything opposite, and I hated that it did.
“That’s my call, Red, not yours,” he replied stubbornly. “You don’t get to tell me I should just forget my feelings. You don’t get to ignore yours just because I’m a musician.”
Hearing it said tha
t way made it sound so shallow, and I resented him trivializing what my heart had gone through. Then as quick as I thought that, I realized that wasn’t what he was doing at all. Deep down, I knew holding him accountable for my past was shallow.
He came closer and gently held my gaze. “And what you especially can’t do is try and push me away with lies. I know you feel the same way I do. Hurting me won’t make the truth disappear.”
Gone was his anger over my words, and in its place was a tenderness that knocked the doubts right out of me. In those gorgeous cognac eyes was so much emotion that he didn’t care what I said; he was determined to show me. My heart thumped wildly because of the way this man looked at me. It was time to stop kidding myself.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
Misunderstanding the meaning behind my apology, his voice seemed so hollow when he said, “Don’t, Red. Just don’t.”
“No… you’re right.” I took his hand between both of mine while shaking my head. “I am holding you responsible for my past. I am trying to hurt you. I’m sorry. It’s because I care about you so much that I’m trying to protect you… from me. I’m scared loving you will ruin you.”
“I’m already ruined, Red.” He tenderly cupped my face and continued to stare deep into my eyes, my soul.
Suddenly, the fight left me.
I succumbed to all the words thrown between us by closing the distance and kissing him for the first time. The kisses we’d shared before were his doing, on his prompt.
This kiss, I owned.
Once I’d finally given up, I expected an explosion of passion, but that didn’t happen. Instead, there were gentle kisses and sweet touches. As insignificant as they sounded, I’d never had such moments with another man. That alone confirmed he was different from what I was used to. How stupid of me to try to lump him in the same way.
Liner Notes Page 19