by West, Harper
“Can I see him?” I ask.
I’m surprised at myself. I don’t really know where that came from. I truly expected to just tell Ivy about Logan and leave, but something came over me just now. I need to see him. To meet him.
My son.
I need to know that he’s real.
Ivy nods and leads me into the second bedroom where a crib is set up. The room is very plain. She’s only just moved in a few days ago. But there are a lot of baby toys and clothes. A monitor is set up by the crib. There is a playpen in the corner.
I peer into the crib where Oliver lies asleep. He looks so peaceful.
“He’s got Logan’s eyes,” Ivy says.
“But that face is mine,” I say with a smile.
Ivy nods.
“He’s cute.” Wow, what a stupid thing to say. But I can’t think of anything else.
“He is,” Ivy says.
“It is true what they say?" I ask, "That it's love at first sight with babies?"
Ivy smiles. She nods. She leans over the crib and pulls Oliver’s little blanket around him tighter.
“What was wrong with him?” I ask.
“He was allergic to something in his baby food,” Ivy answers, “The doctor recommended another, safer brand and we started him on it. He should be okay, but I’m watching him closely.”
I nod. That’s good.
“Can I hold him?” I ask, again not sure where this is coming from.
Ivy chuckles.
“Wait, that’s not a good idea,” I say, “He’s asleep. I can wait till the morning.”
“No, it’s okay,” she says. She reaches into the crib and picks up the sleeping baby. He’s small. Clearly not a newborn, but he’s tiny for his age. She hands him to me, easing his fragile little head into the crook of my arm.
He’s still sleeping silently, but he smacks his lips a little.
I feel… I have no idea. I feel so many things right now. An overwhelming need to protect this tiny, little being that's part of me now. An intense need to make sure that nothing or no one ever harms a hair on his head. And a deep connection to Ivy, the woman who carried him, who, despite running from Logan and me, will now always be a part of our lives.
I take a deep breath. It’s too much.
“Can you take him from me?” I ask her, my voice cracking.
Ivy looks confused. “Is everything okay?” she asks as she takes Oliver from me and places his gingerly back down in his crib.
“Yeah,” I say, feeling a lump starting to form in my throat.
“Tyler?”
“I can’t stay in here,” I tell her.
I hightail it back out into her kitchen, breathing heavily.
Ivy hands me a glass of water which I swallow quickly. It does little to calm my racing heart.
“You okay, Tyler?” she asks.
I nod, collecting myself. “I’m sorry. I think I just panicked there.”
She nods, understanding.
“He’s so little and defenseless,” I say, choking back my emotions, “And so real. I just didn’t…”
“I know, Tyler,” she says.
“How are you so calm right now?”
“I’ve had nine months to get used to the idea of being a parent. And nine months to get acquainted with the little man,” she quips.
“You never told us.”
She looks down. “I know.”
“Why?” I ask.
“Why not tell you about him?”
“Why go through all of this by yourself? We would have helped you.”
Ivy opens her mouth to speak but doesn’t. She looks kind of ashamed of herself.
“Look, I know what you’re thinking…”
“You’re so brave,” I tell her, “Going through all of this. Having a child. Having a part of your soul out there in the world… knowing that you’d do anything to protect him.” My voice trails off, overcome with emotions. I feel the tears coming back.
Ivy takes me in her arms and holds me close to her. Her small hands run up my back and rub me gently.
“It’s okay,” she says.
I let out the breath I didn’t realize that I was holding. I pull away from Ivy just a little bit to take her face in both of my hands.
And I kiss her. It’s not a passionate kiss with a lot of tongue and teeth and need to quell our desire. But it’s a deep kiss. One that reaches my very core. In this moment, I feel Ivy deep in my bones.
“Tyler, we shouldn’t…” she says.
“Please, Ivy,” I beg her, “I need you right now.”
Ivy shudders. She needs me too. I feel it. I stroke up and down her arms until she makes a sweet little noise that I recognize from when we were in bed together in the past.
“I miss you so much,” I whisper, “Logan misses you too.”
She shakes her head no. “Logan hates me.”
“Logan loves you,” I clarify, “He just doesn’t know how to tell you yet.”
Ivy kisses me again, this time she deepens the kiss and slips her tongue into my mouth. I let out a low groan that I know she can feel.
Fuck, kissing Ivy feels like heaven. It feels like coming home after being away for years. It feels like stepping up to a warm fire after spending days in the freezing cold.
I hold Ivy close and kiss her like my life depends on it. I want to breathe her in, keep her pressed to my chest and never let her go. I want to bring her back home with me and let her and Logan have their reunion too. I want all three of us together and in each other’s arms again. Ivy between my best friend and me. Where we all belong.
“Come to bed with me,” she says, taking my hand and leading me to her bedroom.
I nod.
I follow her into her room and close the door behind us. I take the straps of Ivy’s talk top between my fingers and guide them down her shoulders. She isn’t wearing a bra. I slide the top down so that it pools at her waist, right where her pajama bottoms hit.
Her breasts are fuller than they were the last time I saw them.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” I tell her.
She blinks back at me before trying to cover herself with her arms and hands. “I… I don’t look like I used to,” she whispers. “And I certainly don’t look like those girls you meet in bars.”
I kiss her quiet, smoothing her hair back. “You’re more beautiful than you ever were.”
She leans in and kisses my neck before slipping her hands under the hem of my tee shirt and guiding the fabric higher and higher. I raise my arms so that she can slide it up over my head and all the way off.
She bites her bottom lip as she stands back to check me out.
“You look just as good as you always did, Tyler,” she says, approvingly.
“I work out every day,” I say with a cocky smile.
“It shows.”
I walk Ivy towards the bed until the mattress hits the back of her knees. I lift her so that I can lay her down on the bed. I tuck her pajama bottoms and panties down her legs and toss them to the floor, leaving Ivy naked and beautiful, laid out before me like a feast.
She reaches for my jeans, trying to undo the button and zipper, but I stop her. “Not yet, baby,” I tell her, “You first.”
Ivy lets out a moan as she retreats. I kiss her lips yet again before making my way down her body, trailing kisses, and little bites. I suck the tender skin of her neck which makes her cry out in pleasure. I pay special attention to her nipples, which are hard in anticipation of my mouth.
“Please, Tyler," she begs. She pants as I continue to suck on her tits and scrape the full underside with my teeth. I've always been a big fan of Ivy's tits, but they're fuller and rounder than before, and I can hardly keep my hands, let alone my mouth, off of them.
I let go of one nipple with a loud popping sound that makes her giggle before kissing my way down her stomach, nuzzling the area below her belly button just above her pussy.
“Ugh,” she groans.
I fold
her knees up underneath her and spread them wide. I run my tongue over my lips, ready to devour Ivy. I press my lips to her mound, giving her a little kiss right there.
“Missed you,” I say softly.
“You talking to me or my pussy?” she teases.
“Both of you,” I say before parting her lower lips with my tongue and swirling it around her clit.
“Fuck, Tyler,” she moans, “So good.”
I don’t mean to brag, but of my few unquestionable skills in this world, eating pussy is right up there. If it wasn’t inappropriate to bring up in casual conversation, I’d gloat about it to everyone I meet.
But, as it is, I’m more than happy to prove it.
I massage her clit with the flat part of my tongue while circling her opening with my index finger.
“More,” she cries.
I chuckle and smack her pussy lightly with my hand.
“Hey, who’s in charge here?” I ask, trying to keep from laughing more.
“You are,” she breathes.
“And don’t you forget it,” I warn her before diving back down and sucking that tiny bundle of nerves into my mouth.
She gasps and groans my name, her fingers winding their way into my hair and pulling lightly.
I graze her clit with my teeth, hoping that Ivy still likes a little pain with her pleasure. I know she used to. She gets louder, and her breath hitches. Her head rolls back, and her eyes close.
She’s getting there.
I slip a finger inside her and crook it towards her front wall, easily finding her g-spot.
“Tyler,” she hisses, “Fuck, I’m close.”
I don’t have it in me to tease her any longer. I just want to make her come and watch her slip into that oblivion. I dive back down, spreading her wide open with my fingers and working her over with my tongue like I’ll never get to taste her again.
She comes. Hard and fast. Calling out my name.
And it’s fucking breathtaking.
She gasps and cries and digs her fingers into my hair before giving over to her orgasm completely. I keep my mouth on her through the entire ride. When she stops shuddering, and she’s all spent out, I kiss her inner thighs and crawl back up her body. She’s got this big goofy, sleeping grin on her face.
She used to smile like that after she came with me and Logan.
I miss that smile.
“What?” she asks me as I lie down beside her.
“What?” I repeat.
“Your face,” she starts, “You look all misty-eyed.”
“Do I?” I rub my eyes a bit. They’re wet. Fuck this, I’m not a crier. I start to get up and get dressed.
“No, Tyler. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It’s okay.”
“I’m not embarrassed,” I tell her, “I just have to get out of here before…”
She looks at me. “Before what?”
Before I fall back in love with you.
It’s on the tip of my tongue, but I can’t say it. I can’t let myself get wrapped up in Ivy again. Not after I finally pried myself free of her memory. Her smell. Her fucking smile.
She gets up from the bed, still naked, and takes my hand.
“Please Tyler,” she says in a small, shaky voice, “Spend the night with me. I just need… I need to…”
I squeeze her tiny hand in both of mine.
“What do you need, baby?”
“Since Oliver was born… I’ve just been so…” She takes a deep breath and collects herself. “I’ve just been so alone. I miss this. I miss you. I miss Logan. I miss being touched.”
“Me too.”
She chuckles. “I doubt that. Rumor has it that your bed hasn’t been empty too often lately.”
I shake my head. “I may not be alone, but that doesn’t make it empty. Those women I’ve been with… it’s all hollow, shallow one-nighters. Nothing like what we had. I miss you too. I miss us together.”
Ivy closes the distance between us and presses her warm body against mine. I can’t help it. I clutch her to me desperately.
“Stay here tonight,” she whispers.
I nod and press my lips to her forehead. She helps me out of the rest of my clothes, and I slide underneath the covers with Ivy. I lie on my back, and she rests her head on my shoulder. Her arm drapes over my stomach, and her fingers dance up and down my side. It sort of tickles, but I don’t admit it.
She presses her lips to my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” I ask her.
She doesn’t answer. She just does it again.
“Ivy, come on…”
She snuggles in closer to me and starts kissing and sucking on my neck. I can’t help it. I let out a deep groan and shift so that she and I are on our sides, facing each other.
“I just want to feel close to you, Tyler,” she says in that sex-kitten voice that it’s nearly impossible to say no to. She starts running her hands up and down my chest. Her right one travels lower. Lower. She wraps her delicate fingers around my length. I’m rock hard for her.
I’m fucking always hard for her.
I grunt out something obscene.
“You were really going to sleep when you’re that hard,” she teases, stroking me up and down.
“I was going to try," I say through clenched teeth.
“Let me help you with that,” she says as she slides underneath the blankets. After a few seconds of maneuvering, I feel her warm breath on my oversensitive skin.
“Jesus Christ, Ivy,” I say as she takes me in her mouth.
As good as this feels, it isn’t right. Apparently, Ivy can feel it too because she crawls back up to face me.
“What’s wrong?” she asks, concerned, “Did I do something wrong?”
“Of course not, baby,” I assure her, “I just need something different tonight.”
She opens her mouth to ask what, but I silence her with a slow, deep kiss before she can get the words out. She murmurs against my mouth, but parts her lips for my tongue and lets me in. I shift so Ivy is on her back, her hair all splayed out behind her like a wild, crimson halo. We’re completely pressed against each other, skin to skin, and wrapped in her blankets and all I want to do is kiss her.
So I do. Slowly. Passionately.
I sink into this kiss and pull Ivy down with me.
Dirty fucking with Ivy was always fun, but it was the slow, sensual love-making that was my undoing with her. To this day, she’s the only woman I’ve done this with. Really taken my time with. Enjoyed every single moment of this experience with instead of just chasing down an orgasm.
I’m hard as diamonds pressed against her belly with no desire to push inside her. Not yet.
For now, I just want to kiss her.
Chapter 13
Ivy
I feel like I’m drowning. But I like it. I don’t want to come up for air. I’m just sinking deeper and deeper into this kiss with Tyler, letting it consume me, and hoping it doesn’t end.
I can’t tell if it’s been minutes or hours.
Finally, he breaks the kiss.
“I need you,” I eek out, “Please, Tyler, I need you inside me.”
His face softens. I think for a second that he's going to try and talk me out of it. Or tell me that it's not a good idea. And it isn't for so many reasons, but I feel helpless and empty without him, and I need more.
“Are you sure, baby?” he whispers.
I nod. My breath catches. I wriggle underneath him, trying to help guide his cock inside, but he stops me.
“Condom?” he asks.
Oh, right. Condoms.
“I don’t have any,” I confess. What with moving, the new job, and obviously, being a new mother, sex has been the furthest thing from my mind for a long time.
Tyler backs off, kissing my cheek. “It’s okay,” he says.
I shake my head. “I’m safe,” I tell him, “I haven’t been with anyone since you and Logan.”
Tyler sighs. "Ivy, I haven't been a choir boy sin
ce you left," he says, "But I get tested regularly, and I've always been clean."
“Good.”
“But what about pregnancy?” he asks, “I mean, what if it happens again?”
“I’ve got an IUD,” I tell him, “I’m not ready for another one yet.”
Tyler nods and lines himself up with my entrance, but doesn’t push in.
“What’s the matter?” I ask him.
“I lied to you Ivy,” he says.
My eyes fly open wide. “You mean, you do have something?”
“No, not that,” he explains, “I lied to you before when I said that I don’t love you anymore. Actually, I’m pretty sure I’ve been lying to myself this whole time too.”
I take his face in both of mine. “We can’t get feelings involved, Tyler,” I say softly, “I can’t go through that again.”
“Me neither," he says.
I’m holding Tyler’s body close to mine, aching for him to fuck me and I know he feels the same.
“Should we stop?” Tyler asks, “I mean… fuck.”
It kills me, but I answer him. “Yeah,” I say softly, “We should stop. It’s the responsible thing to do.”
He nods slowly. “We got carried away. It’s been an emotional night.”
I agree. “And we have to think about the consequences of this. I mean, we’ll regret this in the morning. And I don’t want to be an emotional wreck. I’ve got Oliver to think about.”
He gets up from the bed. I shiver, feeling far too cold without him there.
“You can still sleep here,” I tell him, “Just sleep.”
He smirks. "Ivy, I can't ‘just sleep' with you, and you know it," he teases, "I think I'm gonna hit the gym for a minute, actually."
“It’s the middle of the night.”
“I’ve got to run some of this energy off,” he explains.
I get up from the bed to see him out, this time keeping my quilt around myself like a toga to stay covered. I walk Tyler to the door and open it for him.
“Ivy, we have to figure something out,” he says.
I narrow my eyes.
“With Oliver, I mean,” he continues, “Either Logan or I am his father. And it doesn’t matter who because we’re a package deal. Always have been. And we deserve to know our son.”