I just looked at her as I kept getting dressed. She was playing fucking stupid. Then she had the nerve to buck her eyes at me as if she really wanted an answer.
“Because you and Paris don’t get along. C’mon now. You know that shit.”
Paris and Teyanna had been getting into it since I got with Teyanna. It was like no matter how much I showed Teyanna that I wasn’t on shit with Paris, she still insisted that Paris wanted me or that we were still fucking around. She was jealous of Paris, straight up, when she didn’t need to be. Paris was a beautiful girl, don’t get me wrong. But she had fucked up with me the moment I found out that TJ existed. Me and Paris were fucking around when I was sixteen for a few months when she just disappeared. Two years later, she popped up in my Facebook Messenger showing me a picture of TJ, talking about her boyfriend had made her get a DNA test because TJ didn’t look shit like him. The test had come back negative, and I was the only other possible father. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend when we were fucking around, and I wasn’t ready for no shorty. Even though Paris was sure I was the only other option, I got the DNA test anyway. Come to find out, TJ was mine. Paris’ boyfriend ended up leaving her, but there was never anything to us after that. At the time, I had just got serious with Teyanna. Teyanna swore me and Paris had to be fucking because Paris and I had a close parenting relationship. My dumb ass still kept fucking with the girl, not realizing how obsessed she was with Paris, until it was too late, and I was two years in with her crazy ass. The fights between the two of them had gotten so bad that Paris didn’t even trust Teyanna around our son. I couldn’t say that I blamed her.
“She being petty as fuck,” Teyanna kept fussing. “She is just trying to keep you away from me. Because you always with TJ, so when you supposed to spend some time with me?”
“We been together all day,” I reminded her.
She hissed, “Fuck you, Mello.”
Finally, I was done getting dressed. I leaned against the wall behind me and asked, “Damn, for real? All because I wanna go spend time with my shorty?”
She had the nerve to pout. “You always with him! What about me?”
I shook my head slowly. “You sound stupid and spoiled.”
“So!” she spat, sitting up, titties bouncing. Titties had never been more unattractive to me than at that moment. “You didn’t come home to be with me. You came home to be with him!”
I shook my head and swatted my hand at her pettiness. “Whatever. I’m going to the crib.”
She sucked her teeth and waved me off. “Yeah, the crib your mama had to get you with your broke ass! Grown-ass man gotta get his mama to pay his rent. Fuck outta here.”
That was a low blow. I hated being broke. I remembered being in the streets getting money. But I also remembered the bullshit. If I wanted to focus on school and keep those grades, I couldn’t work and stack no paper. Teyanna knew that my mama had only gotten that crib for me because she wanted me to come back to Chicago and I couldn’t afford it. My mama and Teyanna knew that once I got back on my grind that nobody was going to be taking care of me but me.
Shaking my head, I told Teyanna, “Take one broke motherfucker to notice the other.”
Then I walked out on her ass. She was too cocky to chase after me. I could hear her in the bed calling me all kinds of “broke niggas”. I left out of her crib, wondering how someone so beautiful could have such an ugly attitude.
Teyanna was the type of girl you would refer to as a baddie. I had met her two years ago downtown on some shopping shit with one of my guys. She was walking down Michigan Avenue in jeggings and a cropped top. Her body and face made that simple attire look more expensive than Vera Wang. Her eyes were grey, and her hair was the right color of blonde that went with her light complexion. She was 5’7”, which made her look like a model when she had on heels, but with her curves, stylists would never let her walk in any shows in Fashion Week. I chased her damn near two blocks before she finally gave me her number. I was on my way to school in Florida as we started talking. To my surprise, she was cool with being my girl long distance while I was getting an education. But what she wasn’t cool with was Paris coming to Florida to bring TJ to see me. While I was at school, she and Paris were back in the Chi getting into it over me all on social media and shit, posting subliminal messages. I guess I was able to deal with it back then because I was all the way in Florida. Now, I had only been home two days and I was already ready to strangle her ass.
Heaven
A few days later, on a Tuesday morning, Treasure and I were at breakfast at Chicago’s Chicken and Waffles. Esperanza would have cooked for us, but I was looking for any reason to get out of the house. Ross had hit me before, but when he had the audacity to push me under that water, it left me feeling uneasy around him. I was starting to wonder how far he would go next time. I was more hurt than usual. At this point, I felt like he was punishing me for his wrongdoing. I was loyal and submissive. I had done everything right. Yet, he still took every opportunity to put me in my place with his hands like I was some fucking puppy that he was training when he was the one who needed his ass whooped.
“You okay?” Treasure asked. She peered at me over the glass of orange juice she was now gulping down.
I sighed as I stirred my shrimp and grits. I was really just playing in the food. I didn’t even have an appetite. “Nah, not really.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Ross is getting on my nerves.” I would have never told her hot-headed ass about Ross trying to drown me. I would have never heard the end of it. “He’s going too far now.”
Smacking on her bacon, Treasure nodded and said, “Yeah, that shit he did to Dub was bogus.”
“It’s like he’s losing his mind.” I then sighed and forced myself to eat a spoonful of the grits.
“Right.”
“I’m so happy he’s going out of town. I need a break.”
I could feel the relief already, and he wasn’t even gone yet. I loved Ross to death, but after that stunt he’d pulled in the bathroom, I realized I couldn’t let him love me to death. I couldn’t put Divine in the position that Angel’s murder had left me in. I didn’t want her to have to take care of herself and Sunshine because I was gone. The pressure of all that was making me so unhappy when Ross was home. I was tired of wondering what imaginary things he would make up that I he thought I was doing next. I was living in fear. I felt like I was back in the hood living with my crazy, irrational mama.
“Where is he going?” Treasure asked.
“To New York to handle some business for like two weeks. I’m so happy.”
Treasure tilted her head and frowned. “Two weeks? Damn. That’s a long-ass time to handle some business.”
I shrugged and forced myself to eat another bite. “It is, but I didn’t even ask for details. I am just happy to get a fucking break from his ass.”
Treasure’s perfectly arched eyebrow raised. “You think he’s going to go see a chick?”
I frowned. “I don’t know, and I don’t care, to be honest.”
She sighed and took a moment to sip from her orange juice. Then she asked me, “You think the only cheating he does is on you?”
Now, I was tilting my head and watching Treasure curiously. “What you mean?”
She leaned in and asked, “Like, if he would cheat on you, you think he would cheat in business too?”
“No. He ain’t shit when it comes to his dick, but he don’t play when it comes to money.”
“I agree,” she said with a nod.
“Why would you ask me that?” I pressed, pushing the grits away. I couldn’t force myself to eat anymore.
Treasure shrugged as she answered, “I was just wondering how deep his disloyalty goes when it comes to the people he’s supposed to love.”
I sighed as a thought came to mind. “To be honest, I think the only person he is disloyal to is me.”
Treasure shook her head. “And that’s fucked up.”
“So, why are you with him, Heaven?”
I didn’t even need a moment to think about it. “Because he’s my family, Treasure. Besides, Sunshine and Divine, he’s all I got.”
“But I think you have been so used to suffering in order to take care of Sunshine and Divine that you think what he does is normal. You lived your childhood fighting your mama, and now you gotta live the rest of your life fighting your husband? That ain’t cool.”
Sometimes I hated that I had finally been honest with Treasure a few years ago about my living situation. I had to finally tell her, though, when she wondered why me and Divine were moving in with Ross back then. I felt like it would make her understand better, and it did, but it also just made her assume that I let Ross hit me because I was used to getting my ass whooped all my life.
It might have been true, but whatever.
“He rescued me, Treasure. I fucking went from nothing to everything. I feel like fucking Cinderella. My sister needs for nothing. She has her own car at seventeen. When I was seventeen, I couldn’t even afford a bus card.” Just the memories made tears well in my eyes. I swallowed them back as I kept trying to make Treasure understand why I could ignore my pain for my family’s happiness. “My child has a nanny. I have a roof over my head and nice clothes that I didn’t have to borrow or beg for.”
Treasure looked as if she felt sympathy for me. But she still asked, “And that’s worth the abuse and the cheating?”
I shrugged. “Some people would say yes, especially those who don’t have shit like me.”
Treasure looked so sad for me as she shook her head and just shrugged. She didn't have anything else to say. I sighed hard into the glass of apple juice that I was about to drink from. What Treasure didn’t know was that though I felt like the cheating and fights were worth it to me, Ross possibly killing me wasn’t. These were the times that I missed Angel the most. Having this talk with Treasure was cool, but she was hot-headed. I needed some motherly advice. I had never been able to get anything sound or rational from my crazy-ass mother, but Angel had always been such a nurturing mother figure to me. If she were still alive, she would be able to tell me what to do, if what I was feeling was right.
Treasure
After breakfast, I hopped into my Lexus and hurriedly made my way to my next destination. As I drove, I still had that funny feeling in my stomach that I got when Vegas told me that Ross was supposedly stealing from him. Ross was a son of a bitch, but Heaven was right. No matter how he treated her, he was loyal as fuck to his crew. Heaven was my best friend, and I told her everything. So, it was fucking with me that I couldn't tell her how Vegas was feeling or what he had been told. But even though I wasn't one-hundred-percent loyal to my man, that was one out of two secrets I had to keep from Heaven, since he’d asked me to. She was so loyal and submissive to Ross that he didn't trust that she wouldn't repeat it. And until Vegas found out if Ross was really stealing, she couldn’t know what was going on.
I didn’t like this beef that was brewing between them at all. It was a recipe for disaster. Vegas and Ross were both beasts. So, a beef between them would be catastrophic, at the least.
I shook off the unsure feeling that it all gave me, turned the radio up, and tried to keep my mind off of that and concentrate on the bullshit that I was on my way to handle.
♫Done with these niggas
I don't love these niggas
I dust off these niggas
Do it for fun
Don't take it personal
Personally, I'm surprised you
Called me after the things I said
Skrrt, skrrt on niggas
Skirt up on niggas
Skirt down, you acting like me
Acting like we
Wasn't more than a summer fling ♫
As I sat there at that table back at the restaurant talking shit about Ross, I felt like the pot calling the kettle black. Ross wasn’t shit for cheating or putting his hands on Heaven. But, hell, I wasn’t shit either.
Once I got to my destination, I took a deep breath, turned off the car, swallowed my guilt, and hopped out. As I walked towards the house, as always, memories of my past experiences in that house came to mind and ran chills down my spine. The guilt started to fade, and the excitement started to enter. This is how it always was for a chick like me. I enjoyed the rush, the sneaking, and the excitement.
I hated that I was so bold and unforgiving with my unfaithfulness when I had as good a man as Vegas. But I couldn’t help it. It wasn’t about Vegas. He hadn’t done anything wrong. I was just the type of woman who enjoyed seeing multiple men. Some may call it being a hoe, but men did it all the time. I just thought like a man. I loved Vegas, but I liked something on the side too. It was just something about seeing a man that gave me chills, planning my attack, going for him, and actually getting him. Once I spotted a man I wanted, there was usually nothing anybody could do to keep me from getting him. It was the thrill of the chase that turned me on and kept me going. It was the thrill of conquering some dude who thought I would be the one chasing him, but he ended up being the one chasing me. Committing myself to Vegas had taken that thrill from me. I liked adventure in the bedroom, but having sex with the same dick for two years had turned that adventure into a boring routine that I was too young to fall into.
I knew I wasn’t shit for thinking like that. But I also wasn’t some old lady ready to settle down, stay in the house, cook, and clean, only to leave when I was having brunch with my girl. I was only twenty and I for damn sure wasn’t anybody’s cook, maid, or wife.
I sighed long and hard and shook off the small amount of guilt as I rang the doorbell. As I waited for him to answer, I fanned myself as if that would help against this damn heat. Chicago was one extreme to the next; cold as a polar bear’s ass or hot as fuck. That’s it. We had two seasons; north pole and hell. No in-between.
“So, you finally decided to show up?” That’s how this motherfucker answered the door, leaning against the doorway like he wasn’t trying to let me in, looking good as fuck.
I ignored the way my pussy throbbed looking up at his fine ass. I ignored the way that his Dolce and Gabbana cologne was swimming through the air. Instead of throwing the pussy at him like I wanted to, I narrowed my eyes at Damo. He just stared at me while leaning against his door frame.
I threw my Gucci tote over my shoulder and folded my arms across my chest. Cocking my head to the side, I asked him, “You gon’ let me in?”
He sucked his teeth. “Tuh! Fuck no.”
Fuck it. “Stop playiiiiin’,” I whined.
I couldn’t stay mad at his fine ass. Forget his looks. Beyond how gorgeous he was, it was something about Damo’s swag and ignorant attitude that turned me the fuck on. It was the reason why he was able to get the pussy in the first place eight months ago.
Vegas was perfection. He loved me to death. But that was the problem. He loved me so much that he gave me everything I wanted with no question or fight. Damo was that gangsta dude that I liked that told me what to do and to shut the fuck up at the same time. He didn’t coddle me. He snatched my ass up and told me where to be. I was his Bonnie too, not his precious pet. And he was my secret, my biggest secret. I had stepped out on Vegas here and there with guys that I had only hit once, maybe twice, but Damo had survived eight long months. No one knew that I had been fucking him; not even Heaven. She knew about some of my other hoes, but not this one because I was ashamed that I had overstepped the disrespectful boundary of fucking one of my man’s friends and business associates.
No matter my boredom with Vegas, I would never leave him. I wasn’t that stupid. I wasn’t about to hand my good thing over to the next thirsty bitch. He was mine, and Damo was just fun.
I tried to step towards the door, and he didn’t move, refusing to let me in. When I pouted, all he asked me was, “Why haven't you been answering my calls?”
“Because you followed me to the
fucking restaurant the other day!”
I couldn’t believe he had walked up on us the other day outside of Sadie’s Soul Food Palace. Luckily, I had played it off well and nobody peeped what was really going on.
“I was making sure you weren’t goin’ to see another dude,” his cocky ass said boldly.
My eyes bucked. “I told you I was goin’ to meet Heaven!”
He shrugged like what he had done was sane or normal. These dudes always acted like they were cool with being the side nigga, until their feelings got in the way.
“I thought you was lyin’,” he replied.
“So, you followed me? You tryin’ to get me caught up or something?”
He gave me a slick grin. “I don’t give a fuck about Vegas catching yo’ ass up and you know that.” Then he literally pushed up my mini skirt and grabbed the seat of my panties, pulling me towards him. My nipples got so hard as he grabbed the back of my neck and brought my mouth to his. This was that raunchy shit that had me risking my very good man over a plaything. I didn’t have feelings for Damo. He was just excitement, what my relationship was lacking. He was the small, minuscule, and nearly invisible to the naked eye part of Vegas that was missing. It wasn't worth it. When I was with Vegas, when I felt his unconditional love, I knew Damo wasn’t worth it.
But as he commanded my mouth with his and his overwhelming masculinity suffocated me, I easily forgot. And as his hand softly wrapped around my neck while he boldly started to suck my tongue and brought me into the house, I didn’t care.
Heaven
“You leavin’ back out?”
Hearing his voice suddenly, I jumped a bit. Then I tried to play if off as if he didn’t scare me and kept slipping my foot into my stiletto sandal.
I barely said, “Yeah,” I started to move faster. I was really ready to get the hell out of the house now.
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