“Hello?” I heard Mello say again.
“H-hey,” I stuttered.
“Who is this?”
“It’s…” I cleared my throat. “It’s me, Heaven.”
Silence! Fucking crickets!
“How are you?” I asked.
His end of the line went so dead that I looked at it to check to see if he was still on the phone… He wasn't. Damn, I felt so stupid. I groaned and pushed the phone away from my ear, like I should have when Treasure first came up with this dumb-ass idea.
“Fuck you, bitch,” I fussed.
She didn’t care. She waved her hand, asking, “What happened?”
“He hung up on me,” I pouted.
Treasure sucked her teeth as her face became long as well. “Damn…”
Why did she have to do that to me? Why did I have to hear his voice? I hated the way that I still felt for him. It was going on three months since I had last seen him and just hearing his voice had brought up memories of us. The recollections gave me goosebumps and chills, like he was still right there with me. I didn't want to like him. I did not want to have feelings for him. I had no reason to now. Ross was the perfect husband.
So, why did I still think about Mello?
I was so confused. Why did I feel this way when I finally had what I wanted? I was starting to wonder if having exactly what you wanted was good enough if it wasn’t from the person you wanted it from.
“He’s down there in Florida getting money, girl. He started selling drugs again.”
Was this bitch purposely trying to fuck my head up? “Is he?” I tried to sound like I didn’t care.
“Yeah.”
“Well, good for him.”
Treasure had told me that Mello had linked up with Vegas and started hustling. I, of course, had never told Ross that because that would have only added fuel to his fire. But I was disappointed that Ross had gone that route. He had told me so many times that he’d left the streets alone for a reason. Hearing that he was selling drugs again too was disappointing. He was a smart guy, so I figured if he had gone back deeper into the streets it had to be for a good reason. I just hoped that nothing bad would happen to him out there.
As she popped a piece of gum, Treasure then told me, “I heard him say something about his baby mama moving down there with him.”
I’m leaving.
I forced myself not to look irritated or jealous. “Really? Like, are they together or something?”
She frowned and shrugged. “I guess. It sounds like it. But I don't trust that shit. He ain't been with that bitch all this time. Now, all of a sudden when he start getting money, she wanna move to Florida? I call bullshit.”
She kept rambling, and her voice faded out under my thoughts. I felt like I was dying slowly. I felt so guilty. I wanted my friend back, but from what I was hearing, he wasn’t even the same person anymore.
Treasure
After Heaven left, I told Vegas I had to go to a few stores, hopped in my car, and headed to Damo’s house.
The way I had been handling the situation wasn’t working. The more I ignored Damo when he was around, the more he came around and the more outrageous his behavior was becoming. There was no way that I was about to let him ruin my good thing. I had to boss up and nip this shit in the bud. I didn’t need the constant reminder of my betrayal at my house every day. I was already dealing with the guilt of watching Heaven wonder if she had been the one who had run Mello out of town when she accused him of snitching on Ross.
I was so ashamed that I had been betraying my best friend. Her husband wasn’t shit, so I felt no remorse for how Vegas and I had figured out how to push him out of the game. He had stolen from us, so he deserved the way he was falling off. But Heaven didn’t deserve to feel that shit while not knowing the truth.
But she was riding with her man, and I definitely had to ride with mine.
Once I turned onto Damo’s block, I immediately slowed down when I saw Steve standing in the doorway talking to Damo.
“How do they know each other?” I asked myself as I squinted, as if that would make me see any better. It was definitely Steve, though, and I wondered how in the hell Damo knew the accountant that Vegas had hired to get the proof that Ross was stealing from him. I watched as Steve and Damo shook up. Then Damo handed Steve what looked like a wad of cash. Then Steve walked off to his BMW.
I remained in park a few houses down until Steve pulled off. Damo was going back into the house and closing the door just as I pulled up and hopped out.
I ran up to the door, trying to catch it before Damo was able to lock it, and I did. Turning the knob, I barged my way in, startling Damo. At first, he squared up, ready to defend himself against the unknown person barging into his crib. He relaxed, however, when he saw that it was me. He even smiled as I slammed the front door shut.
“What’s up?” I asked him. I eyed him as if that would help me figure out what the fuck was going on.
Still smiling, he licked his lips. “What you doin’ here?”
“How do you know Steve?” I wasn’t about to play no fucking games with this motherfucker.
“Who?” He tried to play dumb.
“Steve.”
“I don’t know no fucking Steve.”
“The motherfucker that just walked outta here!” I snapped through gritted teeth.
He just stood there with this teasing look on his face. Seeing that he thought this shit was funny, I was now seething.
I was sick of his shit. Reaching into my purse, I pulled out my gun, aimed at his head, and fired.
Pow!
“Arrrgh!” He screamed like a bitch and fell to the floor. As expected, I had only grazed his ear, which I had aimed for. I rushed towards him as he held his ear. I stepped on his neck, pressing only hard enough that he was still able to answer my questions.
“You crazy bitch!”
“Uh huh,” I taunted him as I aimed the gun right in his eye. “I am crazy, and you gon’ stop fucking with me. Why are you lying about Steve? What you on, motherfucker?”
He was calling me crazy, but he was the psycho one who still had the nerve to smile while his ear was bleeding and a gun was being pointed at his head.
“Are you the motherfucker who told Vegas that Ross was stealing from him?”
His constant laughter was making my trigger finger happy. “Yo’, your boyfriend so easy to manipulate, I swear to God.”
My heart dropped to my stomach. “And you paid Steve to convince him with bogus information and documents?”
His answer was laughing at me so hard that he looked psychotic.
I suddenly felt so sick. My anger turned into disgust with myself. My pussy had made a really fucked up decision that had cost my man his best friend and right hand.
Damo continued to double over, laughing as I removed my foot from his neck. My movements were so slow as I walked towards the door. Whatever my issues were with being monogamous had fucked with my man’s livelihood. Yeah, he was getting more money now, but it was coming at a cost. He and Ross stayed at it. Any day, their beef was going to explode. Knowing that the potentially deadly outcome was my fault left me feeling so heavy that I was only able to inch my way to the door.
“I guess I can be sure that you won’t say nothing because telling on me will be telling on yourself.”
I couldn’t give Damo the satisfaction of looking at him, because my eyes would only tell him that he was right. I just tucked my tail and left, feeling as if my attempts to come here and dead this shit had only opened up a bigger can of worms.
24
Mello
“Bae?”
Hearing Paris’ voice made me cringe. It had been a few days since she had moved into her apartment and let me hit that. All weekend, I had reunited with that pussy. I had also stayed at the apartment with her and TJ. Every morning, I woke up to breakfast. TJ seemed really happy to see my face when he woke up and every night before he went to bed. Paris was too happy
to cook, clean, and suck my dick; anything to keep me from leaving. And she was really comfortable spending my bread too.
By Tuesday, however, I was uncomfortable with the way Paris was acting like I was her man. For four years, she showed no interest in me, and then, bam! Suddenly, she was living in Florida, sucking my dick every night, and calling me Daddy.
The shit was phony as hell.
“What up?” I finally looked up at her after sending a text message to a customer on campus that was looking to buy some mollies. Even though it was a party drug, a lot of students took mollies to stay up and cram.
“Why didn’t you come back last night after class?”
Standing up and grabbing my book bag, I told her, “I had a few customers to serve after class, so I crashed at my apartment on-campus.” I adjusted the bag on my shoulders. With it, while walking this neighborhood, I looked like any other college student in Gainesville. This book bag was filled with weed, zans, coke, and mollies, though; not books.
She replaced my seat on the couch and grabbed the remote. “When are you going to get rid of that apartment?”
I shrugged, fishing in my pocket for my keys. “I don’t know.”
“I thought you were going to move in with TJ and me.”
“I never said that. You asked me to, but I didn’t get a chance to answer because you started sucking my dick, remember?”
She blushed and bit her lip while looking at me. Her legs crossed. I wondered if she had had to squeeze her legs together because that pussy was throbbing for me.
“You’re right,” she agreed. “But I thought since you never left afterward, it meant you were living here.”
Looking at her smile paint a ray of sunshine all over her face, I didn’t have the nerve to tell her the truth. So, I just told her, “Don’t worry. I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”
She was happy with that as I left. Being a woman, those words were good enough for her. But the truth was I really wasn’t trying to live with Paris.
Paris was a dope chick and great to look at. I was sure that any woman with a kid would want to be with her baby’s father if he was getting his master’s and hustling. I was like the best of both worlds to her. It should have been an ideal situation for me too. She was the mother of my kid. She was also a beautiful woman who had always shown me that she had sense and was a great mother.
But being with her, I didn't feel like I was with my woman. It felt like something was missing, as if we were both pretending. But let some of my older male family members tell it, they pretended every day for the sake of being a good father and having at-home pussy. It didn’t feel right to me, but whatever did?
I shook off the constant questions nagging me about what my dick had gotten me into and just flowed with it.
Once on campus, I took the mollies from my bag, stuffed them in my pocket, and left my ride parked in the student lot. I made my way to the dorm room where my customer was waiting. I had served him before a few times, so I wasn’t as worried as I should have been.
Walking towards the hall, I couldn’t help but appreciate the weather. It was September and still eighty degrees. The air was nothing like Chicago either. There was something crisp and clean about it that made a hood dude like me appreciate the hell out of it.
I made my way through Buckman Hall saying what’s up to a few of the undergrads that knew me as “the dope man.” Over the last two months, I had served so many of these white boys that I was like their best friend at this point.
Once I made it to the second floor, I wasn’t even paying attention as I approached Mark’s room. Had I been, I would have known to turn around and go in the other direction. But it was too late to do that. Once I looked up, I was already two feet away from Mark’s room …and the campus police were approaching me.
“Carmello Young?”
Shit.
I instantly stopped and made an about-face, but I bumped right into my academic advisor, Harold.
“Be cool, Mello,” he urged me.
“What the fuck is going on?” I asked him through gritted teeth.
The campus police walked up to me, instantly grabbing me. Each one had an arm on lock. I cringed from the way they were twisting my arms.
Harold could see me getting more and more pissed off by the second. He held his hand up. “I got him.” When they didn’t let me go, he griped, “Let me take care of this.”
At this point, I was starting to become irritated as well because a bunch of students were standing around watching what was going on. As I looked around, I noticed Mark standing in the doorway of his room with this fucked up look on his face.
“Mello…” Harold called my name, but I was too busy threatening Mark’s life with my eyes. I didn’t know what was about to shake, but I knew he had something to do with it and afterward, I was going beat his ass. “Mello…”
I finally gave Harold my attention. He told me, “C’mon on, son. You have to come with us.”
I had too much respect for Harold to snap on him. Plus, in my heart, I knew whatever they were here for, I probably deserved. For the last two months, I had been flooding this campus with drugs. My customers were both students and academic professionals. Shit, I had even served Harold some weed on the weekends. So, I allowed them to escort me back down to the first floor and into the resident assistant’s office.
As soon as Harold closed the door, one of the officers told me, “Empty your pockets.”
When he came towards me, I squared up, and Harold begged me to comply. “Mello, please do what they ask you to … Please?”
Fuck that, I wasn’t doing shit, but I didn’t fight them as both officers went fishing through my pockets. Harold shrank when the one on my left took out the bag of mollies, as if he was hoping they wouldn’t find anything.
“Sit down, son,” Harold told me sadly.
I sat slowly, watching the officers and wondering when they were going to arrest my ass.
Harold sat across from me and folded his hands in front of him. “A student overdosed last night.” My stern expression collapsed instantly. “It was one of Mark’s friends.”
My head fell into my hands. “Is he okay?”
“Yeah. He’ll be okay, but the police know that you have been dealing drugs on campus.”
I sat back in the folding chair, defeat all over my face. “So, Mark was setting me up? Wow.”
“Not exactly. That wasn’t him texting you. That was these fine gentlemen right here,” he said sarcastically as he pointed at the officers. “They questioned Jacob, Mark’s friend who OD’d, and he told them that Mark had bought the drugs from you. You can’t expect them to take the heat for you in this situation.”
I sneered at him. “You knew about this and let me walk into this shit?”
Harold sighed, but I could see his nostrils flare in offense at what I had insinuated. “Mello, I pulled all of the strings I could. I’m here, aren’t I? They are trying to charge you with drug distribution.”
I groaned and recoiled in my seat. “Shit.”
“I’ve talked them out of arresting you. You’re a smart kid...too smart. You deserve another chance.” At the sound of that, I was relieved. But then he made my relief feel like a fucking fool, “But you won’t be able to get that chance here. Unfortunately, you’re expelled from this university.”
Ross
♫ As I pour this glass of wine
I hope it helps me express these thoughts of mind
(Noo) I don’t think I ever felt the way I feel for you girl
So I'm turning these lights down and I'm telling you right now ♫
As soon as the track started to play, Heaven instantly looked at me with a natural blush on her face that reminded me just how much younger she was than me. She already looked like a baby in the face, but when she blushed like that, it made her look even younger.
I stood up, took her hand, and made her stand up on those five-inch heels that she had put on, knowing damn well that her fe
et would be hurting by the end of the night. We were out kicking it, just me and her. I had taken her to dinner downtown, and now, we were having drinks at the S2 Ultra Lounge.
“C’mon,” I coached her as I pulled her onto the dance floor with a grin on my face. “You know this is our song.”
Heaven continued to giggle as I pulled her against me, wrapped my arms around her, and started to sway back and forth. Once she rested her head on my shoulder, I started to sing in her ear. “I don't think I've eeeever ever really told you how much I neeeeed you. I need you more than my next breath.”
Heaven slightly pulled her face away from my shoulder and looked up at me with this amused grin on her face as I kept singing, off-key as a motherfucker. “Never would I eeeever leave you cause darling I neeeeed you. I need you more then the next breath I breathe.”
She was cracking up, but I was serious. I meant every word that was coming out of my mouth off key. I had been singing that song to her since the first time I fucked up and thought that she was going to leave me. I wasn’t a man who knew how to express my emotions very well, so I would play this song in hopes that she would understand how I was feeling. This was the first time in a long time that this song was playing while I wasn't in a fucked up place with her—that she knew of.
For the last two and a half months, I had been trying to wrap my head around the fact that I had killed her sister…the sister she had never even told me about. I was more so concerned with the fact that Heaven had secrets. I had always thought she was open and honest with me. I was supposed to be the one with the secrets and the lies. But she had been hiding a sibling from me and for what reason I didn't know. Apparently, she felt more comfortable telling Mello about Angel than me. That made me feel some kinda way, but I had to face the fact that I hadn’t been the husband to her that she felt like she could confide in.
That was in the past, though. Lately, I had been surprising myself with how committed I was to her. Therapy had been helping me manage my anger. I was finally honest with her about me going, even though I still didn't feel like it was necessary for her to come with me just yet. But I could never tell her that I was the one who had killed Angel. That was a secret I was going to have to take to my grave if I never wanted to lose my wife.
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