“Penny, talk to me,” he said softly from a few feet away. “Please.”
Where did she even begin?
She didn’t want to fight. Not really. And it wouldn’t accomplish anything. Like he had said earlier, it wouldn’t change the past or where they were right now. So what was she supposed to do? Say?
“You hurt me, Spencer,” she finally said and felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She was in his arms before she could blink. They’d never done this. He’d never seen the devastation he caused or seen her cry. And maybe this was what had to happen.
Without a word, he picked her up and carried her to the sofa. When he sat down, he kept her cradled in his arms and simply let her cry. He didn’t offer empty words or platitudes; he just let her feel what she was feeling.
She cried because of the words he had spoken to her back then.
She cried for all of the time they had lost together because of misplaced feelings.
But most of all, she cried because she had no idea if they were really meant to be together right now.
Or ever.
When Penny finally lifted her head, she had no idea how much time had passed. She was emotionally wrung out and even though Spencer hadn’t shed a tear, the look of devastation on his face told her he felt the same way.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, his voice low and gruff. “I can never make that up to you. Ever. The things I said and did were…they were awful, and I hurt you. And I never wanted to hurt you. Ever. You don’t deserve that.”
She let out a long breath and contemplated her next words. “How do I know it’s not going to happen again? How can I possibly trust that you’re not going to feel pressured over something and take it out on me or our relationship?”
He went to answer but she quickly interrupted.
“That’s why this needs to just stay as this – the weekend. I’ve come too far and I’m in a really good place in my life and I can’t take that risk that you’re going to undo all that I’ve done to build myself up. I just can’t.”
And then she saw them.
The tears.
And they were her undoing.
Leaning forward, she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him – pouring everything she had and everything she felt into it – and was relieved when he not only responded, but took over.
She needed this. It was wrong and the timing sucked but…if all she was getting was the weekend, then she wanted every second of it spent like this – wrapped up in each other, letting the past stay in the past and knowing that there was no future.
The present was going to have to be enough.
Every part of her was pressed against him and she did her best to keep it that way – arching, rubbing, wrapping. Her hands raked up into his hair right after she took his glasses off his face and flung them onto the coffee table. Spencer’s arms were like a vice around her and his own hands seemed to be everywhere – on her back, anchored into her hair, grabbing her ass…
And it still wasn’t enough.
Penny crawled off of his lap and maneuvered them until they were lying down with Spencer on top of her. She needed to feel him – all of him – to keep her grounded in the moment. There would never come a time when she wouldn’t remember what he felt like stretched out over her – the feel of his muscles, the heat of his skin and how hard he was all over.
They kissed hungrily and desperately as clothes slipped away and they were coming together like they never had before. It verged on violent and even in their most frantic of moments in the past, it wasn’t like this. It was never like this. This was the kind of act that was meant to make a memory – an impact.
She clawed at his back even as he bit and growled and left his own marks on her pale skin. Madness and heat. Cries of love and pain. It all mixed together and seemed to go on forever.
But eventually heartbeats calmed and skin cooled.
And in the dim light of the living room, there wasn’t anything either of them could say.
How were you supposed to say goodbye to the other half of your heart?
“Good morning! I’m Julianne and this is Zumba! Do we have any first-timers here today?” Julianne asked as she began her spiel. Several people raised their hands. “Awesome! I am so glad you decided to join us today! This is a cardio dance class but don’t worry if you don’t have any dance experience - you don’t need any. And don’t worry if you don’t pick up the steps right away because we’ve all been there!”
It was seven o’clock on Monday morning and Penny was at the gym for Zumba. Not that she wanted to be, but it was the perfect escape and right now that was something she desperately needed.
Spencer had left an hour ago. There was no talk of staying in touch or anything regarding their future. They had simply said goodbye. Part of her expected more of him – like that he wasn’t willing to accept that what they had was over. That was what he led her to believe while they were at dinner Saturday night. But after she had said her piece, it was as if he had given up.
And she wasn’t sure if she was relieved or saddened by that.
After their romp on the sofa, they had gone to the bedroom where he simply held her all night long. There was no seduction; they’d silently agreed just to sleep. Sunday morning, Spencer had gotten up and gone out to get her groceries and pick up a change of clothes for himself before coming back. It seemed odd that he hadn’t just left – that they hadn’t just said goodbye right then and there – but clearly they were both gluttons for punishment because they spent all day Sunday watching movies and being lazy and then made love again all Sunday night.
All while acting like polite strangers.
It was maddening.
So right now, she needed this Zumba class and as the music picked up, she was more than happy to give it her all. And when it was over, she’d shower and get changed and go to her meeting at Enchanted. Then, even though it wasn’t on the agenda, she was going to be bold and put forth her business plan for her glam squad.
And when all of that was through, she’d go home and kick, scream and cry because for a brief moment this weekend, she thought she could have it all.
Chapter Five
A week later, Spencer was miserable.
Still miserable.
Looking around his office, everything felt…wrong. He let out a weary sigh and leaned back in his leather chair. They’d been close…so damn close to making it work and he’d gone and screwed it up.
Well, technically you’ve been doing that for the better part of twenty years. Why stop now?
He hated when his conscience was right.
And now that he was back in Atlanta and back to his regularly scheduled life, he hated it. He hated every damn second of it. When he’d walked through the doors to his condo Monday night, it felt barren and sterile and completely unwelcoming.
And he remembered Penny’s warm and welcoming home.
When he came into work on Tuesday, he spent the entire day holed up in his office because he didn’t feel like socializing. No one asked how his trip was or how his family was, and he didn’t see anyone smiling or laughing.
And he remembered Penny’s stories of how close she was with her bosses and her co-workers.
When he got home on Wednesday, there was a wedding invitation from one of his oldest and dearest friends – along with an invitation to be a part of the bridal party – in the mail.
And there was Enchanted Bridal’s business card tucked inside.
He wasn’t sure if it was a sign he should go back for Penny or if the universe was mocking him.
His parents hadn’t asked why he was leaving so suddenly, which was odd considering he had talked to them about Penny when he’d run in to grab a change of clothes on Sunday. If they noticed that he was upset or that anything was wrong, they didn’t let on. And for that he should be thankful, but he wasn’t. Right now he would welcome someone calling him and telling him how badly he had messed up the best thing that ever happened to
him.
Again!
He needed it. He almost craved it in the most insane way!
And that’s when he knew what he had to do…
Picking up his phone, he called his sister.
“Give me one good reason why I should talk to you,” Eva demanded when she answered the phone and for a minute, he was confused. Then he figured his parents must have not only noticed something was wrong, but shared it with his sister.
“And good afternoon to you too,” he said pleasantly. “How are you?”
“How am I? Seriously?” she cried. “I’m ticked off, Spencer! I had an appointment to try on gowns at Enchanted on Saturday and I saw Penny! And surprise, surprise, I had to say – yet again! – that I’m sorry that my brother is such a colossal jackass!”
Yup. This was what he needed, what he deserved.
“I know, I know and…”
“Shut up,” she snapped. “You don’t get to talk right now, because I’m talking.” She let out a very long and agitated sigh. “How could you have screwed this up? Again!”
“It was…”
“I was so excited when I left you guys together the night of the fashion show! I saw the way you looked at her and the way she looked at you and…I just knew things would be different this time!”
“I did too and…”
“Then I get a call from Mom last Sunday and she was so excited because you were spending time with Penny, but she said that it seemed like you two had some things to work out. She was so optimistic. And so was I!”
“I was too…but…”
“So imagine my surprise when I got a call from her the next day saying you left and you looked upset – ‘utterly devastated’ were her words. I thought about calling you, but I was too angry. Then I thought about calling Penny, but I was too embarrassed. So I had to wait almost a week before I saw her and instead of focusing on finding my dream wedding gown, I had to feel bad because one of my oldest friends looked so sad and I knew it was your fault! What the hell did you do?”
“Are you going to let me answer that question?” he asked but there was no power behind his words. He was too tired and defeated for that.
“Fine. Speak. But know that I reserve the right to interrupt and yell at you.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle at her honesty. “I would expect nothing less.”
“Just so we’re clear…”
And to her credit, Eva let him speak. Hell, she let him speak for almost ten minutes as he recounted most of what had happened between him and Penny from the night of the fashion show to the morning they said goodbye. Of course he’d left out the intimate details, but he knew she understood what he was talking about. When he was done, he let out a long weary breath. “And that’s it. That’s how I managed to screw it up again.”
“Wow.”
“I know.”
“So…all those things you said to her back when you broke up…?”
“Not one-hundred-percent accurate.”
“Damn, Spencer. Do you have any idea how self-conscious she got after that?” Eva asked. “I mean, I was probably the only one who noticed it but…damn.”
“At the time, it didn’t seem like a big deal…”
“For such a smart guy, you are incredibly stupid. You know that, right?”
“Eva…”
“You’re the reason Penny stopped coming over. You’re probably one of the main reasons she and I drifted apart.” She snorted with disgust. “And you know what? You’re my brother and I love you, but right now I really hate you.”
“I know.”
“Don’t you have anything else to say for yourself?” she demanded.
Okay, this was not helping him feel any better. If anything, it was like rubbing salt in the wound. “I can only say I’m sorry so many times, Eva. The damage is done and there’s nothing I can do to change that. I can promise till my dying breath that I’ll never do it again, but she’s always going to be wary and waiting for me to screw up again. That’s not fair to either of us.”
“I hate how that makes sense,” Eva said, and Spencer had no doubt that she was pouting. “I want to yell at you some more and tell you what a moron you are, but…seems to me you are already well-aware of it. Kind of took the fun out it for me. Yelling at you now would just be mean.”
“But well deserved.”
“Obviously,” she said followed by a sad sigh. “I wish I knew what to say here.”
Spencer swallowed hard. “How was she? When you saw her on Saturday…was she all right?”
“No, Spencer. She wasn’t all right,” Eva replied calmly. “She looked sad and…and it was like she didn’t want to even be near me or talk to me. It was awful.”
He raked a hand through his hair. “Need I remind you that you hadn’t seen or talked to her in years? So you’re kind of being a little dramatic.”
“Look, I get it. I wasn’t the greatest friend to her and I let the relationship go too because…well…I honestly don’t know. People just drift apart. But after seeing her again and seeing the two of you together, I was really excited about reconnecting with her. That’s not going to happen now.”
“I don’t see why not,” he countered. “There’s no reason why the two of you can’t be friends again. You managed to stay friends in the past when I…”
“When you were a total jackass? Um…yeah, I know. This time was just…it was different, Spencer. Back then, we were young. We were kids. We were a little more resilient. But now? I don’t know. It’s harder when our hearts get broken. If anything were to happen between me and Brett, I know I’d be devastated.”
“That’s not a fair comparison. You and Brett are in love; you’re engaged and getting married. Penny and I…”
“Oh, please. Everyone knows she’s been in love with you since forever and if you pulled your head out of your ass once in a while, you’d realize that you’re in love with her too.”
Damn. That was…brutally honest and…totally true.
“It doesn’t matter, Eva. There are too many obstacles here. I work and live in Atlanta. Penny works and lives in Raleigh. She’s getting ready to open her own business. If we were going to do this and have a relationship, I sure as hell wouldn’t want it to be long-distance.”
“Penny’s opening her own business? She didn’t mention that to me.”
“Probably because she didn’t want to talk to you, remember?” he asked with just a hint of sarcasm.
“Very funny. So what’s this business? Is it wedding-related?”
Spencer told his sister all about Penny’s glam squad and just talking about it brought a smile to his face. He could picture her doing it and making it a place that people would flock to. She was that type of person – people were drawn to her and Penny had a gift for making everyone around her feel special. No doubt her customers would love her.
“That sounds like such a fun business! Oh my gosh! I’m totally going to hit her up to do the hair and makeup for my bridal party on the day of the wedding and mine too, of course.”
And as much as he knew she meant well, Spencer had a feeling Penny wouldn’t feel quite so excited at that particular prospect. But he chose to keep that to himself for now.
“You can’t just give up, Spencer,” Eva said, interrupting his thoughts. “You have to find a way to make this right!”
Seriously? After all the ways she’d just called him an idiot she thought he could even do that?
“How, Eva? Please tell me because I’ve been wracking my brain here for a week and I haven’t got a damn clue. I thought it was best to just…stay away. Let her have her life and be happy without me messing it up.”
“Oh, please, now who’s being dramatic?”
“It’s the truth.”
“Well…I do kind of have an idea,” his sister said slyly.
“But…?”
“But…if I tell you and you’re open to it, you have to do exactly what I say.”
He chuckled even as he
shook his head. “Just regarding Penny, right?”
“Spoilsport.”
“I’m not making any promises or anything, but I’m willing to listen.”
She let out a little squeal of delight. “If you really want to win her back, this is where you need to begin…”
“And that’s what I can bring to the Enchanted Bridal complex,” Penny said as she smiled at her bosses and Mrs. James – Hailey’s mother and the woman who created Enchanted Bridal.
The five women sitting in front of her were all smiling.
Mrs. James stood first and came over and hugged her. “Penny, I think what you’re offering is perfect for the complex. Of course, if you needed some time to get financing, we could always find a creative way to transform some of the existing space here in the shop for you to have a hair and makeup station.”
Penny shook her head but kept her smile in place. “Thank you, Mrs. James, but I don’t think that would present the right image – not for the shop and not for what I have to offer. As of now, I can operate as a mobile business and go to the client’s home, but that has its limits. In order to keep with the tradition of superior business service like what you’ve created here with the dress shop and then the complex, I wouldn’t start doing promotions until I had the space secured.”
“Have you heard from the bank?” Hailey asked as she stood and reached for a bottle of water.
“Not yet,” she said with regret. “I know they said fast approval, but…this doesn’t feel very fast at all.”
Judith James placed a hand on Penny’s arm. “It never does when you’re the one waiting for an answer. I’m sure you’ll hear from them any day now.”
She hoped so, like seriously hoped so.
What she hadn’t shared with her bosses was that her meeting with the bank had been met with less than an enthusiastic response. It didn’t seem to matter that she had letters from Hailey and all of her bosses regarding their excitement to have Penny be part of the complex. It didn’t seem to matter that she had a business proposal that met every criterion. What did matter was that she had some debt from her student loans and on her credit cards – more than they were comfortable with. And while they hadn’t said that it would affect her loan application, she wasn’t stupid.
Glam Squad & Groomsmen Page 7