by Bailey B
I grab a quick rag and wet it under the sink then freshen up a bit. I’m not a smelly person, but I’ve got more meat to me than Logan’s probably used to. I sweat in places tiny girls don’t think about and would rather not worry about it. I apply a spritz of perfume, check my makeup, and take a deep breath.
I can do this.
15
Danika
Logan’s gaze finds me the moment I open the door. He leans against the dresser, phone in his hands, but sets it behind him as soon as he sees me. My skin pricks with insecurity. I should have kept my heels on. They would have made this boutsier thing look sexier but I’m not about to grab them. The moment’s here and there's no going back.
“Jesus Christ, you’re beautiful,” Logan mumbles.
Heat climbs my neck. I want to break eye contact and look away because I can’t take the way Logan is looking at me much longer. Instead, I step forward. I can do this.
Logan does the same and before I know it my chest is pressed against him and his big hands are on my hips. I look up into the vortex Logan calls eyes, feeling my pulse everywhere. If I speak, I’ll ruin this. Say something stupid to piss him off or cut the tension between us. Logan still hasn’t kissed me and I wonder, Have I lost my touch?
I suck the corner of my bottom lip between my teeth and Logan grunts deep in his throat.
“This is cruel.”
Cruel? How? I’m the one half naked. I’m the one on the verge of a panic attack. I’m the one who will feel like a complete idiot if he doesn’t make a move in the next thirty seconds. Still, I say nothing.
“Tell me to leave, Danika.” Logan licks his lips, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. “Tell me to leave before I throw you on that bed and have my way with you.”
I didn’t know it was possible for my heart to beat faster but it does. My head spins, probably because I haven’t taken a breath since stepping into Logan’s arms but still I say nothing.
Logan waits another ten seconds before taking my silence as non-verbal agreement. He slides his hands under my thighs and lifts me. My legs wrap around his waist as my back slams against the wall. He grabs my wrist, pinning my hands by my shoulders, lips sweeping over my neck. I gasp, eyes rolling to the back of my head. Goosebumps pepper my skin, fighting my tingling nerves for space. I open my mouth to tell him how good this feels but my stupid words have a plan of their own.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Whhhhhyyyyy? Why of all things did that come out of my mouth? Even when I’m consciously trying to make this happen between us, my subconscious gets in the way.
“Abso-fucking-lutely.” Logan’s grip tightens, almost painfully, but not threatening. If anything, the sliver of discomfort mixed with pure desire turns me on more.
“You’re my brother now.” Jeeze. Do I not have a filter? Does his lips on my ear, sending a jolt of need straight through me, make me so stupid as to self-sabotage?
Logan rests his forehead against mine. His breaths ragged pants that match my own. “I’ll never be your brother, Danika. Besides, we came first”
He crashes his lips against mine and they’re the sweetest sin I’ve ever tasted. I’m going to regret this tomorrow. His tongue sweeps into my mouth and ours dance together in unison. The last three years, six months, and two days could have never happened, if they did, our bodies never got the memo because they’re acting like this embrace is second nature.
Logan turns us, one hand fumbling with the ties of my bustier, then drops us both onto the bed. He gives up, like I hoped, and shoves his hand down the front, cupping my breast and pulling it free over the top. He does the same with the other, hungrily sucking on my nipple.
My back arches, a ripple of pleasure coursing through me. Logan takes that as an invitation and peppers kisses down my covered stomach to the crease of my thigh. I lift my ass as he grips the lace of my panties and discards them on the floor.
‘Fucking. Beautiful,” he mumbles against my folds. Logan never went down on me in high school and seeing as I haven’t been with anyone since, this is a first. Pressure builds inside me with each lick of his tongue until I think I might explode. It’s then Logan slides his finger inside me and the euphoria I’m swimming in cracks.
Pain sears its way between my legs and I gasp.
Logan, intuitive as ever, stops what he’s doing and looks up at me curiously. “You okay?”
I push up onto my elbows and hope to god I look better than I feel. “Yeah. Totally. Why’d you stop?”
“I’m gonna kick myself for asking this.” He sits back onto his knees and sighs. “Have you been with anyone since you left?”
“Is it that obvious?” I fall back onto the pillow. Tears of embarrassment sting my eyes. I didn’t know it was possible to suck at sex before even getting to the sex part. I should have listened to Sarah and bought a vibrator or something, but the thought of doing that to myself is weird. Besides, it’s not like there’s a lot of privacy when you live with your grandmother.
Logan chuckles and armycrawls up to me until he’s laying over my body. “You’re as tight as you were in Miami, babe.”
I groan and squeeze my eyes shut. Logan presses his lips against my collarbone, sucking the spot that tickles in the best way possible. He finds my mouth, kissing me softer than before. I savor this one because, when I let myself fall into it, it feels like the old days. When no one mattered besides us and the world was at our feet.
I curl the hem of Logan’s shirt between my fingers and pull it over his head. My hands run down his back, feeling the scars he’s no longer ashamed of. A reminder that we aren’t the people we used to be.
My thumbs trace the edge of Logan’s belt along his waist until I find the buckle. He doesn’t stop me when I unhook his belt. His lips stay on mine as I unbutton and unzip his pants. It’s not until my thumbs dip beneath the band of his boxers that Logan breaks our kiss.
“We don’t have to do this.”
“Will you regret it?” Will I? At this point, I’m not sure I know the answer. I convinced myself to do this. That this was just sex. Nothing more than one last hoorah before the big goodbye. But is it?
Without hesitation he says, “Never.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. I never thought I’d say these next words aloud. Never be given the chance. “I’m on the pill.”
Logan smiles then dips his mouth to mine. He pushes my legs open with his knees and reaches down between us. I close my eyes, focusing on our kiss as he presses the head of his dick against my opening.
Last time we did this, Logan pushed himself into me with one drawn out stroke. This time, he works his way in. The process takes longer but hurts a million times less. Stretching around his hard length for the first time, it’s uncomfortable. But within a few strokes it starts to feel good. My body melts into the bed and fuses with his.
Logan bends down, breathing heavily into my ear. Wet kisses pepper my neck. He grips my hair and pulls me onto his lap. I ride him, his hands on my hips, tits bouncing everywhere. It feels amazing. He feels amazing.
“Say something, Dani,” Logan pants. “I want to hear your voice.”
My voice? Shit. I must have been quiet this whole time. Guys don’t like that. They want to hear every breath, no matter how exaggerated it is, to know they’re doing a good job. At least, that’s what Sarah told me once.
“You feel great.” I wish I could come up with something better, sexier, but it’s all I’ve got.
Logan grins, seemingly satisfied. He grips my hips and lifts me off him. “Get on your knees.”
I roll onto all fours, my cheek resting against a pillow. Logan lifts my ass then slides back inside me. A sigh escapes as my body tightens around him. It only takes a few pumps in this position for my climax to come, too quick and too hot to stop. I moan, letting out a sound I’m immediately embarrassed to have made but Logan seems to like it. He pumps into me harder and faster until pulling out and spilling his seed all over my back.
I fall onto my stomach, hot stickiness making my skin stiff. The bed dips then lifts. I close my eyes, expecting to hear a “Thanks” and then the door closing. After all, people don’t stick around after a one night stand—so I’ve been told.
Logan surprises me by wiping a warm cloth against my folds and then cleaning my back. I roll onto my side when I feel the bed dip again. Logan lifts the covers over our bodies and drapes one arm across my stomach. I stay put, pretending to be asleep because I don’t want to ruin the moment.
He kisses the back of my head and snuggles close. “Goodnight, Dani.”
16
Danika
Hot water washes away my sins. That and a tiny bar of hotel soap. Even though Logan wiped my back with a wet towel last night, I still woke to the skin on my back feeling tight. With no one around and no reason to hide, I thought a shower would be a good idea, so here I am.
I close my eyes, a smile forming on my lips as I think about last night. Sex with Logan was better than I remembered, better than my fantasies. Hell, I’ve got goosebumps thinking about it. My fingers twist through my hair, loosening a rat’s nest of knots when I hear the distinct sound of a hotel door closing.
My door.
My eyes snap open. I wait, my blood feeling like pins and needles beneath my veins. A shadowy figure stops in front of the shower. As thick fingers curl around the cream colored vinyl curtain, I grab the little shampoo bottles, ready to defend myself. I am not dying naked, in Florida, while washing off my walk of shame scent. Even if the walk was only from the bed to the shower.
The beige curtain pulls back and I throw every tiny bottle I have, plus the bar of soap, at once. I’ve never seen the movie Psycho but I know the premise of it thanks to the tv show Bates Motel. Dude notoriously kills people in a shower. Not today, motherfucker!
“Fuck, Dani!” Logan rubs the red spot on his forehead with the palm of his hand. His muscles flex, and I can’t help it that my eyes trail over his body again. The man is like fine wine, better with age.
And naked.
As my gaze settles on his package, I remember I’m not wearing anything and attempt to cover my chest and stomach with my arms, twisting my body to be as hidden as possible. “Get out, Logan!”
Logan sets his hands on his bare hips and shakes his head. “We had sex last night, sweetheart. Amazing, mind blowing sex where I made you cum like five times. There’s no need to hide yourself now.”
He steps into the shower without waiting for an invitation. I turn my back to him and try to slow my racing heart with deep, controlled breaths. Logan only saw my chest last night. This, being completely bare in front of him, is terrifying. There’s no way he won’t notice the stretch marks or my scar and I’m not ready to have that conversation yet.
Or ever, if I can help it.
Logan slips his arms around my waist, pulling me back against him. His head dips, lips finding the crook of my neck and I melt. I don’t know how I’m going to leave this afternoon. Being together again feels so right. But this was the plan, have one last hoorah and then give each other a real goodbye. Maybe then I’ll finally be able to move on. Wishful thinking.
His fingers trail across my stomach, brushing against what I’ve been trying so hard to hide. “What’s this?”
My body stills, the tiny hairs on the nape of my neck bristling. How do I explain the scar? The one I shouldn’t have from a kid that’s not supposed to exist.
“Is this from,” he pauses, his finger still tracing over the thin line. Back and forth. Back and forth. “You know?”
I laugh a little. I do know. I know the eighteen hours of labor only to be rushed into an emergency c-section because the umbilical cord wrapped itself around Molly’s neck. I know that when they pulled her out, all four pounds eleven ounces that she was, Molly didn’t cry. Nona squeezed my hand, reassuring me that everything would be all right as the nurses suctioned blood from Molly’s mouth and nose. Those were the most heartbreaking, terrifying two minutes of my life. “She didn’t make things easy.”
Logan steps to the side and tucks his knuckle under my chin. I look up at him, brown eyes rimmed red. “She?”
Shit. I said too much. Abortion doctors don’t tell you what you’re having. That would make the experience too real and I never led him to believe I had Molly. I clear my throat and step out of the warm water’s spray, pressing my back against the shower wall. “I can’t do this.”
It’s too risky. Not just for me, but for Molly. What happens if Logan finds out she exists? Will he demand custody? Will he force himself into our lives, then walk away when things get tough? And believe me, Molly is no cake walk.
Logan wordlessly shuts the water off, disappointment etched across his face. He grabs the first towel from the rack and hands it to me, then takes one for himself. I wrap the rough cotton around my chest and walk into the main room. I open my suitcase, rummaging through it for nothing in particular. I just needed to get out of that bathroom.
Away from him.
My guard is falling, walls are cracking, and I can’t let that happen.
“Hey,” he says, towel tied around his waist. “We should talk about what happened.”
I toss a dress onto the bed and search for my underwear to avoid looking at Logan. Those abs, those same chiseled abs that sucked me into his arms last night, are staring at me again. I will not look at them. I will not fall into them again. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Uh, you can’t wear that.” Logan says, referencing the black thong laying beside my dress. “I mean you can, but everyone will stare at you. I don’t know if you remember, but I don’t like people looking at what’s mine.”
I stand up straight and grip my towel so it doesn’t fall free. Logan may have seen the scar once but that doesn’t mean I want him looking at it again. “First of all, I’m not yours. And secondly, what does it matter what I wear under my dress? No one’s gonna see it.”
Logan grins, bringing out those perfect dimples and that lopsided smile that’s haunted my dreams for years. “Because I promised our parents we’d join them and the family for a poolside brunch. It’s our last chance for everyone to be together before you fly out this evening.”
“You what?” I ask, my eyebrows arching. I don’t mind seeing Piper and Cooper again before I leave, but Dad and Tessa are another story. And Sarah, she’s been the biggest disappointment of them all this weekend. I’ve spent zero time with her because she keeps disappearing, probably with a new guy every night.
Logan reaches for my elbow, probably to pull me into a hug and silence me with a searing hot kiss, but extend my arm.
“Logan, I need you to understand that whatever this is,” I point between him and I, to make sure he fully understands what I’m talking about, “it doesn’t go on beyond today. There is no us anymore. We were just having fun.”
He pulls me into his arms and says, “I know. Last night was amazing, and I wouldn’t mind doing it one more time before you leave, but I’m not the only one who misses you. We don’t know when we’ll get to see you again.”
Never, because I can’t risk anyone finding out about Molly.
17
Logan
Brunch is the stupidest meal invented. It’s either breakfast, or lunch. Eleven in the morning is closer to lunch than breakfast. So, why my mother is serving french toast is beyond me. Walking past the group of gossiping wedding goers, I grab two towels from the cabana boy and make my way to the pool. I lay one out on a lounge chair for Dani and claim the chair beside it for myself. I recline mine back forty-five degrees, tuck my hands behind my head, and close my eyes.
I slept like shit the last few weeks leading up to mom’s wedding. Mom has been dating Walter for two years now. That’s two years I’ve spent trying to pry information out of them about Danika. But I was stonewalled. Blocked on all social media accounts and left out to dry by my parents.
Prior to those two years, I was a mess. The last hal
f of senior year was a disaster. I was depressed, drunk to the point of uselessness, and angry at the world. My first year of college wasn’t any better. For a while I saw Danika’s face everywhere. Her ghost haunted me to the point of celibacy. I tried moving on. I tried one night stands. Hell, I even tried Viagra. But as soon as it came time to do anything with a woman, her memory ruined the moment in one way or another. She had my heart, and being with anyone else has always felt like cheating.
But last night, curled up in bed with Danika in my arms, I finally slept. My world tilted back on its axis and for one beautiful night, everything was how it should be.
I didn’t follow through with my plan. I knew I wouldn’t be able to leave her in the middle of the night. I only stepped outside this morning because Mom called, otherwise Danika would have woken in my arms and we would have gone for round two.
I hate that she’s leaving in a few hours. Hopefully, this time, she’ll say goodbye and I can convince her to keep in touch. I broke down her walls and got her back in my arms in less than two days. Imagine what I could do if we texted daily? I’d have her back in no time.
“When’s your brother getting here?”
I turn my head to my right and open my eyes. Sarah Archer. Danika’s so called best friend and Cooper’s one night stand turned stalker towers over me with her hands on her hips. There’s nothing extraordinary about Sarah. Her moss-brown hair is pulled into a high ponytail. Her frame, while curvy, isn’t large by any means, but it isn’t small either. The only thing I can fathom that might have drawn Cooper in are her eyes. Grey with slivers of blue in them, just like our sister’s.
“Soon. He’s leaving after we eat.” It’s more information than she deserves, but I get it. Loving someone who doesn’t love you back is torture. Danika, she doesn’t love me. Probably never did. But I wholeheartedly love her.