“I’m sorry, Raye. I didn’t know what today was.”
“Mitch told you?” I’m outraged. I don’t know when the hell they became so close, but I’m in no way okay with it, even if Mitch is suddenly less awful. How did he even get here so fast? Mitch couldn’t have texted him more than five minutes ago.
Stupid alien.
“He was worried about you.”
“So, that’s why you showed up. If he hadn’t texted you, would you still be avoiding me?” My voice increases in volume with each syllable. Hot tears start to build behind my eyes.
I will not cry today.
“I haven’t been avoiding you. I…had some things to work out.”
“Get out of my car, T.K.,” I spit, seeing red.
“Raye…”
“Are you bored with me? Is that it? Too much of one girl for too long and you’re getting restless?” I try to sound like I don’t care, but my voice is high-pitched and broken, caught between devastation and rage. “I do not want to deal with this today!”
“No! How could you say that? Raye, I….”
“You what, T.K., you’re an asshole. You knew I was fighting with Lindsay, and then you bail on me too. Seriously, what is it that makes men run away from me the second things aren’t perfect? Am I that hostile?”
“Well, yeah,” he laughs. The sound cuts off abruptly when he sees whatever look I have plastered on my face–I don’t know which is winning: sad or angry? “Raye, I’m not running anywhere.” He pulls my hand into his.
“Don’t touch me!” I rip my hand from his with such force, it smacks into the window. “Ow! Mother of…! Ow!” I whine, clutching my hand. It hurts almost as much as punching the wall, except that time I was filled with enough adrenaline to dull the sensation. T.K. reaches for my hand again, hesitantly rubbing his fingers over my soon-to-be-bruised knuckles.
“What’s with you and this hand?” He wears a worried smirk on his face. “In the six months I’ve known you, you’ve hurt it at least four times.”
“It was your fault,” I say, too deflated to snatch my hand back. It is already starting to turn purple. T.K. kisses it. “Ow!” I grumble at him.
He chuckles, some of the exhaustion disappearing from his face. “Oh, calm down, you’re fine.”
“I hate you,” I say, unsure if I’m joking or not.
“No, you don’t.”
I blow out a sigh. “Well, I wish I did.”
“Raye…” He brushes some of my hair away from my face, running his fingers along my neck. “I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I wanted to be, okay? Every moment I’m not with you, I miss you. But I had a good reason.”
“But you’re not going to tell me what the reason is?”
“I can’t. I’m sorry. I know that’s a shitty excuse, and you have every right to be angry with me for it. I thought you could handle Lindsay without me, and I didn’t know what today was. If I did, I would have said to hell with my issues. You could have told me, you know.”
“Oh yeah, when? You were avoiding me. God, T.K., for all I knew you were out with some other girl. That’s not heart-to-heart inspiring.”
“Do you actually think I would cheat on you?”
I shrug and look away from him. “I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Raye,” he says, grabbing my face in his palms, forcing me to look at him. I hate that he keeps saying my name. “I would never do that to you. Besides, I can’t imagine finding someone I like or want more than I like or want you. You’re all I think about. It’s starting to verge on pathetic. I don’t want you to question that.”
“It’s sort of hard when you’re not speaking to me.” To my displeasure, my voice has lost all of its hardness. I feel drained and exhausted and I still want to cry.
“I know,” he sighs. “Tell me what to do to make it up to you, and I’ll do it.”
“I want to go home.”
“Can I buy you dinner first? You can even buy it to go.”
“What’s the point in that?” I ask, my voice gaining back its annoyance.
“I want to spend some time with you, even if it’s only fifteen minutes.”
“I’m not driving you home,” I warn.
T.K. gives me his irresistible half-grin. “I can run faster than you can drive, anyway.”
“That’s how you made it here so fast?”
“As soon as Mitch told me what today was, I dropped everything and ran.”
I can’t hold back the small smile his words bring to my lips, so I hide it by adding extra ice to my voice. “Fine, you can buy me takeout. Happy?”
“Elated.” He kisses my hand again. I should be more careful with it.
We are halfway to my favourite Thai place when T.K. goes rigid in his seat. I feel it before I see it, his hand constricting mine. “Raye, stop the car,” he says, dropping my hand as I wince.
“We’re in the middle of nowhere, I’m not stopping,” I say, brushing him off. We are on a stretch of nowhere highway–my Thai place is in the next town over–next to a gloomy, ice-coated forest. And it is dark out. No way am I pulling over.
“Raye, I’m not asking. Pull over!”
“Fine, but if I’m murdered in these woods, you’re going to feel terrible.” T.K.’s face hollows, his eyes wide with fear. “Oh, dear god, I’m joking. What? Why am I stopping?” I put the Jeep in park next to the ditch. There are so few street lights here it’s hard to make out the surroundings.
“Get down and do exactly what I say, okay?”
“What? No. What the hell is–” I was going to say wrong with you, but T.K. forces my head down in the seat, cutting off my words “Hey!”
“Quiet!” he whispers.
“What is the matter with you?” I say, smacking his arm. He releases me a fraction of an inch, enough to grab my chin and look into my eyes. His terror is so convincing, I finally stop fighting him and listen.
“Remember how I said my kind was driven from our home?” I nod my head, confused. “Well, they’re going for round two.”
“Wait, what?” Of all the things I expected him to say that was not one of them. “What the hell is out there, T.K.?”
I watch as T.K. peeks over the dashboard, still holding my body down with his arm. “They’re a lot like us, but stronger. Mutated. From what I’ve been told, they are next to invincible when they’re in corporeal form. And…. Well, they don’t mimic the human form. They invade.”
“They do what?” I shriek. T.K. winces at my reaction. “Well, where are they? I don’t see anyone!” Panic finally sets in as various horror movies flash before my eyes. They invade. I can only imagine what his description means.
“I can feel them. They’re close by, and I don’t think they’re in human form.”
From a distance, I hear the sound of wolves howling. My eyes go wide with fear. “Please tell me they aren’t wolves.” T.K.’s eyes give me my answer. “Oh, hell no!” I panic, trying to twist the key in the ignition.
I will not be eaten by a wolf.
“Stop,” T.K. breathes. “If they hear the engine, they might attack. They’re looking for human bodies. I’m not letting them have yours.”
“What do you mean have mine?” My voice is shrill and unrecognizable. T.K. shifts, uncomfortable and anxious.
“Like I said… They invade. The host doesn’t survive.”
“The host?” I’m in full-blown panic mode. I have seen that movie, and I’m not about to become a member of the cast. I open the Jeep’s door and bolt into the forest, realizing too late the ground is thawed and muddied. I’m not wearing my jacket, so I run through the bramble in my t-shirt and jeans, tripping and falling through the freezing mud.
“Raye!” T.K. shouts, searching for me in the dark. I feel his thick arms wrap around my torso as he drags me to the ground. “Stop running! They’re in wolf bodies for a reason. They’re hunting. Please don’t give them a target,” he begs, searching my eyes. “I’m not going to let anything hurt you, okay? Stay
still.”
T.K. pulls me to his chest, blocking me from the cool air blasting through the forest. I hear the howls grow closer before the sound of a truck barrelling down the highway takes over the night.
For a heartbeat, everything is silent.
The sound of metal ripping through the sky fills my ears.
“Go!” T.K. says, pulling me up from the ground and towing me toward the Jeep. When we step onto the road, I see flames in the distance. The truck is a heaping pile of fire and metal. My heart constricts as I pictures my father’s body being pulled from the mangled remains of his car, wet and pale. Fire, water; it doesn’t matter. It is all the same.
My breathing becomes laboured as I kneel, my hands on my legs for support. “Raye, we need to go,” T.K. whispers. When I don’t obey, he picks me up and places me on the passenger’s seat of the Jeep. All I can see is a woman clutching a child, screaming for her husband who is far beyond saving.
T.K. turns the Jeep around on the road, barrelling back the way we came. I don’t take my eyes off the fire in the distance until we are too far away to see it.
“Raye,” T.K. says, reaching for my leg. “You need to calm down. You’re hyperventilating.” Am I? It doesn’t feel like I am. T.K.’s voice is pained as he pulls the Jeep into a lot and puts it in park.
We are at his house.
I feel his arms wrap around me as his lips touch my hair. “It’s okay,” he murmurs.
I don’t know how long we sit there, my breath burning my lungs and T.K.’s arms holding me together. “I’m okay,” I say finally, no longer needing him to keep me in one piece. I push the fire into the deep recesses of my mind and smooth my features. “T.K., I’m fine.”
It is obvious T.K. doesn’t believe me, his eyes reflecting the panic he must have seen in mine. I didn’t cry though, I notice, patting my cheeks.
I did not cry. I am fine.
“I’m a mess,” I say, studying my muddied hands.
“Come on, then,” he replies, helping me out of the car. He stops me as soon as we are through the front doors, pulling me to his chest.
I am fine.
I will not cry today.
CHAPTER 21
I’m standing in front of the mirror, my whole body covered in various colours of mud. I look like pure chaos.
A faint knock on the bathroom door pulls my attention away from the horror of my reflection. “Can I come in?” T.K. calls from the other side.
“Yeah.” I dab at the muck on my face. “Wow, you look worse than I do,” I laugh, taking in his muddied face and his ruined shirt. His hair is more brown than blonde; he even has dirt staining his eye lashes.
“That’s not hard. You’re stunning as always.” He gives me a nervous half-smile. “Raye, I am so sorry. I knew that could happen, but I still went to see you anyway. This could have been so much worse. It’s my fault.”
“What are you talking about?” I turn to face him, taking in more than his messy appearance. Worry lines his too-beautiful face.
T.K. rakes his hands through his curls. They become stuck halfway because of the mud, forcing him to give up. “We can feel it when they’re around. Survival instinct, Markus says. I’ve known for the past few days they were nearby. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. I didn’t want them to track me down and find me with you. If they… God, Raye, if something happened to you, it would destroy me.” He put his hands on my face and leans his forehead to mine. “I know you must hate me, and I don’t blame you. You should stay away from me.” The pain in his eyes is overwhelming.
“Are you breaking up with me?” I ask, trying not to care. My voice is indifferent.
“No!” He twists his lips, pausing to look at me, his green eyes intense as he analyses my reaction. “Maybe. I don’t know.”
“Well, let me save you the trouble.” I try to step around him out the door. Tears are already trying to sneak out of my lids.
I will not cry today.
I dig my nails into my palm, forcing the emotion away. I feel it the moment I puncture skin, the release flooding me with a more controllable kind of pain.
“Hey,” he says grabbing my hand and shutting the door. I am trapped, my eyes burning and my face red. “Please, Raye, talk this through with me.”
“You either want me, or you don’t. It’s not complicated, T.K.,” I spit, willing the tears back. I try to free my hand from his grasp.
“Stop fighting me,” he says, grabbing my other hand and pushing me into the door. “Raye, I don’t want you to get hurt. Do you have any idea what that would do to me? To live with the fact that not only could I not help you, but that it was my fault? That I hurt you? I care about you more than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” I struggle with him against the door. My hands are pinned above me and his breath is hot against my face, his scent consuming me in the best possible way.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” He closes his eyes. I try not to care about how broken he looks.
I. Will. Not. Cry. Today.
“All you had to do was stay with me, T.K., but you couldn’t even do that.”
T.K. looks down at me with troubled eyes. I can feel his heart beating fast against my chest. Finally, he leans down, pressing his lips against mine harder than I expect. It is like he is hungry for me, trying to banish all his pain through that one kiss.
My body doesn’t give me a choice; it kisses him back.
“If anything happens to you,” he says, breaking the kiss and resting his head against my shoulder. Whatever inner demons he is fighting, he does not want me to see them.
“Nothing is going to happen to me, T.K. But I need to know you’re not going to freak out and run every time things complicate. Even if you were normal, I come with a hell of a lot of baggage. I’m a hazard and a flight risk and I attract stupid situations. I have a wall the size of China and my trust issues are the definition of unstable. If you want me, you’re going to have to get used to complications. So, are you going to stay, or are you going to bail?” I ask.
My voice is far more calm and stable than I feel. I’m terrified he can’t handle both of our issues. I’m afraid he is going to give up and walk away and–
“I am so in love with you, Raye McKenna.” His eyes are full of a thousand passing emotions: warmth, fear, desire…
“You love me?” A handful of days ago, I hadn’t felt ready to hear it. Now that the words are out there, I don’t know how I ever lived without them.
“I love you,” he repeats, his voice steady. “I’m not going anywhere. Hell, I don’t care if I have to defend you from a million wolves, bears, or lions. I’ll do it every day of my life, if I have to.”
I look at T.K., so sincere, passionate, and striking. Telling him how I feel seems impossible, so I decide to show him. My hands are still restrained above my head; I use the position to my advantage. “Help me clean up?”
His fingers leave mine, moving down to trace the hem of my shirt. His fingers tremble enough for me to notice. Holding my gaze, he pulls the ruined shirt up over my head and tosses it on the ground. His arms wrap around my waist and lift me up to meet his lips. He kisses me hard and fervently, his tongue searching my mouth and tracing my neck. I reach back for the shower curtain, pulling it to the side.
T.K.’s eyes widen at my request. It takes him a moment to compose his features before he finally reaches over and starts the shower. His other hand opens the clasp of my bra. I try to regulate my breathing as his hands work down my body, tracing my ribs until he finds the band of my jeans. Then those are on the floor too, leaving me in next to nothing. I work on his belt as he slips his shirt over his head. He lets out a ragged sigh as I kiss my way down to his boxers, pulling them off with his jeans.
I can see how much he wants me, nothing but a thin piece of cotton keeping our bodies from one another. Suddenly that is gone as well. T.K. pulls me into the shower, the hot water dancing off our skin as he exp
lores my body with his lips. My mind is spinning, the world a fuzzy blur as I let out a gasp that shakes my whole body.
Kissing him like this brings a new kind of peace to my mind. It travels down my body, filling me with something I can only describe as pure, undiluted bliss.
T.K. drags his hands up my sides, resting them on either side of my face. He kisses me, pressing my back against the tiled wall. I feel the warm water trickle down in-between our bodies. “We should stop,” he says, nuzzling my neck, tracing it with slow, sweet kisses.
“Please tell me you’re joking,” I breathe, already so elated I don’t know if I will ever be the same.
“I’m not,” he hesitates, pulling away a little. He is breathing heavy, but I know what I heard.
“You don’t want to?” I ask, feeling my body shatter into a million pieces. T.K. presses his hips against mine and kisses me with such intensity my insides ignite all over again.
He pulls back, breathing in my ear. “I have never wanted something more in my life. But...” He sighs, looking a little embarrassed. “I don’t have anything.”
It takes five seconds longer than it should for his words to sink in. I blame the fact that he is still pressed against me, introducing my body to sensations so foreign it is disorienting. “Wait, what? Seriously?” I ask, incredulous.
T.K. pulls back an unbearable amount, an immediate wave of awkwardness submerging the situation. He pushes his soaked curls out of his eyes, trying his best to look me in the eyes as the water pours down his face. “I’ve never actually…you know.”
“You’re a virgin?” I say, realizing too late how shocked my voice sounds. I try to recover when I see how uncomfortable the words make him. “I figured… You’ve had your fair share of girls around here,” I say lamely. This is not a conversation that should be had sans clothing.
“I told you before. They were just a distraction. I was trying to keep my mind off you. I never did anything with them. I mean… I’ve never… This is way more than I’ve ever done.”
I throw my body against his, wrapping my arms around his neck, forcing him to brace himself against the tile. My abrupt movement catches him off guard. I feel him slipping toward the shower floor, but I don’t stop my attack.
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