Malibu
Taking out my anger and anxiety on the wood I’m chopping, I get lost in the picture and thoughts of those motherfuckers whose heads need to be dismembered. I can’t wait to get to the bottom of this and figure out who was behind the unraveling of my life. Every single time I try to move past Fern’s passing, all I can see is her dead body lying in my arm while I scream out to the universe that this can’t be happening… begging her not to leave me. Kassi, in my other arm as I rock them both back and forth praying like I never had before that somehow, they both make it out of this alive and well. In reality, I knew Fern was gone, but in the back of my mind, I’d hoped that I was wrong.
Letter after letter begins running coarsely through my brain, coming across like a slideshow of pictures opening up and displaying individually in slow motion. Each one causes chills and anguish to run up and down my back. If the accusations in those letters are correct, along with the phone call I received, Kassi knows what led to Fern’s death. The fact that she didn’t tell me something bad was coming so that I could protect them makes my blood boil. Does this mean she was in on it? Is this the reason she’s still alive and my Fern isn’t? Did she help them in any way? If she did, I’ll kill her my own damn self. I can’t put my finger on it, but something has been wrong with her since that night, could this be why? God, I fucking hope not, but can’t help but feel like that it’s a real possibility.
I put the axe down and look up toward the house. I see Kassi with her ear buds in and her whole body is jiggling up and down as she dances and prances her way through the kitchen. It brings back memories of a better time when my two girls would be making us dinner. They had such a good time and rapport; the house was always full of giggles and the annoying as fuck pop music they always insisted on listening to. I personally have a preference for listening to rock-n-roll or heavy metal, but to each their own I suppose. Creed won’t be here for another day; tomorrow I’ll keep her occupied by walking in the woods and having a picnic by the creek that the owner informed me is a mile hike from here.
One of my biggest reservations is that she’s possibly innocent in all of this. I haven’t slowed down long enough to give myself time to feel that out. My heart wants finalization, revenge, blood coating my hands and I can’t do any of those things unless I know who it is I’m fighting against. This having no memory shit she’s proclaiming to have, has made things feel up in the air and unreachable… I haven’t been able to grieve for my woman because all I wanna do is smash everything around me.
I spend the next two hours chopping enough wood to get the owners through winter. Granted, it’s months away from now, but I had to find something, some way to keep my hands and brain occupied. Otherwise, I’m afraid I’d choke the damn truth out of her. I need to let this play out the way it’s planned or I’ll look like the bad guy at the end of the day.
Creed will incapacitate me in front of Kassi, so I look more like a victim than the villain. Hopefully, with the plan in place, it’ll never be uncovered that I set this entire thing up.
5
Kassi
I’m spread out on a blanket near a beautiful creek, enjoying the picnic lunch Malibu packed for us. He’s been so sweet and compassionate where it comes to me today, that I know this was the best decision for the two of us. I’m feeling closer to him than I ever have before, even before the ‘incident’ as I’ve taken to calling that atrocious night. The one all of my nightmares are based off of; the night that changed everything. Closing my eyes, I deeply inhale, breathing in the fresh air; I’ll never get tired of that particular sense being on overload. I would love to live here forever, leaving the worries, and stress of our lives behind us. “Do you want any more grapes?” Malibu asks me, drawing me out of my daydream.
“No. I couldn’t stomach another bite. I’m so full, this was the most filling meal I’ve had in a long time. It’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for me. Thank you for this. We really did need this time alone.” I roll over on my side and look up at him. He’s putting things away in the bag we used to carry everything here, never once looking over at me or in my general direction. Fuck, I really would love to see the pearly white of his teeth as he smiles over at me.
“I’m trying, Fern.” He sighs, but right now, I’m glad he isn’t seeing the crestfallen look I know is on my face. I can’t believe he just called me by her name. I quickly look away, then stand up and walk over to watch the flow of the water. I see little minnows swimming close to the shore and small fish making their way upstream.
I place my hands on my hips and lower my head before responding to him calling me by another woman’s name… even if she is a woman we both loved. “I’m not her, Malibu. I’ll never be able to replace her or be like she was. I’m me, I can’t stand here and pretend to be someone else. If that’s what this getaway is about, we might as well pack up and head back home. I’m sorry I can’t be her for you. I wish with all of my might that it’d been me that night instead of her.”
“What the hell are you talkin’ about?” He sounds exasperated with me, but how would he feel if I called him by another man’s name? I have had other lovers in my lifetime, I could just as easily slip and call him Adam, my ex’s name, especially seeing as he’s acting just like the fucker lately. I dumped Adam for a lot less than I’ve put up with from Malibu. I’m trying here, I love him and need him, can’t he see that? Doesn’t he care? I can’t see my life without him in it, I don’t want to even try.
“You called me Fern.” I respond to his question.
“No, I didn’t,” he confusingly says.
I turn my back around to where I’m facing him so he can see the tears falling in streams down my face. “Would I be reacting this way if you hadn’t?” I don’t put on my poker face, I let him witness all of the emotions I’m currently feeling. I know he can see it all; the fear, rawness, suffering, heartbreak... I don’t hide a single thing from him.
“Fuck, Kassi. I’m sorry, she’s been on my mind a lot lately. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelin’s.” He hangs his head down and balls his hands into fists. “I loved her, loved her so damn much that each minute I spend without her by my side hurts.” He bangs a hand on his chest in emphasis.
“I know. I loved her too. The thing is, I also love you and you’re still here. I’m still here. We need to let the other in so we can help the other one deal with the loss and begin to heal. I need you to let me in, please.” I don’t know how else to explain to him that I want to experience the love he used to show me again. My life is hollow, incomplete without his arms wrapped around me at night. I want my best friend, my lover, my partner, the man I love so desperately back. I know we still have a rough road ahead of us, but I want us to at least try.
“It would be so much easier for me if I understood why she died. What happened that night, was she the target or were you? I just need answers, Kassi.”
“I wish I had them for you, Malibu. I’ve done everything the doctor has suggested to remember. It’s a blank spot, void of any memory. I don’t even remember what led up to it. All I remember is us being in bed and hearing crashes… that’s it. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry that nothing is there. I really have tried,” the last part comes out soft, more of a whisper.
“I don’t know how to fix this. How to change the way I feel, what thoughts are always runnin’ through my head. I crave vengeance, I need it, Kassi, unlike anythin’ I’ve ever wanted in my life. I. Need. It.” He stabs his chest with his finger. Finally, I see some sort of emotion from him. He’s hidden it all from me, well… other than his disdain to be as far away from me as he physically and emotionally can. I can’t help but wonder if he’s been feeling as lonely as I have been.
“Let’s head back and get dressed. I’ll take you out explorin’ the town this afternoon and we’ll grab dinner before we come back,” Malibu says.
“Sounds good to me. It’s been a long time since we’ve been out to dinner. Too long, I am really lookin
g forward to spending the day out and about with you. I wonder if they have an antique store in town?” I love antiquing, restoring old things and making them appear to be new. I always wonder what the story behind each piece is. Was it passed through each generation in a family? Was it a gift for a loved one? It helps me with bringing life to each thing I acquire.
“It’s been a long time since I’ve helped you look for somethin’ special. Remember the last time when you found that desk? We bought it for four hundred and you sold it for what, two grand?” I nod at him that he has the correct numbers. “It was a masterpiece, I know you hated to part with it, but those people’s faces when they thought they’d gotten the better of you was priceless.”
“It always feels good when one of my pieces finds a good home.” He folds up the blanket and places it under his arm. As he leans over to grab the basket our food was in, my eyes wander to his muscular back and ass and I internally groan. It’s been forever since we’ve been intimate with each other, and I’m longing to feel his arms wrapped around me and his dick inside of me. Making love isn’t a cure for all that ails our relationship, but it’s a start down the right path to redemption.
Malibu
The lies are starting to weigh heavily in my chest. For the first time since I set this entire thing up, I’m beginning to regret what’s fixing to take place. After Fern first passed, I firmly thought and believed Kassi and I could make it through anything. We’re both strong, fierce people. Neither one of us is known as a quitter, we fight with claws extended outward for what we want. And we both wanted each other with a passion.
But the anonymous letters and phone calls leave me with doubts where she’s concerned. I shake the feeling of betrayal off and continue to get ready to paint the town tonight. I have to pretend that I’m working hard on fixing things between us, even though deep inside, I am beginning to wonder if that’s really what I want. The feeling of desperation and loneliness are fucking with my mind. Wavering back and forth with what I do and don’t want is making me feel like a crazy man waiting to board the train to Lunaticville.
Can I just let this go without unearthing the truth of the matter? That seems to be the million-dollar question floating through my mind. If I let it go, do I have the adeptness to forgive and forget? Somehow, I doubt that’s a likelihood. There will always be a hurdle between us that I won’t be able to jump over and I’ll always blame her for Fern’s death. I can’t survive a life like that, and neither can she. I’d lose her in the end anyway, so I may as well continue on the path I’ve paved.
* * *
We’ve hit several small antique stores here in town, and Kassi has fallen in love with several generational pieces. We’ve acquired a few and I’ve made arrangements with the owners to pick them up at a later date and time. She’s fucking magnificent when it comes to restoration, and I hope I’m around to see what she has planned to breathe life back into these derelict items.
“Want Italian or do we wanna hit the local steak house?” I ask her as we straddle my bike.
“Steak, potato and lobster sounds scrumptious,” she answers.
“Meat and potatoes; you know the way to this man’s heart,” I tease, trying to be like and find a way to being my old self once again.
“I’ve always suspected as much,” she jokes back.
“You’ve always suspected, huh? Well, I’ll just lay it out there for you now, it is. You want me in a good mood, give me red meat and I’m a happy man.”
“What other meat makes you happy?” For the first time in weeks, my dick stands at attention. Down boy, we can’t fuck someone who’s possibly jacked us over, I remind him. He doesn’t quite lay down, but he does finally deflate to the point where it’ll be manageable to ride and walk.
As we pull up to the restaurant, she unclasps her helmet and reaches out to grab my hand as I’m sitting my lid on the handlebars, hanging by the strap. It takes everything in me to lace my fingers with hers, not pull my hand away and wipe her germs away on my jeans. It seems childish, but I can’t help the angst and fury that I feel. Walking through the door, the hostess greets us with a smile on her face.
“Hello. Welcome to Staton’s Steakhouse. Just the two of you?” I look around us like the smartass I am and raise an eyebrow in her direction. Kassi elbows me in the ribs and an oomph leaves my mouth at the contact. She has a bony elbow and that shit hurt like a motherfucker.
“Yes, just the two of us. Thank you,” Kassi sweetly responds.
“We have a table in the back near the fireplace. It’s a beautiful setting, please follow me.” She grabs two menus and I follow her and Kassi. Usually, I’d place my hand on Kassi’s back like the gentleman I was raised to be, but instead, I put my hands in my pocket. I see the disappointment and scowl on her face, but I act as if I don’t notice. “We have a few specials tonight, they’re on the back side of the menus. Our steaks are well-known and loved in the area. Your server will be here shortly to get your drink order and put in for any appetizers you’d like.” She walks away before either of us have a chance to thank her.
“Thank you,” Kassi says to me as I pull her chair out for her. Once she’s sitting down, I help her push her chair under the table. There are some things so ingrained in me that I can’t help but use them despite how I feel right now.
“You’re welcome,” I say back as I make my way to the other side and sit across from her. She once again sends a scowl in my direction, but I don’t want to give her any reason to place her hands on me. I don’t believe I’d be able to contain my mouth and not spew out all of my mistrust when it pertains to her. I pick up my menu, place it in front of my face and intently look at it. I’m not actually looking at the meal choices, kicking myself in the ass for the way I’m acting. Like a spoiled motherfucker who didn’t get his favorite candy bar at the grocery store. I’m a fucking asshole.
“The number four looks good,” she breaks the silence. “It’s a lobster tail, six-ounce sirloin steak, with a choice of mashed or baked potato and coleslaw.” Her tongue comes out and lightly touches her bottom lip. She’s always done this when she finds something that excites or entices her.
“It does look good, but I’m thinking I’m gonna go with the number seven,” I inform her as I scan the menu and find a picture that captures my attention. Good enough.
“If you can eat all of that, I’ll be highly impressed,” she snickers. I look back at my menu so that I don’t roll my eyes in her direction.
“I’m a growing boy,” I tell the scrap of laminated paper in front of me.
She places her finger on the top and pulls it down, “Malibu, please look at me when you’re speaking to me. I feel like an annoying fly who’s been pestering you when you do that. We can’t work on us if we can’t even look at each other.”
“You’re right, I’m sorry.” The fake apology appeases her somewhat and she nods her head at me.
The night is filled with good food, pretentious conversation and me worrying over how everything will play out. I second doubt my plan and decide to call Creed and cancel it all when we make it back. I can’t do this, as much as I need details, I won’t become that man. There has to be another way, maybe hypnosis? Yeah, I’ll find a therapist in town and talk Kassi into doing it.
With that settled, the knot in my stomach lessens and I feel almost human again with my decision.
6
Kassi
“Didn’t we leave the front porch light on when we left?” The hairs on the back of my neck are standing on end. Something feels off, but Malibu is acting as if everything is normal and fine. I usually would trust his gut, but I’m wondering if it’s off a little with all of the things he’s been going through.
“I can’t remember, maybe I forgot,” he mutters as he steadily leads me to the dark house. “Maybe the lights went out,” he continues saying. But he halts his progress for a minute, then shakes his head back and forth.
That’s a distinct possibility, and there aren’t an
y houses nearby that I can look at and see if it’s a true statement or not. Ugh, I’m not looking forward to tromping around in a pitch-black house. I was anticipating a hot bubble bath and relaxing with a good book, but maybe I can use this to my advantage. Light a few candles, set the mood, and seduce him into making love to me. It’s been too long since I’ve felt the intimacy that I’ve found myself recently craving from him. Everything is looking up for us, and I cannot wait until I feel my walls clamping on his dick as he pumps in and out of me. I feel my core begin to ache and dampness invades the lining of my panties. Yes, the lights being out will be the perfect setting to get my wicked way with my man.
Following him up to the porch, my hands begin to sweat from my anxiety. I don’t want him to shoot me down when I initiate plan ‘make Malibu mine’. He has a hard time inserting the key in the lock with as dark as our surroundings are. “Here,” I say initiating the flashlight app on my phone. It doesn’t give out a lot of light, but it’ll be enough to where we can see the keyhole.
“Thanks,” he drones as he finally gets the door open. “Fuck it’s humid as fuck in here.”
“Let’s open up some of these windows so there’s a breeze coming through,” I suggest.
“I’ll get the back of the house if you wanna grab the front,” he says, leaving me and walking towards the bedrooms.
As he saunters down the hallway, I begin unlatching and opening all the windows in the living area. As soon as the third window is up, a nice cool breeze begins sweeping throughout the overly warm room. I breathe in heavily, letting the cool night air wash over me. As my body begins to relax, I hear a scuffle coming from the bedrooms. “Malibu?” I call out, concern and fear heard clear as day through my trembling voice. “Everything okay?” I try again, but receive no response. This is where I should run, all the movies with the scary theme songs have proven that, but my worry over my man wins out in the end. “Malibu, if you’re fucking around with me, it isn’t funny!” My voice is full of trepidation as I slowly make my way along the darkened hallway. “Fucking pull yourself together, Kassi. This isn’t a Halloween special.” I try to convince myself that my imagination is just that… overreacting. Once I breach the master bedroom’s door jam, something, or should I say someone, grabs me from behind, placing a hand over my mouth. I’m struggling to catch my breath, my fighting instincts should be front and center; yet, I find myself frozen in place. Time stands still as I’m dragged back down the hallway from the direction I first entered. As soon as we make our way back into the living room, my fight or flight response takes over and I begin scratching my captor’s arms and hands. I try to bite down on his hand covering my mouth, but it’s in a position where I can’t lock my jaws down.
Forever Yours: Rage Ryders Templeton Chapter Book 2 Page 4