‘Ye were always a damn good player…’ he sniffed. ‘Ye deserved the world Arthur, A ken A had tae look up at ye cos ye were an elf but…A never cared…A never cared ye were an elf…A still loved ye son…Ye was always me wee boy…’ Jenny affectionately placed her hands on his shoulders as he stood back to comfort him, he gave a quick nod of appreciation and their eyes faintly fell on Fenrir. He slowly approached the pyre and laid his hands on the side and looked at the innocent boy.
‘…I knew the moment I met you…You were her child…You were just like her Arthur…So pure, innocent…Know that you’ll never be alone…Arthur.’ his hands shivered as the tears began again. Adonia nervously looked at Barmic before approaching Fenrir again and placed her hand over his but he quickly moved away.
‘Don’t…I’m a monster Adonia.’
‘You’re not a monster Fenrir…’
‘How could I tell him? He looks at me in fear you all do, how could I look that innocent boy in the eye and tell him I was his flesh and blood?’
‘Fenrir, he knew you cared, he wasn’t afraid of you, he loved you.’ Fenrir looked down at Arthur again, Adonia lightly held his face which made him quickly jump back and back away.
‘…Don’t…I don’t deserve…’ before his emotions could get the better of him again, he quickly escaped back into the refuge of the inn. Adonia went to go after him but Barmic quickly stopped her.
‘Leave him Addie…He’s gone through far too much today…We all have’
The mood was sombre throughout the entire village with the following days. People tried to rebuild but a majority left with what little they had to start anew elsewhere. Since the attack Fenrir had barricaded himself in his room, never making a sound, never leaving. With each passing day another plate of wasted food was removed from the floor outside his door, even Barmic thought he might have finally ended his life behind his locked door. Adonia sat alone on a table, a drink clutched in between both her hands barely touched. She stared at the dark liquid just empty inside until a voice crept to her.
‘Can I sit with you?’ Adonia quickly looked up from her watery reflection to see Jenny, it’s the first time Adonia had ever seen her without her bright smile. She seemed just as cold and depressed as the rest, even with Barmic as her lover she always saw Arthur as more of a little brother, a child that she loved and knew needed protection. It’s also the first time they had really spoken since that day, Adonia felt ashamed but she gave a brisk nod to her as she leant back into her chair. Jenny held her hands together briefly in an awkward silence but her saddened sigh soon broke it. ‘…So, you’re really Adonia Hardgrave?’ Adonia looked into her heavy, sad eyes and bit her bottom lip.
‘Jenny I’m so sorry, I wanted to tell you but…’
‘…No wonder Fen used to have it out for you.’ She attempted to crack a smile. ‘Not just a noble…But the Queen?’
‘…I’m no queen Jenny, it was just dangerous, I didn’t like hiding the truth from you I swear.’
‘I do understand Ad-.’ She paused for a brief moment, unsure of how to address her now. ‘It’s just a bit of a shock, I just thought you were some random battle-hardened woman.’ There was a nervous giggle in her voice. ‘I never imagined you were a Hardgrave, I heard you all died.’ Adonia gave a sad smile. ‘So, you weren’t just trained by Greymire? You were actually married to him.’
‘I was.’ Adonia sighed. ‘And I still miss him.’
‘Divine this is embarrassing, the things we said and all along he was your husband.’ She sighed as she ran her hand through her hair, but Adonia smiled as she laid her hand on top of hers.
‘It’s alright Jen.’ Her eyes softened as she recollected happier memories. ‘When I first met him, my sister in law and I were exactly the same, I still remember this one day it was really hot outside, we were both watching him and he doused himself in water, smiled and winked at me.’ Adonia giggled which made Jenny laugh with her. ‘I was so embarrassed.’ Even with her laughter her bottom lip began to quiver, even with these memories that she held dearly, the death of Arthur no longer made these memories happy, they were a grim reminder that he was gone forever and that’s all these thoughts were, just memories.
‘Addie.’ Jenny comforted as she could tell Adonia was on the brink of tears.
‘I just miss him so much.’ She shuddered, Jenny quickly scooted closer to her friend and wrapped her arm around her and held her tightly, almost reducing herself to tears herself.
‘I take it you haven’t heard from Fen either?’
‘N-no.’ she sniffed. ‘I haven’t seen him since he ran off…’
‘Divine I hope he’s alright…’ Jenny sighed as she squeezed Adonia tightly for a moment then released. ‘He disappears when he’s upset or angry…But I’ve never seen him like that. Haven’t you thought of talking to him?’
‘That outburst Jenny, I haven’t known him as long as you but seeing him like that…If anything, I’m scared.’
‘It’s up to you, just know we’re here for you.’
Barmic slowly cleaned the bar, he never had any energy since Arthur’s death.
‘Arth.-’ he stopped himself almost irritated. ‘…Addie, ye mind just…’
‘Tend to the horses? I’m on it.’ She sniffed as she quickly wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, she desperately needed something to occupy her mind.
‘Thank ye.’ he sighed. A single death had never affected him so harshly, he was only an innocent boy, perhaps Barmic blamed himself for his death, something no one could predict. Adonia liked to work, it kept her mind off the death and destruction but as she worked at Arthur’s jobs, she could feel herself starting to weep again. She sat alone in the stables, slumped over in a pile of fresh straw, she missed the boy, everyone did. Adonia pressed on through her tears and eventually finished the task. As she returned to the inn Barmic was just about to take another plate of food and water to Fenrir, she could see it in his face it was a pointless effort, Fenrir hasn’t been seen in days, nearly a week.
‘Barmic…I’ll take it.’
‘…Ye ken, A’ve been tempted tae break doon that door n see him…A never ken aboot Fen n Arthur…’
‘No one did Barmic…I’ll see if I can talk to him.’
‘Thank ye lass, got a heart of a saint ye have…It should be ye on that golden throne.’ he gave her the food and jug of water, nothing fancy just a small loaf of bread and broth, something, anything just to get him to eat. Adonia cautiously walked up the stairs and to his room, rats had already eaten most of his last meal and the disturbance of a human made them scamper away. She placed the food on the floor and gently knocked on his door.
‘Fen?’ she called out. ‘Fenrir it’s me…Please, we’re worried about you.’ her calls were met with silence from the door. Adonia gave a sigh as she leaned her forehead against the door. ‘Fenrir…I know what you’re going through but…If you need to talk about anything, anything at all I’m here for you.’ again she was met with silence. ‘…If you want me, I’ll be in my room.’
Adonia laid on her bed, trying to distract herself she read a book, for hours she forced herself to read in order to occupy herself, none of the words sank in, just lines and lines of blur that she desperately tried to read, until there was a knock on the door. She snapped back into reality from the book and swept herself up from the bed and opened the door, it was Fenrir. He barely looked at her, his expression was cold, dead almost as if the attack and death of Arthur left him broken.
‘You said we could talk?’ his voice was much deeper than normal, it held a dark, brooding tone, but it still sent a shiver up her spine.
‘Of course.’ she held the door open and stood back, allowing him to enter. As he slowly walked into the room Adonia shut the door behind him and stared at him nervously. She noticed the fresh wounds from the attack still bound against his flesh, but something newer under an old cloth started to peek through into the light. Adonia cautiously approached and touched the cloth th
at loosely hung into his arm. He barely even reacted as the cloth fell from his skin, there Adonia saw what he had done, Fenrir tried to remove his brand that marked him as a slave, leaving behind a large gash in his flesh.
‘…F-Fenrir…’
‘It didn’t hurt.’ he said coldly as he looked down at his arm. ‘…Nothing hurts.’ Adonia trembled slightly and nervously held his forearm, he glanced at her slightly but gave a sigh and pulled away.
‘Sit down, let me treat that.’ He wanted to refuse but it was almost an order, he sat on her bed while she readied a bowl of clean water and a cloth. Adonia sat by his side and gently started to wipe and dab the wound.
‘…I told you, I thought killing Dukan would free me…No more would I have the threat of someone watching, waiting…I don’t feel free at all…I would’ve gladly accepted being a slave again, if it meant saving Arthur…’
‘Such things take time Fenrir…We all have grief.’
‘How did you do it?’ she tried to glance at his face, but his hair seemed to hide him away. ‘How did you get over loosing everyone you loved…?’
‘…I had Greymire…’ she sighed. ‘When my family was killed, he was there to support me.’
‘What about when he died?’
‘…His family found me and took care of me and our son…I never got over their deaths Fenrir…But it’s the knowledge and hope that you don’t have to face such things alone, people are here for you Fenrir.’ He glanced over at her and turned to her properly then gave a soft sigh.
‘…I failed Arthur, I failed my sister by letting him die, the only good thing in my life and I…’
‘Fen, it wasn’t your fault.’ She laid her hand on his forearm, his skin felt icy to the touch, he looked at her with heavy eyes then his glance left just as quickly, but something else bothered him.
‘You won’t be here forever; we both know this…Once you finish your task, you’ll go home to your son…And things will return to how they were…Just without Arthur.’ Adonia sighed and looked away, she knew it to be true in some sense, but she tried to comfort as best as she could.
‘We’d visit.’
‘Don’t even try Adonia, you aren’t good at empty promises.’
‘What do you want me to say? That I’ll leave and never see you all again?’
‘…At least it would be the truth…And…It would be better for the both of us if that was the case.’
‘…Fenrir.’ she sighed as she placed the bowl down and tried to get him to look at her. His eyes were heavy and no longer held the fierceness, but even Adonia noticed the split-second glance at her lips. She pursed her lips slightly and subconsciously leaned to him as he did to her but suddenly realised what he was about to do.
‘No, it isn’t right.’ He stood up from the bed and ran his hands through his hair almost frustrated.
‘Fenrir?’ she stood up and placed her hand on his shoulder but he turned to her quickly and pined her against the wall without even touching her, his hand close to the side of her head, she shuddered slightly as he stared at her with his serious eyes.
‘I can think of little else when I see you, you hound my thoughts when I try to sleep, my mind races when I hear your voice, I know every thought I have of you is wrong…But I don’t know what I can do to stop it. I can’t get you out of my damn head.’ he hissed almost angrily.
‘…Then do something about it.’ Adonia shuddered boldly. Without even a thought or hesitation Fenrir kissed her, the action took her by surprise, but she didn’t push away, Adonia fell into his embrace and pulled him closer. He took her acceptance as permission to advance he gently caressed her arm which slipped to her side. Adonia slowly lifted her leg up his side which encouraged him to hold and caress her leg until he was holding her, her legs wrapped around his back and her arms around his neck while she was still pinned against the wall. They both became filled with a heated sense of excitement as they knew where their actions would lead. Fenrir pulled back from the wall while he still carried her and fell backwards onto the bed while he still continued to kiss her, in their passion clothes were torn as they hastily tried to undress each other, all while trying to kiss and explore each other’s bodies. This was nothing like Adonia had ever experienced, it wasn’t innocent love but raw lustful passion. They could barely contain themselves as they discovered new sensations neither of them had ever experienced, they fought each other for dominance almost as a display of who held the most passion for the other. At this moment Adonia didn’t care that Fenrir was an elf, she didn’t care that she was once married to Greymire, all she wanted was Fenrir as he brought her to complete ecstasy. She trembled in his embrace as he brought her to complete satisfaction, something that only this raw passion could ever hope to achieve. As his energy was depleted, he held her close, still panting from the ordeal, Adonia turned to him and continued to hold him, Fenrir gave a gentle smile before kissing the side of her head, then in his exhaustion rested his eyes.
Fenrir looked around in the dark space, everything seemed to move slowly, a sense of peace but mystery of his unknown location.
‘Fenrir.’ Adonia’s gentle voice whispered. He smiled as she came into view, she gently flowed as if she danced, her figure moved slowly as if time itself was coming to a halt. She gracefully flowed to what seemed like an arena of sand, he watched her cautiously, nervously but followed her, trying to reach for her hand. As he stood in the circle of sand Adonia reached out to him with her innocent smile, he smiled at her and reached out but just as their hands were about to touch, she was violently pulled away. He realised where he was as he looked around, the arena of blood, the Strages. Fenrir looked around in horror as the blood tipped spikes that contained him held him at bay, but he saw Adonia again, still gracefully flowing but in ripped rags, her body was violently beaten.
‘Whore!’ ghostly voices shouted as she was beaten by an invisible force.
‘Fairy Fucker!’ she was given another blow.
‘You deserve more than death!’ more abuse was given to the girl who continued to flow gracefully, her face dripped with blood, but she continued to smile. Fenrir tried to run to her, but he stayed in the same spot, unable to reach her, unable to move. She was forced to the ground by a large black figure that towered over her with an axe, he screamed out to her but his voice was silent, the axe was raised above her but she continued to stare at him with her bright smile.
‘I’m sorry.’ the axe came down on her. Fenrir shot up from his nightmare, sweat poured down from his body and he panted franticly. He looked around quickly and, in his relief, realised it was only a nightmare. But then he felt her gentle embrace, Adonia sweetly slept by his side and placed her hand on his stomach, he looked at her, still terrified from what he had witnessed in his dream and placed his hand on his head and realised his true fear; he had fallen in love with her. The nightmare was an omen, she’d be killed if they were together, he couldn’t let her get hurt because of him, he just couldn’t.
Adonia awoke from her slumber, she stretched out and gave a groan of pure bliss, she slid her hand against the bed, expecting to find Fenrir beside her, but he was gone. Realising he wasn’t there Adonia quickly sat up, everything was gone, as if he was never here in the first place. Adonia dressed herself and looked around, the tavern was almost completely silent, she went to his room and found his door unlocked but he was nowhere to be seen. Confused, Adonia walked downstairs and saw Barmic at the bar as usual.
‘Have you seen Fenrir?’
‘He’s in the back…N Addie.’ he said as she went to walk off. ‘Keep the noise doon next time A think the whole of Reckson could hear ye.’ he said with a smile which made her blush but not deny her actions. Her night with Fenrir was something she never experienced in her entire life, if anything she was prepared to say how she truly felt about him. Her emotions took her completely off guard, how the sadness of death turned to frustration then to lust. But she didn’t regret it for a second. Adonia walked into the back room
and saw Fenrir surrounded by empty bottles of alcohol.
‘Didn’t want to save me a bottle?’ she laughed as she approached him, but he only glared at her, swaying slightly as he took another swig from a bottle. ‘…Fenrir are you okay?’
‘Never better!’ he yelled with a drunken glee in his voice.
‘I…I just wanted to say that this evening was…Amazing and I.-’
‘You don’t need to say anything.’ he slurred as he staggered to his feet and continued to sway. ‘I did what I set out to do.’ her body turned cold as she watched him and listened to his words.
‘Fen what are you talking about?’
‘Isn’t it obvious? I mean an elven slave, fuckin’ bottom of the barrel beds the Queen of Alexander, can you even imagine what people will say?’
‘Fen.’ she took in a sharp breath as her body shook out of fear. ‘Y-you’re just drunk.’
‘Drink brings out the truth.’
‘S-so…Everything was just a lie? You just wanted me to get into bed with you?!’ he turned away from her and gritted his teeth, trying desperately to hold back his tears.
‘Yep.’ his voice broke as he turned back to her, forcing himself to smile and act proud of his actions. ‘I bet if I was actually nice, I would’ve bedded you the first time we met, even all the way back in the grasslands where I saved you.’
‘I…I can’t believe you…So everything you said back there was a lie? I was worried sick about you…You came to me broken about Arthur, was that all a ruse to bed me?’ The tears crept from her eyes as her throat began to tighten and dry.
‘I’m right here! Go on for old times’ sake hit me.’ he said as he stumbled in her direction, arms spread wide encouraging her to hit him. ‘In fact, here.’ He unsheathed his dagger and forced her to hold it, pointing the blade at his throat. ‘Do it! Kill me!’ She clenched a fist, but her tears overwhelmed her and her emotions, her love for Fenrir forced her to run away crying. She burst out of the tavern door almost wailing in pain, Barmic quickly entered the staff room only moments after she had run away.
Bitter Wars- Ashes Page 17