by Erika Wilde
The Russell case was over and, apparently, so were they.
“I’ll be right there,” she said, equally careful to keep her tone impersonal as she finished typing up the final report for the Russell case to take in for Cole’s signature.
Since that evening two nights ago, her emotions had run the gamut from confusion and misery, to familiar disappointment, to flat-out aggravation that he could so easily shut her out once again with no explanation. She’d done everything in her power to show him that what they shared went beyond a shameless seduction and hot, satisfying sex, but was rather a culmination of chemistry, caring, and deep devotion. For both of them.
Not that he’d ever admit to needing her, or anyone else for that matter. For anything. And especially not for the kind of intimacy that meant exposing deeper layers of emotion and vulnerabilities. He was still struggling to keep her at arm’s length, when it was the last thing she wanted or needed from him.
Determined to face him with her newly acquired confidence in place, she gathered the Russell file and headed into Cole’s office. He sat behind his desk, shirtsleeves rolled up to his elbows, looking gorgeous and much too serious when she ached to see him smile at her, tease her, kiss her. It was as if their time together hadn’t existed, and while she resented how effortlessly he could dismiss their affair, she refused to pressure him for more than he was willing to give her, no matter that her own heart was already his.
“Here’s the final report and billing on the Russell case,” she said, setting the paperwork on his desk in front of him. “Elena certainly seemed very pleased that we found the letter.”
Cole nodded in agreement as he scrawled his signature across the final invoice, avoiding her gaze as he’d done all morning. “I’m sure the correspondence will go a long way in restoring her personal and professional reputation.”
“For her sake, I hope so,” she said, meaning it. She genuinely liked Elena and wished her the best. “But I do feel bad that things didn’t work out for her and Jerry. There was a lot of passion between them in the letters they wrote to each other.”
“Sometimes passion isn’t enough to sustain a relationship,” he said, thumbing through the paperwork in the Russell file to make a notation on one of the pages.
His matter-of-fact tone caused a sharp, twisting pain beneath her breast. He was talking about the two of them, she knew, and decided to throw out her own opinion on the matter. “No, I suppose not, but it’s definitely a foundation on which to build a meaningful relationship. Passion can lead to love if the couple are willing to work at it.”
Finally, he met her gaze, his vacant expression masking any emotions he might be feeling. “I guess that wasn’t the case with Elena and Jerry.”
And a relationship wasn’t in their future, either, she read into his clever, double-edged statement. That easily, he’d completely severed the tentative, fragile bonds of the relationship they’d developed, shattering any last vestiges of hope she might have harbored and slapping her with a shocking dose of reality.
It was truly over between them.
She swallowed hard to keep her voice from betraying her internal pain. “You said you needed to see me for something?”
“A couple of things, actually.” He waved a hand at the seat in front of his desk, his blue-eyed gaze briefly latching onto hers. “Sit down.”
Too curious to find out what he had on his mind, she did as he requested.
A distant smile made an appearance. “I wanted to thank you for your help on the Russell case and give you this.” He tossed an envelope across his desk for her to take. “You did a great job on Saturday night and I appreciate your professionalism.”
Her professionalism? Dread swirled in her belly as she retrieved the envelope, opened it and pulled out a check for more than her normal monthly salary. Not knowing what to think anymore where Cole was concerned, her gaze shot to his. “What’s this for?”
“A bonus for a job well done.” He leaned back in his chair, the gesture putting even more physical and emotional distance between them. “You deserve it.”
Fury welled up in her, but she kept a tight rein on her temper, resisting the impulse to smack Cole with the envelope clutched in her hand. She didn’t want his gratitude or money for something that had been more than a job to her. She felt cheap and used and discarded and wondered if this was Cole’s way of assuaging his own guilt for giving into temptation and fucking her.
With her mind and stomach still reeling from the personal blow, she managed to choke out, “Thank you,” and started to rise.
He stopped her before she could leave. “There’s one other thing.” He shifted uneasily, and a muscle in his jaw flexed. “We didn’t use a condom Saturday night.”
The switch in topic to more intimate matters startled her. The formal note to his voice and the way he was treating the entire incident like some kind of business transaction made her feel as cold as the money in her hand.
Their night of unprotected sex hadn’t escaped her notice. Neither did the worried look currently etching Cole’s features and darkening his eyes. After raising his brother and sister, he obviously wasn’t eager to repeat the process with a family of his own. Not that she’d ever make those kinds of demands of him if he wasn’t willing to give of his own accord. He’d made her no promises, and she would never use an unplanned pregnancy against a man to get what she wanted.
She wanted Cole out of love, not an obligation he felt bound to honor. And she didn’t think he was capable of giving her the former.
She stared at him, unable to stop the hurt and anger that flowed through her, but she did her damnedest not to let him see her pain. “How about I let you know when I start my period?” she suggested.
He released a deep exhale that did nothing to ease the tension knotting across his stiff shoulders. “That would be great.”
Pulling a sheaf of papers from a pile by his arm, he handed them her way, dismissing the topic that obviously made him very uncomfortable. “Here are the payables you needed me to approve for payment and a few statements that need to be filed.”
Taking the paperwork, she left his office and returned to her desk. Despite her heartache, it was back to business as usual.
* * *
“Is everything okay with you, honey?” Richard frowned at Melodie from across the restaurant table where they were having lunch together. “You don’t seem quite yourself today.”
Silently, she admitted to being more subdued and quiet than usual, mainly because she couldn’t bring herself to be animated and cheerful when she’d spent a miserable week at work. She was slowly dying inside, while remaining outwardly indifferent to Cole’s presence in order to get through each day. And, at night, all she had were heated memories to keep her company, and more written fantasies she’d penned for Cole that he would never read.
As for work, despite the professional job she’d done with Cole on the Russell case, it was obvious that she’d made no more headway with him in terms of being more than a secretary for Sommers Investigative Specialists.
“I’m good,” she lied, and forced a smile that felt stiff on her lips. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Oh?” Her father set his fork down on his plate and swiped his napkin across his mouth. “Anything I can help you sort out?”
She’d confided in her father many times over the years on different issues, and he always imparted good, solid advice she valued. But this time she couldn’t bring herself to share the intimate details of her affair and breakup with Cole—for her sake as well as Cole’s. “I think it’s something that just has to work itself out on its own, if you know what I mean.”
“Sure.” He nodded in understanding, and reaching across the table, he settled his big, comforting hand over hers. “I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but other than you being distracted, I’m glad to see that you’re back to normal.”
She laughed, the surge of humor a welcome release. “Back to normal? How
do you mean?”
“Well, I admit to being worried by all the changes you’ve made recently, and while I think your haircut is great and I like the outfit you’re wearing today, it just seems that you’ve settled down and mellowed back into my little girl. I suppose I have Cole to thank for that.”
Cole? What did he have to do with anything? She frowned and pushed her plate aside, a niggle of unease fluttering in her belly. “What are you talking about, Dad?”
Richard clasped his hands on the table and ducked his head sheepishly. “I have to confess, I was concerned that the drastic change in your appearance was to get some man’s attention, and my biggest fear was that whoever he was had taken advantage of you. So, I asked Cole to keep an eye on you, just to make sure everything was okay.”
Melodie’s lungs constricted, and it hurt to draw in a breath. Could her week get any worse?
She didn’t want to believe what her father was telling her, but it made perfect sense and explained Cole’s quest to safeguard her the past two weeks. He’d been doing her father a favor, owning up to yet another responsibility. Despite the times they’d been together intimately, she’d ultimately been a duty for Cole, an obligation.
And she’d finally had enough from the well-meaning men in her life.
“You don’t need to look after me, Dad, and neither does Cole,” she said with more calm than she felt. She’d deal with her father now, and Cole later. “I’ve been on my own for years and I can take care of myself.”
“I just can’t help it,” he said, his gaze imploring her to understand a father’s concern. “I worry about you, and I knew I could trust Cole to make sure that you weren’t getting into a situation you couldn’t handle.”
She could handle the situation just fine—it was Cole that was having a difficult time coming to grips with all the conflicting issues in his life that kept him from taking a few risks of his own. And she resented that she’d been caught in the middle of an arrangement between the two men she cared for the most.
“I love you, Dad, but I’m not your little girl anymore,” she said, knowing the words needed to be spoken between father and daughter. “I know when Mom died you did your best to raise me and you were a great father in all the ways that mattered. I was so fortunate to have such a loving, caring dad who gave me the best of everything. But I’m a grown woman who needs her space to change and grow without feeling stifled, and that means no more trying to shelter or protect me. Let me make mistakes and learn from them.”
“You’re right,” he replied gruffly, earnestly. “I guess it’s just hard for me to let go of those parental instincts.” He tipped his head and regarded her curiously. “Can I ask…did a man bring about all these changes with you?”
She wasn’t going to lie, not when Cole had been such a huge part of her transformation into a stronger, more confident woman. “Yes, but it’s over.”
Compassion touched his features. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too. I’m certain you would have liked him.” Smiling regretfully for what could have been, she got up from her seat, grabbed her purse, and came around the table to give her father a kiss on the cheek. “And now I need to get back to the office. There’s some unfinished business there I have to take care of.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Melodie came through Cole’s office door without knocking, and the accusing look in her eyes put him on instant alert. Suspecting she had something other than business on her mind, he saved the website he was researching for a case and braced himself for the reason behind her abrupt interruption.
She marched up to the front of his desk, bold and fiery and so incredibly beautiful his heart thumped hard in his chest as it had done numerous times the past week. “Why didn’t you tell me that my father asked you to look out for me like I’m some kind of child?” she demanded.
He winced at the underlying hurt in her tone and gave her the best answer he could, no matter how pitiful the excuse seemed, even to him. “Because I didn’t think it was necessary to tell you.”
“Or maybe it was because you couldn’t bring yourself to say no to my father. You did the job you were asked to so you wouldn’t disappoint him, despite my feelings on the matter,” she said.
Her words hit, slamming into him hard. Mainly because she’d latched onto the truth he, himself, hadn’t been able to face. Saying no to Richard hadn’t been an option, not when the man had done so much for him since his own father’s death, and not when he’d always given Cole his complete and utter trust in all things. Cole hadn’t wanted to shatter Richard’s faith in him, and that meant giving in to his appeal to watch over his daughter. But Cole also knew deep-down inside that even if Richard hadn’t asked him to look out for Melodie, he would have taken it upon himself to do it anyway, because it was in his nature to watch over and protect those he cared about.
And despite the way things had ended, Melodie was one of those people.
But that realization did nothing to change the situation as it currently stood—with Melodie reeling with a wealth of hurt and disillusionment and him berating himself for allowing his relationship with her to escalate beyond what either of them should have permitted.
“I’m sorry,” he said, the words inadequate for all the misery and turmoil he’d caused—for both of them.
She hugged her arms over her chest, as if to hold herself together. “So, I was an obligation for you, a duty, like everything else in your life,” she stated, her features reflecting her irritation.
His heart constricted in his chest, nearly suffocating him with remorse. Unable to sit still any longer, he stood and rounded the desk to where she stood. She took a step back, telling him without words that she didn’t want to be touched.
“You were more than an obligation, Mel,” he said, his voice rough, but undeniably truthful. “I’m at fault here, not you. I never, ever, should have touched you, not when I knew how things would eventually end.”
She laughed cynically and shook her head. “Aren’t you the honorable one.” The comment sounded more like a curse than a compliment. “I’m surprised you’re not insisting on marrying me because we had unprotected sex.”
“If you’re pregnant, you know I’ll marry you,” he replied automatically, defensively.
“Why? Because of my father? Because it’s the right thing to do and you always own up to your responsibilities?” she asked, hitting upon another unpleasant nerve. “Thanks but no thanks. If I’m pregnant, I’ll be a single mother who’ll give you every right to be a part of your child’s life. But I’m not about to marry a man who doesn’t return my love.”
Her words hit him like a sucker punch to his gut, and Cole inhaled a sharp, startled breath of air.
“That’s right, I love you,” she said softly. “But I’d never trap you in a situation you’d come to resent. I know you had a rough childhood, and I admire you for being a strong, dedicated man despite your parents’ divorce, and I think you’re incredible for giving up years of your own life to raise your siblings after your father died. Even now, you continue to be the responsible one in your family, always in charge and solid as a rock. But have you ever stopped to think about yourself and what you might want for a change?”
He stiffened, annoyed that she somehow, someway, had the ability to dig past the surface and dissect the man beneath his controlled facade. “I have everything I could ever want.” So why, then, did he ache at the thought of losing her? And why did his nights seem longer, lonelier, without her?
“Do you really?” Her beautiful brown eyes searched his, looking deep, deep into his soul. “You’re always so quick to see to everyone else’s needs and be strong and reliable and protective, but who takes care of you, Cole?”
He shoved the tips of his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans. “Who says I need to be taken care of?”
“We all need that comfort and security once in a while. Even you, whether you can bring yourself to admit it or not.” Her voice sounded tire
d. Tired of fighting him. “All I want is to take care of you and be your friend and lover. I never mentioned marriage and I’ve never asked you for a commitment, though I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want more than an affair with you. But all that’s a moot point now, isn’t it?”
The thick knot in his throat prevented him from answering her question, though his drawn-out silence spoke for itself.
She sighed heavily in defeat, then her chin raised a few notches, displaying a unique blend of gutsiness and vulnerability. “The situation between us keeps getting worse, so I think it’s best that I quit working for you.”
He blinked at her, one of his worst fears realized. “You can’t be serious,” he barked.
Her eyes widened, then narrowed. “And you can’t be serious to think that I’d stay after everything that has happened between us, and how it’s ended. I was really hoping that the Russell case would change your mind about me, not only as a lover, but as someone you respect in the business.”
A desperate, panicky sensation fisted inside him at the thought of her walking out that door, out of his life. And his tangled emotions had nothing to do with concern for her welfare and everything to do with a heart-wrenching fear he couldn’t shake free. “Mel—”
“You’ve already made your feelings perfectly clear, and so have I,” she went on quickly. “This is a choice I have to make for me. I want more than being a front-end secretary, but I don’t see that happening because you’ll never stop treating me as Richard’s daughter, someone you have to look out for and protect. I need to go forward with my life, not remain stagnant, wishing and hoping for something that will never happen. So, I’m cutting my losses and moving on, with no regrets.”
She was so proud, so fearless, so courageous—taking personal and emotional risks with her heart and accepting the outcome with grace, even though it wasn’t in her favor.
“Tell me one thing before I go.” Her voice quivered slightly, and her dark eyes glistened. “Were you ever attracted to me, or just the woman I created for the role in the Russell case?”