by Dave Ferraro
Lexie ran with a confidence only found in dreams. She propelled her body through a lush forest that was full of rich colors and intoxicating scents. She knew where the trail would take her and smiled knowing she would see him again. As she rounded the corner of the worn trail, he stood there motionless. Surprise once again filled those intense blue eyes of his. She could never see his whole face, but his eyes always captivated her, drawing her in. Wrapping her arms around him, she breathed in his heady scent. His arms encircled her and she hoped the moment would last, that she could will herself to stay long enough this time to hear the sound of his voice wash over her. There was so much to say, but the sudden vile presence of death crawled up from behind her as her words turned into a scream….
Lexie reached out and felt the cool space next to her on the bed. As always, she was alone. The images were so real. As much as the ending always terrified her, she could almost smell his pleasing scent on her pajamas and feel his touch. Her dreams were easily forgotten, but not this one. She had been having the same one, with a few slight variations, for months. Even while lost in slumber, she always recognized him and hoped for a different outcome, but it never happened. Of all mornings, she wished it had a happy ending.
Mornings were never her specialty, but the hurried sounds of her new stepbrothers banging through the small condo made this particular morning disturbing. They awoke with their obnoxious shouting of directions and generalized complaints. Over the last month of getting to know them, it had been their noise that required the biggest adjustment. She no longer lived in a calm home with just her mom Ruby and sister Ella, she now lived in what felt like a testosterone zoo.
Or a psychotic reality show.
Stretching across her bed with a complacent smile, Lexie decided not to allow them the privilege of making her last morning in her childhood home unpleasant. They could try rushing her all they wanted, but she would take her sweet time getting out of bed.
Once her heart rate settled from the dream’s frightful ending, the warmth and fulfillment of his embrace left her feeling content and flushed. As she rolled onto her side and hugged her pillow, she grasped on to the lasting image of him just behind her eyelids and wished her dreams of him didn’t always end so abruptly.
She never met anyone like him – tall and dark haired, he was intense but beautiful. Although he was an illusion, thinking of him was comforting. As a rule, Lexie never bought into the idea of ESP or the guy on TV acting like The Ghost Whisperer, but sometimes she wished she could. If there was a possibility he was really waiting for her in the woods somewhere, she would shake inside out with excitement and search the great northeast to find him.
My subconscious created perfection for me. It’s just a shame he doesn’t really exist.
With that thought, her enthusiasm faded. Even if she did find him here, she would be leaving him behind, just like she was leaving her home, friends and the remnants of her dad.
Why Lexie was being forced to move to the “Moose Capital of the World” was not her favorite topic to think about. She had so many plans for her senior year of high school, plans that would form lifelong memories with her best friend Liz. They were going to hop on a train and catch a Broadway show in New York, maybe visit some colleges in Boston, and most definitely skip a little school to go to Six Flags.
What will I do without her? She has kept me going through this last year.
Lexie’s father Ed died the year before. It was such a painful time; she did not think she would ever accept that he was really gone. His lasting presence in her condo was wrapped in the memories of him sitting in the living room grading papers, or coming through the door after being at the college all day. The worst part was, she caused his death and moving was not going to ease that memory.
After Ed’s death, her mother was lost in her grief. They all were. Lexie wondered if her younger sister still hated her for the accident. Did Ella believe if she stopped being angry, it would mean she didn’t love their father enough? Maybe I hold on to my guilt for the same reason.
Last spring, Ruby started talking about the possibility of dating again. She had been hounded by her girlfriends to get back out there and go on a few blind dates. She resisted them for as long as she could until her closest friend Ginger started her on an internet dating site. Intrigued, Ruby went out on a few dates at first, but nothing serious.
Then come June, the most shocking words spilled from her mother’s mouth: Ruby was going to elope in Las Vegas with the love of her life, in less than a month. Despite the fact that Lexie had always thought her father Ed had been the love of her mother’s life, she couldn’t believe how serious the relationship had gotten in such a short time between her mom and Dragos Serov. The tall burly blond was a widower from Romania who had been living in New York with his three sons.
Ruby met Dragos through E-Harmony, the online dating service that Ginger connected her to. At first Lexie was skeptical. Assuming the man must be in need of a green card, she expected him to scam her poor dear mother out of her savings. But once Lexie met him, she could see the older couple had found their match – just like the cheesy commercials.
Lexie suspected the relationship was something special the evening her mom came home from her very first date. Ruby glowed with pure happiness. She chattered incessantly about Dragos’s charisma and how as an older woman, she never thought she would find a man so physically attractive again. Although that was a blatant TMI, Lexie was relieved her mom would not be alone. After all, she knew she would be going off to college in another year and Ella wasn’t a baby either.
Dad wouldn’t have wanted her sad and lonely – he would have wanted her happy.
By the end of July, she and Ella flew out to Vegas with Ruby and Dragos, and like that, the couple united in holy matrimony. Although she was not sure how the drive thru chapel in Vegas could make a marriage holy, at least it was legal.
Right after the wedding, the parentals revealed the second part of their inspired plan: they were going to bring the two families together all right – but not in Lexie’s hometown of Torrington or in Dragos’s city of White Plains. Dragos purchased a large, five bedroom Victorian in Erris, Maine. It was the home of Erris High and the “Mighty Moose.” In a month’s time, she got a stepdad, met her peculiar stepbrothers, and found her life packed in cardboard boxes from the grocery store. All while the realtor’s promised to sell the beloved condo to UConn students by Christmas.
The calm and contentment from her sleep diminished and gave way to tears she had been trying so hard to deny. What she hadn’t told her mother was that she was terrified of leaving the only home she had ever known. Although scared she wouldn’t be able to make a new life for herself in Maine, she was willing to bear her burdens alone. Lexie couldn’t hurt her mother, not ever again, so she said nothing.
Lexie’s new stepbrothers were not easy to live with. Especially the oldest, Maxim. He seemed to dislike her although she didn’t understand why. Despite her attempts to be civil, even friendly, the oldest Serov brother had yet to warm up to her. Sometimes she could feel him staring at her. If she met his gaze, he would just grunt before turning away. She didn’t get it. It wasn’t her horrible idea to move to northern Maine, and if she knew her mother and shared any mitochondrial DNA with the woman, it wasn’t Ruby’s brainchild either.
Ruby claimed to love Torrington and lived in the small city her whole life. She had a great job as a child life specialist at the hospital and a network of adoring friends. Even when Lexie’s dad passed away, her mom found support and an abundance of casseroles from all of her devoted girlfriends and colleagues.
Dragos insisted moving to Maine was important to him. He wanted to get them all away from the fast paced life of city living with its growing crime rate. Maine was ideal with its small schools and the economy made it a perfect time to invest in property. He maintained it was a wonderful opportunity to come together as a family and have a new beginning.
Just like that, her mom agreed and plans were made, forever uprooting both families. Ruby never put up a fight about leaving, nor did she ask Lexie and Ella if they were okay with it.
So far, she hadn’t heard any complaints about moving from her stepbrothers – Maxim, Alik, or Nicolai, but even they must be somewhat concerned, considering Erris was in the middle of nowhere. She hoped they would be friendlier in time. Maybe they just needed to adjust to the idea of having a new mother and sisters – just like she and Ella had to get used to the idea of a brotherly presence in their lives. That and the move anyway, unless they were used to their father dragging them to parts unknown. From what little they had spoken about themselves, they could have lived in Timbuktu prior to New York for all she knew, maybe even Mars. But the welcoming streets of Torrington were all she and Ella had ever known.
Ella. Lexie tried to stop her self-inflicted pity party when she thought of her thirteen-year-old sister. A tyrant most of the time, she made it her job to be a know-it-all whenever possible. Lexie admired Ella’s ability to play sports as well as the strongest boys in her middle school. All summer long, she had a ball in one hand and was gripping her skateboard with the other. Lexie noticed that Nicolai seemed to be fond of Ella; at least they would play basketball out in the driveway after dinner each evening. That was the only time she saw one of the guys doing much more than eating. Boys...
Ella wasn’t beastly towards her, but the two sisters no longer had an easy relationship. They were fine until conversations about their Dad came up; that’s when Ella would shut Lexie out. They had both been exceptionally gifted at getting under each other’s skin, but not lately – since news of the move, there had been an unspoken truce between them.
Looking at her now blank walls, the room didn’t look quite the same with all of her posters down and packed for the move. She gave her Enrique Iglesias calendar to Liz, which already had the back to school dates for Torrington High penned in.
Liz might as well take advantage of my OCD organization while admiring Enrique.
Lexie thought of Liz. How long would it take to make a friend like her in Erris? A friend who will hang out after school and always be there if it’s a miserable day, someone to hit the mall with or even share a ride home. Lexie knew that Liz could never be replaced; she wouldn’t have survived the loss of her father if it wasn’t for their close friendship. Could she make new friends if they felt she was too different and were uninterested in getting to know her? Where would she sit in the cafeteria?
A sarcastic thought crossed her mind - well, at least I’ll have my new brothers to suffer with. Maxim was almost nineteen and a year older than Lexie. The more approachable Alik was seventeen and Nicolai, the youngest, was going into ninth grade. They could walk around town with her, hang out, do homework, and sniff her.
Seriously, the random act of smelling people was too weird. Ruby suggested they had allergies, but Lexie could swear she felt each of them lean in beside her and take a big whiff. Rolling her eyes, she snickered at their weirdness – she either had bad taste in perfume or they were part beagle.
If it turned out her new brothers were the only ones to hang out with, she would spend all of her time locked in her bedroom until she could escape to a residential college far away from Mooseville.
Lexie closed up the final box beside her bed. In the two hours since she had awoken, she managed to pack away the remainders of her life: her pajamas, toiletries, and even her weird Garfield slippers, which were a gift from Liz. She wrapped her most prized possession in newspaper and set it gently into the case. It was a picture of her dad holding her when she was in the third grade. It was the only photo she had of just the two of them together. If anything happened to it, she knew she would lose it.
Twisting her light brown hair up into a ponytail, she pulled on a pair of low rise jeans and her favorite 30 Seconds to Mars Echelon t-shirt. No point dressing up when you’re going to be in the car for eight hours. This time tomorrow she would be awakening to her life in purgatory as a Maine resident, but for today she was determined to leave Connecticut on her terms.
Heading down the stairs to the barren kitchen, she could see all the essentials were packed and loaded, aside from a few Styrofoam cups and plastic spoons on the counter by the coffee pot. Lexie poured herself a steaming cup full and inhaled the rich aroma. She and Liz had been drinking the brew in secret since they were twelve, but only recently did she start helping herself to a mug at home. Her mom had never allowed minors to drink the caffeinated beverage, but lately Ruby had become a lot more lenient. Drinking coffee was just one small gain in a life filled with too many losses.
The fridge was empty, not a new occurrence with four males now under her roof. In the last two weeks, her hummus and string cheese had been replaced with family sized packages of pork chops and rib eye steaks. But, after scanning the kitchen, all that could be found to eat for breakfast was a package of glazed donuts sitting on the counter. On closer inspection of the box, she noticed it was empty except for a few crumbs.
The house was silent. After all of the noise and the chaos of the morning, they pulled out rather quickly. Peeking through the doorway into the living room, she could see there was nothing left to be loaded onto the U-Haul except for her things upstairs and the sleeping bags the boys had been using for the last two weeks since moving from White Plains.
Returning to the counter, she leaned over the Formica to look out the window at the driveway. She hoped to find it empty. Lexie grinned at the fantasy of them moving to Maine without her. But the moving van was still parked in the driveway and only her mom’s Prius was gone. They must have gone to breakfast.
With the sudden wedding and subsequent move, Ruby had been acting forgetful and high strung over the last few weeks. Before Dragos entered her life, Ruby never would have left without telling Lexie or leaving a note. Her mother was usually very warm and thoughtful, even a bit of a helicopter-parent. She was constantly hovering over her and Ella, making sure they were always comfortable and had plenty to eat. Lexie sighed with reluctance; she knew her mother was just trying to adjust to managing a large family.
A sense of unease blanketed her as the little hairs on the back of her neck stood up.
I am not alone….
Turning slowly, she found Maxim standing behind her. His penetrating gaze fixed on her as she looked up into his hard face.
Did he just smell my head?
For a brief moment, his expression softened and he appeared almost curious before masking it with his usual aloofness. Unsure how to respond to his proximity, Lexie questioned if he could possibly get any creepier.
Feeling awkward, she stepped to the side and pretended to warm her coffee by adding more steaming Joe to the flimsy cup.
“You weren’t up with the rest of us,” he chastised.
He looked at her like she was a confusing word problem, one that was impossible to solve. His brows furrowed and his steel grey eyes examined her own for some sort of explanation. Oddly, she realized that he was not an ugly guy, just menacing.
Should I be nervous or should I be pissed off? He wouldn’t get violent...would he?
In the short time they'd shared their residence, Lexie had not seen him hit his brothers, but she had not spent any time with them without the folks around. His blond hair looked damp as if he had just showered, so maybe he was not ready to leave either.
Lexie bit back her tongue although she wanted to tell him to go play in the street with moving cars. What she did or did not do wasn’t going to become a concern of his. Up until then, she had been trying to be exceptionally nice. It was a long drive to Maine and they were supposed to “bond” and “attach” and all of her mom’s other social-worker terms, but he was pressing his luck.
“Yeah,” she mumbled into the tasteless coffee, “I didn’t sleep well.” Her face reddened with a mixture of embarrassment and anger. “So, why didn’t you go with the
m?” she tried redirecting the attention away from herself.
“I waited for you. You need to eat before we leave.” He grumbled and tilted his big head to the side. Lexie was almost touched by his thoughtfulness until he blurted, “It’s a long trip and we won’t be stopping a lot. I’ll drive you in my father’s Jeep. No more time should be wasted.”
Maxim stood too close for Lexie’s comfort. He’s totally invading my purple circle. He outweighed her by a hundred pounds and she knew the extra was all muscle. Until standing so close to him, she never realized how big he was. What did Dragos feed him when he was a baby, Miracle Grow? Nicolai and Alik were both tall too, but they didn’t have Maxim’s mass.
“Ah, that’s nice Max, but I thought I would stop by Liz’s house before we leave and say goodbye. I’ll eat there.”
His expression was unreadable, but she noticed his hands clench into tight fists as he twisted away from her without saying another word. Seizing the opportunity to flee, she grabbed her cell phone and bolted out the backdoor, text messaging Liz on the way to meet at their halfway mark for old time’s sake.
She shrugged off Maxim’s bad mood. Instead, Lexie contemplated her neighborhood while trying to memorize every single detail of each house, tree and yard. It had not changed much in the years she'd lived there, yet as she moved along she could not help but feel like she was seeing it all new for the first time. Would she remember it?
Lexie saw her best friend rounding the corner next to the park. Her tall, lithe figure looked stylish in the all black ensemble that was truly a Liz original. Her smile had not changed one bit since the day they became best friends in the fifth grade.
Looking at Liz, warmth filled her heart when she realized one certainty in life – her friendship with Liz and their shared adventures would always be a central aspect of her life. Just like the memories of her father and his smile and what it was like to have him as her dad, it was all a part of who she was – even the emptiness once he was gone.
Although Lexie did not want to leave her hometown, she wanted to see her mom content. If Ruby’s happiness meant she had to move to the moose capitol and have aliens for step-brothers, then that was what she would do. Lexie knew deep inside she could cope with the transition if she had to, it would not be the hardest thing she had ever done.
Her eyes met Liz’s. Lexie smirked and then gave a brave smile. They both pledged to not dwell on the fact that she was leaving. They had done nothing but that for weeks and did not want to spend their last morning together repeating the same conversations. It was time to begin planning new memories.
Chapter Two: Fate Fixed
TORIN