Malachi and I

by J. J. McAvoy

  “Princess Changping, daughter of Emperor Chongzhen, you warned me to get out. You told me that there’d be an attack and I ran to help my family, and he’d already killed most of them. He tried to kill me, but I lost my arm instead. That’s where I was. Where were you?”

  “Two years after that, at the eastern gate of Beijing. Emperor Li was worried that I’d revolt against him and had been poisoning me. Ironically, he died before me. You died on the way, the infection from losing your arm had spread to your heart,” I answered honestly, not realizing we’d been seeing the same lifetime.

  She hung her head and her hand shook. “Why are we tortured like this? We can’t even enjoy this life…”

  “We can.”

  “HOW?!”

  Marching over to her I took the coffee from her hands and pulled her to her feet. She refused to look at me, but I lifted her chin and she glared at me in anger.

  “We enjoy now by not getting caught up in then. If we miss a minute then we enjoy the next one twice as much. Let’s not talk about it. Let’s just...let’s go get food, let’s take walk. Let’s pretend it never even happened and keep going. We aren’t them. We are us.”

  She looked at me for a long time before she took a deep breath and relaxed. Cupping her face, I kissed her gently. “Feel better?”

  “I’d feel better if I could smack Emperor Chongzhen and Emperor Li!” she muttered and I couldn’t help but snicker.

  “The greatest thing about living new lives is knowing those who hurt us received justice somehow.” It was why there was nothing to do but live. “Come on.”

  She followed me and closed the door, locking it as if it would lock all our pain behind it as well.

  “So, what do young people do for dates these days?” I asked putting my arm around her shoulder.

  She looked up at me stunned for a second before breaking out in laughter. It was the first time I’d felt comfortable since waking up.

  “Oh, you are going to regret that question!” She broke free of me and sprinted towards the stairs, already bouncing back to her usual self. Nothing could keep her down for long.

  “Why?” I asked chasing after her. “Esther?”

  23. WE ARE THEM

  ESTHER

  “Say ‘Happy Founders Day!’” I jumped in front of him and held an old disposable camera up to his face. He stared at me completely unamused as he tried to juggle the logs of firewood in his arms. When he wouldn’t smile, I took the picture anyway.

  “I thought we missed this,” he muttered as we walked towards where the rest of the men in town were preparing the bonfire.

  “Apparently, the recent snowstorms made it impossible for the fireworks, so they pushed it back. Aren’t we lucky?” I asked as I took another picture, this time of our feet as we walked back in the snow, his footprints were so big I could step right into them.

  “Yes, real lucky. Also, aren’t you the one who volunteered to help?” He grumbled and when I looked back up at him, he was staring at me eyebrow raised.

  “I’m supervising you and documenting today’s events. It’s not easy.” I couldn’t even say it with the straight face.

  Rolling his eyes, he glanced around until he spotted the woman with the black fur hat that had her badge pinned to the front. She held a cup of steaming hot chocolate in her hands as she watched over the preparations from behind her sunglasses. Suddenly, her gaze caught me and I could almost see the light bulb that went off in her mind.

  “Esther?”

  “Yes, Sheriff?” I answered.

  “I was wondering if you could help out with the—”

  “She has her hands full, Sheriff,” Malachi said as he handed me a few pieces of firewood, which made no sense since the pile he was meant to drop them in was directly in front of us now.

  “Great. Now we look suspicious,” I muttered under my breath to him as she looked us over with a frown.

  “It will only take a second. I was just going to ask Esther about hosting a book fair here come spring.”

  “Really?” I said excitedly as I dropped the firewood onto the pile and moved towards her.

  “If it isn’t Esther the connoisseur!” David called out with a grin as he dropped the cooler he was holding to give me a hug, much to Malachi’s annoyance. Malachi’s eyes immediately locked on to my hands as if to tell them not to dare hug him back. “Welcome back! How are you?”

  “I’m great. Hi, Murphy.” I pulled away and waved to Murphy but she gave me the same look that Malachi had given David. You would have thought David and I had actually dated with the amount of hostility in the air. I mean, I know we’d flirted a little bit, but jeez.

  “Welcome back, Esther. You too, Mr. Lord.” She nodded to him, which drew David’s attention to him. David tilted his head, his brown hair sticking out of his beanie.

  “Malachi Lord, something’s different about you. Don’t tell me.” David snapped his fingers. “What happened? You’re not hunched over anymore—ouch!” Murphy elbowed his sides.

  “Better company,” Malachi added curtly, though his tone was still unfriendly.

  Before I could cut in again, the Sheriff spoke up.

  “Mr. Lord is helping out. Why don’t you go get the tents?”

  Malachi looked ready to object and I could see the concern in his eyes so I mouthed, “Give me five minutes and then we are glued again.”

  He frowned but nodded.

  “Okay, I have them in my truck.” David looked between us both confused. But then shrugged it off as Malachi began to follow him.

  Malachi glanced back again and I smiled as I held out my hands and showed him all five of my fingers before lifting my camera to take another picture of them as they walked back towards the trail where the cars were parked. It was only when I put the camera down that I realized I was standing between the Sheriff and Murphy.

  “Right. So, about the book fair…”

  “Before we get into that,” Sheriff Richards said much more seriously. “I never got to say sorry about your grandfather.”

  “It’s okay. I mean it’s not okay, but I’m okay. I promise,” I told her honestly. I was happy she’d even remembered. “Thank you though.”

  “He loved you a lot, I could tell. Grandparents are like that.” She smiled proudly to herself.

  “Yeah…I loved him a lot too,” I whispered as I brushed my hair behind my ears. I could not believe a year had already gone by and yet everything felt exactly the same. I loved how it seemed that we could just pick up where we’d left off in town, like we’d always lived here. I glanced up at the sky and watched as the sun slowly sank behind the trees.

  “Why does he call you Esther the connoisseur?” Murphy asked me, thankfully changing the subject.

  I grinned. “You sure you want to know?”

  She nodded. “I forgot to ask until just now.”

  “The first day I got here he was showing me around and we went to Pete’s diner. I hadn’t eaten all day and so I scarfed down my meal as quickly as I could, and from then on he called me the connoisseur, but what he really meant to call me was the carnivore.”

  “Oh, my grandson,” the Sheriff groaned as she shook her head and took a slow gulp of her hot chocolate.

  “Let me guess, you corrected him and he decided to just stick with it,” Murphy sighed.

  “Yep!” I said my voice getting just a little higher. “Because he said it was a classic mistake, so I let it go because I rather not be known as Esther the carnivore.”

  “Gosh, he’s so dumb,” Murphy groaned as she put her gloved hands on her face and shook her head. It was funny because she seemed more embarrassed for him than he had been for himself. But I guess that’s how it was when you loved someone. I just hoped he’d gotten the help he needed, but I didn’t want to pry into her life and ask questions.

  “If you two don’t have anything planned for Thanksgiving, feel free to stop by the station,” Sheriff said as she inhaled the cold air.

  “Th
ank you, but Mr. and Mrs. Yamauchi invited us over for Thanksgiving. I’m finally going to meet their famous lawyer daughter. If we have time afterward we’d love to stop by. Then, in the spring I’d love to host the book fair. Any reason for it though?”

  “I just figure it would be a good way to get some tourists to pass through…after all, we got a famous writer living in town now… ” Her attention was suddenly drawn away by the kids who were slipping and playing on the ice further down the pond.

  “How many times do I have to tell these darn kids! I swear…where are their parents—?”

  “We got it, Sheriff!” Murphy made a face for me to join her around the campfire. She glanced over her shoulder to look at the Sheriff before looking at me. “She has a strict ‘no ice skating on the pond’ rule.”

  “What? Just look at it. It screams skate on me.”

  “Exactly. Most people go at night or when she isn’t around. It’s so beautiful. The way the moonlight reflects on the water.” She sighed happily.

  “So why is she so upset about it?” I turned and sure enough, she was still watching the kids as we walked through the small shrubs and branches on the other side.

  “Apparently when she was younger, ages ago, she and some friends fell through the ice. They got her out but the two other kids died. It was an usually warm winter back then.”

  “Yeah but sometimes things like that just stay with you,” I whispered feeling bad now. “Those memories must come rushing back to her mind—”

  “I know it must be traumatizing for her, but you can’t just stop living because of an accident. People get into car accidents all the time in this town, we can’t ban them from driving. They’re kids. Kids are fearless and innocent by nature. It’s us adults who make them scared,” she said and I noticed that she placed her hand over her stomach as she spoke.

  “Murphy…” I trailed off when her freckled faced turned straight towards me. It wasn’t my place to butt in so I asked another question…which was still a bit nosey. “How are you are David if you don’t mind me asking?”

  She blushed then grinned as she nodded to herself. “We’re good. I know…I know the last time you saw us…we weren’t really in a good…he wasn’t in a good place. But he’s better. He’s stopped drinking and is seeing a therapist.”

  “Dr. Monterrosa? I heard he was good.”

  She pulled back and eyed me up and down. “Well look at you, you’re a real townie.”

  “I’m just good with names—”

  “HELP!”

  Both our heads turned in time to see that the ice had cracked right under the kids’ feet.

  “DON’T MOVE!” Murphy ran and so did I. We reached the edge of the pond when all of sudden the ice gave way and their piercing screams were short, quick, and petrified as they sank beneath the ice.

  Murphy moved to run in but froze as her hands moved to her stomach.

  DON’T! My mind screamed and I thought it was to her but I realized I was already running forward and diving through the ice. The water cut me like knives, stabbing me on all sides, then darkness covered everything. I grabbed one of their hands and lifted her up above the water, Murphy grabbed hold of her and pulled her out as I went down again to get the others. One by one I pushed them up out of the water, each time my body slowing down as I did.

  MALACHI

  By the time we made back to the beach, everyone was running towards the pond and I didn’t know why until I saw her, just the top of her curly brown hair, diving into ice.

  “ESTHER!” The scream broke through my lips like fire and my heart burned as I dropped everything in my hands and ran not towards the beach but towards the ice. I knew they were yelling for me to stop but I couldn’t. Everything was pulling me towards the crater-sized hole right by the water’s edge.

  “I can’t see her!” Someone hollered coming up for air. “Don’t—”

  I didn’t wait as I jumped in after her. The water…it was death. If anything could embody anything else, this water was death; cold, punishing and void of almost all light. I could barely see the fading sunlight and my lungs burned the longer I stayed under, but I didn’t care. I swam further in, my head snapping left and right. I prayed in that moment that whatever it was that connected us—love, magic, God, whatever it was— it would help me get to her. When I saw the bubbles float up I dove down, only to see her screaming. I grabbed her and she stared at me in terror as she grabbed her throat and then she went still.

  ESTHER!

  I couldn’t scream. All I could do was reach out and grab her as I swam back towards the break in the ice. My vision tunneled and still I lifted her up first until finally we both broke the surface and I gasped for air before screeching out her name. “Esther! ESTHER!”

  I couldn’t focus on anyone else, even as they helped us out and laid her on the snow. They were yelling, trying to cover me, trying to pull us part. I put my arms and thumped down on her chest harder than I probably should have before I bent over and blew the air that was barely filling my lungs into hers.

  “Come on!” I yelled at her before breathing into her mouth once more. “ESTHER, COME ON!”

  It felt like far too many seconds had gone by before she coughed up the water.

  “That’s it. Come on, baby!” I tilted her head to the side allowing the water to drain out but she started to tremble in my arms. “Esther?”

  Her brown eyes snapped open and I saw the terror in them.

  “No, no, you’re fine.”

  “I’m…I…I’m… sorry,” she gasped as her teeth chattered. I glanced up, looking for anything to warm her up and I noticed that several people were busy wrapping the boys in foil blankets. There were dozens of people around us who were rushing to help and yet I felt nothing but terror.

  “I,” she fought to say. “I didn’t…know…I ….I…was…just…jumping…in…I’m so…”

  “Baby, it’s okay. Shh…it’s okay, you’re okay,” I said as I rocked her. I heard them call for the ambulance and I tried to rise but my legs were numb.

  “Sor…I’m…Sorry...s…”

  “ESTHER! ESTHER!” I shook her but she went limp in my arms. I couldn’t feel her pulse. “No, no, no, no, no. Esther? ESTHER! SHE NEEDS HELP! PLEASE HELP!

  Not like this. I couldn’t lose her like this. No.

  Why did this always happen?

  Why…we’d just…why?

  God, why?

  24. THE SECRET TO LIVING

  MALACHI

  I felt a familiar darkness creep up on me again and my vision tunneled once more when all of sudden someone shook me.

  “Let her go! SIR! YOU NEED TO LET HER GO!”

  Blinking I didn’t realize who was speaking until two paramedics were taking her out of my arms and placing her onto a stretcher. David pulled me back as they cut open her clothes and prepared the defibrillator and I watched as they sent a jolt of electricity.

  “Ahh.” I hunched over and grabbed my chest as if the electricity had gone through me instead. But I welcomed it. It was better than the darkness, than the nothingness.

  “One more…” I whispered so softly I wasn’t sure if they could hear me begging them but they did it again.

  And when they did, they said, “We’ve got a pulse!”

  I could breathe again.

  A pulse meant that she was alive. And I could do alive.

  We can do alive, can’t we beloved?

  DAY ONE

  It felt like everything was sped up. Time was going and things were happening, but I couldn’t look away.

  One moment we were in the ambulance and they were giving us warm fluids through an IV. The next, we were in the hospital. I had no recollection of our movements, my eyes stayed only on her.

  I was alive but I felt numb inside. Everyone was moving and talking and living, but I was just sitting and waiting.

  Before I knew it, we were in a room. She was laying on a bed and I was sitting beside her.

  “Mr. Lord? Mr.
Lord?” The woman snapped her fingers in front of my face, but I didn’t move or speak. “Mr. Lord, do you want to help her?”

  At that, I looked over to the black woman with large-framed glasses and white hair. I tried to speak but my throat, I noticed, ached.

  “H…how?” I asked her.

  She lifted a change of clothes for me. “Change, eat, and I’ll—”

  “When does she wake up? She should’ve been awake by now.” I turned back to Esther and watched her heart rate monitor.

  “If I have to worry about you, I worry less about her.” She put the clothes in front of me again and this time I took them.

  “Her heart stopped,” I told her even though I was sure she already knew. “Severe accidental hypothermia with cardiac arrest. You gave her warmed intraosseous fluids, warm humidified oxygen, but …”

  “Are you a doctor, Mr. Lord?”

  “Once upon a time ago,” I whispered.

  “Then you should know that you’re putting yourself at risk like this. You need to eat—”

  “I can’t leave her.” Who knew what happen if I left her again.

  She sighed. “I’ll step outside and come back in and we can talk about her all you want but you need to get changed first.”

  I didn’t have anything to say and when she left, I sat there for a while before finally rising and stripping off hospital scrubs they’d forced me to wear the first day we’d come in. They’d told me to layer up but I grabbed whatever I could and didn’t honestly care if I wore thicker clothes or not. Sweats didn’t make me warm, she did…Esther did.

  Nevertheless, I changed quickly into the new clothing before sitting back down. I lifted Esther’s hands to kiss the back of them. She was warmer, much warmer, but she still felt so cold to me, like she wasn’t…

  She’s alive. She’s here. That was all that mattered.

  Tick-Tic.

  Tick-Tic.

  Tick-Tic.

  Tick-Tic.

  Tick-Tic.

  Tick-Tic.

  The clock behind me went on. I could hear it now. I could hear everything now. The doctors talking outside.