by J. J. McAvoy
“Mr. Lord? Mr. Lord, this is dangerous. Open the door. Okay?” Dr. Neecey said gently but I still didn’t move.
Maybe I’d gone mad. Maybe I was at the pinnacle of my own desperation, but I wasn’t going to let a single person in. No more doctors. No more people. Just us. Sitting on the edge of her bed I reached into the basket Maya had brought. I picked up an apple and took a bite, as they continued yelling.
“That money you tried to bribe us with is my money!” Diana kicked the door.
“Ms. Noëlle, please calm down. Esther is still inside—”
“DON’T TELL ME TO RELAX! That is my daughter! You all think he’s such a hero! Look! He’s kidnapping my daughter!” She kicked the doors again. “Let’s see how a judge reacts to this. You aren’t doing this because you care about her. I’m sure you’re scared your meal ticket is going to slip right out of your hands!”
“Diana, the courts are closed today, but tomorrow…tomorrow we will be back, Mr. Lord! And this door must be open.”
Must it? I thought as I took another bite.
Knock. “Malachi?” Knock. “Malachi I know it’s been hard on you for the last few days but this isn’t the way, okay? This only makes everything harder.”
Finishing the apple, I threw it into the wastebasket near the door and shifted to lay on the edge of the bed beside her. I rested my head on my right arm and placed my left arm over her. I watched her, listening to her heartbeat steadily before my eyes closed.
DAY EIGHTEEN
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
“MALACHI, OPEN THE DOOR!” Dr. Neecey panicked as the machines went off like they normally did. Getting off the bed I walked over and turned off the machine completely. It was useless and only ended up giving us all anxiety. Turning around I placed my hands on Esther’s wrist and checked for a pulse just to make sure that she was there. Her breathing relaxed again.
“Malachi, is she alright?” she asked and I still couldn’t find the words. Part of me felt like I was stuck autopilot: aware, but unable to control myself. I didn’t want anything other than to keep her safe, to give her time to come back…
Knock.
“Malachi? It’s me, Maya,” I knew who she was, her voice hadn’t changed. “Esther never filed a power of guardianship, even though that went against her lawyer’s advice. She simply stated that should she die her personal assets would go to varies charities. She did however leave the company to you should she pass! Since she’s in a coma, her mother still retains legal guardianship over her. But, we can fight this, I can argue Esther would have wanted you to be her guardian since she left her company to you, but you’re making things worse by locking yourself inside.”
“Malachi? It’s Officer Richards. David. We know you’re just looking out for her but we’ve got a job to do, man—”
“Why is everyone acting as if this man is sane? He’s obviously not okay and he has my daughter in there!” The screeching began.
“Ma’am, with all due respect he is the one who jumped into a frozen lake to save your daughter!” David snapped ironically, not sounding even a little bit respectful.
“You all are—just open the door!” Diana hollered at them.
“The doors open inwards, and he’s barricaded—”
“Break it open!”
“Excuse me, this is a hospital! We can’t have people breaking down doors!” Dr. Neecey yelled back.
“Open it or we’ll find someone who can,” the snake finally spoke up. “Officer Richards, we called because Mr. Lord is currently breaking the law. Yet all of you are standing here defending him. If anything happens to Esther, I’ll make sure to sue you all to kingdom come.”
“You keep throwing your weight around as though you’re the only one with a law degree, Mr. Pembroke,” Maya, no longer quiet or shy, retorted.
“I am the only one following the law!”
They went on like this while I simply turned to Esther and brushed the curls off her face. I kissed her forehead and then her lips. It was the only thing I could think to do.
BANG!
My head turned to the door as one of the chairs on top of the couch fell down from the force in which they pounded against the doors. They were really putting their bodies into it. Taking a deep breath, I faced her again and placed my forehead on hers. Taking her hands, I held them between us.
“Beloved…”
BANG!
“If you’re going…then go…”
BANG!
“…you know I’ll follow.”
BANG!
“But if you’re here… Baby, if you’re here, if you want this life to be our last…”
BANG!
“Then I need you to wake up. Come back to me.”
Just as the doors opened wide enough for them to get through I felt her hand squeeze mine.
“Esther?”
“Get him away from her!”
“ESTHER!” Before I could feel her squeeze again they pulled me away from her and Dr. Neecey ran to Esther’s side and turned back on the machines. “NO! SHE’S WAKING UP! SHE’S WAKING UP! ESTHER!”
“I want him out!” Diana yelled in my face as she rushed in front of me.
“Malachi, calm down!”
But I couldn’t. Seeing them walking towards her. Knowing they’d hurt her… I could see it in their eyes, like all those who’d hurt us in the past, their selfishness was as clear as day.
“GET AWAY FROM HER!”
“GET OUT!”
Beep.
Beep.
Beeppppppppppppppp…
“GET THE CRASH CART!”
Breaking free of their arms, I tried to reach her. It was like déjà vu, watching as they ripped open her shirt and charged the defibrillator once more. David and another officer pulled me away from her.
“ESTHER!”
“Clear!” Dr. Neecey said and once again, just like last time, it felt as if the electricity had been applied directly to me. The shock was so piercing, so excruciating, my knees buckled underneath me. This was the answer. We were going. Right now. Right here. I’d had a feeling but…
“Malachi? Malachi?! Doctor!”
Laying on my side I looked up at her bed, at her. “…Esther…”
As my vision began to tunnel, I could only make the same promise over again.
I’ll find you. I’ll love you. I swear it.
26. A Ω
MALACHI
Timeless - The Garden of Good
Birds.
I heard birds.
I smelled fresh flowers and rain, even though I did not feel rain. Instead, I felt the warmth of the sun above and the plush cool grass below. Gentle winds blew the crispest air I’d ever breathed. Even without opening my eyes, I knew I was surrounded by beauty. That it was paradise. I wanted to stay and rest here when I remembered her again. My eyes snapped open. I expected the sun to blind me or force me to close my eyes once again, but it wasn’t like that. In fact, I saw the glowing sphere, I felt the warmth of it, but it didn’t burn to look at. It just hung in the blue sky.
Where am I?
“Home.”
I knew that voice…but I shouldn’t have heard it again unless…
I sat up, turning right to where I’d heard the voice of Alfred. And sure enough, there he was, dressed in all white, kneeling in front of a bush to pick berries. Each time he’d picked one, another would grow its place.
“I died,” I whispered. “This is death, Alfred?”
“Yes, you did. You should be used to it by now. Come on, we have a lot of work to do,” he replied as he rose from the ground. I noticed his clothes weren’t stained. Seeing his clothes made me look at mine, but I was still wearing the hospital sweats I was given. He handed me one of his baskets and pointed across from me.
“Foxes?” I said watching the small orange fur balls with black legs wrestle and tackle one another. I looked back to find Alfred, but he was already gone. “Okay. I’m dead,
and now I’m feeding foxes berries. Make sense.”
I nodded to myself and walked over to the pack of them. Upon hearing me approach, they all stopped and turned their heads to me—a dozen little orange fur balls with dark eyes pinpointed on me. For some reason, I just wanted to mess with them. So, I dashed left then I dashed right, watching as they moved from side to side, trying to anticipate where I’d be next before they collectively got fed up with my antics and just made a charge for it, jumping in unison for the basket, and me. The berries flew up to the sky as I landed right back on the ground.
“Patience is a virtue,” I told them with a laugh, as they ate the berries around me. I sat up and picked one of them up, brushing through fur before handing it a berry. “Slow down!” I said as I watched them scarf down berries. And when they were done, they rushed off. By the time I got back on my feet again, a dozen rabbits hopped out and they all stared at me, waiting. I stared back.
“What?”
One of them came out hopping into the now empty berry basket.
Not only am I now talking to animals…I think I understand them? It wouldn’t be the weirdest thing to happen to me. So, just like I’d seen Alfred do, I picked the berries till the basket was full before giving it the rabbits. After I finished with them came the birds, then the deer, then the bears… I became so used to turning around and seeing a new group that when I turned around and saw nothing but the gardens I was a little stunned.
“Nicely done,” Alfred said suddenly walking up beside me and taking a berry for himself to eat.
“Where am I? Was I sent to animal heaven instead? Forced to feed berry-loving animal souls for the rest of entirety?”
He laughed. “And if this was animal heaven, what would you do?”
“Nothing. Here isn’t bad…It’s the opposite of bad…It’s just…” I trailed off as I watched the sky darken to a deep purple-pink hue while the sun slowly began to set. It was beautiful…Esther would have stared in awe.
“Esther. You miss Esther.”
Her name. For some reason I looked around to see if she was here, but she wasn’t.
Which was good.
“You look relieved.”
“Aren’t you?” I questioned, looking over to him. “If she isn’t here, she must be alive. She’s the better person between us.”
“She could be in the heaven for man,” he joked and I rolled my eyes but laughed too.
“Then she’d demand you get a message to me.” Knowing her, she’d give up wherever she was to find me, to stay with me. Was she alright? I didn’t want her to be sad. I didn’t want to leave her, but at least the cycle was over. “It’s finally over, Alfred, and yet I’m still clueless. Why did this happen? What were we being punished for? I have so many questions. I thought death came with the answers.”
“For you to get answers you have to ask questions, don’t you think so, Malachi?” he replied and walked over to a bench I had not noticed before. He took a seat in front the tree, leaned back and looked to me. “Why don’t you ask?”
“Ask who? You?”
“Yes, I do remember you thinking once about settling this like men?”
I stared at the old-age covered brown face of the man I’d considered my father.
“I am your father, just not Alfred.”
Could one be shocked in Heaven?
“Yes,” he answered with a smile on his face. When he closed his eyes, I felt the breeze and warmth of the air blow by. “Do you know how many people demand answer to questions they do not ask me? They speak to themselves, or others, but never to me. And when no answers are given to the questions that aren’t asked, many decide to come up with one themselves. Like who is it that said you were being punished?”
It was at that I found myself able to speak again. “One thousand times. I have died one thousand times, each after meeting the love of my life. You—we wanted to be together and yet we were torn apart by—”
“The world around you,” he answered, eyes now open as he looked directly at me. “The darkness entered the world by you both, kept you apart time and time again. Anger, hate, jealously, greed—that which seeks to destroy love.”
“Darkness I let into the world? Me? I’m not…” I trailed off, trying to think and I looked up and around me. “This is the Garden of Eden?”
“It has been called many things, but I call it the Garden of Good. All that is good resides here. You resided here as Adam: the man. Taking care of all that was here, just as you did now, and at the end, you wished for a companion for yourself. Just like now.”
“Esther and I are Adam and Eve?” I couldn’t believe it and yet, that meant… “And you are…”
“Adonai, Allah, Bahá, the Deity, Elohim, Krishna. I am called many different things as you know Malachi, for you have called me many things, and each I have heard you.”
“If you heard,” I whispered slowly hanging my head. “If you heard, why didn’t you help us? Why did you—”
“You didn’t need help.”
“One thousand—”
“One thousand times, you called to love, as I told you to love, and you loved.”
“I didn’t want a thousand time!” I put my hand over my face. “I just—I just wanted one. One good happy one. Why couldn’t she and I have that? You asked me who told me I was being punished? No one needed to tell me. I felt it. I watched the person I love die and die and die before dying myself. If that was not punishment, then what was it?!”
“Sacrifice,” he answered, lifting a baby deer that appeared onto his lap. “You and Eve were punished after being removed from this garden. You lived that one life, in hardship and sorrow, you died and your sins were paid. I welcomed you back then as I did now, and you both asked to do more for those who would not see this garden. You asked to show them love, what it looked like, what it called for, and you showed it to them over and over again. You sacrificed for those who came after you to know love. You asked for this. I did not punish you, the pain you felt, was from the arrogance, envy, stinginess, jealousy, greed, pride, anger, hatred, and lust of the world. A thousand times it came and a thousand times, you both stood as soldiers for love. Which is why the bodies passed away and you both became immortal among them. Do you not remember what Esther said?”
I did then. I heard her voice clearly again. Your love, your life, has inspired millions—no billions—of people to love foolishly…selfishly…unreasonably, with no regard for anyone or anything else. And because of that, when we see fireworks, when we see true love, we must stop what we’re doing and respect it enough to just let it be, to watch it dominate the sky, we stare in awe of fireworks.
“What was different about this life and all the others?” I didn’t have the answer that I needed. “No one was there to stop you two, Malachi. You weren’t on opposite sides. No one was keeping you apart. Your obstacle was your own fear. And when you overcame it, you were together. The world has changed because you both had the courage to answer love when it called. And now it’s done. This is it. Your last life. Enjoy it. Remember what you did to earn it. Esther is waiting.”
“What? I thought—” I reached out to catch the object he tossed to me and I when I did, I knew then without a doubt that God has a twisted sense of both irony and humor. Shaking my head, I stared at the apple in my hand, knowing he’d already left. “Thank you,” I said, before taking a bite.
ESTHER
November 19th - Lieber Falls, Montana
I saw myself—my selves—Pompeii, Camelot, Luxor, Seoul, Verona, Paris, Tenochtitlan, Lahore, Beijing, Obokwu, St. James Parish, London. On and on, I found myself spinning, falling, laughing, sobbing, begging, pleading, and dying. I felt it all over and over again, until I found myself standing in a garden. A gentle breeze blew over me.
“Well done,” A voice that sounded like my grandfather said to me before I heard Malachi.
“Esther…” His voice was faint.
Malachi? His name was both adrenaline and novocai
ne to my heart, easing the pain and making it race, all at the same time.
“I need you to wake up.” He felt so close. “Come back to me.”
I didn’t leave. I’m here.
“ESTHER!” He was in pain. He was in pain.
I’m here!
I’ll find you.
I’m HERE!
I’ll love you, I’ll swear it.
MALACHI!
When I opened my eyes, the light was blinding, so I closed them only for a second. I opened my mouth to speak, but my throat burned, yet even then I called out.
“M…Malachi!” As I gasped for air, an older woman flashed a light into my eyes and I tried to sit up but everything hurt. My body felt like stone.
“Esther? Esther, can you hear me?”
“Malachi!” I called again as I reached for my chest, trying to figure out why it hurt so badly. But there were wires everywhere on my hands and on my chest. I didn’t understand. Everything just hurt. I didn’t know where I was and I couldn’t see him. Panicking, I tried to pull them off.
“Esther, calm down! Esther, I’m your doctor. Sidney Neecey. You fell through the ice at the Lieber Pond. I promise everything will make sense. I just need you to calm down, alright?”
She held my hands to stop me from pulling at the wires. I looked at her for a long time before I swallowed the saliva that had pooled in my mouth. “W…Where…is…M…Mal…achi…?”
She looked over at the other people around me who were all dressed in green scrubs but none of them were him. They nodded to her, but I wasn’t sure what that meant. Or why there were so many people around us.
“Esther?”
I glanced over to the doorway where my mother was standing and just the sight of her face made my heart race and caused the monitors to go off. Reaching up to my chest, my heart hurt so badly I found myself hunching over.
“Doctor…”
“Yes?” She leaned in close.
“Get her out,” I begged. I wasn’t sure why, but seeing her was upsetting, more so than normal.
“She’s leaving. Just breathe. We’re going to run some tests, okay?”