Donovan pulled onto Cemetery Road, his heart heavy. The trees had morphed from skinny to thick, and there were more of them. The surroundings had changed but Donovan hadn’t. He never got over missing Beau. The weird thing was he couldn’t imagine now what it would be like to still have him in his life. Which only made this trip harder.
He turned onto the long driveway and found the place where they’d buried Beau and Nan, near the standing statue of the Bible. He glanced at the back seat, where Boomer was hanging out in his box. “I won’t be long.”
Donovan got out of the car and strode quickly to Nan’s grave. “I wish I had flowers for you.” He’d pick up silk flowers in Anchorage and bring them back later. Daisies had been her favorite. He stood over her grave for a long moment. “When the ground thaws in the spring, I’ll bring Grandpa’s ashes to Sweet Home and bury them alongside you, per his last request.” Grandpa loved Nan so much. Donovan wondered what it would be like to share a life with someone he loved that much. He didn’t see that in his future now. Now that it had all changed.
Next, he went to Beau’s grave. He squatted down and wiped away the snow covering the words: beloved son and brother.
“I’m going to bring flowers for Nan. I don’t think you’d appreciate those. If I were still drinking, I’d bring you a six-pack.”
The wind gusted and Donovan shivered. “There’s not a lot to say. Hope’s still here in Sweet Home, which is bizarre. And she has a kid. She named her Ella after Izzie. Her girl is a teenager, too. You know what that means, don’t you? Hope got married right away. How could she do that? I thought I meant everything to her.” He laughed mirthlessly. “I guess not.”
There was no sign that Beau was even listening, but Donovan still had a lot bottled up that needed to be said. “All this time, I thought Hope had gotten out of town and gotten on with her life. But it doesn’t seem like she has.” He paused, gathering his words. “It’s not that she looks unhappy. She just seems worn out. Remember how much energy she used to have? She’s just not the same person anymore.” He wouldn’t tell his brother how he worried he might have something to do with Hope stalling out in her life. But maybe he was giving himself too much credit.
“Nothing’s turned out like I thought it would. I thought we’d always live here in Sweet Home, you and me, pranking each other, even as adults, and teaching our kids the best ones. I couldn’t see beyond that. It’s weird, but in some respects, things are better than I thought possible. I have a boatload of money, more money than I ever imagined. I have the military to thank for that. The Marines gave me a career. I never knew how much I loved computers until they said I had an aptitude for programming and trained me. After I got out, I started my own consulting firm, and recently, I sold it.”
Donovan stood to break the news to Beau, though he probably already knew. “Grandpa died. That’s the reason I’m back here. It’s been surreal, you know. I’m all alone. It doesn’t feel right to be back in Sweet Home with all of you gone.” His only consolation . . . Dad was still alive.
“Beau, I want you to know that I’ve never forgiven Hope for what she did to you. For cutting your life short.” A part of Donovan knew it was ridiculous to defend his brother’s honor in this way, but he couldn’t help it. “And I never will forgive her, I promise.”
Another gust of wind blew through, but this time, from the tree above, a truckload of snow tumbled down, bashing Donovan’s head, almost like it was on purpose.
“What the . . .” Donovan looked up at the tree.
He spoke to the sky, the trees, to whoever, whatever. “I don’t believe in signs!” But he could almost hear Beau telling him, Get over it, bro. Leave the past in the past. Something Rick had said a time or two over the years.
No, Donovan didn’t believe in signs, but maybe just this once he would.
“All right, I’ll forgive Hope.” Or he’d try to. In my own sweet time. “But I’m not going to tell her that I forgive her.” Hope didn’t deserve to know.
“Just one more thing before I go,” Donovan said. “I want to tell you that I wrote you while I was at boot camp.” With no television, Internet, or phone calls, he’d had no distractions from his grief. And no alcohol, either, to dull the pain. “I really missed you, you know? I still do.” He should admit the rest, too. “I also wrote to Hope. Every day. I pretended like none of this had ever happened, that she and I were still in love, and that you weren’t here in the cemetery. Nan, too. That Sweet Home was still the way it was when we were young, happy, and stupid.” Those were magical times, but the Disney movie was over, the reel destroyed. “I never sent the letters, obviously. She’ll never know about them.” They were hidden at home, top shelf in his closet. Out of sight, out of mind.
Now, here he was, standing in the cold—chilled from the snow pummeling his head—and admitting everything to Beau, and the pain was back in full force. And the strange thing was . . . the only person who might really understand what he was going through was Hope. The one person he could never open up to again.
* * *
• • •
HOPE STOOD LOOKING out the front window as the sun came out. It hadn’t been out in days and she felt pulled to the Hungry Bear’s storefront window, soaking up as much sunshine as she could.
She was also looking for signs of life. For the past three days, she’d expected to see Donovan in the store buying fresh meat and vegetables. Man—no, men—cannot live on junk food alone. But Hope hadn’t seen him or Rick in the store. Or around town, for that matter. Had Donovan left Sweet Home without telling anyone good-bye? At least he should have had the courtesy to say something to Piney, for goodness’ sake.
She shivered. Or had he been in an accident and was lying dead in a ravine somewhere? She sent up a prayer that Donovan was okay . . . wherever he was.
Hope had done her best to keep busy. After work on Tuesday evening, she called Miss Lisa to reschedule the quilt tour of her home because Ella was studying for a test at Lacy’s. With all the studying Ella was doing, Hope expected good grades at report card time. She spent the evening alone, cutting apart Izzie’s clothes for the Memory Tree quilt. On Wednesday, Hope took Ella to Miss Lisa’s quaint house, as promised. Ella, surprisingly, enjoyed the visit, complete with tea, homemade pound cake, and oohing and aahing over the beautiful quilt collection. When they got home, Hope made a fresh stack of bags for the Hungry Bear, which meant cash for her next installment to the utility company. And last night, she cleaned her little house from top to bottom, wondering the whole time if Donovan was truly gone.
Yes, he probably was, but she stared out the window anyway, waiting for something to happen. The morning rush, which had ended an hour ago, had consisted of Mr. Brewster having a cup of coffee, while Paige Holiday, a friend from Hope’s youth, ran in for two bananas and five pounds of flour.
Outside, Courtney Wolf pulled up in her red sedan. Not necessarily the person Hope wanted to see.
Courtney had dated Donovan in high school, and Hope pretty much had a problem with anyone who dated Donovan. That meant she liked very few of the women her age who remained in Sweet Home. Also, Courtney was too pretty, if that was such a thing. Her blond hair was always perfect and her green eyes were dazzling. Hope felt like an ugly duckling next to Courtney. It didn’t help that she was always dressed nicely, like today. Hope looked down at her worn kuspuk. Piney had declared Kuspuk Fridays for all her employees. Hope really needed fabric to make herself a new kuspuk. But paying her utility bill came first.
As Courtney got out of her car, she waved to Hope, which was surprising. Hope half waved back. She was even more surprised as Courtney opened the door to the Hungry Bear.
She looked around and said, “My date isn’t here yet. I’ll sit in the diner and wait.”
Hope looked out the window again, wondering who her date might be. There were only a few bachelors left in town: Mr. Brewster, One-
tooth Joe, and Crazy Lyle. The rest of the men were married. Except she had heard that Jesse Montana might be coming back to town. He was the only guy she’d ever dated besides Donovan. If she could call one time actually dating.
She glanced at Courtney as Sparkle set out two coffee mugs, filling one of them.
When Hope turned around, Rick was coming through the door. Now, that makes sense. Rick was as beautiful as Courtney. They would make the perfect couple.
Rick did go to Courtney and held out his hand, introducing himself, but he didn’t sit. Instead, he went to the small counter and engaged Sparkle in conversation, though he was the only one speaking.
The door opened once again. This time it was Donovan.
Hope didn’t have time to think before Courtney was motioning him to the diner side of the Hungry Bear.
“Hey, you,” Courtney said. “Come have some coffee with me.”
Hope should’ve been glad that Donovan was alive. She had a vivid and accurate imagination when it came to dismemberment and death. But dating Courtney? No! Just no!
Donovan looked at Hope, his expression something resembling an apology. At least there was that. Boomer was tucked into his jacket and she melted a little because Donovan had such a good heart when it came to animals. And once, a long time ago, he’d given his good heart to her. But having a date with Courtney Wolf under Hope’s nose at the Hungry Bear erased it all.
As he walked past Hope, he mumbled something. It sounded like No other place in town to meet.
So maybe he wasn’t trying to rub Courtney in her face. But she felt sick just the same. She looked around for something to do. Someplace close to the diner side of the building. She decided on the magazine rack. The latest Real Men of Alaska—a dating service magazine for the desperate—needed to be straightened. Every woman within a hundred-mile radius had thumbed through the magazine, looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Grizzly. Maybe Hope should buy this issue to show everyone she had options. But she couldn’t . . . the utility bill. She leaned over, trying to catch what Donovan and Courtney were saying without them seeing her, and she nearly tumbled over. Thank goodness Hope righted herself before they saw her as a jealous fool.
Now Sparkle was taking them each a muffin, although Courtney’s sleek figure indicated she didn’t touch white sugar. Hope wished she looked like Courtney. In high school, Courtney was a cheerleader and Hope was just herself, watching from the sidelines, while Donovan made touchdowns—on and off the field. But Hope always had one thing that Courtney didn’t. Hope loved Donovan with all her heart, and she knew no one would ever love him as much as she had.
As much as she did, still. Which was just pathetic. She never dated. Even if she’d found someone decent, she wouldn’t act on it. She knew what real love felt like and was certain that particular brand of lightning wouldn’t strike again. Especially for her. She was destined to live out the rest of her days alone. Which was pitiable.
At least she had Ella.
A sudden fear came over Hope. Today was Friday, and Ella might be out drinking again tonight, even though football season had ended last week. She had no idea how to help her daughter. It seemed as if every parent in Sweet Home, and possibly all of Alaska, had at least one child who was drinking too much. The only thing she could do was to reason with Ella once again.
Courtney sneezed. Then she sneezed again and again. “Your dog’s too close. I’m allergic,” she said between sneezes.
Hope wasn’t proud of herself for smiling over Courtney’s affliction.
Donovan stood. “Rick? Can you take Boomer?”
“Sure.” Rick came over and retrieved the dog.
Sparkle was fond of dogs and came out from behind the counter to scratch Boomer behind the ears. Rick smiled, as if it were his charm that had Sparkle opening up, something she seldom did.
Hope went back to arranging the magazines but realized she might have lingered too long because Donovan glanced her way again. She walked to the register, pretending to be arranging the bags this time.
Courtney pulled out papers and slid them to Donovan. They spoke for a couple more minutes, then Donovan downed his coffee and stood. Courtney did, too. Then they headed for the door, leaving Rick with the dog. It looked like Rick might be hitting on Sparkle, because she was looking down, smiling and blushing. The thought occurred to Hope that maybe Sparkle could be sparkly after all.
Hope looked out the window and both Courtney and Donovan were gone. Courtney’s car was still there, so they must’ve left in Donovan’s car.
It was a bold move, but Hope stepped outside, looking up and down the empty street. Donovan had disappeared. Again.
In an effort to forget him, Hope trudged back inside to work on next week’s order. While she was at it, she pulled cans to the front of the shelves, trying to emulate the big grocery stores in Anchorage and Fairbanks.
She hustled to the front whenever the door opened and customers came in. The whole time, Rick hung out with Sparkle.
An hour after Donovan left, he returned . . . sans Courtney. Which made Hope exceedingly happy, though she really shouldn’t care. But she wasn’t going to be hard on herself; Donovan was the kind of guy you just don’t get over. By the look on Courtney’s face earlier, she hadn’t gotten over him either. Which made Hope see Courtney in a different light, as they both were in the same boat.
Donovan glanced over at Hope before grabbing one of the shopping carts. “Rick, you want to help with this?”
“I can’t. Sparkle and I are going to take Boomer for a walk.”
“The runt is too little to walk,” Donovan said.
“Then we’ll just take him out for a break.” Rick smiled at Sparkle, who was pulling on her coat. The way Sparkle was beaming at Boomer, Mr. Brewster might’ve given the puppy to the wrong person.
“I appreciate it,” Donovan said to his friend. “I’ll get the groceries.” But he didn’t immediately get to it; instead he hovered nearby, looking down the aisles. “Is Piney around?”
“She’s busy,” Hope said. Probably upstairs, doing her crossword while having a coffee. Like a good store clerk, Hope automatically said, “Is there something I can help you with?”
“No.” He seemed determined on it.
“Fine. I hope you had a nice date.” Hope decided to ignore him until he was ready to check out.
But apparently Donovan wasn’t done with her. “It wasn’t a date.”
“That’s not what Courtney said.”
“She’s my real estate agent. We met to go over what I need to do to the lodge to put it on the market.” He frowned at Hope as if this were none of her business. “Then we looked at the hardware store so she could get it listed.”
“Oh.” Hope felt foolish. “Sorry.” But she wasn’t completely in the wrong since Courtney had led her astray. She shouldn’t get involved but she couldn’t help herself. “You better let Courtney know where you stand. By what she said to me and how she was acting all dreamy-eyed over you, she’s picking out wedding bands.”
Donovan raised an eyebrow, looking completely unamused.
Hope couldn’t shut up. “I just don’t want you to give Courtney the wrong idea, is all.” Because back in the day, I’d gotten the wrong idea and look how I turned out!
As expected, Donovan’s frown intensified.
Yes, Hope had gone too far. Donovan’s affairs were none of her business. Affair being the operative word.
He didn’t respond to her advice but kept his mouth shut and headed down the aisle where Hope had just organized the canned fruit.
At that moment, Piney came down the stairs, stopping near the bottom, as if beholding her kingdom. “Anything interesting going on down here?”
Donovan stopped pushing his cart and said, “Do you have a minute, Piney? I have a few questions for you.”
Chapter 6
“
SURE.” PINEY LOOKED in Donovan’s cart, as if checking for perishable items. “Let’s sit in the diner.”
“Yeah.” Donovan parked his cart out of the way and followed Piney. He had to work very hard not to look in Hope’s direction, something he’d been doing way too much.
As he approached one of the tables, Rick and Sparkle came in the front door. Piney looked floored, which was typical, as Rick had that effect on women.
Donovan took the lead. “Piney Douglas, this is my friend and business manager, Rick Miller.”
“He can’t live without me,” Rick teased, smiling at both Piney and Sparkle.
“It seems that way,” Donovan said. “We’ve been working together since the Marines, seventeen years now.”
Piney stared at Rick, then at her daughter, with an eyebrow raised, as if to say, Are you really buying all his charm?
Donovan elbowed Rick to answer the unspoken question.
Rick held out Boomer for Piney to see and then handed him off to Donovan. “Sparkle was helping me with Boomer, Donovan’s new puppy.”
“As long as that’s all she’s helping you with,” Piney said. “Put a dog in front of Sparkle and that girl will go anywhere with anyone.”
Rick laughed. “Good to know.”
But Piney wasn’t laughing.
Rick was handsome, and women loved him, but Donovan wouldn’t call him a player. Rick just enjoyed the company of women. Later Donovan would talk to Rick about not messing with Sparkle’s emotions. Sparkle was Piney’s daughter, and Piney was one of Sweet Home’s finest.
Back in high school, Sparkle wasn’t the kind of girl who drew attention to herself. The opposite, actually. He remembered her wearing only black and gray. Not a goth girl, but one who wanted to blend into the scenery. She had straight, strawberry-blond hair that hung to her shoulders and a face full of freckles. Donovan noticed now that she was kind of cute. But in high school, no one seemed to notice her or talk to her. He was guilty on that count as well, as he couldn’t remember them ever having a conversation, which seemed odd, since Sweet Home was the size of a postage stamp.
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