by Parker, Ali
He laughed. “Don’t let her hear you say that.”
“I screwed up,” I said, taking a drink.
“You didn’t screw up. Adelaide isn’t going to let you go just like that. I know her. You think you’re tenacious, you should see her go after something she wants. She doesn’t give up on anything. Once she puts her mind to something, it is game on. You’re not going to get away from her that easily,” he said with a grin.
“I hope you’re right. I hope she chases after me.”
He winked. “She will. Give her a couple days. Let her get her head around the idea. Let her miss you. You two have been inseparable, sharing the same air, sharing every meal and sharing a bed. Give her some time to take a step back. She needs to do what she does. She weighs and measures and analyzes everything from every angle,” he said.
I knew that about her. I did, but I had ignored it. I had been steamrolling over her and not giving her a chance to breathe. I smothered her. I quietly vowed to never do it again. I was going to get her to take me back.
“I got it. I’ll stay away. I don’t have to be at the shop. I’ll give her space, but I swear to God, if she doesn’t come back to me, I’m going to kick your ass,” I warned.
He chuckled. “My ass? What the hell did I do?”
“You’re the one telling me to give her space. I want to go over there and make her want me. I didn’t listen to you the first time, but I’m going to listen to you this time. I’m just telling you now, if she decides she doesn’t want me because she’s had time to think and gotten used to me not being around, I’m going to kick your ass,” I told him.
He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m not worried. She wants you. She’ll be back.”
“You sound pretty cocky,” I told him.
“Not cocky, confident,” he said with a wink.
“You better be,” I muttered.
“Let’s have another drink. Things are going to work out. I’m sure of that. You two were made for each other. I never thought I would say that, but it’s the truth. Deanna had to spell it out for me, but the moment I saw the two of you together, I was convinced. In all the time we’ve spent together, I was convinced one of you would end up clawing each other’s eyes out. I certainly didn’t expect you to fall in bed with her,” he said, his expression turning into a scowl.
I grimaced. “You know I would not disrespect her.”
“I know. I mean, I know that now, but I will admit, I had thought I was going to have to knock your ass out. You’ve redeemed yourself. It’s the happiest I’ve seen her in a long time. I want to see her be that happy again. You will do what you have to do to make her happy, I have no doubt about that,” he said.
I nodded. He’d successfully talked me off the ledge. I wasn’t quite so freaked out by the idea she had left me for good. I was going to have to get used to these ups and downs in a relationship. We would have disagreements and we would need time apart to cool off. It would all work out.
“Thank you,” I murmured, not looking at him.
“For?”
“Talking to me tonight. I know I didn’t really give you a choice.”
He laughed. “No, not really, but it’s cool. I wasn’t actually doing anything anyway.”
“If I’d had my bike, I would have been a hundred miles away by now,” I told him.
“I’m glad you don’t have it then,” he said easily.
“Why?”
“Because it’s time you stayed put and faced shit head-on. No more running. Adelaide is here. Stay here for her. Keep working on shit with your family. It’s time,” he said solemnly.
I nodded, knowing he was right, but not entirely sure I was ready. When I’d had Adelaide by my side, I had felt ready. With her gone and the real possibility of her no longer being in my life, I felt less ready. I needed her. She grounded me. She gave me a reason to want to stay in one spot.
Chapter 63
Adelaide
I pushed harder than I had ever pushed before. I was on the spin bike pedaling so fast I had almost lost control of my legs. The pedals were moving, up and down, up and down as I rode harder and faster, trying to escape the anger and hurt I felt. I couldn’t go fast enough. I tuned out everything else, ignoring the commands coming from up front, ignoring the music and ignoring the cheers and grunts of the other women pedaling alongside me.
It was just me and the bike. I closed my eyes, feeling the breeze in my hair and against my face, even if it was a fan and not the actual outdoors. I could pretend it was from the wind blowing across the lake as I pedaled around it. That’s where I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be in my life at the moment. I wanted an escape.
I now understood why Mason hopped on his bike and raced far away from his worries. It was certainly a good idea. If I had a car or a bike, I would have done exactly that last night. Unfortunately, I had neither and I had been stuck at home to stew over everything that had happened and been said. It was a very unpleasant feeling. I didn’t like to fret over things. I had too much to worry about to add my personal life to the mix. It’s why I had chosen to not have a personal life.
Okay, so technically it hadn’t necessarily been a choice, but more of a consequence of running my business and working all hours of the day, six, sometimes seven days a week. Now that I’d had a personal life, had being a very key word, I wasn’t sure I wanted to lose it. I had enjoyed spending time with Mason and having someone to talk to after a long day at work. I liked getting into bed with a warm body to keep me safe all night. I liked all of it, but I didn’t know if I was ready for that much of him.
I looked up and saw Deanna staring at me. She was going to have a lot of questions. I was prepared to unload on her and get her opinion on what to do next. I was truly worried I had completely destroyed everything I had with Mason all because I couldn’t make a commitment. I was happy he was convinced we were ready for that next step, but I wasn’t sure I was. That big C word was freaking me out.
By the time class was finished, I was covered in sweat. I had worked out harder than I had ever worked out before. My entire body felt electrified, little tingles and pinpricks running up and down my muscles. My lungs and throat felt raw after the heavy breathing. All of the discomfort helped distract me from what truly bothered me.
I squeezed the water bottle, dumping the refreshing liquid down my throat as I leaned against the back wall in the room. Deanna was saying her goodbyes to everyone before she meandered over to where I was standing.
She put a hand on her hip and studied my face. “What the hell was that about?”
“I needed an intense workout.”
Her eyes missed nothing. “Smoothie. Now.”
It was code for we’re going to talk and you’re going to tell me everything. It really was why I was there. I wanted to pour my heart out to her and have her give me all the right answers to fix everything. I wanted her to tell me I hadn’t completely screwed up. We ordered our smoothies and found a table to talk.
“Thanks,” I murmured, sipping on the smoothie she had bought for me.
“It’s the least I could do. You look like your world has ended.”
“I think it might have,” I replied.
“Why? What happened?”
“I told Mason.”
She raised her eyebrows. “Told him what?”
“I told him I wasn’t sure I was ready to move in with him.”
She winced. “Ouch.”
I nodded. “Yeah, ouch. I told him after he had hired a moving crew and a cleaning crew to move me out of an apartment I haven’t given notice at.”
“I assume he didn’t take the news well.”
I shook my head. “Not so much.”
“Now what?”
“I don’t know. I left after I told him, and I haven’t heard from him since. I think I may have shot myself in the foot. I let my cold feet get the best of me and I might have ruined one of the best things to ever happen to me. I don’t know why he won’t give me som
e time. Why can’t we just take a few months to get to know each other better?” I whined.
“Did you tell him that?”
I shrugged. “Basically, yes. He’s upset because I didn’t tell him before.”
“Can’t blame him there.”
“Thanks,” I mumbled.
“Do you see how upset you are?” she asked.
“See it? I feel it. I feel it in my very soul. I don’t want to lose him. I was looking forward to spending my nights and weekends with him and lounging around together on the couch. I was really getting into the cooking thing and having so much fun with all of it,” I said wistfully.
“Because deep down, you do want to live with him,” she said softly.
I looked at her. “I do.”
“Look, I know this is a huge, scary step forward. I know you’re terrified. You should be. This is a huge change in your life, but you know what they say—change means growth. You’re growing as a person. Did you really expect to spend the rest of your days being a single woman living in a tiny apartment and working seven days a week?” she asked.
I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about my future. Everything has been about the shop. I’ve been surviving day to day and not really living.”
She grinned. “And then Mason showed you how much fun life could be. He showed you what it could be like. You’ve had a taste of that world with him and you want it—you know you want it.”
I groaned. “I do want it.”
“Then you know you have to take a chance. You have to throw caution to the wind and just go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?”
I shrugged a shoulder. “I don’t know. I could end up single and alone.”
“Which you’ve been before, and you survived. If this doesn’t work out, you pick up the pieces and you move on. It won’t be the end of the world. You will survive if you and Mason give the living together thing a shot and it doesn’t work out. You will go on,” she said firmly.
I slowly nodded my head. “You’re right.”
“You are so happy with him, like crazy, over-the-moon happy. The kind of happy that is saccharin-sweet and makes the people around you cringe. I can hardly stand to be around you when you’re that damn happy. It feels unnatural, but it looks good on you. I’m a little jealous that you have found someone who truly completes you as a person. You fit together and make each other better,” she said with a sigh.
“Uh, thanks, I think.”
“You know what I mean. When the two of you are in a room together, do you realize you kind of drift together? You’re like the sun and he’s the earth, orbiting around you and vice versa. You two are never far apart. You reach out and touch him all the time like he is a part of you. He does the same to you. When I’m talking to him, I’ll catch him looking over me and watching you. You two have something strong and very real and you can’t let this little disagreement be the thing that pulls you apart. It would be a crime against humanity,” she said with a firm nod of her head.
“Dramatic much?” I said dryly.
“I’m being serious. I know it seems cheesy and a little over-the-top, but it’s true. You guys have something I thought I would only ever see in the movies. It’s hard for a single girl like me to see, but it does give me hope.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “I don’t know about all that.”
“I do. I know it’s scary and I totally get why you are apprehensive about making the big leap, but seriously, think back over the last couple of months. How happy have you been?”
“Pretty happy,” I agreed.
“None of that has to change. This is Mason we’re talking about. The two of you are strong separate, but together, you are a serious force to be reckoned with. Don’t you want a man like him by your side, supporting you and waiting at home for you after a total shit day? I know I would jump at the chance,” she murmured.
“With Mason?” I gasped, wondering if I had missed the signs.
She curled her lips. “No. God, no. I mean, I want a man to want me as much as Mason wants you. I want a man who only sees me in the room. I want a man who is strong enough to hold me up on the days I want to curl up in a ball and give up. I want a man strong enough to lean on me when he is feeling weak.”
“Stop,” I groaned.
“You know it’s true. Look, you move in with him and it either goes really well or it goes really bad. If it goes bad, you move out and that’s that. I fully believe your shop is going to be doing well enough you’ll be able to afford another apartment, maybe even a little bigger. If it goes well, then you get the happily ever after all of us are chasing.”
I drank my smoothie as her words hit home. I knew I was fortunate. Mason was the kind of guy that most women only dreamed about having in their lives. I wasn’t a sissy. I was strong. I didn’t know why I was freaking out so much about moving in with him. There was nothing wrong with him. It was all me.
“I’ll have to think about it. Hell, at this point, I don’t even know if he wants me to move in. I don’t even know if he wants to talk to me ever again,” I muttered, and the very idea of never holding him again made me physically ill.
“You can think about it, but I think we both know what you should do. It’s better to find out now, rather than later, that the two of you aren’t compatible,” she reasoned.
“Oh, gee thanks. That inspires confidence.”
“I’m only telling you what you are thinking. You’re worried it won’t work out. You’re afraid you’re going to move in and realize he isn’t the dreamboat you thought he was or he’s going to figure out you’re a hot mess most days. Get it out of the way now, so you can get on with your life and enjoy it.”
I took a deep breath. She was right. I was afraid I was going to find out what we had wasn’t real. I knew it didn’t make sense to let myself fall in love with a man I could never actually be with for the rest of my life, but Mason was everything. I did want him to be that man and I was terrified I would find out otherwise. I didn’t want to let go of what we had. I didn’t want to ruin a good thing. I had to make a decision and hope it was the right one.
Chapter 64
Mason
I was bored. I couldn’t remember being bored in a long time. I had been so busy with getting everything taken care of for the shop and spending time with Adelaide, I’d had very little downtime. I had been alone, but the time alone had always been brief as I got ready to see Adelaide or to go somewhere. Now I had nothing to do, no one to see and nowhere to go. The walls were closing in on me like they tended to do when I’d been idle for too long.
I had purposely been avoiding going to the shop. There were a few things I needed to check on, but I also knew Adelaide was completely capable of handling things. I didn’t think she would want to see me. She’d said I had been coming on too strong and she needed time to think. That was code for back the fuck off. I got it. I had been smothered by good intentions a time or two myself. When she had said she needed some time, I wasn’t sure if she meant a few days or a few weeks.
I had no idea where we stood, but I didn’t want to risk pushing her away. This whole relationship thing was new to me. I didn’t know the rules—not that I was much for following the rules. I wasn’t sure what to do or what to say to make things right. I needed an instruction manual.
When I heard a knock at the door, my heart did a little skip beat. I hoped it was Adelaide. We would talk things out and my world would be returned to normal. I needed her. I hated it, but I needed her. I pulled open the door and found Jack standing there.
To see my brother in the middle of the day on a Tuesday was alarming. “Is everything okay? Mom?” I asked, worried he’d come to tell me in person something horrible had happened.
“Mom’s fine. Everyone is okay.”
I stood there, not moving from the door, leaving him in the hallway. “What are you doing here?” I asked him, completely dumbfounded by his unexpected visit.
“I had a meeting in the area, and I’m done for the day. I thought I’d come by and see how you were,” he said casually.
I stared at him, knowing it was a bullshit story. “Mom told you.”
He grinned. “James told me.”
I rolled my eyes, moving out of the way and inviting him in. “Great.”
I had probably spoken too soon when I had told my mom and James. Now I had to admit I’d fucked up and my mother had been right all along. I hated admitting she’d known better.
“So, a live-in girlfriend, that’s a big step,” he said, taking a seat in the overstuffed leather chair.
I sat down on the couch. “Well, I may have spoken too soon,” I grudgingly admitted.
“Uh-oh, that doesn’t sound good. She’s not moving in?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Are you two still together?” he asked hesitantly.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He let out a breath and leaned back in the chair, crossing his leg to prop his foot on his knee. “What happened?”
I didn’t like the idea of whining to my big brother about my romance troubles, but I was in trouble. Dalton had convinced me things would mellow out, but I wasn’t quite as sure. I felt adrift and caged at the same time.
“I gave her a key a couple weeks ago and asked her to move in. She said yes. Then, yesterday, I sensed something was off. I had thought she’d been quiet and reserved because she was worried about the shop. So I hired a moving crew to help her get her stuff packed and moved over here. She hadn’t packed anything. I assumed it was because she didn’t have the time. I was wrong,” I muttered.
He grimaced. “I’m afraid to ask.”
I nodded my head. “Last night I told her I hired the crew along with a service to clean up the place to make sure she got her security deposit back. I don’t think she liked the idea.”