by Sherri Renee
Oh. My. Gosh. I was going on a date with Lucas. Well, not an actual date. But there would be food. And Lucas. And me. Close enough to a date for me.
I wanted to jump up and down. Climb to the top of the school and shout to the world. At the very least, send a quick text to Ginger. But I fought back those urges and worked to keep my reply nonchalant. “I can follow you.”
I hurried around Lucas’s truck to my car and pushed the button on the key fob to unlock the door. Glancing over, I noticed Lucas slowly hauling himself into the driver’s seat. He might have worked up a smile for me, but it was gone now. He moved closer to the speed of a ninety-year-old man than the healthy eighteen-year-old athlete I knew him to be.
I knew missing the last shot in the game had to be hard on him, but I had no doubt Brianna’s words had crushed Lucas even more than losing the game. I couldn’t believe she’d been so cold. She was supposed to be his girlfriend and support him. My heart broke for him.
“Hey, Lucas,” I called before I could overthink myself. I stood by my car, waiting for him to look over. He pulled himself up to glance over the cab of the truck. Our eyes met, and a fierce protectiveness for him grew in my chest. “Anyone who says you’re a loser needs a vocabulary lesson.”
If Brianna had been there, it was possible I would have tried to scratch her eyes out for the things she’d said to him. At least until I ended up doubled over, gasping for breath, wondering if one of my veins finally had exploded.
Yeah, apparently, I had morbid thoughts quite often.
Lucas’s eyes stayed on mine. I worried that I’d managed to stick my foot in my mouth again. I’d flat out admitted that I’d overheard Brianna’s words. So, not only had I witnessed him miss the final shot in the game. I’d also witnessed his girlfriend treating him like dirt. And I’d rubbed both those things right in his face.
Way to go, Maddie.
I let out a sigh. Spending time alone with Lucas was a terrible idea. I was rusty with things like small talk and flirting. I’d already offended the poor guy twice in less than ten minutes. I could only imagine what embarrassment I might cause us both with a full hour to say the wrong thing every time I opened my mouth. Going home to my green juice was probably the smartest thing I could do tonight.
I adjusted my purse strap on my shoulder and turned toward my car when I caught a glimpse of a full smile spreading across Lucas’s face. I glanced back, curiously. White teeth flashed at me under the bright parking lights. My heart jumped again, and my mouth quirked in an instant reply.
“I think that calls for extra fries with your burger,” Lucas said.
I stood looking at him. His words touched something in me, making my smile even wider.
I nodded slowly. “I could eat some fries.” Our eyes held across the parking lot, and I felt like something important passed between us. I wasn’t sure what exactly, but Lucas gave me a small nod as if maybe he felt it too.
“See you there,” Lucas finally said, shooting me a wink before ducking back into the cab of his truck.
A bubble of laughter swelled in my chest. I got into my car with way too many feelings swirling inside me. I was nervous and anxious, but more than anything, I was happy. Happier than I had been in months.
After buckling up and starting the car, I sent my mom a quick text, letting her know I’d be late. Then I did something I knew would earn me a lecture when I got home. I turned off my ringer and tossed my phone into my purse.
It wasn’t in my nature to shirk my responsibilities. Which included not getting too tired. Being vigilant about avoiding germs. And most importantly of all, responding to Mom’s texts within five minutes or less so she didn’t have to add any extra worries about me to her already heavy load.
I wasn’t sure how the stars had aligned to have me going out one-on-one with the guy of my dreams. But since they had, I planned to enjoy every second of it.
Mom wouldn’t understand my need to do that. She’d be texting every few minutes with offers of fresh juice and reminders that my body needed rest as she tried to tempt me to go home. Not that she was wrong, but if death planned to take me way too young, maybe Ginger was right, and I did deserve to live a little when the opportunity arose.
I knew Ginger would be proud of me, but I was mostly just terrified. I didn’t do “living.” I didn’t talk to anyone at school but Ginger, and I sure didn’t go out with cute guys after the game. I clenched the steering wheel and focused on Lucas’s brake lights ahead of me as my heart raced.
Lucas pulled into a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that I imagined served tasty burgers with an extra helping of grease given its name of The Greasy Spoon. My chest tightened as I eased my car into a spot beside his. What would Lucas and I talk about? Clearly, we couldn’t talk about the game. And my illness was a big no go. No way would I bring that up.
Lucas climbed out of his truck. I gripped my steering wheel like a lifeline that was keeping me from being swept away in the raging river called Life. I didn’t have to go in. I could zip out of the parking lot and be home before Mom even read my text saying I’d be late.
Or, I could turn off the ignition, get out of the car, and spend time with a super cute, super nice guy.
I wanted that more than I usually let myself admit.
I sat in the car so long, Lucas ducked, squinting at me through the front windshield as he waved me over. It was scary—like turning my entire end-of life-philosophy upside down scary—but I turned off the car and sucked in a deep breath. Lucas needed a friend tonight, and if nothing else, I could be that for him.
“Hope this place is okay with you,” Lucas said, as I slid out of the car and locked it. My entire body trembled, but thankfully Lucas didn’t seem to notice. I met his eyes and gave him a quick nod before darting my look away.
He pulled open the door and held it as I walked through, sucking in another deep breath, this time of pure heaven. I closed my eyes, letting the combined odors of greasy fries, toasted bread, and even a cinnamon-y wisp of apple pie fill my lungs. My stomach let out a loud rumble as I moved into the restaurant.
“This place is great. It smells delicious,” I said. “And I’m not that picky, anyway.” I was actually super picky by necessity, not choice, but tonight would be the exception.
“That’s a novelty.” Lucas let out a brief chuckle. It was such a nice sound my stomach clenched in response.
I raised a brow in question at his obscure statement. “What’s a novelty?” I asked.
“I just don’t think I’ve ever met a girl before who’s not picky." He added a smile as we took our seats across from each other at a four-person booth. His entire face lit with that smile, and I felt blindsided by how gorgeous he was up close. A strong, smooth jaw, slightly crooked nose, and those amazing gray-green eyes surrounded by thick black lashes that drew me in and made me wish I could simply sit there and stare at him all night.
Not that staring at him all night would be weird or anything.
Too bad I hadn’t thought to touch up my makeup in the car. I didn’t wear much to start with, and I had a feeling most of it had worn off by this point in the day. Usually, I didn’t give makeup more than a cursory thought. Looking gorgeous for Ginger and my family wasn’t top priority. But if this was going to be my one night to live like a girl with a future, it would have been nice to have fixed up a little.
An image of Brianna with her silky hair and perfect face flashed in front of me. I cringed, knowing in comparison, I probably looked like a washed-out version of death. And I really needed to get death off my brain, at least for tonight.
“I get the double bacon cheeseburger with extra fries and a vanilla shake.” Lucas’s words tore me from my thoughts. He handed me a two-sided laminated menu, and I yanked my gaze from his face. “Think you’re up for the same?” he asked, arching a brow almost as if issuing a challenge.
There was no way I could eat half of that, but I wasn’t one to walk away from a challenge. I grinned at him.
“How about a single bacon cheeseburger, regular fries, and a chocolate shake?”
His brows rose as he considered my order. “Chocolate, huh? You like to live on the wild side.”
“I have been known to go so far as to add a handful of crushed candy bars in a shake before, so yeah, you could say I get a little wild from time to time.” I hadn’t had a swirled shake since before my diagnosis, but there was no reason to add that little tidbit.
Lucas chuckled, and my heart swelled. Drawing a laugh from him made me feel like I’d accomplished some brilliant thing in life. Like winning an Oscar or Grammy. Or finding the cure to vasculitis.
I decided right then and there that I’d do everything in my power to coax more laughs from him before the night was over.
Chapter 4
Lucas ordered for us while I studied the decor. Old signs and pictures hung from every surface. Even our table had an old-fashioned newspaper displayed under a thick plate of glass. I liked it.
“So,” Lucas said, leaning back in his seat. “What’s your story?”
“What?” I yanked my gaze from the newspaper and sat up straight, feeling my cheeks pale as I swallowed hard. Did he know I was sick? If so, how had he found out? I thought I’d managed to keep that tidbit off the school’s radar.
“I don’t have a story. What do you mean by story? Why do you think I have a story?” The words raced out of my mouth without a pause between them.
I couldn’t decide if I should bail on this whole “living” thing now, or if I should wait and see what Lucas actually knew. Lucas’s gentle chuckle broke through my panic.
“Whoa, there.” He held up a hand as his brows hiked in surprise. “I didn’t mean anything bad. I’ve seen you around school and at a couple of games, but you don’t hang around much. Do you have a job or something that keeps you busy?”
“Oh.” I let out a breath of relief and sank back into the booth. I needed to chill if I was going to make it through an entire meal with Lucas. He was simply trying to make conversation, and I’d freaked out at his very first question.
I struggled to pull myself together, collecting my thoughts. “No story,” I said. “I have two little brothers, so I help out with them a lot. My parents are divorced, so Mom can always use an extra pair of hands.”
And since I and my stupid autoimmune disease were the cause of the divorce, I figured helping with the boys was the least I could do. Plus, I loved them. The little germ-balls were adorable.
“That’s cool,” Lucas said easily. “I always wanted a brother or sister but ended up an only.”
“Don’t write it off yet.” I smirked. “I was an only until I was fourteen. You never know what stupid stuff parents might try to make a relationship work.” Wow! Where’d that come from? I mean, it was true, but it wasn’t something I shared with strangers.
Lucas let out a startled laugh. “Guess it didn’t work for them?”
“Guess not.” I averted my gaze. It wasn’t the babies that ultimately hadn’t worked. Having a dying firstborn was the final straw in their ever-growing dysfunctional relationship.
My dad could no longer stand to be around me. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d seen him. He sent me a short text every week or two. Always the same thing. Basically, he loved and missed me. The end. Even though the boys spent every other weekend with him, he’d never once even asked if I wanted to come over.
I swallowed hard then huffed out a quick breath. It hurt that my dad had ditched me when I got sick, but it was one more reason not to get close to anyone. If my own dad could bail on me that easily, what would someone like Lucas do if he found out I was dying?
And that was a good reminder to keep my distance from Lucas. He was turning out to be just as nice as I imagined he would be, but tonight was an aberration, not the new norm. Just coming here with him was already stretching my boundaries way more than I was comfortable with.
The waitress brought our drinks, and I was thankful for the distraction. Mine came with chocolate sprinkles, and a colorful mound of confetti ones topped Lucas’s.
My mouth started to water. Sugar wasn’t exactly forbidden in my new existence, but it was regulated. I suddenly remembered just how much I missed it.
Lucas slipped a straw from the paper wrapper and jabbed it into his frothy shake. “Cheers.” He held his glass in a mock salute. I quickly picked up my cold glass to clink with his. There was something sweet about the action. Romantic even.
And I was being ridiculous.
“Cheers,” I replied, drawing in a deep breath. My hands shook a little bit as I picked up my straw and gave the wrapper my full attention while I tried to tame my wild thoughts. I was only sitting across from Lucas because there hadn’t been anyone else around for him to invite. There was nothing romantic about clinking thick, frosty glasses together.
After being locked up for the past eight months, though, my imagination was apparently running on over-drive. I needed to rein it back in before it led me somewhere from which I wouldn’t easily recover.
Like to thoughts of dating and living long enough to experience a real relationship.
Lucas took a long drink before I even had my straw unwrapped.
“Ah.” He let out a contented sigh. I jabbed my straw in my drink and glanced up to find Lucas’s tense features had smoothed. “I’m pretty sure vanilla shakes have the power to change the world,” he added.
His tongue darted out to trail his lips, drawing my eyes to them. He had really nice lips. Perfectly shaped with a deep, pinkish hue. I swallowed, wondering what those lips would feel like on mine.
“Want some?” Lucas asked.
“What?” I jumped. My eyes darted from his lips to his eyes. Did he read my thoughts? Was he offering to kiss me? I pressed a hand to my tossing stomach. I couldn’t decide if I should shrivel up with mortification, or accept his offer. I mean, hey, he put it out there, right?
He pushed his glass across the table toward me, leaving a trail of condensation behind. I frowned at it.
“My shake,” he said, tipping his head toward the glass. “Want to taste it?”
“Oh!” Thank goodness he couldn’t read my mind. My cheeks burned, and I wished I could drop a napkin over my head to hide them. Not like that wouldn’t draw a whole lot more attention to them.
“Um.” I swallowed and tried to force my thoughts from those nice lips of his to his drink. My eyes landed on his straw. The straw those lips had just been around. My stomach fluttered. I wanted so much to pull the glass close and take a long drink. I had no doubt that’s what Brianna would have done.
But for better or worse, I was no Brianna. Even with all the rules I was already bending tonight, I knew not to push things too far. No matter how tempted I was. Sharing spit with a guy, whether through a kiss or sharing a straw, was a good way to pick up those pesky germs that kept my mom up tossing and turning at night.
Not that I thought Lucas was sick or anything. It was simply a risk I couldn’t afford to take.
“I think I’ll save it for you,” I tried to keep my voice light. “It looks like you could use the whole thing.” I added a smile, sliding the glass back to him. “Thanks, though.”
Lucas frowned and pulled his glass back. “Yeah, after the game I had, I might need a couple of these.”
Oops. I hadn’t meant to say something that led back to the game. But since he brought it up, I had a few things to say about it. “You played a great game.” He let out a snort, keeping his eyes on his shake as he drew his straw through it.
“No, really, you did,” I persisted, “and you know it. Yes, you missed one shot. It happens. Even the pros miss shots. It sucks that it could have won the game, but what about the rest of your team?”
Lucas peered up at me in question.
“If anyone else on the team had scored more earlier, it wouldn’t have come down to that one shot. It wasn’t all on you, no matter what your girlfriend might think.” My eyes widened, and my stomach dr
opped. Talking about the game was bad enough, but I sure hadn’t been planning on bringing Brianna up.
Their relationship was none of my business, but I realized I didn’t regret my words. For some reason, Lucas Nash and I were sitting alone at a table together. Maybe fate had put me here so I could offer Lucas some encouragement and possibly open his eyes to the type of girl Brianna really was.
And it surprised me to realize, I wasn’t doing it out of selfishness or jealousy. Lucas was a sincerely nice guy. I might not be able to go after him, but that didn’t mean I wanted to see him end up with a terrible girlfriend.
But my self-righteous anger quickly drained as I realized Lucas might not appreciate my little speech.
Chapter 5
My heart throbbed and I twisted my hands together under the table as I waited for Lucas’s reaction. I was out of line. Talking about the game was one thing, but Brianna wasn’t any of my business, and I knew it.
Lucas swirled his straw through his shake, poking sprinkles beneath the surface without looking up, and I felt sick. I’d only meant to be encouraging, but I had a feeling my words hadn’t come across that way. I clenched my hands tighter and wondered if I should apologize.
Before I could, Lucas leaned back in the booth and let out a heavy sigh. “Thanks for that,” he said. He rubbed his brow, and his eyes darted around the busy restaurant. I wasn’t sure if he was thanking me for my words about the game or Brianna, but I was just glad he didn’t seem offended by my unsolicited opinion.
I closed my eyes and let out a pent up breath before wrinkling my nose. “It’s not my business. It’s just not fair for anyone to think the last two seconds of the game are more important than all the others combined.”
The waitress brought our food, and the smell of freshly grilled burgers overwhelmed me. Mom would be in a panic right now if she knew I was even considering eating something with such a “low nutritional profile.” No food was outright forbidden, but she was careful to fill me up with the most nutritious foods she could find so my body would have the building blocks it needed to heal itself.