by Sherri Renee
Those thoughts calmed me. For the rest of lunch, I was able to talk and laugh with the rest of the table. The weird part was, once I got over myself, it didn’t even feel strange to have Lucas sitting with us. He fit right in with Ginger and Max, talking to them just as much as he did to me. Maybe he was just looking for some new friendships. If I had a “friend” like Brianna, I knew I would have been, too.
A creepy tingle rippled across my neck at the thought of Brianna. I shot a look over my shoulder to find her and her crowd of followers glaring holes through me. I shot her a smile and waved, making sure to touch Lucas’s arm the next time he said something funny.
No, there couldn’t be anything between Lucas and me. But Brianna didn’t have to know that. I hoped Lucas would kick her to the curb once and for all. But at the very least, if she thought someone else might be drawing his attention, maybe she’d shape up and start treating him better.
I couldn’t have Lucas, but I’d decided my current goal in life was to make Lucas’s life better.
Chapter 11
“Do you want to go outside?” Lucas asked after he finished his meal and dropped his crumpled napkin on his tray. “We have time before lunch is over.”
Butterflies swarmed my stomach at Lucas’s question, and I couldn’t stop the grin that sprang to my lips. Did I want a second chance to spend time with Lucas after I’d blown the first one? Heck, yeah, I did!
“Sure,” I tried to sound casual. “It’s nice out. A, um, good day to be outside.” Ginger snorted at me, but I fixed my stare on Lucas and pretended I didn’t hear her. I was way too flustered. Ginger’s friendly “snort” was a good reminder that I should just stop talking.
I gathered my stuff and put it in my bag while Lucas waited patiently for me. I waved a quick goodbye to Ginger, and she waggled her brows suggestively. I was going to murder her the next time we were alone. My cheeks warmed, and I quickly spun away before she could do anything else to embarrass me.
Lucas and I were going outside to talk. It was no big deal. We were becoming friends. He had lots of friends. Odds were good he talked to all of them.
But I was the only one he’d invited to hang out with him today. A tiny bubble of joy grew in my chest. I tried to make it go away. I gave that bubble the whole “we were just friends” speech, but it only grew bigger. I had to get myself under control.
Lucas led me to the bleachers by the track. There were a few scattered kids out, enjoying the nice weather. We climbed up a few rows to an isolated spot and sat down.
“So, big game tonight,” I said, scrambling to come up with conversation. I could only talk about Chemistry for so long.
Lucas leaned back, resting his elbows on the seat behind him. He looked so absolutely relaxed that I decided he really did just want to get to know me better as a friend. And that kind of sucked.
I did an internal eye roll. I was the one saying there could never be anything more than friendship between us, but now I was disappointed that Lucas didn’t appear to be looking for anything more. I was the definition of ridiculous. I could admit it, but it didn’t make the fact sting any less.
“Yep,” Lucas said. “If we win it, we’re in the playoffs.” He shrugged before looking over at me. “You’re still coming, right?” His voice held a hopefulness that was really cute.
My heart thudded. I smiled, rubbing my lip between my teeth. It sounded like he really wanted me there.
“I wouldn’t miss it,” I said. I hadn’t decided if I’d go or not until that moment, but I realized I didn’t want to disappoint Lucas.
I didn’t add the list of things that could cause me to miss it: A bad reaction to a med, a vein rupturing, a new autoimmune issue cropping up between now and then. He didn’t need to know about any of that. And I didn’t have to focus on it when I was with him.
“You don’t sound too excited about winning,” I said, working to direct the conversation far from myself and my health issues.
Lucas focused on a kid running laps at a slow pace. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d run a lap. But I could guess it had been at least eight months ago, somewhere before my entire life had imploded.
Without looking away from the runner, Lucas said, “Don’t get me wrong. I like basketball. It will be great if we make it to playoffs. There’s just more to life than basketball, and no one seems to remember that but me.”
I scrunched my nose. “I heard you have a basketball scholarship to Texas State.”
“Exactly.” Lucas sat up and twisted to face me. “For most people, the college experience will be all about learning things that will lead to their careers. Maybe a few parties. Meeting a few girls.” He shot me a smile that was a heartbreaking combination of sweet and sad.
I longed to ease the pain I saw in his expression, but I wasn’t entirely sure what put it there.
“You’ll do all of those things,” I said tilting my head, looking for what exactly it was that was upsetting him. All of that stuff sounded great to me. Just going to college would have put a smile on my face, but something about it was bothering Lucas. I just couldn’t figure out what.
Lucas snorted, surprising me. “When?” he said. “We’ll have basketball practice and workouts. Team meetings. Away games. Home games. Clinics. Volunteer work. Sure, classes will fit in there somewhere, but it won’t leave time for much else.”
I thought about that for a minute. “But if you love the game, that sounds like the perfect life.”
Lucas glanced over at me. “Who says I love it?” he quietly asked, the words much more powerful as a whisper than if he’d shouted them.
My brow shot up in actual surprise. “I thought it was every athlete’s dream to compete in college with the hope of going pro one day.” I air-quoted pro for some reason and quickly shoved my hands under my thighs before I could do anything else stupid. Like reach over and touch Lucas’s hand where it rested on the bleacher between us.
“It’s not my dream,” Lucas said, and I ripped my eyes from his hand to study his expression. “I’m all for playing pickup games after high school, but I don’t want basketball to be my life.”
We sat quietly with our thoughts for a few minutes. It was eye opening for me to see that Lucas’s life wasn’t as perfect as it looked from the outside. I’d started to think I was the only one who’s life sucked.
Lucas let out a light laugh. “Sorry. I’m not usually such a downer.”
I pulled a hand from under my leg and let myself touch Lucas’s arm.“Are you thinking about not playing in college?”
Lucas looked down at my hand on his arm. I followed his gaze, and my eyes widened. I realized my skin was turning that freaky shade of blue one of my autoimmune issues could cause. It usually only happened when I got cold—or stressed. Maybe I was more nervous than I realized.
I quickly dropped my hand from Lucas’s arm and stuck it back under my thigh. My cheeks burned as I hoped Lucas hadn’t noticed my amazing ability to look like a page from a coloring book a creative three-year-old had gotten a hold of.
My heart pounded, and I worked through explanations in case Lucas questioned it. The mid-eighty degree weather was on the frigid side. I’d spilled paint on my hand in art class—even though I wasn’t even sure where the art classrooms were. He’d imagined it—Smurfs only existed on the big screen.
I ground my teeth together and watched Lucas from the corner of my eye, waiting for him to comment on my absurd chameleon ways. Thankfully, when he finally did say something, it wasn’t about me at all.
“I have to play in college,” Lucas finally said without any emotion. I blinked at him and let out a slow breath. He hadn’t noticed my hand after all. Thank goodness for small favors.
“Basketball is paying for my education,” he continued, and I forced my attention to what he was saying. “It’s just that with playoffs coming up, the pressure is growing. Everyone depends on me to carry the game.” His words didn’t hold a trace of conceit, and I knew they were tru
e. The entire school knew Lucas was the key to a win.
Lucas shrugged and ran a hand through his hair before grinning. “Wow. Sorry for dumping on you. That’s not why I asked you out here.”
I felt sorry for Lucas. I couldn’t imagine the pressure on him. It wasn’t anything that had crossed my mind before. I figured the star of the basketball team had his life all tied up with a pretty red bow.
“What would you do if you could do anything you wanted, and money was no factor?” I asked the question I often asked myself, only for me, I replaced the word money with health.
A light smile crossed Lucas’s face, and he raised a brow. “Anything?” he asked.
I smiled back. “Sure, why not? What’s your biggest, most secret dream?”
He grinned at me for a minute as if trying to decide if he should trust me with something like that or not. He chuckled then said, “Okay, but you can’t laugh.”
I smiled and drew a huge X over my chest. “Cross my heart,” I said.
“Okay, this is going to sound corny, but I’ve always thought it would be cool to surf.” He laughed at himself and waved a hand around. “I mean, we’re about as far from any ocean as you can get, so it’s a weird goal, but you did say anything.”
It was a weird goal, and it sounded a little too precise. My smile fell, and I narrowed my eyes at him as my spine stiffened.
“Did Ginger tell you to say that?” Ginger was one of the only people who knew about my dream to go to the ocean and learn to surf someday. I loved her, but if she was trying to set Lucas and me up by feeding him lines, I really was going to murder her.
Lucas gave his head a quick shake, bunching his brows. “Why would you think Ginger told me to say that?”
I studied Lucas, searching for any signs of deceit on his face. He looked baffled but totally sincere. I wrinkled my nose and decided I had some explaining to do. “Sorry,” I said, slouching slightly. I shook my head and tried to decide how to word my explanation without making it sound like Ginger and I had been talking about him.
“Like you said, surfing is a pretty strange goal for land-locked people like us, but it’s like on the top of my list of things I want to do, too. I thought Ginger might have told you, so we’d have something to talk about.”
Lucas chuckled. “A fellow land-locked-surfer-at-heart, huh? I promise, I had no idea.”
“Sorry,” I said again, tucking my hair behind my ears, and cutting a sidelong look at him. “Guess I overreacted a little there.”
Lucas shrugged. “No big deal.”
“Have you ever been to an ocean?” I asked, suddenly wanting to know everything about him.
“I have,” he said. “I’ve been to Florida a few times.”
I smiled softly, thinking how cool it would be to see a real body of water so large you couldn’t find the end of it. “That’s cool,” I said. “Did you get a chance to surf at all? Lessons or anything?”
“Nah.” Lucas leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs. “We were always there for basketball tournaments. Almost every minute was booked. I walked on the beach a couple of times, but that was it.”
I let out a sigh, disappointed for him. “Someday, I’m going to ‘catch a wave.’” I grinned at him when he laughed. “Oh, yeah.” I nodded, schooling my features into a serious expression. “Learning the lingo is surfer-wannabe 101.”
Lucas laughed again, and I joined him. “You’re funny, Maddie. I like that.”
“And you can be whatever you want to be, Lucas, even a surfer.”
Lucas’s eyes met mine, and neither of us looked away. His were a mossy green now, warm and questioning. Something formed between us at that moment. A bond that drew us together. It was like we’d just stepped over some kind of boundary and became friends.
Well, crap.
I swallowed and looked away. I wanted to be Lucas’s friend. I wanted so much more from Lucas, but actually taking that first step and breaking my “push everyone away” rule terrified me.
Lucas pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the time. “We should head back. Lunch is almost over.”
We walked back to the school, lost in our thoughts. Lucas held the door for me. “Thanks for hanging out,” he said. “It was nice to get away from talk about the game for a while.”
I had a lot of things I wanted to say. That I’d had a great time just being with him. That I was again sorry for running away from him. That I kind of understood the pressure he was under. My situation was totally different on one hand but identical on the other.
Lucas was under pressure to win games, and the entire school would be disappointed if he didn’t pull through. I was under pressure to survive. I didn’t have as many people who’d be upset if I failed, thanks to my own doing, but the ones I did have would be devastated if I didn’t “win” the game of life. It was overwhelming to know that our actions would change the course of others’ lives.
I stepped into the hall. Lucas let the door close behind him. Drawing in my lips and screwing up my courage, I turned to face him. “I don’t know exactly what you’re going through,” I said. “But I have heaps of expectations on me too.” Lucas’s eyes met mine. It felt like everyone around us disappeared.
“Sometimes you have to do what’s right for you,” I said. “Even if it means you let someone else down.”
For me, surviving was the right choice. But for Lucas? I had a feeling he’d be miserable for the next four years if he went through with his plan to play college ball.
“There are other ways to pay for college,” I added.
Lucas didn’t say anything, and I worried I’d overstepped some invisible boundary. His life wasn’t my business. But he had been the one to bring it up.
Finally, Lucas laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “I was a lousy date today. I swear next time will be less depressing. Thanks again for hanging out. I’ve got to get to class. I’ll see you at the game, though, right?”
My chest felt tight. I hated that Lucas was blowing off the basketball issue. I could tell how much it bothered him. But, like I’d said, whether we’d just dipped our toes into friendship or not, his life wasn’t my business.
I worked up a smile. “You’ll absolutely see me at the game. I wouldn’t miss it.”
Chapter 12
Lucas didn’t sit with us at lunch again. In fact, other than catching my eye in the bleachers at the game the night before and giving me a quick wave, we hadn’t talked at all. I told myself that was perfect. Exactly how I wanted things to be between us. I couldn’t have orchestrated our relationship any better myself.
Of course, that was all a steaming heap of pooh.
After our talk during lunch, I’d thought we’d had some kind of connection. Lucas had shared some really personal stuff with me. I’d thought it meant he was interested. I’d spent the entire night coming up with ways to gently but firmly keep him at arm's length.
I let out a terse laugh. I shouldn’t have wasted my time. Lucas was doing just fine staying at arm's length all by himself. Wow. I really was rusty with this whole relationship thing. I’d totally misread Lucas. Thank goodness I hadn’t had the friendship talk with him. I was mortified enough as it was just knowing I’d thought it would be necessary.
At least the day was over, and I had the entire weekend ahead of me. I felt pretty good physically, but I wouldn’t mind hiding out for a couple of days and nursing my bruised pride.
I had a project due Monday, so I pulled the book I’d need for it from my locker and stuffed it in my book bag.
“Hey, surfer girl!” I glanced back and saw the basketball team making their way down the hall with Lucas in the middle. He stood a little taller than the other guys. And he was by far the cutest of the bunch. He shot me a grin, holding up his thumb and pinkie before twisting his hand back and forth in the air as he passed.
“Hang loose,” he called over his shoulder. “Just working on my surfer lingo,” he added, shooting me a wink before movi
ng along with his friends. A couple of the guys sent me curious looks, and one of them gave Lucas a teasing shove.
I laughed and caught my bottom lip between my teeth, watching as the guys continued down the hall. I couldn’t stop smiling. Lucas was a bit of a goof. I liked that. And he’d remembered our conversation about surfing. A warm feeling flowed through my limbs. Maybe I hadn’t totally misread Lucas after all.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like I belonged. With a happy sigh, I shut my locker and turned to find Brianna standing a few lockers down, staring right at me.
I stumbled to a stop, surprised, and more than a little chilled by the hateful frown she leveled at me. I had no doubt she’d seen Lucas talking to me. I drew in my lips and strode by her to the parking lot. I felt her eyes boring into me all the way.
Well, crap. I’d just made an enemy.
Shaking off a chill, I reminded myself that Lucas and I were barely even friends. Brianna might be losing Lucas for good this time, but it wasn’t my fault. It was all on her. She was the one who’d broken up with him.
But the way she’d looked at me gave me the creeps. I didn’t have the time or energy for girl drama. Hopefully, Brianna would simply forget all about me by Monday.
Brianna hadn’t forgotten about my exchange with Lucas by Monday. I walked into the school feeling good and eager for a peek of Lucas, and who did I have to run into first thing? Brianna.
She and four other girls stood just inside the door with their arms crossed, staring at me with matching expressions of distaste. They looked like they’d stepped out of an ad for teen clothes. Their hair was all shiny and styled, their make-up perfect—noticeable but not garish, and their attitudes bratty. I wondered if they worked on those matching glares in cheer practice.
I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. Were they waiting for me? It sure looked like it. After being ignored at school for so long, I remembered this was one of the things I hadn’t missed about high school—mean girls.