by Sherri Renee
“And your mom?” he asked quietly.
I thought about that for a second before I shrugged. “You’ll have to ask her,” I told him. “But I think she would be happy to have you back, too.”
Dad rested his cheek on my head. “I don’t know. As I get worse, I’m going to need a lot of care. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.”
“If you get worse,” I stated shortly. “I’m in remission. There’s no reason to think you might not get the same thing. Even if you don’t, you could have years and years left. Do you really want to spend them by yourself just so you won’t be a burden someday in the unforeseeable future?”
“You don’t understand. I’m the man of the household. I’m supposed to take care of all of you.”
“Well, you sure can’t do that if you’re not here,” I snapped. “Besides.” I lowered my voice. “Who says you have to take care of us? We’re a family. We’re supposed to take care of each other.”
Dad let out a heavy sigh and squeezed me tight.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I told him. I still wanted to yell at him a little bit, but I could tell he was being much harder on himself than I would ever be.
“So.” Dad gave me another squeeze, then stepped back and wiped a tear from my cheek. “Don’t you have school?”
Chapter 28
I was late to first period. Again. Mrs. Pope arched a brow at me as I slipped into my seat, but she didn’t even stop her lecture. I was thankful. My thoughts were in such a turmoil, the last thing I needed to add to them was a lecture on tardiness.
I’d been so excited to see Lucas today, but now all I could think about was Dad being sick. I wished he would have told me sooner. It was something we could have shared—gotten through together. Instead, he’d pushed me away, and we’d both grieved and worried on our own.
Nothing could change that now, so it did no good to dwell on it. But it was hard to wonder “what if?” What if Dad hadn’t left? What if he’d told me he was sick, too?
What if I hadn’t pushed people away because he’d pushed me away?
Ginger nudged my foot with hers and slipped a note on my desk.
Are you okay?
I glanced at her. Her face was drawn and pale. I felt terrible for making her worry about me all night. I smiled and nodded, then turned to scribble a reply.
I’ll tell you everything after class.
I slipped the note into her hand and tried hard to focus on Mrs. Pope. But my thoughts continued to fly as I replayed the past couple of days over and over.
I’d been given a reprieve from my immediate death sentence. My dad didn’t hate me. Lucas had come to the hospital to see me. And he and Brianna were over.
It felt like suddenly all of the balls of life were in my court. The question was, what would I do with them?
I’d already forgiven my dad. Sure, the hurt would linger, but I’d hold no grudges against what he’d thought he had to do for his own survival.
And my health was still hard for me to wrap my head around, but I would. I’d promised myself if I ever got the all-clear, I would live life to its fullest.
But that left Lucas. I swallowed and pictured his sweet eyes. I’d given Lucas an out at the hospital, and he’d taken it. If I did nothing, he could go on with whatever life had in store for him without me in it.
But wasn’t “living life to its fullest” all about taking risks and chances?
The easy answer was to keep my news from Lucas. Let the wall I’d built between us stand strong. He’d move on. Hopefully to someone besides Brianna, but he’d get over me.
The problem with that was I didn’t want him to get over me. I wanted him to give me a chance. I wanted to color him into the pages of my future. I just didn’t know if that was fair.
As soon as the bell rang, Ginger leaned close and started whispering in my ear. “Oh, my gosh, Maddie. I’ve been so worried. What happened? Why’d you end up at the hospital? Are you okay? Did Lucas go see you?”
I gathered my books as a smile spread across my face. “Sheesh, Ginger. We only have five minutes between classes. How many of those questions do you expect me to answer?” I teased.
“All of them!” She hung close to my side while I exchanged books for my next class. “Honestly, though, are you okay? Your texts weren’t very enlightening.”
I stared into my locker for a minute while weighing my answer. I wanted to tell her the good news. But what if it didn’t last?
And then I thought about how much I wished my Dad would have told me what was going on with him. I knew he’d been trying to protect me like I was trying to protect Ginger. I realized that sometimes that wasn’t our job.
I turned to face Ginger and bit my lip.
“What?” She grabbed my arm with a worried look.
I glanced around to make sure no one would overhear me before I said, “I might be getting better.”
Ginger’s eyes widened before she let out a squeal and jumped up and down. “That’s the best news! Are you kidding me?” She dropped her books and wrapped her arms around me in a giant hug, rocking us from side to side. “I knew if anyone could beat this thing, it would be you.”
I laughed and hugged her back. “I didn’t have a thing to do with it.” I pulled away. “The bad part is, it could come back at any time.”
Ginger pinched her lips together and squatted to pick up her books. “But then again, it could be gone forever, right?” She looked up at me.
I really liked the sound of that. “It could be gone forever,” I agreed, smiling even wider.
“Have you told Lucas yet? He’ll be thrilled for you.”
I closed my locker and followed Ginger to hers. “I don’t know if I’m going to tell him yet.”
“What?” Ginger rounded on me. “You have to. You always said that if you beat this thing, you’d start living. Well, start living already!”
“Ugh.” Her words were so tempting. I could tell Lucas before the next class and see where things went.
“I want to tell him,” I said. “When he came to the hospital, he told me that he and Brianna are over.” I ran my teeth over my bottom lip and bounced on my toes.
“Then what’s stopping you?” Ginger plucked a book from her locker and frowned at me again.
“I’m scared,” I admitted with an embarrassed laugh.
Ginger smiled. “I get that, but it’s so worth it. Take a chance, Maddie. Lucas is a good guy.”
Lucas was a good guy. All the nerves in my body flickered into overdrive, and I felt a little nauseous, but I gave Ginger a nod. “You’re right.” I wrapped my arms around my textbook and squeezed it to my chest as excitement built in me. “I’m going to tell him right now. I’ll text you and let you know how it goes.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Ginger high-fived me, calling, “Get it, girl!” as I hurried toward Lucas’s locker. There wasn’t much time between classes, but maybe I could catch him.
Lucas wasn’t at his locker. I stopped in front of it, not completely surprised that I’d missed him, but deflated. I’d been so ready to finally talk to Lucas that it was quite a let down that he wasn’t standing there waiting for me.
I looked up and down the hall, hoping to see him, but instead, I saw Brianna and her squad, and she had her narrowed eyes fixed right on me. Great.
Chapter 29
I’d been ready to face Lucas, but not Brianna. Ugh, never Brianna. I turned to slip away before Brianna could ruin my morning, but she called my name.
“Maddie, isn’t it?” I stopped and slowly turned, resigning myself to the fact that I’d have to deal with Brianna after all. She and four other girls huddled in front of Lucas’s locker, watching me with matching pairs of narrowed eyes.
“Yes, Brianna,” I said shortly. “We’ve gone to school together since kindergarten. I’m pretty sure you know my name. Unless you’re just a little slow like that.”
Brianna’s blue eyes narrowed into slits, and she shru
gged a shoulder. “I don’t waste my time on irrelevant facts.” The girls around her twittered.
She was slapping at me, but it didn’t bother me in the least. I’d be more than happy to forget her name if I could. “What do you want, Brianna?” I asked.
“Oh! I just wanted to know if you left Lucas another one of those silly little sayings of yours. That is why you’re at his locker, isn't it?” Brianna glanced at her friends, and they all laughed.
“Lucas told you about the affirmations?” I tipped my head to the side. It wasn’t a big deal, but it had felt personal. It surprised me Lucas that had shared it with Brianna.
“Of course, he did.” Brianna rolled her eyes. “We don’t have any secrets.”
I gave my head a slow nod. “Okay, whatever.” I turned to go to class, but Brianna wasn’t done yet.
She called out again. “Yes, we’ve been having a good laugh about the poor little sick girl, trying to build up the most popular guy at school with those affirmation things. It would actually be pretty sweet if it wasn’t so pathetic.”
Brianna’s words stabbed me like a knife. My stomach dropped, and I spun back around. I knew I shouldn’t take her bait, but how else would she know I’d been sick if Lucas hadn’t told her?
“Lucas told you I was sick?” I managed to whisper as my breaths grew shallow, and my vision narrowed until all I could see was Brianna’s laughing face.
“Oh, yes,” Brianna was quick to nod. “Lucas told me all about how he rushed to the hospital to see you. It makes him out to be like a hero or something, right? He’s trying to figure out a way to add it to his college resume.”
I swallowed, growing lightheaded. Here I’d been ready to take a chance on Lucas, and I was no more than a joke to him. It hurt more than I would have imagined to know he’d betrayed me. Part of me wanted to run crying down the hall. But another part said I’d decided to live and sometimes life got tough.
It took a minute but finally, a burning anger crept through me, slowly replacing the pain and filling my spine with steel. I wasn’t running. Not from someone like Brianna. I took a deep breath and raised a brow.
“I’m actually perfectly healthy. Sounds like Lucas was just looking for an excuse to get away from your pawing at Luigi’s.”
Brianna and her friends gasped. Brianna darted toward me. I was surprised she’d try anything since she thought I had that video of her, but with the amount of anger surging through me, I was ready for a fight.
“Why you little—” She let out a shriek of anger and reached for me.
I dropped my books and prayed Doc was right about my veins being healthy. If one of them exploded because of Brianna, I was going to be so ticked.
I narrowed my eyes and cupped my hands into fists, prepared for whatever Brianna wanted to throw at me.
“What’s going on?” Lucas grabbed Brianna around the waist and yanked her back before she reached me. She wiggled and squirmed and called him a few names, but he held her like a football, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t get away.
I watched them with my fists still tight at my sides. I trembled as a potent combination of adrenalin, hurt, and anger swirled through me.
“Let go of me!” Brianna yelled. Lucas released her and she stumbled and almost fell before regaining her footing.
“Go away, Brianna,” Lucas said calmly, never taking his eyes from me.
Brianna shot me a murderous look but didn’t hesitate to retreat. She and her crew scampered down the hall like a pack of wet cats, spitting angry, but clearly defeated.
With Lucas only feet away, I forgot all about Brianna before she was even out of sight. I’d thought he was a nice guy, and he’d been going around laughing about the fact that I was sick.
I was more than disappointed in him. I was crushed. But I was also ticked.
Lucas stared at me and I stared right back, clenching my jaw as the hall emptied. The tardy bell rang, but neither of us moved. Lucas’s chest rose and fell with quick breaths. I glared at him while he simply watched me curiously.
After what seemed like several minutes, we both tried to talk at once. “You’re not sick?” Lucas said at the same time I said, “You told Brianna I was sick?”
Lucas searched my face while I tightened my hands into fists to keep from slapping out at him. I’d really liked Lucas. Even more, I’d trusted him.
“What?” Lucas said, giving his head a quick shake as my words registered. “No, I didn’t tell Brianna you were sick sick. I told her I was going to the hospital to see you when I left Luigi’s yesterday. I didn’t tell her what was wrong with you or anything. People get sick and go to the hospital. I didn’t share anything with her that she couldn’t have found out on her own.”
His eyes, fully gray, held mine. “I wouldn’t have betrayed your trust like that.”
I swallowed. I wasn’t sure how I felt about what he said, but I believed him. Relief flowed through me and the fight drained from my body. Whatever else happened, I was thankful that I hadn’t totally misjudged Lucas.
Lucas took a step closer. “I heard you say you aren’t sick as I was walking up. Is that true? Or was it just for Brianna’s benefit?”
I’d wanted to share my good news with him so badly, but now the moment was tarnished. I glanced down the empty hall, frowning. “I found out after you left the hospital.”
Lucas closed the remaining distance between us and scooped me up in a hug. My feet left the floor, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around his neck to hold on. “Maddie, that’s amazing! I’m so happy for you.” He pressed his cheek against mine before lowering me back to the floor.
His eyes were bright, and he let out a heavy breath, letting go of me so he could take my hands. “That’s the best news. Thank you for sharing it with me.”
I swallowed. It was hard to hold on to my anger when Lucas was being so sweet. I dipped my head as my cheeks heated. “It might not last,” I forced myself to tell him. “My doctor thinks I’m in remission, but even if I am, the disease could come back.”
Lucas squeezed my hands. “It could,” he said. “And I could get hit by a truck and die tomorrow. None of us truly knows when our end will come. I think that’s all the more reason to really live while we can. Let’s plan a trip to the coast.”
“What?” My head jerked up, and I narrowed my eyes at him, startled by the sudden shift in conversation.
“Your talk the other day,” Lucas said. “When you told me I could be a surfer if I wanted to?” I frowned but nodded, clearly remembering everything we’d ever talked about.
“Well, I’m going to do it,” he said, “and I want you to come with me.” Excitement laced his words as an eager look covered his face. “You said you want to learn to surf, too,” he said, watching me expectantly.
I nodded again, but my frown deepened.
“I’ve even been working on the lingo, dude.” He grinned at me. “You did say it was a requirement for us surfer wanna-be’s, right?”
“You’re crazy,” I said, but I couldn’t stop smiling as the excitement in his voice caused a sprig of excitement to take root in me.
“We can get tickets for the first week after school’s out,” he continued as if he’d given the idea a lot of thought. "We’ll stay as long as you like. All summer, if you want. Let’s do it.”
My smile dropped, and my head spun. “Are you serious?” I asked, starting to believe he just might be.
Lucas nodded, smiling even wider. “Sure, it will be great.”
My eyes rounded as my heart drummed in my ears. “I can’t make plans that far ahead,” I said, sheer terror making my words hoarse. “And I sure can’t leave home for the entire summer.”
An understanding smile touched Lucas’s lips. “Why not?” he softly asked.
The question hung between us. Lucas stroked the side of my hand with his thumb. “What’s stopping you from following your dreams, Maddie? Fear?”
Heck, yeah, it was fear. The question, thou
gh, was would I let it rule me?
Chapter 30
I squeezed Lucas’s hands while my heart crashed in my chest. What he was proposing was crazy, but oh, I loved the sound of it. I was terrified, but at the same time, thrilled. I was making plans for the future with—my boyfriend? Life didn’t get any more real than that.
I bit my lip and nodded. “Let’s do it!” I said.
Lucas’s smile widened. He leaned in, and I knew he planned to kiss me. I swallowed. A kiss would be the perfect way to seal our plan, but a bolt of fear shot through me. What about germs? What if I got sick and ended up not graduating, much less making our surfing trip?
I jerked back at the last second. Lucas opened his eyes and frowned before pulling away. “Is it kissing in general that scares you,” he asked with a crooked smile. “Or is it just me?”
“No!” I hurried to reassure him. “I want to kiss you.” My eyes dropped to his full lips, and I let out a slight groan. “I really want to kiss you. It’s just—” Ugh, that was the part I didn’t want to get into. I might be getting better, but that didn’t mean I was instantly a normal, healthy teen.
“It’s what, Maddie? Tell me.”
“I’m still on meds that lower my immunity. Dr. Reynolds wants to wean me off of them, but until he does, it wouldn’t take a whole lot to make me sick. Last time I got sick just because one of my brothers sneezed on me.” I peeked up to gauge Lucas’s reaction. He frowned down at me.
“Can you wait?” I asked. “Just a little longer? The plan is to have me off all prescriptions by graduation.”
“And then you’ll kiss me?” Lucas grinned at me, and I knew he was okay with waiting.
I threw my arms around his neck. “And then I’ll kiss you,” I said. I held him tight, enjoying the feeling of his body pressed against mine. I could have stood in his arms for hours but my thoughts were racing. I pulled away so I could see his eyes. “We need to get busy,” I said.