by Jen Calonita
As soon as I say the words I want to take them back. Nadine's face is ashen. I didn't mean it like that. I was just angry, I want to say. But I don't.
"I didn't realize I was being a pain," Nadine says, looking hurt as she emphasizes the word pain. "I'm just trying to be your friend. Friends tell each other when they're about to fall off the edge of a cliff, and that's what I think you're doing. Lauren and Ava aren't going to do that because they like watching people fall. They only care about themselves. Once you've driven your career into the ground, they'll move on to some other starlet. Just like they did when they were friends with Sky. You know that's what happened, don't you? As soon as Sky stopped buying them expensive presents and taking them on vacation with her, they dropped her."
"You don't know what you're talking about," I say uncertainly. I know they're not friends anymore, but Ava and Lauren said it was because they had a fight. A car horn beeps outside and I jump. That's got to be Ava and Lauren. "I have to go," I say simply and then I disappear into the warm Los Angeles night air while Nadine watches me from the doorway.
On the car ride to the club Shelter, I'm quiet. Ava and Lauren don't seem to notice because they're singing at the top of their lungs to Rihanna. I feel too guilty to join them.
I can't stop thinking about what I said to Nadine. Even if she has been going overboard, I shouldn't have been so cruel. She may be pushy lately, but I'm lucky Nadine hasn't left me to pursue business school, like she always said she would. For the first time in a while, I feel very tired. But we're at the valet and I have to go inside.
No matter where we go, my nightlife routine with Ava and Lauren always works the same way: pose for the paparazzi outside the club, schmooze the club owner and take a few more photos, go in and grab a table in the VIP section, spend twenty minutes talking to whatever celebrities happen to also be there that night, pose for pictures with them (if any paparazzi happen to be inside), and then hit the dance floor. Tonight I sit the first few songs out. After fifteen minutes, Ava and Lauren slide back into our booth.
"Kates, how could you not join us for that song?" Ava wants to know. "It's the new Layla and the CD won't be out for three weeks! DJ O is going to get it for playing that."
"Why?" Lauren asks. "It was on Ryan Seacrest's show this morning already."
HOLLYWOOD SECRET NUMBER ELEVEN: You know how songs from an upcoming album sometimes get leaked to radio stations or on the Internet before a CD release and the star screams "I'LL SUE?" Well, that's pretty much bogus. Most songs that are leaked to the Web are on there because the label wants to test the waters and build up buzz for an album before it drops. Sure, sometimes songs get leaked by disgruntled employees, or vengeful assistants that have been treated badly, but for the most part, when stars say how "hurt, upset, and betrayed" they are to find out their hotter-than-hot new single was leaked ahead of time, they're usually stretching the truth.
"I didn't realize it was Layla," I admit as I absentmindedly stir my seltzer with my straw. "I wasn't really listening."
Ava and Lauren look at each other. "Listen, Kates, we have to tell you something," Lauren says. "The poor-little-sweet-Kaitlin-I'm-so-depressed act is getting old."
I feel like I've been slapped. "Excuse me?"
"It worked for Britney for a while, but then people got tired of her too," Ava adds. "We thought you'd brighten up after we let you tell your sob story, and you did for a few nights, but now you're all sully again and it's keeping the cute guys at bay."
She's got to be kidding. "You mean sullen," I clarify. "You said sully." It's an SAT word so I should know.
"Whatever," Ava says. "The point is you're bringing everyone down. We just saw Lauren, Lo, and Audrina and they didn't want to come over to take a photo because you looked so miserable."
"Oh look! There's Paris!" Lauren shrieks. "Let's go say hi."
The two of them leave and I find myself relieved that they're gone. The fog has definitely lifted. Maybe Nadine was right. When I think back over the last few weeks, I can't make excuses for the girls anymore. Yes, they were there for me when I needed them, but that doesn't mean they're the best people to hang around with. Lauren and Ava are awfully obsessed with having their face in the paper. They talk about everyone we see behind their backs. They're mean to their fans. Their stealing is going to catch up with them eventually and I don't want to be there when that happens. And going out all the time is overrated.
I've got to admit the truth to myself if no one else. At first the nightly dinners and dancing were a great escape. But after two weeks of it, I have to admit I'm bored and exhausted. Spending all this time at the big celeb hangouts only reminds me of why I never go in the first place -- it's not fun to be photographed all night and hang out with stars that only care about being a star.
I miss Liz. I miss the old Nadine. And even if I don't make up with either of them, I'm starting to think I can't spend all my time with Lauren and Ava either.
"Hey, Kaitlin." Diane Byler approaches the table and smiles at me.
I know Diane because we're both on the same network. Or I should say were since Diane's show was canceled two seasons ago. Spaces Between Us had a long run. Her show was on for six seasons, which is better than most. Diane and I sometimes used to eat lunch together and I was bummed when her show ended and we didn't get to do that anymore. She's really sweet and very quiet.
"Hey, Diane," I say, happy to see a friendly face. "What have you been up to?"
She shyly sits down. "Auditioning for pilots," Diane tells me with a grim face. "Same thing I did last year, but the one I had last time didn't get picked up."
"I'm sorry to hear that," I say.
"I'm tired of being offered the same role over and over," Diane complains. "Everyone wants me to play a character like the one I had on Spaces. It's so hard breaking out of that typecast. I guess it's hard finding something great when you had great once before. Nothing compares, you know?"
"I know what you mean," I tell her and mean it.
"I was stupid when the show ended." Diane shakes her head sadly. "I passed on a few great movies. I thought the work would always be there, but it gets harder the longer your face isn't seen on camera."
That could be me in a few months if I'm not careful! My heart starts thumping to the beat of a Kanye West song. And not in a good way. "I'm sure things will turn around," I say and put a hand on hers. She smiles at me gratefully.
"Hey, Kates." Lauren and Ava are standing over our table staring at us.
"You guys know Diane, right?" I ask.
Lauren and Ava barely nod. "Kates, we need you for a second," Ava says and tugs on my arm. "Can you come with?"
Diane looks uncomfortable. "That's okay, I should go," she tells me. "It was great seeing you. Keep me in mind if you hear of anything, okay?"
"I will," I tell her.
When Diane is far enough away, Ava and Lauren burst out laughing. "What a loser, asking you for career help," Ava says.
"She doesn't need my help," I say defensively. "Diane's career is fine. She's just hit a rough patch."
"Some rough patch. That girl has sunk so low she'll never float again," Lauren says. "Especially since she packed on those ten pounds."
I can't believe they're being so cruel.
Then again, is it so hard to believe?
"She looks like a sausage in those white jeans," Ava adds and laughs so hard the table shakes. Lauren's drink spills onto her jeans.
"Idiot!" Lauren says and grabs a napkin to blot her pants. "I just stole these jeans from Blue Moon yesterday!"
"Whatev," Ava says. "We'll just go back and get another pair tomorrow. Maybe we should pick one up for Diane too. She could use some sprucing up. Too bad she couldn't fit in any of their sizes!" The two of them roar with laughter.
If it wasn't clear enough before, it is now. The three of us are too different to be close friends. Ava and Lauren don't have rules or listen to anyone else's. They're fun, yes, but they're also mean, a
nd disrespectful to anyone who doesn't do things their way. I feel whooshing in my ears and suddenly I'm very hot. Being here with Lauren and Ava doesn't feel right. Tossing and turning at home over my future and the end of FA doesn't feel good either. Even in a packed club of people, I feel very lost. I have to leave. "I think I had some bad sushi for dinner," I lie. "I'm going to call Rodney to pick me up."
Lauren pouts. "You're lame! We just got here."
"I know, but I just remembered I have an early call time tomorrow and an early photo shoot on Saturday. I need to get my beauty rest," I say, repeating Nadine's words.
At the word photo shoot, Ava's frown turns into a smile. Her whole face lights up. "Who do you have a shoot with?"
I have an overwhelming feeling I shouldn't tell them who it's for, but I'm sure they could find out if they really wanted to. "I'm doing a cover shoot for Sure." They both squeal.
"We love that magazine. We should come with," Lauren tells me.
"We'll be your personal stylists," Ava adds and puts her arm around me. "Just tell us where and when."
I grab my Cinch leopard-print bag, the one Lauren and Ava convinced me was so "me." Looking at it now, it doesn't feel so me anymore. "I'll call you," I say even though I don't think I mean it.
"Okay, hon," Ava says. "Feel better. Love ya!"
Then I walk away from the table, sure of one thing: The minute I'm gone, Ava and Lauren are going to talk about me behind my back, just like they've done to a dozen other people tonight.
Thursday, February 19
NOTE TO SELF:
Apologize 2 Nadine.
Call Liz.
Check on Manolos & Meeting of the Minds
Read remaining scripts.
Study 4 SATs!
HOLLYWOOD NATION'S. . . . . . .
Is Kaitlin Burke headed for disaster?by Nicki Nuro
America's sweet-faced teen star is hanging with some questionable new pals--party girls Lauren Cobb and Ava Hayden--and friends worry it could lead to her downfall.
On a recent night out at Mr. Chow, the appetizers looked yummy, the laughs were fast and furious, and Lauren Cobb and Ava Hayden seemed to be having a good time. The only one didn't look like she was enjoying herself was Kaitlin Burke. Could it be that Kaitlin has finally caught on to Ava's and Lauren's ways and is questioning their friendship? That's what one friend of the star thinks. "When Kaitlin first started hanging out with them, no one in her entourage really cared, but as her personality slowly began to change, everyone became worried. Those girls are a bad influence on Kaitlin and Kaitlin knows it."
"Kaitlin has been having a rough time lately," another source confirms. "With Family Affair ending and the intense pressure to find a new project, she seems really stressed. Plus she's fighting with her best friend so the world just seems against her at the moment."
Enter Ava and Lauren. When the two first appeared at Kaitlin's side, the trio seemed to be all about fun and games. The newly formed threesome have been inseparable ever since they vacationed together in Turks and Caicos over the holidays and hung at the Cinch for a Cause luncheon. Their datebook has been full ever since. They've been spotted shopping at hot spots Belladonna, Belle Gray, Kitson, and Bleu, eating at Oasis, Koi, and the Ivy, and dancing the night away at Parc. They've also taken to wearing matching dresses.
Kaitlin certainly smiled for the camera when we approached the girls outside Mr. Chow, but looks can be deceiving. "Kaitlin definitely seems to be out of her element," says a source. "I'm worried that she's in over her head."
"I'm really upset about her. She's going to ruin her career if she is
Lauren and Ava are known for mischief and controversy, the kind that can get a respected star like Kaitlin in trouble. Kaitlin's already witnessed their dark side first hand--the group's night at Parc ended when Lauren and Ava started a fight with arch nemesis Blake Porter and got thrown out of the club. That's probably the first time Kaitlin, known as a sweet girl who always does what she's told, has been thrown out of any establishment. But when asked to comment on her new friendship, while shopping at Bleu, Kaitlin said, "I'm doing great!" That's what Lauren and Ava think too. "We adore Kaitlin," said Lauren. "She's such a great girl and we love hanging out with her."
But Kaitlin's friends at Family Affair hope the star is not courting disaster. "Kaitlin is a teen and she's allowed to be flighty," says a show source. "But hopefully these two don't influence her too much. I'd hate to see a promising career like Kaitlin's fall apart because she loses her head."
Kaitlin's certainly seen her share of less than glittering press the past few weeks--her night life, lack of a future project, and her mom's scathing interview in Fashionistas have caused some to worry about Kaitlin's post-FA career. "I'm really upset about her," sobbed former costar Alexis Holden, who claims she's seen this meltdown coming for a while. "She's going to ruin her career if she is not careful. I'm asking the public to pray that Kaitlin gets the help she needs before it's too late." *
Twelve: Kaitlin Isn't Sure of Anything Anymore
Austin slides into the backseat next to me and looks around the empty car. "Where is everyone?"
It's Saturday morning and Rodney and I have just picked up Austin on our way to my Sure photo shoot. Normally I'd have a huge entourage with me for this sort of thing, but Mom had a date with, um, a collagen injection (shhhh!), and Nadine had to fly to San Francisco to be a bridesmaid in her cousin's wedding. I've been so preoccupied with my social life that I forgot Nadine was even going out of town. I didn't realize she was gone till I got to my dressing room on Friday morning and I found a detailed itinerary for my shoot and my weekend plans. For once there was no personal note attached saying something like, Miss you! Have a great time! Nadine always leaves me notes. But that was before I lashed out at her the way I did.
I feel guiltier than ever about the way I've been behaving lately. Seeing how Lauren and Ava treat others has made me realize how important it is to have people around you that you trust. I can do that with Liz and Nadine. A fight shouldn't get in the way of our friendship. I know now I have to fix things with both of them before it's too late.
"My dad and Matty are going to meet us at the shoot," I tell Austin. "They had an early tee time this morning so they were going home to shower first. Laney is coming from a press conference so she's got her own car."
Austin moves closer and snuggles my neck. "I'm glad we're alone. I've missed you," he says. "You've been so busy I've barely talked to you this week."
Austin smells so good I think I may pass out. He doesn't look so bad either in his American Eagle jeans and a button-down striped shirt that is open over a navy blue tee.
"I've been with Lauren and Ava a lot," I admit, "but I think I'm sort of done with all that partying."
Austin smiles. "It's not really your style, is it?"
Austin hasn't come right out and told me what he thinks of Lauren and Ava, probably because he's still never met them, but he's talked to them on the phone, and he never sounds too jazzed when he gets off. Instead he's been making little comments, like that one, that lead me to believe he's not their biggest fan.
I fill Austin in on how Lauren and Ava have been behaving and what a jerk I've been to Nadine. I tell him what happened the day Liz called me and how I've been too embarrassed and unsure of what to say to her about everything to call her back. The great thing about Austin is that he listens, but he doesn't pass judgment. Instead he says: "You'll fix things with Nadine and Liz, but I guess Lauren and Ava aren't the people you thought they were."
"Lauren and Ava were a great escape from all these major changes in my life," I admit. "They have no responsibilities and all they seem to do is shop or party. Being with them was fun for a while, but it wasn't real." I look out the window. Our car is driving higher and higher in the Hollywood Hills and I know we must be minutes from our destination, a private home Sure borrowed for our shoot. Apparently it has magnificent views of the city. "I'm going to fix things with Na
dine and Liz right after this photo shoot is over. It's the first time in days that I'll have a good, quiet moment to dedicate to them, and that's my first priority." I'm not sure what I'm going to do about Lauren and Ava though. They called me yesterday, but I haven't called them back yet.
Austin leans in and kisses me again. "This is what I love about you," he whispers in my ear, shooting hot breath onto my neck. I feel electricity pulse through my veins. It's the L-word again! "You always do the right thing in the end."
"You've taught me well," I joke. I'm not sure how to react. Do I say, "This is what I love about you too?" I'm still a little unsure about when to use the L-word and when it's overkill. Like, when we're eating ice cream, is it too much to say, "I love that you love black cherries on your sundae too"?
"Have you figured out what you're going to do about work?" Austin asks.
I shake my head. I know I screwed up with the friend thing, but when it comes to everything else, I'm still at a loss. The more I think about my future, and hear Laney's, Seth's, and Mom's voices in my head, the more freaked out I become. My dizzy spells and constricted breathing attacks are getting more frequent and I'm starting to think that something is seriously wrong with my health, but I'm too scared to tell anyone what is going on. I can't even concentrate on my SATs, which are around the corner.
"Try not to stress about that this morning," Austin says. "You need to look good for the camera, which shouldn't be too hard." He kisses me. "How could they not get a great picture of you? You're gorgeous."
He's making me blush. Again. Austin has a way of doing that.
"We're here," Rodney announces and takes a sip of his protein shake. "We're fifteen minutes early, just like Laney and Nadine wanted." In the rearview mirror, I can see him frown. "Since this is a private road, I can't park on the street. I can't fit in the driveway either because they have so many vans. I might have to go all the way back to the bottom of the hill and that could take a while. Will you be okay going in alone? I'll be back as soon as I can."