Phoenixheart: A Reverse Harem Romance (The Rogue Witch Book 7)

by KT Strange

  “She’ll know me, Finn, please, she’ll-” I ran out of words and cried against him. He sank to the floor with me, cradling me against him.

  Hot tears hit my forehead and I looked up. He was crying, even as he was holding me tight. I glanced at the others. Charlie’s face was wet; he didn’t bother to wipe the tears away. She meant as much to them as she had to me.

  If they even thought there was a single hope…

  “She’s really gone,” I whispered. Ace made a low noise, like a helpless moan, and turned away. Cash grabbed him by the shoulder and they held each other, shaking.

  “Oh sweetheart,” Finn whispered, “she’s gone away from us now.”

  I clung to him and took a shivery breath, replaying that thought over and over in my head until the edges of it were worn ragged and the pain seemed to blur into the background.

  I don’t think I’ve ever grieved before, not really. Not like that anyway, not for my old life, or for the loss of a family that had been my blood… Max was more than that that. She was more than blood and bone to me. She would always be a part of me, and I would wear her name on my heart for the rest of my life.

  The guys had lost their phoenix, their pack-sister, and we mourned together, sitting in the quiet, watching the sun rise, and counting the days as they grew in number between where Max had been, had loved and laughed, and where we were, in a world without her.

  It was a week later that I got to my feet, stretched my arms to the sky. It was night around us, the stars picked out in the sky.

  “We should leave,” I said. Eli lifted his head first, the rest of them followed.

  “Where?” Charlie asked, getting up too.

  “Anywhere. Get a van, go on the road. Like we were at the beginning. Play some shows. Hunters won’t be coming for us now. The witch council is broken, they’re done.” I looked out at the horizon, a pale sliver of land that shone under the moonlight. “So let’s go.”

  We left Wolfe in the dawn, Luka and Daria at his sides, Frank hanging back in the shadows. He was a part of Phoenixpack, but his place with Wolfe, and we all knew it. Another painful separation. Maybe one day when he was older, he’d join us. For now, at least we knew he was safe with Wolfe, Luka, and Daria.

  Wolfe held my face in his hands, looking down at me for a long moment. There were lines around his eyes, and a sadness there any smile he gave couldn’t touch. Had he aged? Was that even possible for a vampire? He pressed a kiss to my forehead.

  “Be safe,” he said, letting me go and stepping back. Daria hugged me tight, blinking furiously to keep back tears. When I moved to him, Luka bowed his head once, before looking back over his shoulder. Behind him, Frank’s eyes glittered in the early morning light, but he said nothing as me and the guys loaded up in a van, a tour rental, similar to the one we’d had when I first went on the road with them. This wasn’t goodbye, not really. We’d be back at some point, to touch in, land for a few moments then take off again. There was unfinished business to take care of. What remained of the witch council’s homes to destroy. But we needed time to heal, first. The killing blow had been struck, the damage done. We were safe.

  So it was goodbye for now.

  Pulling away, leaving the star-speaker’s manor behind us, felt like setting a bone back into place. It was excruciatingly painful to watch the four of our friends dwindle into nothing behind us as I looked out the back window.

  But this was right. Max would want us out. We were safe now, mostly. The road stretched out of us. The world would never know what we had been through, the witches that had gone down in the rubble taking their secrets with them, and none of their family members that remained would speak of it. We’d go back to rock shows, screaming fans, radio interviews… instead of feeling hollow about it, I was dying to sink back into that life, to push aside the grief and the death that had clung to me like cobwebs.

  “You alright?” Cash asked as we stopped for gas, and to stock up on supplies. The world still felt like it was pushed back from me, the grief waiting to embrace me again, but for now it was held at bay.

  “I’m okay,” I said, even though I wasn’t. Cash knew it, and didn’t press. None of us were okay, and in a way, we never would be ‘okay’ again. That was just the new normal. We’d get used to it, first skirting the hole that Max had left in our hearts, then healing over it until all that was left was a rough patch of skin on our chests to remember her by.

  There was just one more thing…

  Eli sat up in the driver’s seat, his eyes trained on the road. I was in the back with Ace, my legs thrown over his lap, my back to the side of the van. Even at this distance, I could scent Eli in the back of my mouth.

  There was just one more thing that would make us complete, that might help us heal faster. And if what had just happened hadn’t changed his mind about waiting… then nothing ever would.

  But one thing was for sure, I was done waiting on Elias Gunner. All I’d been doing since the first moment I left my parent’s home when I was younger was running… running from my magic, running from people who didn’t love me. Now older, and apparently no wiser, I was still running, when I should have been facing things done from the very beginning. The moment we were stopped, I was going to have a short talk with Eli.

  Because I loved him, and I know he loved me. He’d held off having me, and that was his form of running, I finally got it. Being scared? Being hurt? It was shitty. Losing Max was… it still opened up a maw inside me whenever I thought about it.

  But that was life. All of it? That was just what happened when you loved and lived. You got hurt. Running from it didn’t lower the risk, because life found a way of getting into your heart and tearing it apart from the inside anyway.

  Ace brushed a hand over my leg, his touch soothing. I glanced at him. His lashes were wet when he looked at me. I reached out and he tugged me close against his chest, shifting my legs until my feet fell to the floor.

  “Ace?” I whispered.

  “Miss her,” he breathed, his words shuddery and soft. He rubbed the back of his hand over one eye and then gave me a watery smile. “I keep thinking about it-”

  I closed my eyes for a second and then kissed him. His hand tightened on my shoulder, and his mouth pressed hard on mine, all his pain and sadness wrapped up in the intensity of it.

  “I keep thinking if we’d done something different,” I said. He nodded and hid his face in my hair, breathing me in slowly.

  “But there’s no going back,” he said with a hollow laugh. “Doesn’t stop my brain from trying though. And…”

  “What?”

  “I hate myself for being grateful we still have you.”

  His words stilled my heart. What would I have done if it had been one of my guys?

  My brain pinwheeled away from that thought. It was too horrible. I couldn’t… couldn’t think that I was glad that I hadn’t lost one of them instead.

  Nineteen

  Darcy

  I let things settle into a groove for a few days. We were finding our feet again, a pattern emerging. We’d drive for awhile, aimlessly at first because we weren’t sure where to go. We just wanted to go. Seattle reminded us too much of Max, and it was too soon to return there. For once, money wasn’t an issue. The band bank account was full from merch sales at their shows, and we could go where we wanted, do what we wanted to do.

  Too bad the only thing I wanted was to look for Max. It felt like I saw her everywhere, in a flick of red hair as a woman would walk out of a store or down a street. It got so bad at one point that Finn put a hand on my shoulder and gazed down at me, saying,

  “She’s not gonna walk right outta Walmart and say hello, Darcy. You’ve gotta rest. She’s gone.”

  I hated him for being right. But I still looked, anyway. Giving up on her felt like a crime.

  After the first week of aimlessly driving through three different states, Charlie got in touch with the label, and said that we were interested in doing a short DIY
tour, simple, small, boutique. Gem apparently was on board with that, and within another week, we had dates lined up for the next month and a half.

  That’s when I woke up one morning and realized that I hadn’t checked my label email in… too long. I hadn’t checked in with Willa. I hadn’t checked in with my professor at school.

  And I didn’t fucking care anymore.

  Max was gone. Things like college degrees and internships, no matter how hard I’d fought for them, had faded in importance in my life. The world was a different place, seemingly bigger all at once. I wanted to get out, go on the road forever.

  We were in a shady park, down south, the tour van stopped next to a burbling creek edged with sand, when I finally gave voice to the knot of feelings that had been bubbling away inside of me.

  “I don’t want to go back to school,” I said. The guys, lazing in the sun, all turned their heads to look at me. My mouth went dry. “I… I don’t think I need to. It’s not what makes me happy.”

  Charlie frowned.

  “But you’re so close to being done.”

  “I haven’t been in touch with Willa in more than two weeks,” I said, taking a gulp of air to calm my fizzy nerves. “I don’t know what she’s going to say when I finally do get in touch with her. She’s always been patient with me but now?” I shrugged. Willa had given me chance after second chance. At a certain point, she was going to get sick of following up with me or letting me get by with not checking in.

  Cash exchanged a serious glance with Finn before speaking.

  “If you don’t wanna finish school, sweetheart, we’re not going to make you.”

  “But you worked so hard for this internship,” Ace said. “Don’t you feel like you owe it to yourself to see it through?”

  “Plus who’s gonna protect us from Gem,” Eli grinned as he spoke. “She means well but she’s crazy.”

  Finn got up from where he’d been laying in the sun, and walked to me. I looked up at him as he loomed over me. He offered me his hand and I took it. As he pulled me to my feet, he kissed me smoothly.

  “You do what you feel you need to do. Just know that Willa’d understand. She knows things aren’t right with us, and that we can’t talk about it. But in the end, you gotta follow your heart.”

  “All I wanted was to work in the music industry, but it’s not like I want to work with any other band except you guys. Could you really see me going on tour with another group?”

  Four guys growled at my suggestion. Finn just snickered.

  “You’re not going out with another band,” Cash said immediately. “No fucking way.”

  I raised an eyebrow at him.

  “You’re gonna tell me what to do?”

  “Uh, no, that’s not what I-” He made a face. “I didn’t mean it like that.”

  Finn looked at him over his shoulder.

  “Way to put your foot into it, pal.”

  “Just doing you the favor and taking that ring to Mordor for you, since you’re always the one saying stupid shit,” Cash shot back.

  “Guys,” I said, raising my hands before their fiery banter could turn into a shirtless wolf wrestling contest. Not… that I had a problem with them wrestling shirtless. Just that it wasn’t what I needed right at that time. Bigger problems and all that. “My point stands. I don’t want to be away from you. Working in the industry as a tour manager means I’d have to be away, for months at a time. It’d be like this, except I’d be sleeping in someone else’s tour bus.”

  Charlie shook his head slowly.

  “Yeah I’d rather that not be a thing you do. I trust you, kid, but not some of the bands we’ve played shows with.”

  “I think Jake Tupper gave us all a strong taste of what most guys in the music industry are like,” Ace said, sitting up with a stretch.

  “And if I take another job, like a desk job, then I’m going to be stuck at a label office while you guys go off and tour,” I continued. “That’s not what I want either.”

  “So stay with us. Be our tour manager,” Elias said. “You can finish up your internship and get your degree, or not. It’s not like we’d fire you.” He smirked at me an gave me a wink. “Unless you’re naughty.”

  The rest of the pack groaned.

  “Eli!”

  “For fucks sake.”

  “Brother, did you need to make it weird?”

  “It’s not weird,” Eli defended himself. “She likes it. Look, she’s smiling.”

  I was, that was true. I had a cheek-cracking grin on my face for the first time in a long time. I was happy, I realized, as the guys continued ribbing each other, and the sun poured down on us.

  I gazed up at the blue sky, not a cloud in sight.

  Was Max out there, somewhere, looking up at the same sky? Part of me still wondered. Or was she looking down at me from the heavens?

  Eli had a new, pretty acoustic guitar, a Morgan, the wood a deep, dark rich brown with mother of pearl inlays up the fretboard. He pulled it out the next night at the campfire, fingers dragging along the strings slowly, like he wasn’t sure what to play or where to start.

  Ace and Charlie were off for a run, and Cash and Finn were getting dinner started over on the other side of the fire. I sat down next to Eli on a turn over stump, pulling Finn’s long-sleeved flannel button-up tight around me.

  “It feels like it did when we first started this,” I said when Eli glanced up from his guitar to look at me. A half-smile curved his lips.

  “Yeah? You got some good memories up there?” He pressed at thumb to the middle of my forehead. I swatted him away.

  “I do, yeah.” I closed my eyes for a moment, and Eli started playing, a sad wandering tune in a minor chord that made me shiver. “What’s that?” I asked.

  “The song? Nothing. Just… my feelings,” he said.

  “It makes me want to cry,” I said, feeling a familiar tingle in the back of my nose and in my eyes. He sighed and let his hand drop.

  “Sorry about that.”

  “No, don’t. Please, play for me?” Out of all the guys, he seemed the most subdued and withdrawn. Music was one of those rare things that could get him out of his shell. I nudged his side with my elbow. “C’mon, please?” I murmured, letting my lashes flutter.

  “Brat,” he chuckled. “Don’t you try that trick on me. It works on Finn all to well.”

  “Mhmm, and you guys are twins. Don’t tell me it doesn’t work for you too,” I said. He groaned.

  “You’re the worst.” His fingers lifted to his guitar again, and started flickering over the strings, pulling soft notes and chords out of them. Up above, the stars glittered like they were listening, winking and shuddering in unison with his playing.

  The music ached, touching the dark spaces inside of me that were still fresh-bruised with grief. I let myself slump forward, resting my arms on my knees and my chin on my arms, and just listened.

  A low humming that picked up in volume had me glancing over as Finn walked toward us. He dragged over a stump and sat down, his eyes closing as he matched the music Eli was playing with a sorrowful melody.

  Tears pricked in the corners of my eyes and I let myself weep silently, for Max… and for my dad. I’d barely given him two thoughts since we’d run from the ruins of the witch’s council stronghold. He’d always been the monster in my life, the big bad. Now that’s all he ever would be.

  There was no redemption arc for Vail Llewellyn. He’d died in the fires brought on by a phoenix, our phoenix.

  I couldn’t say that he didn’t have it coming.

  “That’s it,” Cash said, from behind me. I turned just in time for him to bearhug me and lift me up off my stump. I meeped. Eli’s playing stopped. Finn laughed. “Enough moping. Dinner’s ready.”

  I kicked my legs.

  “Hey, put me down!”

  “Nah, I don’t think so, short stack.” Cash walked like a bear, tall, and in great strides. “C’mere and sit in my lap and let me feed you.”


  “Ew,” I said, even as he settled by where the food was set out at a weathered picnic table. I squirmed in his lap. He nuzzled the side of my neck and reached for a plate, holding me still.

  “Can’t stand to see you cry again,” he admitted. I sighed as I heaped my plate up with baked beans, and two hot dogs. Feeling sad always made me hungry, once the sadness itself started to wear off.

  “You didn’t have to Darcy-nap me,” I said.

  “You think the blond adonises would give you up without a fight?” He twisted. “Hey, idiots, come and get dinner!”

  I settled against his chest and ate dinner, as Charlie and Ace returned, breathing hard and sweaty from their jog.

  “Shit yeah, hot dogs,” Charlie said, scooping up three for himself as Ace grabbed a plate.

  Eli was the last to join us, Finn a few moments before him. They’d been having a low conversation, brother to brother, while Cash and I got a head start on eating dinner.

  “There’s enough for thirds,” Finn said as he sat down at the table. It creaked under the weight of the six of us, and we all gave it a suspicious look. When nothing else happened, we collectively relaxed and continued eating.

  “Gem called while we were out,” Charlie said. “Said that we need to stop playing summer camp and get into a town, tomorrow. She wants to send us on an acoustic radio tour ASAP.”

  Cash groaned, and wrapped a possessive arm around me.

  “I was enjoying pretending the outside world didn’t exist for awhile,” he complained. Ace made a noise of agreement, and smiled at me when I looked at him.

  It had been nice, crashing in the van each night, curling up with at least two of the guys in the big pull out bench bed at the back, while the other three slept in bunks and up in the pop-up top bed. I was able to forget, sometimes, what had gone down during Max’s last few moments on the planet. But all good things had to come to an end, and if we got back out and did what Phoenixcry did best, wowing audiences and playing music… then maybe her sacrifice would be worth it.