by Ellie Wade
I sit up and swipe the back of my hand against my tear-soaked face. “Well, when the branch drove into me, most of the damage was to my uterus. The doctor said that they tried really hard to stitch everything up and put me back together, but it will be difficult to have children because of the adhesions from all of the scar tissue caused by the abdominal trauma. She said I could possibly carry a baby if I go the IVF route, but because of the damage and scar tissue also in my uterus, I might not be able to carry either. We won’t know that until later.”
This diagnosis isn’t the end of the world; I know this. There are millions of women who can’t conceive naturally or at all. I’m not alone regardless of the path in which I got here, but it hurts. It breaks me in a way I’ve never been broken because having babies and a big, healthy family was my dream. Being a mother is all I’ve ever wanted, and the hope of that dream has been taken. It’s devastating.
Leo’s expression is one of sadness, and as he looks to me, I see my pain reflected in his eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Alma. I don’t know what to say.”
I shrug. “There’s really nothing to say. It is what it is, unfortunately, it’s the hand I’ve been dealt.”
Leo squeezes my hand with his. “Alma, look at me.”
I lift my stare to meet his.
“You know you can still be a mom, right? If IVF doesn’t work, then we’ll get a surrogate. You’ll be a mom, Alma. I promise you. Your journey to motherhood might look different, but you’ll get there.”
“You said we,” I state.
“What?” Leo questions.
“You said we. Does that mean you’ve changed your mind about wanting children?” I inquire, hopeful.
“I want kids but only if it’s with you,” he answers with a smug grin.
“But you want them? Not now, of course, but someday, you truly want them?” My heart hammers in my chest, hope returning.
Leo kisses me, his lips soft. “I want everything with you, Alma. I want to do life with you. We’ll have a house, wherever you want—but definitely not across the street from a fraternity.” He chuckles. “We’ll have a dog or a cat—your choice. We’ll have babies and raise them into well-adjusted humans. You’ll have to help me with that because I don’t know how one raises children to be happy. I’ll coach our son’s T-ball team and have tea parties with our daughter, or vice versa. Whatever they want to do, I’ll love and support them a hundred percent. They’ll be perfect because they’ll be part of you. We’ll have family game night and argue over Uno. We’ll laugh loudly and love fiercely. And every night, I’ll fall asleep next to you and know that I’m the luckiest son of a bitch alive.”
“This is too good to be true,” I say.
“What is?”
“You and everything you just said and all that I’m feeling. How is it possible to love someone as much as I love you? It doesn’t seem real. We’re young. What if things change?” With Leo, I feel safe enough to voice my concerns.
“The only thing that’s going to change is how much I love you because just when I think I can’t possibly love you more, a whole new part of my heart expands, and my love for you grows. We might be young, but this connection we have isn’t something that comes along every day. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime find, if one is lucky enough, and we found it. You’re my forever, babe.”
I throw my arms around Leo and hug him tight. He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about, and I found him, my one and only.
“Both,” I say.
“What?” Leo chuckles.
“I want a dog and a cat.”
“Anything,” he says, and I know it’s true. He would do everything in his power to make my dreams come true.
“You’re going to be a great dad. I know you’ll be incredible because you’re so good at loving. All any child needs is love, acceptance, security, validation, and attention. You give all of those to me daily. You make me feel loved and safe and perfect, just as I am. You weren’t raised with the things I mentioned, but you were born with a kind, loving soul. It’s who you are. Anyone on the receiving end of your love is lucky. You, Leo Harding, are an amazing find.”
I splay my hands across his chest, over his heart. “When you feel the darkness coming over you, remember all of the things that I love about you and use those qualities to love yourself. You deserve a happy life from here on out. We deserve a happy life—together. If you fight for yourself the way that you fight for me, then we’ll get it—a fairy-tale romance, a happily ever worth writing about.”
“I lost you once, Alma. I’ll fight for the rest of my life so that I never lose you again. You can trust me.”
“I do.”
Leo’s lips find mine, and I pour all of my love into this kiss. It’s easy, perfect, and natural because everything I have is already his and always will be.
FORTY-THREE
Alma
“I don’t know what to pack.”
My new gift from Leo, a glittery purple hard-shelled suitcase lies empty on the bed. He gave it to me this morning and told me to pack for a seven-day trip.
“Clothes,” he deadpans from the bathroom, toothbrush in his mouth.
“Seriously, do I need outfits for cool weather, tropical weather … what? It’s not as easy as just clothes,” I mock.
He walks out of the bathroom, towel around his waist, and I become flushed. Today marks the end of my eight-week restriction against physical activity. I saw the doctor a few days ago, and she said that my body has healed nicely and that I was clear to resume normal activities on the eight-week mark, which, to reiterate, is today. Leo’s bare chest causes all sorts of crazy hormones to rage within me.
“Stop looking at me like that.” He chuckles. Removing the towel completely, he grabs a pair of boxer briefs from his drawer and pulls them on. “We have places to be.”
“I’m not looking at you in any particular way,” I retort and glare back toward my empty suitcase.
“Okay, sure. I know your I want sex face, and it’s not happening right now, no matter how irresistible I might be.” He smirks, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Whatever,” I grumble. “Can you please tell me what to pack?”
Leo walks around the bed in only his boxers. He stands behind me and circles his arms around my middle. He got his cast off yesterday, and it’s so nice to feel both of his arms again. Snuggling with a plaster cast is tricky and, for the most part, uncomfortable.
I trace my finger along the scar on his arm. “Does it hurt?”
“No.” He leans down and kisses my cheek. “For packing, I’d do a little bit of everything. The days are hot, and the nights are cool. You will need a swimsuit and a couple of dresses for dinner.”
“Fancy dresses? Like prom dresses?” I inquire.
“No,” Leo says with a laugh. “Cocktail-type dresses.”
“I don’t really have fancy clothes, Leo. You see what I wear.”
“All right. Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it. Just throw some shit in the suitcase.” He kisses me again and then releases his arms before he continues getting dressed.
I finish packing and pull the wheeled luggage down the hall. Leo’s on the phone with someone downstairs, and I can’t wipe the grin off my face. I have no idea what he’s planning, but everything he does is magical. It’s going to be a great week.
“Thank you. I appreciate it,” Leo says into his phone, hanging up with whomever he was talking to as I enter the kitchen. “You ready?”
“Yep!”
He takes my bag and his and loads them into his new Land Rover. He opted for a different type of vehicle after totaling the Porsche, and I approve of the switch. I think he’s more of an SUV type of guy anyway.
As Leo pulls away, I say, “How about we play a game of Twenty Questions and see if I can guess where we’re going?”
“Okay,” he agrees.
“Is it far away?” I ask.
“Yes-ish.”
“That’s not a real answ
er.” I turn in my seat to look at him, and his face beams with jovial energy.
“Then, don’t ask vague questions. Far is subjective.”
“Fine. Are we taking a plane to get there?”
“No.”
“So, we’re driving there?”
“Yes, and no.” Leo merges onto the highway.
“That doesn’t even make any sense.” I giggle.
“It makes total sense,” he disagrees.
“Is it in Michigan?”
“Yes.”
“Is it by water?”
“Yes.”
“That was a wasted question. You know, I read that no matter where you are in Michigan, you’re never more than six miles away from a body of water.”
“I’ve heard that as well,” Leo agrees.
“Okay, fine. Is it on one of the Great Lakes?”
Michigan has five huge lakes that border our state. I’ve actually never been to any of them, but I hear they’re like little oceans with beautiful sand and fresh water.
“Yes,” Leo answers.
“Oh, good. I’ve never seen one of the Great Lakes,” I muse.
“Are you serious?” Leo’s cheery tone morphs to one of concern. “You’ve lived in Michigan your whole life and never been to one of the Great Lakes?”
“No, we weren’t a vacationing type of family.”
“Ugh. That’s just sad, babe. All right, new plan. You’re not going back to work this summer. Instead, we’re going to take the last month before school starts to visit and explore all of the Great Lakes.”
“I don’t know. I should really work.”
“Listen, you still have money left over from what you saved for the apartment. Your dorm and schooling are paid for. What do you need money for?”
“A car,” I say.
“I’ll get you a car,” he says without thinking twice.
“I know you would, but I want to get one for myself.”
“Please don’t be so stubborn. Money doesn’t mean anything to me. I’ll gladly give it to you. I just want to spend time with you and show you the world.”
I shake my head, and my lips turn up in a grin. “Only people with money would say that it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Exactly, so take mine. Please just think about it. We have a month before classes start up, and then we’re going to be crazy busy again. Let’s enjoy the rest of the summer.”
“I’ll think about it,” I agree.
Leaning my head against the headrest, I take in the passing view. Michigan is a stunning deep green in the summer.
“Do you want to ask more questions?”
“No, I think I’ve decided I want to be surprised. Knowing it’s by one of the Great Lakes is enough. How long is the drive?”
“Four hours.” Leo reaches his hand behind the seat and produces a plastic bag. “Road snacks for my love.”
“Ooh.” I look inside the bag and spot what I want first. “Gummy worms! Thanks, babe.” I rip open the bag and drop the long, sugary treat into my mouth. “The half-red and half-white ones are the best.”
“You can really tell the difference?” Leo asks with a tilt of his brow.
“Um, absolutely. Okay, keep your eyes on the road. I’m going to put a color in your mouth, and you tell me what you think.”
“Okay,” he agrees, and I stick a green-and-yellow gummy worm into his mouth. “What does it taste like?”
“Sweet. Good,” Leo replies.
“Okay, take a drink of your water to clean your palate.”
Leo shakes his head with a smirk but complies, taking a long gulp from his water bottle and swishing it around his mouth.
“Ready for taste test number two?” I put a red-and-white worm into his mouth. “What do you think of this one?”
“Sweet and good,” Leo responds with a grin.
“Okay. Do you notice a difference between the two, and if so, which did you like more?”
“They tasted a tiny bit different, but I can’t really describe how. For some reason, I thought that number two was a little better.”
“Yes.” I clap my hands. “Told you, red-and-white is the best flavor combo of worms.”
“I shouldn’t have doubted you. You are the sugar connoisseur among us.” He playfully squeezes my knee.
“That I am. I know my sweets.”
Four hours pass quickly. One of my favorite things about our relationship is the fact that we can talk for hours. He says he finds me adorable, and I return the sentiment. We’re a good pair.
Leo parks in a lot, and I see signs for a ferry.
“We’re taking a ferry boat?” I ask.
“It’s the only way to get to Mackinac Island.” He shoots me a wink.
I bounce in my seat and exit the vehicle. “I’ve always wanted to go there,” I exclaim. “Have you been?”
“Yeah, I love it,” he replies.
I walk around to the back of the car, where he’s opening the rear hatch, and throw my arms around him. “Thank you. I love this week so much.”
He grasps my waist and kisses the tip of my nose. “It hasn’t even started yet.”
“I know I’ll love it. You make life so fun. I’m incredibly thankful for you.”
Leo stares down at me with a look of wonder, and then his lips find mine. He pulls away too quickly. “We’d better get going, so we can catch this ferry. Or we’ll have to wait for the next.”
“Okay.” I reach for my bag, but Leo insists on carrying both.
The ferry ride is exciting. I’ve never been on a boat before—a little tidbit I keep to myself. I think Leo is still shocked that I’ve never visited any Great Lakes. The water is clear and gorgeous. Peering over the edge of the ferry, I can see the rocky white bottom.
“So, you’ve officially seen Lake Huron now,” Leo says from beside me before kissing my temple.
“It’s pretty.”
“It is. So, do you know much about the island?”
“I’ve heard it’s beautiful, but that’s about it,” I remark, holding my hand to the side of the ferry as the wind whips across my skin.
“Well, there are no cars. Everyone either walks, rides bikes, or takes horse-drawn carriage rides. The island itself is eight miles in circumference, so it’s small. There’s a path that goes around the island. We can rent bikes and explore. There are so many picturesque views. The restaurants are incredible too. It’s a cool experience that is unlike anywhere else. You’ll see … it’s just awesome.”
I sigh, happy. “I can’t wait.”
FORTY-FOUR
Alma
The Grand Hotel and the grounds surrounding it is one of the most beautiful places I’ve seen. It has a majestic, antique quality with high beams, stunning ballrooms, women in dresses and men in suits, rich fabrics and colors throughout the resort that look like they belong in a 1920s mansion.
Our suite is breathtaking—old world meets new. The king-size canopy bed is a focal point with its swooping pink and white fabrics and comforter. Every detail of the room is interesting and unique. It has the Ritz meets Charlie and the Chocolate Factory feel to it. There’s an antique white milk basin next to the wooden vanity, floral chairs, a cuckoo clock on the wall, vivid wallpaper that has a soft texture, embroidered pillows with puppies that rest on the purple sofa, and chandeliers hanging in every room.
I bend and smell the fresh vase of flowers by the bed. I turn toward Leo. “This is the most amazing place I’ve ever seen.” I’m in awe as I continue to scan the space, finding new and interesting elements with each pass. “It feels like every item in here is an antique or handmade. I can’t imagine how they decorated this room.”
“It’s neat. I’ve never stayed in this suite before, but every room in the hotel is decorated uniquely. They all have different beds, color schemes, and themes. Each room is an adventure in itself. We used to stay here a lot when I was a kid. My parents loved to vacation here with their friends. I was basically left to my own devices a
nd could explore the island all day by myself. One of the housekeepers, Fran”—he smiles at the memory—“tolerated me or maybe even enjoyed my company because she let me tag along with her to clean rooms. It felt like a treasure hunt, seeing what each room held.”
“I love it here. Let’s live here.” I giggle, and Leo wraps his arm around my waist, pushing me forward until we’ve both toppled onto the bed.
Lying on my back, facing the ceiling, I notice the pieces of crystal hanging from the chandelier are butterflies.
Leo props himself up, his face resting against his palm, looking at me. “What do you want to do first? Rent bikes and ride around? Walk downtown or around the harbor? Are you hungry?”
“You tell me. You know the place. I will love anything we do.”
“All right, well, I was thinking that we could rent bikes and ride around the island tomorrow, explore, have a picnic on the beach. Today, let’s walk around downtown and come back here for dinner. I forgot to tell you something else the island is known for.” He puckers his lips into a smirk.
“What?” I ask, wide-eyed.
“Fudge. There are at least a half-dozen fudge shops in town. They make it right in front of you. Apparently, Mackinac Island fudge is sold all over the world.”
“OMG. This place really is heaven.” I jump up from the bed, grabbing Leo’s hand. “Let’s go.”
He laughs and follows me out of the room. We walk hand in hand along the path leading toward town. The waves hitting the rocky beaches are calming. I wrap my outside hand around Leo’s bicep and lean the side of my face against his arm.
In town, Clydesdale horses pull carriages with people. Their hooves clomp against the stoned street in a happy cadence.
“Let’s try this place.” Leo opens the door of a candy shop, and the sweet smell of sugar and chocolate invades my senses. “I’ve tried all the fudge shops, and they’re all delicious.”
There’s a man behind a glass partition, folding a pliable slab of fudge onto itself. A woman stands behind him against the back wall, a giant stainless steel pot in front of her, stirring melted fudge ingredients with a long wooden spoon.