She and Brady picked him up, but it wasn’t until they got him home and settled that he was able to speak about the previous night’s events, about Sonnet and the pills. He expected anger and disappointment, but they offered neither. Instead, Jamie wrapped her arms around him, and Brady sat close by with his hand on Luke’s shoulder.
“I need to explain some things to Sonnet.”
“I think you’re right,” Jamie said. “What made you come to your senses?”
Luke turned to his sister and paused. “Dad did.”
Jamie glanced at Brady and back to Luke. “Dad?”
“Yeah. I’ve been a mess for a long time . . . since Dad was diagnosed. People asked if I was okay, but I didn’t want to admit that I felt sorry for myself and angry and jealous because I had the least ‘normal’ time at home. But last night I realized that Dad knew our time was going to be short, and he made sure he taught me what I’d need.”
Brady withdrew his arm and placed his hand on Luke’s knee. “You’re a man, so I’m going to talk straight with you, okay? You’ve been skipping out on the essentials, Luke. I’m not saying you don’t have a right to feel what you feel, but you cut off every source of reliable help when you shut out the family and pulled back from church. I’m willing to bet it’s been a while since you’ve prayed or found comfort from reading your scriptures. They used to bring you peace.”
“I know. Dad reminded me of that too.”
Brady’s eyebrows rose as he looked at Jamie. He patted Luke’s shoulder. “Wow. Okay then. So you’re all right?”
“No, but I will be when I see Mom again, but first I need to see Sonnet.”
Luke’s heart raced as they pulled up in front of Sonnet’s summer apartment. “I won’t be long,” he said as he pulled himself together and exited the car. He knocked on Sonnet’s door, and she opened it, leaving Luke room to enter. Once the door was closed, she turned on him in anger.
“Why did you leave me like that?”
“It wasn’t right, Sonnet. I wasn’t right, and I haven’t been for a long time. I’m sorry.”
“And you think you know what right is?”
Luke bore her chastisement. “I deserve that. I can’t be the person you and Stephen want me to be.”
“The person Stephen and I want you to be? I was always open with you. Whether you loved that about me or not, you never once shunned my affection, so don’t act like I misled you. You misrepresented yourself. And as for Stephen, do you know where he is? He’s at an Army recruiter’s office.”
“What?” Luke asked in utter disbelief.
“That’s right. You thought you were doing him the favor, didn’t you? Poor Luke, crutching up all the weak struggling souls.” Both sarcasm and pain colored her voice. “The truth is, spending all this time with you, seeing how you’ve changed since your dad died, woke him up. Watching you falter made him realize he needed some structure in his life, so he made the appointment.” She walked to the door to show Luke out. “So, Stephen’s going to be just fine. And so am I. And while we’re being honest, let me be honest about one more thing. I don’t ever want to see you again.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Anna Maria Island, Florida, June 29
Avery was both unsettled and excited by Gabriel’s request to meet Axel, and she spent half the night pacing as she tried to decide how best to reply to his request. She had long closed the door on Axel Hunter, but Gabriel’s constant references to this specter from her past dredged up so many memories—some not so good, some wonderful.
* * *
Dear Gabriel,
It’s Saturday the 29th and I’m dashing out a note to you on the run. I’ve nearly finished this manuscript. Nothing has come together so easily or quickly since my days with Axel. I feel just wonderful about it, and I have you to thank for it, at least in part.
So, you want to meet Axel, do you? I’m giving that some thought. You’ve met the best part of that author. You probably know more through your intuition than you’ll ever know through a face-to-face meeting. You might even be disappointed. Would it be worth that to you?
Wes and Emilia are out together right now. If I have any insights to share with you, I’ll email back. These have been hard days for all these kids. Kids . . . Do I hear two helicopters whirling overhead?
I think Anna Maria has served her purpose for me, and if I should go home tomorrow, I will always be glad I spent this summer here. Thank you for this great gift, Gabriel.
Your dear friend, Avery
Wes and Emilia stood at opposing ends of the Carson home’s deck, a dark cloud hovering between them. Wes took a calming breath, turned, and asked, “Can you just separate us from Gina and Mark for a moment?”
“We have the same issues, Wes. We want different things.”
“They had problems before we even met. I have real feelings for you, Emilia. Would you let me tell you more about what I believe and agree to come to church with me once to see if it touches you?”
She stood up so fast that the hem of her wide broomstick skirt twisted around her ankles. All Wes could see was how her every little move made him crazier about her. He walked to her, took her hands, and drew her close. She leaned her forehead against his chest for a moment before straightening to meet his gaze.
“I assume you’ll want to marry someone who believes what you do, right?” She reached up to smooth Wes’s wind-rustled brown hair, drawing her fingers along his brow to the corners of his worried eyes. “I wish I could erase all these concerns, but they’re too big and too many. First of all, you assume I’m looking for marriage here. That’s a whole other discussion, but even if I was, why do I have to change? Why can’t you compromise?”
He felt his body slump. It was a reasonable request under most circumstances, but would she understand why it was not an option here? “Ask me to compromise on almost anything else, and I’ll do my best to find middle ground between where you are and where I am, but I can’t water down my faith.” Wes sighed and looked her in the eyes. “I promise that having God as a partner in a home and marriage is a good thing. A blessing.”
Her long, dark lashes swept slowly down, concealing her eyes. “I respect your moral courage and the way you love God, Wes. I really do.” She broke free of his grasp and backed a few steps away. “You’re one of the most ethically good men I’ve ever met, but you have too many dos and don’ts and rights and wrongs. You won’t even see a show by an entertainer who uses their fame to challenge ideals you uphold. My only criteria for buying a ticket is whether or not the show looks entertaining, and that drives you crazy. Worse yet, if I get hired after my internship, my job will be to promote some of those very people. You’re a wonderful man. Maybe too noble a man, but I’ll drive you crazy, and you’ll frustrate me. We won’t work out.”
Emilia’s words hit Wes like uppercuts to the very essence of who he was. “Whatever kind of man I am is because of what I believe. If I were to deny any part of my faith or if I compromised on my values, I’d no longer be the man you called good and ethical. I’d be a liar.”
She shook her head and frowned. “Times change. The world changes. People evolve, Wes.”
“Truth never changes, Emilia. The world needs some constants.”
“Maybe so, but that brings us back to my point. We’re too different. I sing along with the National Anthem at ball games but my heart doesn’t pound at the sight of a flag billowing in the sky like yours does. I can imagine you stepping into the voting booth and casting every vote down a strict party line, regardless of the candidate, because you’re a staunch conservative. Maybe liberals do the same, but that’s not me. I haven’t registered to vote yet, something I’m not proud to admit, but when I do, I won’t be a mindless one-party voter for either side. I’ll choose people who stand for things I believe in, whether they’re red or blue or polka-dotted.”
Wes’s throat felt tight. “That’s how you see me?”
“I’m just saying—”
&n
bsp; “Wow.” His jaw dropped as he stared at the deck. “It’s no wonder you don’t want to be with me. I sound like a narrow-minded jerk.” He looked out over the water while he tried to find a handhold to save the relationship, but he could find none. “I’m just a man who believes strongly in certain principles.”
“And I love that about you, but in time, we’ll resent one another. These issues will tear us apart.”
Wes closed his eyes and drew her against his chest as he kissed her head. “You can’t imagine how sad that makes me.”
She looked up at him, her eyes shining. “Yes, I can.” She laid her head on his shoulder. “We differ on so many things, but I think the faith thing is at the crux of it. Your faith defines everything else you believe. Part of me wishes I had a sure foundation like you have, trusting God so completely, never doubting where the line between right and wrong lies. Your world is black and white. Mine is full of grays. I think that was Dad’s intention, to avoid imprinting opinions on us so we’d find our own way, especially with regards to religion.”
“But without realizing it, he did imprint an opinion on you—his distaste for religion.”
She looked up at him and shrugged. “I guess time will tell if that was a great plan or not. I think things would have been different if Mom had lived. She was a faithful Catholic who took us to church every Sunday, or so I’ve heard, but my father seemed aggravated by religion, and it wasn’t just about Gina and me. I remember when that priest came to our door years ago asking for Mark, Dad sent him away and told us to never open the door if he came back. I guess that left a more serious impression on me than I ever realized.”
Wes stepped back. “Father Alexi came to your house looking for Mark?”
“A few months after the Rodriguez family moved away. Mrs. Rodriguez must have told Father Alexi that Mark spent a lot of time here, so he stopped by to stay in touch with him.”
“And what did your father tell him?”
“He told him to stay away. Dad said Mark had been through enough and that he was just getting his feet under him. The priest never came back.”
Wes moaned. “I can’t believe your father did that. So many things might have been different for all of us if only—”
“There’s no point in doing that, Wes.” Emilia set her gaze on the beach. “Things are what they are. Gina and Mark are over, and now we know we are too.”
They stood only a few feet apart, but the distance between them was insurmountable.
With a glance at Wes, Emilia wiped a tear and said, “This is where one of us is supposed to say, ‘We can always be friends, but I don’t think either of us can say that right now, do you?”
Wes smiled and shook his head. “Mark couldn’t, and I know I can’t. Not yet.”
Emilia nodded as she walked to Wes and placed a soft kiss on his cheek before slipping away.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Anna Maria Island, Florida, July 1–4
Avery stood over the air vent, letting cold air blow up and over her sweaty body. She had dared to walk along the beach at dawn, hoping to beat the heat, but she still came home a wet, wrung-out imitation of the enthusiastic woman who had set out a half hour earlier. She needed to walk. She was slowly picking up weight—a pound here and a pound there—and George was the primary culprit . . . well, he and his never-ending array of recipes.
He’d ventured into candy making over the last few weeks. Avery knew his focus on sweets had something to do with his daughter’s birthday and a memory of the special treat he always fixed for her when she was a child at home. He carried a reused margarine tub into work one day as if the crown jewels were inside. He opened the lid, revealing a dozen or so small brown balls. “Peanut butter balls,” he called them. The recipe was a Spartan list of ingredients: peanut butter and powdered sugar, and a few chocolate chips if he was really feeling festive. He mixed the two primary components together to form a dough, which he then rolled into balls and back into powdered sugar or dipped into melted chocolate. Avery was addicted to the simple treat. Her enthusiasm had completely delighted George, so much so that he brought a little milk cake, slathered with some of the watered-down peanut butter mixture, to her after church. The simple concoction was a hit, and Avery knew her hips would never be the same.
As soon as she felt human again, she sat at the computer to check her email. She hated to admit how disappointed she was if she didn’t find something from Gabriel in her inbox. He was an increasingly important part of her life, and she hoped she was becoming of equal importance in his. At times their innocent exchanges made her laugh, and sometimes they made her feel special to someone again, a feeling that always terrified her.
Gabriel said he wanted to meet Axel. That message unnerved her. It hit too close—asked her to reveal too much—and escalated their friendship from mere playful correspondence to another level, one she was not sure she could enter.
Her inbox had four emails of note. One each from Teddie, Jamie, and Luke, and one from Gabriel. As always, she started with Jamie’s, since that one usually prepared her for Luke’s news.
* * *
Mom, (Avery relaxed since the use of “Mom” usually meant the letter would be a happy one.)
Get ready for a family invasion! Instead of coming down the first week of August, we’re coming for the Fourth of July. Luke too. Is that all right? Brady made a great trade—the installation of an intercom/stereo system in exchange for three airline vouchers. Anyway, the doctor thinks traveling then would be better for me and the baby, and Brady can get the time off. Luke’s work was the only glitch, but I think he needs to see you and Wes.
There’s a flight from Salt Lake that arrives in Sarasota around four p.m. If you’re fine with that, we’ll see you Thursday.
Love, Jamie
* * *
Avery giggled with delight and started making a mental list of all the things she’d need to do and buy before then. She opened Luke’s email.
* * *
Hey, Mom,
I’m coming down with Jamie and Brady on the 4th. I’m thinking about quitting my job at the orchard and working with Wes. He said they pay twice what I’m getting. Jamie will help me close the house up. What do you think? See you in a few days.
Love, Luke
* * *
Avery’s first reaction to Luke’s email was worry. Jamie had mentioned that Luke was lonely. Perhaps that’s all there is to it. Avery knew she’d been so preoccupied with Wes’s troubles that she was willing to believe whatever Luke told her. In a few days I’ll know, she told herself. Deciding to break an old pattern and not worry until trouble was a sure thing, she moved on to Teddie’s email.
* * *
Hey, Sugar!
Rider and I headed south for a few days to a real-estate convention in Atlanta. We figured the humidity couldn’t be any more miserable down here than in Baltimore right now, and we both need some good Southern BBQ!
FYI, Gabriel and Rider are like Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble these days. I tell you, those two men treat a trip to Home Depot as if they were conducting a reconnaissance mission for the CIA. They’re cute. And get this—Gabriel actually went to a praise meeting with us last Sunday. He said he only went to check on Sylvia’s appendicitis, but who cares? He went!
Cheers from Hot-lanta!
Teddie
* * *
Avery smiled and sighed. She missed Teddie and knew she would hardly ever see her again except for occasional visits when one or the other of them flew cross-country for a visit. Thank goodness for email.
* * *
She had saved the best for last—the email from Gabriel.
* * *
Hi Avery,
Don’t go home to Utah! At least not yet. I don’t think Anna Maria has had enough time to cast her complete spell over you. You wouldn’t want to risk a relapse for not having perfectly followed the directions for the cure. Stand on the terrace of the Cà d’Zan at sunset, and then tell me you’re
ready to leave my world . . .
Would I risk disappointment to meet Axel Hunter? I doubt Axel could disappoint me. I am not expecting a perfect individual or a prophet, Avery. I just want to look into the eyes that opened mine and say thank you. You decide how we should handle that.
Gina called. Things are truly over between Mark and her. Did you see this coming? I thought they were making progress. He still loves her, and I know she loves him. What could be so insurmountable that two people who love one another can’t conquer it? Can you imagine anything? I, for one, cannot.
As to our inclination to hover protectively over children who are quite old enough to fend for themselves, it’s simple. We love them. Maybe we love them wrong or too much—I’m not sure anymore. But I am sure of this: we’d do anything to help them be happy. And I’m also sure that if we loved ourselves even half as much as we love them, we wouldn’t be in this situation, with me here and you there.
Gabriel
* * *
A chill ran down Avery’s spine when she read the last phrase, “with me here and you there.” Is he saying he wants us to be together? She shivered with excitement at being longed for again, and then her stomach tightened with apprehension. They had at least as many conflicts between them as Wes and Emilia, or Mark and Gina. A second later, though, a more parental explanation occurred to her. He probably means we wouldn’t have left our own homes to mend our children. That explanation stilled her stomach but also left her feeling surprisingly disappointed. She reread the sentence at least nine more times, and the chills and shivers returned.
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