His voice was husky and low, his words almost imperceptible, but Avery thought she heard, “Yes. Long ago, and again when I read Hunter’s books.” His eyes were glued to hers, and she felt as if she were falling. His haunting voice seemed ripe with hunger to understand her world, and a glimmer of hope began to grow within her. Maybe they could bridge the differences between them. Is that what Gabriel is saying too?
He lifted his hands and stared at them. “The only world my girls and I have ever known was the one I shaped with these two hands.”
Avery clasped her hands over his. “You’re an extraordinary man, Gabriel, but we weren’t meant to do it all alone.”
His head tilted as if he were tuning in to what she’d said. He swallowed hard and began in a voice barely more than a whisper. “Hearing that means more to me than you know. I’ve felt like a failure as a father and a man these past months. Maybe that’s why this is so hard for me. A man needs to feel that he—that he has something to offer. That he’s not coming empty-handed.” Gabriel ran his thumbs over her knuckles, adding a gentle squeeze as he brought his gaze back to meet hers.
“That’s exactly how I felt when I met Paul—childlike and small.”
“Yes.” He cupped his hand along her jaw. “I’ve allowed my world to become so small and shallow, but you’ve opened my eyes. You’ve made me want more.”
“The girls are searching for more too, Gabriel.”
“I know they are.” His expression was soft and love filled. “You can give them what I couldn’t. I know it might get complicated, especially with this thing between Emilia and Wes, but we can do this.”
“Of course, your family can.”
“My family?”
“Yes. Go back to Gina and Emilia and tell them what you’re feeling. You’re everything to them. Whether they want a life with these boys or not, I want them to have this same peace for themselves.”
“Wait . . . wait . . .” Gabriel raised one hand and turned his head to the side as if he were struggling to hear. “You want them . . . to have . . . this peace?” Avery watched his eyes shift from bright, to dim, to dark, as if a cloud passed across the sun, “He released Avery’s other hand and stepped back, a soft huff escaping his lips as his face flushed. “What did you think . . . I meant?” His jaw dropped, leaving his mouth agape. “Of course . . . now I see.” He huffed. “And to think I actually believed you were . . .” He grabbed his head and shook it as a sarcastic chuckle skipped out. “So that’s what this has all been about.” All humor left, leaving his expression dark and anger filled. “Is that it, then?” he asked with cold finality.
Avery’s brow furrowed in wounded confusion. “What do you mean?”
“This little salvation presentation of yours. Do you get points for every sinner who listens to your spiel? Bingo . . . score one more for Avery. Can I assume we’re through?”
Avery gasped and drew a shuddering breath.
“I’ll take that as a yes.” Gabriel turned abruptly and strode away, leaving Avery so distraught that Teddie quickly threw open the atrium doors and came to her.
“What happened?”
Avery stood with her mouth open as her arms wrapped around her quaking frame. “I have no idea.” Then she hurried silently past everyone and upstairs to her room.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Anna Maria Island, Florida, July 6
After Avery pulled herself together, she came downstairs and found George alone in the deck in the same chair he had been in since early morning.
“You don’t look so good, George,” she said as if the earlier events had not occurred.
“It’s kinda like the pot calling the kettle black. Have you looked in a mirror lately?”
Avery ignored him, focusing on his uneaten plate of breakfast. “You didn’t eat.”
“Neither did you.”
“I’m not talking about me. I’m not the one with heart trouble.”
George turned away from her and muttered softly but loud enough for her to hear. “There’s all kinds of heart trouble, now isn’t there?”
“What?”
“Don’t mind me.”
“You’ve been stuck in that chair all morning. Where is everyone?”
“Teddie took Jamie shopping for a baby gift. Brady and Rider rented a pair of them wave runners. Mark and Wes? Well, they took the classifieds and headed out somewhere. As for me, I’ve spent a lifetime racing around in circles, dodging horses’ haunches and dirt. I’ve decided to spend the next few days staring at water for a change.”
Avery shot him a dubious look. “Where’s Luke? They shouldn’t have left you alone.”
“They didn’t.” George pointed to a bump on a blanket on the sand. “That’s Luke.”
Worry crossed Avery’s face as she saw her youngest child alone again, by choice.
“I’d follow my instincts on this one,” George said after noticing her expression.
Avery blew out a rush of air and nodded as she headed down to Luke’s spot. She hadn’t even reached him when his head lifted. “Hi, Mom.” His tone was mellow and anticipatory.
“Hey, buddy,” she said with an overly cheerful smile. “Mind if I sit a minute?”
Luke sat up and moved over without a word. He clasped his hands around his knees and stared off at a boat in the water. Avery didn’t know what to say or where to begin a conversation.
“We haven’t really had any time to talk since you came down. Wanna tell me why you really left Logan?”
Hanging his head, Luke picked up a handful of sand. As it sifted through his fingers, his head began to shake back and forth. “I don’t think I can get into that with you right now.”
Avery’s stomach knotted as she thought back to their previous, vague communications. “Is this about that girl?”
Luke’s head shot around to see her face, and then he bolted to his feet. “I can’t talk about this with you, all right?”
Clearly, he was either irritated or embarrassed—and poised to fight or run. Knowing she was too wrung out to tangle with him, Avery reached for his hand. “I just want to talk, Luke.”
He slipped his hand from hers and said, “I’ve already been through it with Brady.” Then he stormed away.
She sat alone on the blanket long after Luke left, second-guessing herself as she so frequently did these days. If only Paul were here. She wondered if she had simply sacrificed one son for another by coming to Florida, and then Gabriel’s accusations rang in her ears.
* * *
“Remember the first day we met? Remember our conversation by the dumpster? You were crying about missing your husband. You told me you were coming here to heal. You said your family needed to heal.”
“That’s right.”
“So you admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“That even you—who are supposedly armed with all that knowledge and hope—you still suffer, still hurt, still grieve. You fall apart, your kids can’t find their way, and you get angry just like the rest of us.”
* * *
Avery crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knees, allowing her head to fall into her hands. Finally the tears began. She felt a soft hand on her shoulder and looked up into George’s tender face. She started to jump to her feet, alarmed by the toll his walk might have taken on his heart, but he shushed her worries and slowly sat down. He slid a work-strengthened arm around her and moved her head to his shoulder, remaining uncharacteristically quiet.
“I’m just so angry,” Avery finally uttered between sobs.
“I know, honey, I know.” He patted her shoulder.
“I’ve tried to be positive. I’ve even been short with the kids for blaming him, but if he’d only taken better care of himself he’d still be here, and everything would be all right.”
“You don’t know that, Avery. You can’t keep blaming a candy bar for destroying your world. Just because things were fine when Paul was alive doesn’t mean they would have stayed tha
t way if Paul had lived. We can’t see what trials are up ahead. The good Lord can, and we have to trust that no matter how weak we may feel, He knows that with His help, we’re strong enough to handle them.”
Avery sniffed loudly. “But at least Paul would have been here to help me.”
“I’m sure he figured he’d already given you everything he could. Trust him, Avery. I’m sure he trusted you.”
Avery looked at George oddly, as if the concept was not completely foreign to her. “Why did you say that?”
“Because I’ve learned a few things from losing Sophie. I never finished telling you the whole story. Yes, there’s still more I haven’t wanted to share with you, but maybe now’s the time.” He groaned softly, and Avery assumed he was preparing for the pain the recollections would dredge up.
“She was in so much pain at the end. I could see it in her face. She loved Benny Goodman and the other big bands, but when the pain was bad she couldn’t bear the stimulation. Still, she refused the pain medicine because it made her sleep, and she wanted to remain lucid—for me. I’d try playing classical music for her, to soothe her, but it was as if playing Beethoven instead of Benny was just reminder of all she was losing.” His chin dropped to his chest.
“I always kept her medicines in the kitchen and measured each dose myself, but she must have started saving her pills, hiding them in her nightstand. She sent me to the kitchen around dinnertime to warm a bowl of soup for her. I heard Benny Goodman playing in the background, and shortly after I got back to her, she slipped into a coma. The doctors said she hadn’t taken enough to kill herself, but she’d taken triple the prescribed amount, which in her state had evidently been enough for her to slip away. She wanted to enjoy her music. She simply wanted to enjoy a moment of pleasure.”
“A moment of pleasure.” Avery spat the words out bitterly.
“For Sophie it was her music. Maybe for Paul it was something as ridiculous and careless as a couple of candy bars. Sophie hung on through terrible pain for me, making me strong enough to stand on my own. Then she let her guard down a bit and spent a little of her waning time doing something for herself. I don’t believe either of them thought their indulgence was going to take them away from us. They didn’t choose their pleasure over us.”
Avery stared at George. Her anger was subsiding, replaced by sadness.
“You think Paul trusted me, George? Do you think he thought I’d be all right when he was gone?”
“No matter a man’s condition, the one thing we all do is fret about how our loved ones will manage if something happens to us. I bet you women do the same, don’t you?”
Avery nodded numbly.
“Of course, you do. Whether Paul had been sick or not, you can bet your bottom dollar that from day one, he started preparing his little family to be okay just in case something came up. Once you stop being angry with him, you’ll know I’m right.”
Avery didn’t realize it, but she was nodding in agreement. “I’ve been such a fool, George. I had everything—I have everything. Why couldn’t I just be content with what I had—the kids, my work, my friends? Why did I ever—”
“—admit you were lonely? Admit you missed the companionship of a man?”
She gazed at him, blushing slightly before lowering her eyes.
“Two by two, Avery. That’s how we were meant to walk this road. There’s nothing wrong with wanting someone to lean on along the way.” She leaned against him and sniffed, and he patted her cheek. “There, there. No shame in being human.”
“I don’t know where to go from here, George—where to begin.”
George looked over his shoulder at the house. “Start with what presents itself first.”
“Luke.”
“That’d be my guess.”
When they were halfway to the house, Luke met them and used his strong frame to support the older man. He gazed at his mother from time to time as they walked, and Avery hoped he saw a new peace in her face. After they settled George in bed for a nap, Luke waited outside the room for her. His eyes skirted from hers to the floor, blinking at a rapid pace as he spoke.
“I did something stupid, Mom. Things with Sonnet did get a little out of control, but that was just a symptom of the real problem.” His eyes shone, and his lips trembled. “I’ve been struggling . . . for a while now. I think it’s depression.”
Avery’s stomach clenched. He’d been in pain. He’d needed her, and she missed it. She wanted to pull him near and hold him close, but she knew the moment was fragile, and with forced restraint, she laid a hand on his shoulder and let Luke bleed out his pain.
“I didn’t realize what was happening at first. I thought it was normal to feel so dead inside after losing Dad, but Wes and Jamie snapped out of their sadness . . . eventually. You did too, it appears, but I just couldn’t.”
She heard the accusation and figured it had something to do with Gabriel. Another lump formed in her throat. “Oh, Luke. I’m so sorry. You needed me and I failed you.”
“I should have told you.”
Now both hands moved to his shoulders and she leaned in to look straight into his eyes. “How could you? You didn’t know what you were facing.”
Luke dropped his gaze. “Maybe I just didn’t want to admit it.”
“Like me?”
Luke studied her face and then nodded. “I’m a real mess, Mom.”
Avery felt an invitation open, and she closed the gap between them, wrapping her son in her arms. “Dad’s death hit us harder than we could have imagined. I should have insisted we all go to counseling.” Tears slid from her eyes.
Luke pulled back and dropped his gaze again. “I’ve even been angry with you. I can’t explain why. It doesn’t make any sense. “His voice broke. “Can you forgive me?”
Avery framed his face in her hands. “I need your forgiveness. I was in that hole with you, and I didn’t see how badly you were hurting. I just kept marching on. But I hear you now, Luke. I’m back. Got it?” She smiled into his face. “You can lean on me, and we’ll find someone we can talk to. Someone who can help you deal with everything you’re feeling, okay?”
He nodded. “When I was at my lowest point, I remembered a conversation I had with Dad once. I was afraid, and he told me I’d never be alone. I felt as if he was right there with me, telling me that again. Does that sound crazy?”
Avery’s tears started anew. She faltered, but Paul’s steady example was still there. For Luke’s pain, and for hers. She was not alone. None of them were. Paul was still in them in a million memories. “Not at all. You’ve been angry with me, and I’ve been angry with Dad for leaving me. Thanks for reminding me that he’s still close.”
“I feel like everything’s going to be all right now, Mom.”
Avery just held him in her arms and shut her eyes tightly against the tears.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Anna Maria Island, Florida, July 8
Avery knew George was a blessing to her. He’d been her shadow since their talk, hovering close by when the tears started, allowing her to pamper him to distract her mind from her heartache. He was quieter and more mellow throughout the remainder of Teddie and Rider’s visit, even though Rider did his best to draw him into playing checkers or watching baseball together. When he wasn’t in his chair watching the waves, George was hovering near Avery, making sure she was all right.
After the Davises left, George dropped a bit of news on Avery, who was listening to the kids plan a day trip to Disney World as they sat around the table.
“I’m getting a case of cabin fever. I think I’m ready for a field trip.”
“Uh-uh, George. There’s no way you can handle going to Disney World.”
“Who said anything about Disney World? I have a date.”
Avery smiled dubiously at her sly friend. “A date? With whom?”
George snapped his napkin into his lap. “Rita, from church.”
Wes nearly choked on a bite of chicken. “You
’re dating a lady from church?”
“Can’t say it that way,” said George as he picked at his peas. “It’s just a first date.”
Avery wondered what her friend had up his sleeve. “What’s really going on, George?”
“Seems pretty straightforward to me.” He cut another bite of chicken. “You just see an old man sitting here. You forget that George was once a celebrity. Time was I had a beautiful lady on each arm, but you can call her yourself if you like.” George pointed to the phone with his knife, from which a dribble of gravy hung.
Avery felt contrite. “Is she coming to pick you up?”
“She sure is. Around nine. We’re having breakfast together, and then we’re driving over to Coquina Beach to feed the gulls. That’s where her place is. So there’s no need for you to stay behind and babysit me.”
Avery felt sure he was pulling the wool over her eyes. “Is this on the up and up?”
George wiggled his fingers in the direction of the phone until Brady handed it over to him. George dialed a number and started speaking.
“Rita? I just wanted to make sure I had the time right. When are you planning on getting here tomorrow? Uh-huh. Yep. That’s what I thought. Okay. Well, that sounds fine, just fine. Yep. I’ll see you in the morning then. Okay. Bye-bye.”
He handed the phone back to Brady without missing the rhythm of cutting his food. “Satisfied?”
George was quite pleased with the shenanigans he’d pulled on Avery with the phone call, but despite his intrigue, he knew she was still uneasy about leaving for Orlando while he stayed behind. She checked on him three times before walking out the door. The last time, he was sitting on the side of his bed staring at his feet.
A SECOND CHANCE ROMANCE BOXED SET Page 76