“Wait. Is it okay if…if I stay with Kate while you’re out of town?”
“Kate? I thought we were going to ask your grandparents if you could stay with them?”
Mia’s face darkens. “I don’t want to go stay with them. Please? Kate offered when I told her you were going on a business trip.”
“But you barely know her and I don’t know her at all.”
“It’s not like she’s a serial killer, you know. Or, like, a pervert. She’s going to come find you at work on Monday and talk to you about it.”
“Is this what you want, Mia?” She has to admit, Mia’s looking and acting more like a normal human being these days. She’s begun styling her hair and keeping it neat, and she’s been showing up the hospital for six to eight hours a day, every day, like clockwork. She talks to Ellis now. Not a lot, but it’s a drastic improvement from before.
“Yes, it’s what I want. And besides, who’s going to man the library if I have to go back to Windsor?”
“Woman the library.” Ellis takes a final sip of wine and picks up the glass and bottle to take to the kitchen. “All right, I’ll talk to Kate on Monday. But so you know, we’ll need to clear this with your probation officer, because the judge said if I have to leave town, that you’re to stay at your grandparents.”
“What if he says no?”
“I doubt he will. Kate’s a responsible person, and I have no problem with the arrangement. But I’ll have to tell Kate about this.”
Mia’s eyebrows pop into her forehead. “No! You can’t. I don’t want her or anyone at the hospital to know about…you know.”
Ellis sets the glass and empty bottle back down on the coffee table. “Mia, I know you’re embarrassed by what happened. But it is what it is. You screwed up. And guess what? We all do. We all, even Kate, I’ll bet, have done crap in our past that we’re ashamed of. Times where we wish we’d been a better person. Times where we’d done things differently.” Dammit, tears are at the backs of her eyes again, ambushing her.
Mia’s expression softens, as though she knows exactly what Ellis is referring to in her own past.
“Kate and anybody else worth their salt won’t judge you. I promise you that. Now, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Okay. And Ellis?”
“Yes?”
“Thanks.”
“You bet, kid.”
Maybe, Ellis thinks on her way to the kitchen, there’s hope for repairing this relationship with Mia after all.
* * *
Kate takes up a lotus position on the end of Amy’s bed, watching as Amy methodically organizes her suitcase for tomorrow’s trip, starting with shoes on the bottom, then toiletry kit, then socks and underwear and a spare bra, followed by dress shirts and slacks. She’s as OCD about her packing as she is about her instruments, her routine, in the OR. Kate, who knows Amy better than pretty much anyone, is so used to her quirks that she doesn’t comment anymore. She clearly understands that it’s Amy’s way of preparing, of heading off problems before they happen, of reaching the comfort zone she requires in order for her confidence to be at its zenith.
“So you and Erin have had two dates now, huh?” Amy enjoys seeing her friend squirm at the question because it means it’s time to press her on it.
“I refuse to call them dates.” Kate’s studying her nails like they’re the most fascinating things on earth.
“I see. And was there any kissing after these non-dates?”
Kate reaches behind her and pitches a pillow at Amy’s head.
“Ow!”
“Didn’t hurt, you wimp.”
“Oh, I’m a wimp? What about you, too scared to give Erin a kiss?” She makes a smooching noise.
Defiantly, Kate says, “Who said I was afraid to give her a kiss?”
Amy drops the shirt in her hand to study her friend. “Seriously? That’s awesome! I’m so proud of you, girlfriend. It’s about time.”
Kate’s face suddenly crumples, and in seconds she’s crying into her hands. Amy scoots over to her side and throws an arm around her shoulders. “Hey, hey, come on, it’s okay. Erin’s a really wonderful woman, okay? And she sure seems to really like you.”
Kate nods through her tears. “I… It might be too soon, Ames. I’ve never kissed anyone since…Anne.”
“I know, sweetie, I know. But it’s only a kiss and there’s no pressure for anything more, right?”
Kate sniffles, wipes her face with a Kleenex from her pocket. “Erin’s been great. It’s me. I guess I’m feeling guilty. And a little lost.”
“Well, if it helps, I know Anne wanted you to find happiness in your life, to keep moving forward. Remember how many times she told you that? How she made you promise you wouldn’t spend too much time being miserable or lonely or wallowing in self-pity? That you needed to make sure you got out there and enjoyed life?”
It’d been heartbreaking but incredibly brave of Anne to insist that Kate not spend the rest of her life paralyzed by grief. Amy didn’t know if her own spirit would be so wise or so generous under similar circumstances. “Trust me on this, she would not have a problem with you dating Erin.”
After a moment’s hesitation, Kate concedes, abstractedly twirling her wedding band. “I know you’re right. It’s a hell of a lot harder than I thought it would be, that’s all.”
“So go slow. Take a step back if you need to. I’m sure Erin will understand. Have you talked about this with her?”
“Not yet.”
“Talk to her, Hendy. She’ll understand. I’m sure of it. Whatever you do, don’t shut down on her.”
Kate gives her eyes a final wipe. “Fine, but enough about me. What about you? And Ellis Hall?”
Amy forgets to breathe. To stall, she goes back to packing her suitcase. “What do you mean?” She wishes she could stop thinking that everyone knows about her and Ellis’s former fuck buddy relationship. She’s a grown-assed woman of forty—almost—and she can damned well sleep with whomever she wants. It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. She’d probably have caved and confessed to Kate by now if it weren’t for the thorny fact that Ellis is the consultant heading up the hospital’s service review.
“I mean, it kinda sucks that you have to go away with Dragon Lady. You don’t have to share a room with her, do you?” Kate’s far too interested in the answer, as she scoots closer to Amy’s position.
“Of course not. What is this, a high school field trip?”
“Just checking.” Kate gives her a naughty grin full of innuendo. “What happens in Collinsworth stays in Collinsworth?” She lowers her voice. “She’s gay, you know. She was once in a relationship with Mia’s birth mother.”
“So I’ve heard, but believe me, there’s going to be nothing fun about this trip. I’m kind of dreading it, to be honest.”
“Well, look, I’m only kidding when I call her Dragon Lady. She isn’t so bad, you know. I spent some time chatting with her about Mia crashing with me while she’s away. She’s kind of nice…when she’s not trying to pull the rug out from under us, that is.”
“I’ll take that under advisement.” Amy mimes writing in a notebook. “Dragon Lady not so scary away from her job.”
“I would still advise being nice to her. It can’t hurt, right?”
“You really think that being nice to her will spare us when it comes time for her to make her recommendations to the board?” If only it were that simple. After all the orgasms she’s given Ellis, the hospital should most definitely be golden. But Amy’s not counting on miracles or on the power of orgasms.
“Fine, but try not to kill her, at least. That might not look good.”
Amy frowns playfully. “Damn. I guess you have a point.”
“Hey, let’s celebrate your birthday when you get back, okay? I’ll cook dinner and invite Erin too.”
“Sounds great.”
Amy zips up her oversized suitcase. She’s not looking for miracles on this trip. She’s looking to survive it.
Ellis isn’t fooled by Amy’s avoidance tactics. They were supposed to be first class seatmates on the flight from Windsor to Toronto, but Amy couldn’t volunteer fast enough to switch seats with a very pregnant woman who was in coach. After landing, they arrange a car rental because there’s no way they can justify the expense of renting two cars. Ellis can’t wait to see how Amy’s going to avoid talking to her during the two-hour drive.
“You okay to drive?” Amy asks.
Ellis agrees, so Amy tosses her the keys.
“Good. I’ve got a podcast I want to listen to if you don’t mind.” She pulls out ear buds as soon as Ellis starts the car.
All right, that does it. She refuses to let Amy treat her so rudely. “Actually, do you mind skipping your podcast? It’s been a long day so far and I’m a little tired. I wouldn’t mind some company to help keep me alert.” Game, set, and match!
“Well, I guess so,” Amy says, grumpily stuffing the ear buds back in her knapsack. She gets to work programming the address on the GPS unit for their hotel in Collinsworth. Ellis can see on the screen that it says it’s 110 kilometers away.
“Music?” Amy asks hopefully.
“No, thanks.”
Amy settles back in her seat, keeps her head angled away from Ellis and toward the passenger window. To get her talking, Ellis begins going over their itinerary for the next two days. They’ll meet with hospital administrators, heads of departments, and even the town’s mayor for more of a community perspective.
“It’ll be like a working vacation,” Ellis says hopefully, not realizing until now how badly she could use a real vacation. “Don’t you think?”
Amy shrugs. “Vacation? What’s that?”
“I hear you. Which is why I’m looking forward to this.”
Amy glances over, her gaze as sharp as a knife. “Well, I’m not. I have patients that I’ve had to hand over to someone else while I’m away.”
“I’m sure your patients will be fine for a few days. I mean, you must go away to medical conferences periodically, no?”
“As few as I can help. My…parents are on their own and, well, they’re not doing very well. Especially my dad.”
Ellis wants to smile at the sharing of this nugget of personal information, but she can see that Amy is worried. “Are they going to be okay?”
“Yeah, just, you know, issues with aging. I try to do what I can, but they’re sort of resistant to outside help. Which they badly need.”
For the first time since they started on this trip, Ellis notices how exhausted Amy looks. No wonder. She’s got patients to worry about, her parents, this hospital review hanging over her head. She looks so different, so much more worn out, than she looked during those afternoons at the hotel. Ellis recalls how her touch seemed to unlock something in Amy, resulting in what looked an awful lot like completeness, contentedness, or maybe serenity is the word she is looking for. God, I miss you, Amy. I want you to feel those things again when you’re with me.
Ellis doesn’t realize she’s sighed out loud until Amy looks at her pointedly and asks how Mia’s doing.
“Hmm, yes, speaking of being resistant to help. She’s doing much better, thanks to you and Kate. You two have really helped bring her out of her shell.”
“Good. I’m glad she’s starting to find her way. She’s doing great with the library. Takes the book cart around to the patients and their visitors a couple of times a day, plus she staffs the library for anyone who wanders in. She’s even been putting up posters she designed herself encouraging staff and visitors to donate their gently used books.”
It’s a little shocking that Mia is so passionate about books and the library. Shocking too that Ellis is finding things out about Mia secondhand. “You know, I had no idea she was so into books. She’s…a bit of an enigma. At least to me.”
“Kate told me she got on the wrong side of the law? I mean, I hope it’s okay that Kate told me. I’m not judging. We want to help, that’s all.”
“I know. It’s all right. She’s been a bit of a handful the last couple of years for her grandparents. Since her mom died.”
“Oh, I didn’t know. That’s gotta be rough on a kid her age.”
“It is. She was acting out. And she can be pretty sullen and withdrawn, as you probably witnessed. I agreed to take her for the summer, hoping that a change of scene will be good for her. So far, it certainly seems to be.”
Silence fills the car until Amy veers the conversation into a slightly different direction. “So…you and Mia’s mom were together?”
“We were. For three years. Mia was very young when we got together. Not much more than a toddler.”
“I see. So you weren’t together when her mom died?”
“No. We’d been apart seven years. And I’m ashamed to say we didn’t keep in touch very often…holidays, birthdays, that’s about it.” She sent a card and gift to Mia every year for her birthday, Christmas too, but Mia barely responded. Which was not an excuse, Ellis reminds herself. She’s the adult in this equation, and she should have kept in touch more often. But she’s not ready to confess all of that to Amy.
Amy’s eyes survey her in that frank, interested way she has. Not unusual for doctors, but Amy’s astuteness continues to surprise Ellis. “Did Mia factor into your decision to return to the Windsor area?”
“She did. I…wanted to reconnect.” There. Question answered.
The rest of the trip is filled with small talk followed by periods of silence. But it’s progress.
* * *
Amy flops down on the king-sized bed, having stripped down to her T-shirt and boxers. She feels like a day-old rag after the long day of travel, which is also her excuse for rejecting Ellis’s offer of grabbing a late dinner together. They’ve already had more than enough together time today. Any more and it would be weird. The worst of it is she thought she’d successfully erected a wall around her feelings for Ellis. That she’d successfully dismissed their little affair from her mind and from the dusty corners of her heart. Decided, so she thought, that she didn’t care if she spent time with Ellis again because she’s done with Ellis. She’s over whatever it is she had once thought they were edging toward. Over it because she has to be. There’s no question that Ellis holds the match that could burn down everything important in her life—her working life, anyway, which is pretty much everything. How could she possibly live with herself if she let her personal needs take priority over something as important as the hospital? Besides, in a few months, Ellis will be gone, leaving the damage behind without another look back.
And yet…she can’t get Ellis out of her head. Even when she goes out of her way to avoid seeing her, thinking about her, there she is. Ellis is the dream that won’t go away the next morning. Amy keeps seeing her smile. And her eyes—the almost tender way they held Amy after making love. Keeps seeing her hands too, and the sensual, balletic way they move. She sees her body, how it would fit itself around Amy, how it would respond to Amy’s touch. Amy’s raw, animal need for Ellis’s body is like nothing she has ever experienced before. In bed, she and Ellis are pure combustion.
Out of bed, what are they? They’re not friends—an impossibility—given their work relationship. They’re certainly not lovers anymore and can’t be again. But maybe, like Kate says, Ellis isn’t the ogre Amy’s worked her up to be. Maybe she’s kind of…nice. She’s taken in Mia, which she didn’t have to do. And she’s smart, has a sense of humor, possesses a surprisingly charming authenticity for someone with her kind of power. From their conversation in the car earlier, there is much about her that Amy hasn’t even begun to discover. And she wants to, because in spite of everything, she doesn’t hate Ellis. Doesn’t even dislike her, truthfully. And even though it can’t lead to anything further, not anymore, she wants to know Ellis better. She’ll stop, she vows to herself, being such a bitch to her. She’ll stop throwing up so many unnecessary roadblocks to getting to know one another a l
ittle better.
But still. There’s a job to be done on this trip, and she’s not ready to throw Ellis a welcome-to-the-neighborhood party yet. She needs to do her damnedest to insure that Ellis doesn’t conclude that the cutbacks at Soldiers Hospital could easily be applied to Erie Shores Hospital. What works here won’t work at home, Amy knows, and she’ll try to steer Ellis into drawing the same conclusion. Failing that, she’ll have counterpoints to everything Ellis might come up with.
Amy climbs under the covers and turns out her light. Ellis is in the room next door, probably doing the same. Or not. She might be a night owl, for all Amy knows, since she knows so little about her. Well, about her mind, her heart, her past, and her daily habits, but she’s most certainly an expert on Ellis’s body. Ah, yes, her body. Amy hasn’t forgotten any of the luscious details: the long shapely legs, the notch at her hip, the finely trimmed red hair between her legs, breasts firm and round and so eager for Amy’s touch. She can see clearly in her mind’s eye the tender, almost translucent skin at the base of her throat. The spray of faint freckles across her nose, lips that are full and soft and perfect, eyes that are like green jewels rippling beneath the surface of a mountain creek. Ellis Hall is one of the most beautiful women Amy has ever known, and certainly the most beautiful woman she’s ever slept with, hands down.
She misses those afternoons at the hotel. Misses them like crazy. Misses, she almost can’t bear to admit to herself, Ellis.
Chapter Eighteen
The morning’s tour of Soldiers Hospital fails to exhaust or bore Ellis in any way. It’s exhilarating to her, seeing firsthand how things work, especially since this hospital is two years out from implementing massive streamlining to its operations. Everything is clean and new, and the staff seems to be on board, even though the transition couldn’t have been easy. This afternoon there’ll be more meetings for them with staff, but for now, she and Amy are lunching at a popular Thai restaurant downtown with the chief of staff and the hospital’s CEO.
Thursday Afternoons Page 14