by Taylor Ryan
"I'm so sorry. I know that he cared for you—"
Casey heard Shawn cough abruptly next to him, and Casey had to tamp down his desire to correct the nice man's assumptions about the person who tried to kill them.
"—and he was all you had left," Dr. Buratha continued. But then the congenial man eyed Shawn and their entwined hands. "But perhaps you have someone who can help you through this."
Shawn nodded, keeping his face devoid of emotion. Casey focused on the tiny bit of grief tugging at him to keep himself from seeming too relieved at the news his uncle was dead.
"H-how?" Casey finally choked out from his daze.
"Apparently, he had a heart attack while driving into town and crashed into a tree just outside of the village. We all heard it. A couple of people managed to pull him out of the vehicle, and he was clutching at his chest. But by the time I got there, he was already gone. I'm really sorry."
"I—" Casey clutched at Shawn's hand like a lifeline. "Thank you, Dr. Buratha. Especially for taking the time to come tell me personally."
The older man stepped forward to give Casey a consoling embrace. "I know this is a big shock, but you'll be fine, son. It'll take some time, but I know you'll be okay. If you need anything, help with taking care of the house, shopping, whatever, call the clinic. I'll send Akira or Nirali to help you, especially during this tragic time."
"The house?" Casey echoed.
Another sad smile. "Of course, son. Your uncle Thomas made sure to include both you and Martin in his will. Now that Martin is gone... well... I know it'll be hard being here without him, but maybe you could stay somewhere else for a few days. It is your home now, and I know you love it here, but maybe you could use a couple days away from ... you know, the memories."
Casey could only nod. His home. The house was his. But could he ever bring himself to go back in it? Did he want to? "I'll—I'll probably stay over at the cottage with Shawn," he said brokenly, but then quickly added, looking over at Shawn, "If that's alright with you?"
"Of course," Shawn agreed immediately, although they were both sure that the older man wasn't fooled that they were already rather close.
"Good, good." Dr. Buratha nodded. "It'll be better for you not to be alone."
"I'll make sure to keep him company." Shawn smiled reassuringly, stepping in to the conversation as Casey found himself drifting in a daze, stunned by the sudden turn of events—again.
"Yes, I can see that maybe my fears were unfounded."
"What fears?" Casey vaguely heard Shawn ask.
"That poor Casey would be alone, lost out here without his uncle," the older man grinned. While obviously Dr. Buratha was deeply saddened by the loss of Martin Jorss, he seemed happy and relieved that Casey had someone to grieve with. "I'll talk with you tomorrow. What phone should I call, the house or...?"
Shawn immediately stepped forward, offering the man his cell number. "Call this number. I'll make sure you can reach him."
Again, the man smiled broadly, nodding his assent. Casey and Shawn watched as the man climbed back into his little car and drove away. They stood staring at the receding car in silence for several long minutes.
Casey vaguely felt Shawn nudge his shoulder.
"Hey, you okay?"
"Huh?" A wave of dizziness washed over him as he turned to Shawn, and Casey gripped the man's forearm to steady himself.
"Casey?" Shawn's voice verged on alarm, and Casey knew he must look a bit out of it.
Casey found himself suddenly hyperventilating. He's dead... He tried to kill me... He tried to kill Shawn... He wanted to use me... So much. Too much. Can't... think. So much... too much... in just hours... Acceptance... Hope... Betrayal... Pain... Death...
He needed...
Away...
He turned. Eyes focused on the churning blue waters.
"I—" Casey started but couldn't find any more words. He abruptly stumbled towards the path down to the beach. He heard Shawn shouting after him, but he just couldn't breathe anymore. He couldn't focus. He couldn't... he just couldn't—
He nearly slid down the path in his haste to reach the water lapping against the shore.
"Casey! Wait!" He heard Shawn calling after him, but he couldn't stop. He needed the peace he knew was waiting for him beneath the currents; he wanted it all to slip away.
The flip-flops disappeared as he kicked them off in the surf, and he stripped off the shorts and shirt as he splashed through the breakers. He could hear a splash behind him, but nothing mattered except slipping under those waters. The sea would understand. The sea would accept him, hold him, and keep the flood of emotions, the hurt, the ache, at bay.
He dove into the waters, slipping beneath the surface. The silence of the underwater world enveloped him as he flipped his tail and glided through the waters.
Blessed nothing. No uncles, no hate, no fear, no vicious words, no bitter guilt, no loss, no betrayal...
With clenched fists, he didn't even feel the sting of the saltwater on his wounded wrist. He squeezed his eyes shut against the sting of tears trying to fight their way out.
He didn't want to remember his uncle strapping him to a table, wanting to turn him into a lab experiment. His uncle's only concern for his own fame and money as he handed Casey over to a horde of scientists. They probably wouldn't think of him as human, just another animal to study. Oh, God, maybe they would have dissected him.
The one man he'd counted on for years had betrayed him. Had never really cared for him. Had now left him. Everyone always left him.
God, he was so tired of being... abandoned.
His heart nagged at him to focus, to find his way back from the void, the numbness, his brain was sinking into.
Shawn! his heart yelled through the fog of betrayal.
He surfaced suddenly, gasping in air after having stayed submerged for so long.
"Oh, thank God." He heard a voice drifting over the waves. "Casey!"
Shawn. Shawn was here. Still. Shawn... accepted him. Shawn ... loved him. Shawn hadn't left him, had chased after him into the currents, and was swimming towards him.
His mind slowly drained of the fear and grief Martin's betrayal instilled in him, gradually filling with the certainty that Shawn accepted and loved him. That Shawn would never abandon him.
Casey flicked his tail, darting across the waters over to Shawn who was struggling against the current to reach him. Casey still approached him hesitantly, knowing this would be the first time that Shawn would truly see him, see his mer side, without the drama of the storm or nearly drowning.
"Casey?" Shawn called hesitantly, bobbing in the waters. "You had me so scared. I thought..."
Casey covered the last few feet separating them but hovered, waiting to see Shawn's reaction.
Shawn seemed to be searching his face for something, but Casey wasn't sure what. But then Shawn suddenly launched himself at Casey, wrapping him in a tight hug before kissing him fiercely.
"God, don't ever do that again," Shawn snapped. "You had me scared shitless."
Shawn grabbed onto Casey, holding him as if he was going try to drag Casey back to shore. Casey let him lead, flipping his tail to aid their progress. Shawn's arms around him grounded him. This was real. This man really wanted to be with him. But that meant he'd have to feel again...
As they approached the shore, Casey realized his arm was burning with the sting of the saltwater. The numbness that his brain had tried to instill was washing away with Shawn's hands soothing over him. When they were close to shore, Casey felt Shawn's hands sliding over the swell of his tail, pulling him in closer.
"You're so beautiful, Casey," Shawn whispered. "I love you, with or without a tail, because I didn't fall in love with your looks. I fell in love with you." Casey felt Shawn's warm hand press against his chest. "I love what's inside of you, the sweet, caring man that you are."
And with that, the numbing shell cracked.
Casey shifted abruptly and staggered out of the su
rf to the sand. Shawn was right there next to him, worried eyes wide with concern.
"How are you feeling? Are you okay?" Shawn pressed.
"I'm—I'm fine," Casey mumbled, trying to force back the tide of emotions threatening to drown him, but when he took a step, his legs crumbled under him and Shawn scrambled to catch him, managing to grab Casey's shoulders as Casey's knees hit the sand.
"Case!" Shawn dropped to the ground in front of him.
His heart was pounding in his chest as he leaned forward, bracing his hands on the sand in front of him to steady himself.
Strong fingers gripped his shoulders as he heaved in air. God, it felt like he was suffocating. He tried to focus on the hands holding him, fighting through the hurt.
"Casey, come on, babe, breathe," Shawn urged. "I know it's hard, but you need to take some deep breaths for me, okay?"
Casey nodded as Shawn coached him through several deep breaths. As his breathing calmed, he let the emotions he'd held in check in front of the doctor, the ones he'd tried to drown in the ocean, break free. He looked up at Shawn with watery eyes.
"He's really gone," Casey whispered.
Shawn nodded in sympathy. "Yes, you're safe now. He can't hurt you anymore."
"Why?" Casey's voice cracked with misery.
"Why what?" Shawn frowned.
"Why would he hate me so much that he'd want to destroy me like that?" Casey choked on a sob.
Shawn abruptly gripped Casey's face, forcing him to meet those intense blue eyes. "Casey, he was lost and greedy, okay? He took out his pain of losing Thomas on you. He was going to use you. And that wasn't right."
"I just... I just don't understand..." Casey mumbled.
"And you probably never will. He never dealt with Thomas's death obviously, and he retreated into his delusions, his greed and selfishness. Focus on the good memories you have of both your uncles, okay?"
Casey bobbed his head in Shawn's cupped hands before Shawn wrapped him up in a tight embrace. He allowed Shawn's love to wash over him, chasing away the pain Martin had scarred his soul with. Suddenly his heart felt lighter, more hopeful than it had felt in a long time.
"Let's get you back home," Shawn whispered against his ear.
Home. Casey glanced up at the large stone structure that had been his home for fifteen years. But it hadn't really been a home since Thomas passed away, had it? It had been just a house, one he happened to share with Martin. A cage actually.
He looked back up at Shawn. Those strong arms holding him, those dark sapphire eyes etched with worry for him—that was home.
"Yeah. Yeah, let's go home."
Chapter 34—Epilogue
Casey stared blankly out over the water, the boat bobbing gently on the currents. Shawn's arms were wrapped around his waist, his chin propped on Casey's shoulder. It was finally over. Casey was still torn between feeling overwhelming relief that Martin was gone and guilt that he should feel that way.
It had been hard standing next to all those people from the village, listening to their sympathies and their praise of Martin Jorss as such a wonderful man. Dr. Buratha had arranged the memorial service to allow everyone to say their good-byes to the man who had helped take care of them so well. Casey could barely stand to look at the box containing Martin Jorss's ashes on the table amid all the flowers of remembrance.
It had hurt Casey to hear how much Martin had seemed to care for them, when he obviously hadn't felt anything for him. Martin had come across to them as the doting uncle of an anthrophobic nephew. Apparently, Martin had cultivated the image that Casey didn't do well with other people, especially after his short stint trying to help at the clinic. So many were very sympathetic to Casey, keeping a slight distance, which Casey was actually grateful for.
Although Casey was sure most of what the villagers had seen was a front that Martin put on for them, it still didn't help hearing how much they loved Martin and would miss him horribly. Casey felt Shawn practically vibrating next to him ready to explode if he had to continue to listen to them expounding Martin's virtues much longer.
Casey had stoically accepted their comments throughout the service; gripping Shawn's hand had managed to keep him grounded, to keep him from getting lost in the flood of emotions again.
Now they were finally alone hours later, with the box of Martin's ashes clutched tightly in Casey's fingers. He had an eerie sense of déjà vu as he stared out over the waters. He'd been here five years ago holding Thomas's ashes while Martin had driven the boat. But he didn't feel the same overwhelming loss that he had then, just a sense of solace and a bit of sadness, maybe even relief and a sense of freedom.
Neither Casey nor Shawn said anything the entire ride out on the boat. Casey knew Shawn was giving him space, time with his thoughts. But it was time to let go— let go of the false hope he'd had that Martin would ever love him, let go of the hurt of Martin's hateful words, let go of the fear of Martin's collar and the man's control over his life.
"You okay?" Shawn interrupted Casey's thoughts with a gentle squeeze, obviously sensing the tension in Casey's body.
Casey nodded, blinking quickly and allowing just the one tear to escape from the corner of his eye. One tear for the man Thomas had obviously loved, the man Martin used to be.
Casey stepped free of Shawn's comforting embrace to move to the edge of the boat and looked down into the waters. "Uncle Thomas, I know you loved him, and he must have loved you—so much that there wasn't any room left for me. I just want you to know—he did keep me safe for a while, like you asked. But I can't forgive him for what he did to me, to Shawn," Casey spoke softly to the waters. "Maybe he'll be at peace again with you, Uncle Thomas, because he was never at peace with me. I miss you, but I can't say that I will truly miss him."
With that, Casey let go. He dropped the box of Martin Jorss's ashes into the waters with a splash. Casey felt Shawn's firm hand stroking soothingly along his spine as they both watched the dark box sink beneath the currents.
****
Casey rolled over in the bed, feeling the ocean breeze from the open window wash over him, ruffling the sheet pooled at his waist. He was sprawled out on his stomach, arms wrapped around pillows that smelled of Shawn. He let out a contented sigh, reveling in the memory of Shawn's arms wrapped around him, their legs entangled together.
It was a moment he relived every night when Shawn practically shrouded him after they made love. And Casey loved being held. Shawn clutched at him like he was afraid Casey was going to disappear, he even woke up if Casey had to make a midnight trip to the bathroom. It amused Casey to no end, and he basked in the love he felt emanating from the man every day.
A year now. And their lives had settled peacefully into their island home.
Instead of spending much time in the 'big house' other than cleaning out that room and making it basically a vacation home for Shawn's family, they focused on their own home, updating furniture and appliances once they had decided to stay. At first, Casey had insisted that they should go back to the US, so Shawn could be close to his family. But Shawn refused. The island was perfect for them, even if it held some bad memories from the past. They were making new, happier memories every day. The island was safe, serene. Theirs. Home.
Casey stretched, knowing that Shawn was downstairs, allowing Casey to sleep in. Some mornings Casey was up first, heading out for his morning swim, but others Shawn was up early and writing, out on the deck usually.
He finally rolled out of the bed, padding naked to the bathroom. He smiled to himself as he heard Shawn downstairs talking to himself, fussing at the internet connection. Most of the time it was fine, but if a storm was brewing, it could be a little unpredictable. He smirked as he reached in the cabinet. A few minutes later, he headed downstairs to see Shawn sitting on the couch.
****
Shawn glanced at Casey briefly as he heard movement on the stairs, a quick double take at Casey's nakedness momentarily distracting him, before returning to his laptop.
It wasn't unusual for either one of them to wander around in the buff; in fact, Casey usually did in the mornings since he often headed out for a swim after a quick bite to eat. It still didn't stop Shawn from admiring the view.
But today he was surprised when Casey dropped to his knees in front of him, instead of heading to the kitchen, those amazing hands groping his thighs.
"Stop it, Case!" Shawn squirmed under Casey's roving hands. "I need to get this manuscript sent off."
The blond just laughed from his position on the floor and continued sliding his hands up Shawn's shorts. Shawn jerked as fingers curled around his hardening cock, causing the laptop in his lap to be nearly dumped on the floor.
"I thought you were going out for a swim," Shawn growled as he took in the lean naked form crouched in front of him.
"I am. After I'm done here." Casey grinned wickedly.
Shawn finally huffed, closing the computer, and setting it on their new leather couch next to him.
"Fine, you win," Shawn conceded exaggeratedly. As Casey deftly unbuttoned his khakis, he sank into the plush softness of the sofa. It was soooo much more comfortable than the one that had been here when he'd arrived a year ago.
It had taken a few months, but they had slowly managed to get new furniture shipped to their cozy little cottage on their island. They had eventually ventured back into Casey's old house, clearing out the study completely and locking it up. They had donated any medical supplies back to the clinic, and Shawn had carefully gone through the computer and files—deleting and trashing many of the ones detailing studies on Casey. He didn't want anyone to be able to ever get a hold of any of it. Casey kept only a couple items that reminded him of Thomas.
They had considered renting the house out as a vacation home, but so far they hadn't done so. Shawn made enough in royalties that they weren't worried about money, so it wasn't imperative that they sell it or rent it out. Therefore, it currently sat empty. Only Shawn's family had enjoyed it thus far.