She laughs humorlessly and tucks her hair back again.
“Not gonna happen, sweetie. So, here’s what I suggest. You just file this all away in your memories from that time you got to roll around in bed with the hot guy you used to cut out of Teen Beat as a kid, and you move on with your life. Trust me, as soon as we get on that plane headed back to L.A., Christian will forget all about this and you. He did what he came here to do: learn to ski and fuck a willing girl.”
I blink rapidly, letting that settle in. Jesus, Nina is a first-class, grade-A bitch. I’m protective of my brothers, but even I wouldn’t take it this far.
However, she’s also not completely wrong. My life is completely different from Christian’s, and I never truly believed that we could mesh our worlds together.
I hoped, but we never talked about it, not really. There was wishful thinking because we were in our bubble together.
We just enjoyed the days we had together, and I expected to have a few more of them.
It’s just getting cut short, that’s all.
And, oh my, how it hurts.
“What it boils down to,” Nina continues, “is that Christian is a full-time job for everyone around him. You’re a businesswoman, Jenna. If you come to L.A. with him, you’ll have to give up a lot of your life here. Because you know he’s not going to give up his career for you. He simply can’t.”
Christian walks into the unit, and Nina immediately stands, smiling at him.
“I’ll meet you down at the car. We have to leave as soon as possible. Bye, Jenna.”
She leaves, shutting the door behind her, and Christian crosses to me, squats before me, and cups my face.
“I hate that I’m leaving, but we can make this work. You can come down to L.A. right after Christmas. I have to do a premiere appearance, and I’d love to take you as my date. I’ll have dresses brought in and—”
“No,” I interrupt him and kiss his palm, then pull it from my face. “Christian, I won’t be coming to L.A. We never talked about the future, and I always knew that we just had these few weeks together.”
He frowns. “What the hell are you talking about? I love you, Jenna. Of course, I want you to join me in L.A.”
“And then what?” I ask, anger and frustration setting up residence in my chest. I don’t know if I’m angry at Nina or Christian right now. Or if I simply feel like a fool because I let myself believe in the fairy tale. “I follow you around like a lovesick puppy? I have a business here in Montana, Christian. My family is here. My life is here. I can’t just leave all that and go to L.A.”
“I’m not telling you to leave it permanently. I’m not a dick, Jenna. I just need you to meet me halfway here.”
Nina lays on the horn down below, and Christian swears under his breath.
“I know,” I reply with a nod. “You wouldn’t ask me to do that, but that’s what would eventually happen because your job is important, and your life is this big…thing. And that’s not what I want.”
“So what are you saying, Jenna?”
“That it was so wonderful to spend this time with you,” I whisper and lean forward to kiss his lips softly. “And you will forever be written on my heart, but this can’t really go anywhere.”
“Jenna, this is ridiculous.”
“No. It’s not ridiculous. Both of our lives are important, we’ve said that from the beginning. I don’t want to give up my life.”
“For the record,” he says as he leans in, his blue eyes sad and frustrated, “I’m not asking you to give up your life. Not once did I ask you to do that. But if you’d like to walk away, well, I don’t know how to convince you otherwise right now, and I have to go. But, Jenna, this isn’t over.”
He shakes his head and heads to the doorway, then looks back at me before walking out the door and closing it softly behind him—walking right out of my life.
I’m numb, not able to move for long minutes as I hear the car start and pull away from the tree houses. This hurts worse than anything I’ve ever been through. I don’t think I’ve ever known this kind of deep, searing pain. Even the concussion from the accident didn’t hurt like this.
It feels like someone has reached inside my chest and torn out my heart.
I love Christian, and I can’t have him. He was never really mine. He was on loan from his real life, and now he’s gone, and I won’t ever see him again.
Jesus, I won’t ever see him again.
I bury my face in my hands and let the tears come, every one of them hot with grief and pain.
It seems like hours later when there’s a knock on the door.
I walk on numb legs and open it to find a young kid holding hot pizza.
“Hi, Miss Jenna. Here are your pizzas. Hey, are you okay?”
I nod, brushing tears from my cheeks. “Of course. I was chopping onions. Thanks, kiddo. Did you put this on my tab?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
I tip him and turn back into the kitchen.
And now it’s time to get to work.
* * *
It’s been ten days since I last saw his face. Touched him. Made love with him.
Ten long, agonizing days.
I thought it would get better with time, but that hasn’t been the case. I’ve buried myself in work, had Christmas with my brothers a couple of days ago, and now, my friends have insisted that I come back to the land of the living.
I’m meeting Grace, Hannah, and Willa at Dress It Up for coffee and girl-talk before Willa opens for the day.
I’m in charge of picking up the caffeine, so I swing into Drips & Sips and get in line.
“Jenna.”
I turn at the deep voice and am immediately swept up into a big hug. Noah King has been a friend of mine since grade school. He’s sweet, soft-spoken, and owns the birds of prey sanctuary just outside of town.
“Hey, Noah.” I lean back to smile up at him but don’t pull out of his arms. The hug feels nice. “How are you?”
“I’m great.” His brown eyes narrow as he really looks at me. “And you’re sad.”
“I’m not sad at all.”
“Liar.” He lets me go and tucks his hands into his pockets. “Did you have a good Christmas?”
“Oh, yeah, Brad and Max spoiled me a bit with some new fancy shoes.” I wink at him. “I’ll keep them. How about you?”
“I did. You know how big and crazy the King holidays are.”
“You do have a huge family,” I agree as I’m called up to place my order. “It was good to see you, Noah.”
“You too, Jenna. Take care.”
I place our order and hurry down the block in the cold to Willa’s shop. I knock on the glass door, and Willa rushes over to let me in.
“Man, it’s cold outside,” I say, shaking snowflakes out of my hair. Willa takes the coffees from me and sets them on the counter by the cash register. Grace and Hannah both come bouncing out from the back of the store.
“I’m buying these,” Grace announces, holding up a pair of shoes. “I’m fairly certain that I’ll be able to wear them after the pregnancy.”
“I didn’t know we were here to shop,” I say and take a sip of my coffee, then sigh with happiness.
“We always shop,” Grace says with a laugh. “But now we’re here to chat.”
“This is kind of an intervention,” Willa says.
“I know.” I sigh and take my coat off and hang it on the end of a nearby rack. “You guys aren’t exactly stealthy about these things.”
“We love you,” Grace says. “And we’re worried about you.”
“You haven’t said anything about Christian leaving. You’ve just worked yourself into exhaustion,” Hannah adds. “And that’s not healthy.”
“Why did he leave early?” Willa asks. “Did you fight?”
“No.” I sip my coffee. “His mom had a heart attack, and his sister came to fetch him.”
“So you’re still talking to him? Is his mom okay?”
“No
, I’m not still talking to him.” I pace around the shop, unable to stand still. “He wanted me to come to L.A. after Christmas, but I told him no. My life is here, guys. What am I going to do, just follow him around? I can’t do that, I wouldn’t be able to respect myself. So, I told him the truth, that we always knew this had an expiration date, and it arrived earlier than we’d planned.”
“Wow,” Grace says. “And he said fuck that and swept you up into his arms and confessed his undying love and said that he’d make it all work out, right?”
I shake my head no.
“His sister was right. I don’t really know him, I only know what he showed me while he was here. I got to play make believe with the guy I thought was hot when I was a kid and now I have to move on.”
“Wait.” Hannah holds her hand up, stopping me. “Did she actually say that?”
“Pretty much.”
“Was Christian there when she said it?”
“No.” I toss my empty coffee cup into the garbage and immediately wish for more. “He was packing his things so he could go back to his fancy life in L.A. You guys, this is all for the best. I love my life here. This is my home.”
“But you’re in love,” Grace says softly, her eyes full of tears.
“Sometimes, being in love isn’t enough.” I shrug. “And I love you all for being worried about me, but I’m going to be okay. I’m sad, that’s for sure. And I’m a little irritated with myself for falling for him in the first place.”
“Don’t do that,” Willa says, reaching out to take my hand. “Don’t beat yourself up for falling in love. It doesn’t happen often, and it seemed like he was really good to you.”
“He was.” Tears threaten again. “But I just don’t see how something can work between us. We’re from two different universes, you guys. He’s a superstar who lives in a fifteen-thousand-square-foot house in Beverly Hills. He jets all over the world, in a private plane, I might add—”
“Your brother has a private plane,” Hannah interjects. “I’ve been on it. It’s awesome.”
“It’s not mine. And I don’t identify with a lot of Max’s life either. I’m not into designer things. I love pretty shoes, but I couldn’t tell the difference between Chanel and Gucci to save my life.”
“I can help with that,” Willa says with a grin. “I’d be happy to.”
“You know what I’m trying to say.” I sigh, the fight having gone out of me. “I am not celebrity wife material, and Christian deserves that.”
“Seems to me, Christian deserves to be happy with whoever sets his soul on fire,” Grace says with a shrug. “There are celebrities who are married to civilians. Matt Damon and his wife have like a dozen kids.”
“You can hire help with your properties,” Hannah says. “And it’s not like Christian is filming or promoting all the damn time. There’s plenty of time that he’s off and can be here with you. You can follow each other around.”
“I love you guys. I do. So much. But you aren’t going to fix this.” But they do have good points that I’ve considered myself the past couple of days.
But isn’t it too late?
“Well, we tried,” Hannah replies and pulls me in for a big hug. “And we’re always here for you, no matter what.”
“Thank you.”
Once in my car, I check my phone and frown when I see that I missed a text from Christian. It’s simple.
Please talk to me. I miss you.
God, I miss him, too. So much. And I’m not convinced that I did the right thing. I reacted to Nina, and I admit that I was scared of the idea of what life would look like once Christian left. I had gotten so good at living in the moment that I panicked when it came to thinking ahead.
I think it might have been the worst mistake of my life.
* * *
I’m wrapped in blankets on my couch, watching TV and scrolling through social media on my phone.
Cara King posted photos of all of the kiddos on the ranch, and I give it a heart. Man, Zack’s son Seth is growing so fast. He’s as tall as his dad and uncle now, and it looks like he’ll keep growing.
Lauren’s author page is promoting her newest book, which I already have signed and on my shelf. Maybe I’ll read it this weekend. We’re supposed to get a hell of a blizzard, so cuddling up by the fire with one of Lauren’s books sounds like a good idea.
I keep scrolling and then laugh out loud at the picture of Noah King holding an eagle that’s flapping its wings in his face. It was good to see Noah the other day. I tap the laughing icon on his photo, and then the voice on the TV catches my attention.
“—Christian Wolfe and Serena Holmes arrived at the premiere of Tender Graces tonight, looking as in love as ever.”
“That’s right, Meghan, it seems that the media coverage of a short fling with an unknown woman was all just hype because Christian escorted Serena to the premiere, and as you can see, they’re looking pretty cozy.”
“Serena is wearing de la Renta.”
“Man, is she! That blue is just stunning with her eyes. And let’s not overlook how absolutely sexy Christian is in his Armani tuxedo.”
I can’t take my eyes off Christian. He’s smiling for the cameras, his arm around Serena’s waist, and his other hand tucked into his pocket.
He looks so handsome.
My phone rings in my hand.
“Hello?”
“It’s Natalie. Are you watching the red carpet?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, stop it. You know it’s not real. They’re not really a couple at all. I’m calling to fight those voices in your head that are making you question things right now.”
“It’s okay, Nat. It doesn’t matter if it’s real or not. We aren’t together anymore.”
“What? Oh, honey. What happened?”
I’m so sick of this question.
“It just wasn’t going to work,” I reply and turn off the TV. “We’re too different. And I know you’re going to call bullshit because you and Luke have made it work so well, but we aren’t you, Nat.”
“I know you’re not us,” she says softly. “I was just really pulling for you guys. I think you were good for each other. Hold on.”
She takes the phone away from her mouth, but I can hear every word she’s saying.
“She and Christian broke up. She just said it wasn’t going to work. I don’t know.” She comes back on the line. “Luke says he’s sorry, too.”
“You guys are so nice,” I say and brush a tear off my cheek.
“Are you absolutely sure it’s over? Because, frankly, I think you’re being hasty.”
“Oh, yeah.” I laugh humorlessly and reach for a tissue. “I was reminded that I don’t fit in that world.”
“By who?”
“His sister.”
“God save me from overprotective sisters,” she mutters. “Maybe that’s exactly what it was, Jenna. If it came from Nina and not Christian, he may not feel the same way.”
“She wasn’t wrong,” I reply with a shrug. “I’m on the mend. I have plenty to keep me busy.”
“Well, add house hunting to that list because Luke and I are going to buy a place out there so our family can come and vacation. We just fell in love with it.”
I smile, excited at the thought of having Natalie nearby some of the year. “That would be awesome, and I’m happy to help. I’m not an agent, but I have an excellent one. I’ll hook you up, and I’ll check out anything you’re interested in.”
“You’re the best.” Luke says something in the background again. “I have to go. Call if you need anything.”
“Thanks, Nat.” We hang up, and I lean my head back. I’m tired of crying. I’m tired of missing Christian.
I’m just tired.
When will it get better?
Chapter Eighteen
Christian
Ten Days Ago…
“Are you okay?” Nina asks. She’s sitting opposite me in the private jet, and we’re flying away
from Cunningham Falls to L.A.
Away from Jenna.
Everything in me wants to tell the pilot to turn around and get me back there. To pull Jenna into my arms and make her see that we can make this work and she’s the only person I want in my life.
But I can’t forget the cold way she dismissed me. As if she’d shut the emotions off altogether.
If they were real in the first place.
They had to be real, there’s no way I imagined all that.
“Fine.”
“You don’t seem fine. Was your goodbye sad? Aren’t you going to see her again?”
“I don’t know.” I slug down half a bottle of water.
“I’m sorry, Christian. But it’s probably for the best. I mean, your worlds are so different, and California is pretty far from Montana.”
I just nod, wishing my sister would shut the fuck up. I’m quite sure that we could have worked around the geography. And I would have taken the next couple of days to talk to Jenna, to make plans for the future. I was just too selfish with our private little bubble to talk about what would happen after the bubble popped.
And now I’m gone, and she doesn’t want to see me again.
I look out the window to the dark clouds below and bite my lip, ignoring my sister who’s still talking. She’s pulled out her planner and is rattling off my schedule, full of meetings and photo shoots and television appearances.
The full onslaught of promotion is about to start. Ready or not.
“First, we’ll go see Mom, of course,” she says.
“I haven’t seen her in five years.”
“I know.” She sets her planner on her lap and frowns. “I know there are hard feelings there, Chris, but damn it, she could have died. Shouldn’t you let bygones be bygones and try to have a relationship with Mom?”
“Fifteen million dollars,” I murmur, and she grimaces.
“I know.”
“It wasn’t your money, and you weren’t the one she betrayed. I understand and support you wanting to be close with her, Nina. I do. But I don’t have the desire to have the same kind of relationship. So, I’ll stop by and say hello, and then I’m going home to get ready for this press junket.”
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