by Hamel, B. B.
I broke my rule twice. I’m not breaking it again.
5
River
I pretty much don’t see Nicole again for the rest of the preseason.
Well, I see her, but she never comes close to me. She never even meets my gaze.
I run into her once, right after the second game. It was late again, after hours. “Hey, you again,” I said to her. “Still professional?”
She just smiled at me and walked away as fast as she fucking could.
Well, shit.
I’m not gonna sit here and pretend like I don’t have emotions. I’m a human being, after all. I’ve done some fucked-up shit, made stupid decisions, but I’m still flesh and blood.
That shit hurt.
But here’s the thing that separates me from everyone else. Most guys, they’d give up, figure they fucked up somehow, let it go.
Not me, not after what we had in that sauna. Fuck that.
I think about that sauna every single day of that whole preseason. I dream about that shit.
I’ve never tasted a woman like that before. God damn, she was like heaven. Her body was tight and perfect, slick and soaking wet, every moan driving me wild. She teased me and took me and came so hard I think she blacked out.
It was without a doubt the sexiest fucking thing I’ve ever experienced.
And the idea of not having her again… well, that’s not an option.
You don’t just get a taste of heaven then go right back to hell.
So I bide my time. I let her keep her distance.
The preseason goes good. I keep my nose clean, manage to stay out of trouble. I play good for the time Coach lets me play, which isn’t all that much, but it feels good to be out on the field.
And it feels good to know that Nicole’s watching me out there.
The preseason is four weeks long. So from the time we slept together in the sauna until the week before the first game of the regular season is about two months, give or take, and she doesn’t speak to me once.
“I see you still staring at her,” Chet says to me that Tuesday. Our first game is on Saturday and I think everyone’s a little jittery, not sure what to expect.
“Who?” I ask him, playing dumb.
He grins at me. “Coach’s daughter. I see you staring. I think everyone does.”
“Don’t know what you mean.”
“Just face it, man. She’s not into you. We’ve been here for months and you haven’t even talked to her.”
I raise an eyebrow at him but I don’t correct his assumption.
“Just admit it,” he presses. “You’re into her and she’s not into you.”
“I won’t admit shit.”
“You really should,” he says, grinning. “You’re a big fish in a small pond out here, man. You know how much pussy you could get?”
“We’re in Kansas, brother. I don’t want any old Kansas pussy.”
“Girls are beautiful everywhere you go,” he says with a sigh.
I gotta admit, he’s right. But I’m not about to tell him why I’m not interested in the local selection.
We go through practice like normal although Coach takes it easy on everyone. I think he wants us rested and ready for the game Saturday.
I know a lot’s riding on what we do this season. The whole franchise is an experiment and if we fail spectacularly, I doubt Coach will last long in his current position. He needs us to do well just as much as every player on this team needs to do well.
We all have something to prove. Just a bunch of misfits.
I’m thinking about the upcoming game when Coach calls an end early. I hit the showers, get changed, and politely turn down an invitation to hit the clubs.
“Be that way,” Chet says, grinning like he always does. “You work too damn hard. I thought you partied.”
“I used to,” I say with a shrug. He waves and heads out, leaving me alone in the locker room.
I sit on the bench, breathing in the quiet. I like it after hours, after everyone’s gone. I like to think I’m going to run into Nicole again but I haven’t in two months, so I figure she’s actively avoiding me.
I get up and stretch a little, cracking my neck. I’ll head into the weight room first then hit the sauna for a while. Probably think about her sweet, tight pussy wrapped around my cock… and how I’m going to have it again, soon enough.
But I don’t make it that far because a shadow looms into the room, leaning up against the door. I frown and look over, expecting Chet to be there, ready to needle me for not coming. I have a response all ready on the tip of my tongue…
When Nicole frowns at me, glancing down at the floor and back up.
My heart leaps in my chest.
“Hey,” I say. “I didn’t expect you.”
“Hey.” She takes a hesitant step inside. “Are you alone?”
“I’m alone.” I grin at her, my heart beating fast. “If you’re here to be professional, I think—”
She shakes her head quickly. “No. It’s not like that.”
I look at her for a moment then slowly let my smile fade.
There’s something in her expression that’s making me pause. I don’t know what it is, but she’s not here for fun. She’s not even here for work.
It’s something else.
“What’s up?” I ask her softly. “You need to talk?”
“Yeah. We need to talk.” She comes into the room and sits down on a bench. I walk over and sit next to her.
“Are you okay?” I ask her quietly. “Did one of the other guys…?”
She shakes her head wildly. “Oh, god, no, nothing like that.”
I let out a breath. “Shit. Okay. That’s good.”
“Jesus. Who did you think would…?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Guys are assholes. I figured someone was hitting on you a little too aggressively.”
She sighs and stares at the floor. “No. No, not that.”
“So what’s up?”
I look at her as she keeps staring at the floor, working on whatever she wants to say. She’s so beautiful, I can’t stop thinking about her. That beautiful, thick hair, those amazing lips, that incredible figure… she was built for me, everything I like. Petite but not thin, thick where it matters, fit and ready. She’s the kind of woman I could get lost in for a long, long time.
But that look in her eyes…
“I don’t know how to tell you this so I’m just coming out with it,” she says. “And just so you know, I don’t want anything from you, okay?”
My heart basically stops. “What’s going on, Nicole?” I ask her softly.
She finally meets my gaze.
“I’m pregnant.”
I blink rapidly for a second like someone just shined a bright light in my eyes.
“Pregnant?”
“Yeah, I found out about a month ago, I mean, after we, you know, and I’ve been trying to tell you. I just haven’t been able to and it’s been hard but I really wanted you to know. I just think—”
“Slow down,” I say softly. “You’re pregnant?”
She nods once. “I’m pregnant.”
I lean back on the bench. “Okay. Okay. We can deal with this.”
She narrows her eyes. “What do you mean, deal with this?”
“I can take care of you, I can—”
“I’m not getting an abortion.”
I just nod. “I wasn’t suggesting that, honestly. I’m just saying, I can help with whatever you need. I mean, I’m the father, so I’ll step up and—”
“No.” She stands up suddenly and looks down at me. I stare up at her in surprise. “No, River,” she says more gently. “I don’t want you involved at all. I’ll tell my dad…. Well, I don’t know what I’ll tell him. But I’m keeping the baby. This hasn’t been an easy decision, just so you know.”
“My baby,” I say.
She frowns. “Excuse me?”
“My baby,” I say again. “You’re keeping
my baby.”
“You don’t owe me anything,” she says and I can hear the emotion in her voice now. “You don’t, okay? I don’t want anything from you. I’m going to handle this on my own, I just thought… you should know. Just, leave me alone, okay?”
She turns to go. She walks toward the door and I stand up.
“No,” I say.
She looks back at me. “What?”
“No. I’m not leaving you alone. You’re carrying my baby, Nicole. I’m going to help you… take care of you.”
“I don’t want that.” She can barely meet my eyes now. She’s looking back at the floor.
“I don’t care,” I growl. “That’s my child. And you’re…”
“I’m nothing to you,” she says. “Just professional.”
Before I can argue, she turns and runs out of the room.
I stare at the empty doorway. I should run after her but there are still people in the building. Her father might see, and that might make things worse for her.
Pregnant…
Fucking pregnant.
Oh, shit.
I’ve done a lot of shit in my life. Made a lot of mistakes.
Never got my coach’s daughter pregnant before.
Never wanted to take care of a woman or raise a baby, either.
But I guess there’s a first for everything.
As I turn away and sit back down to gather myself, I know my life’s about to change drastically.
And I also know this:
I’m not going to let her down like I’ve let everyone else down in my life. I’m stepping up.
Not just because it’s the right thig to do, to take responsibility for my actions.
But because I want her… and I want this baby.
And nothing’s going to stop me.
6
Nicole
This was not the plan. This is so, so, so far from the plan that I think I can see the plan waving at me in the distance with a sad look on its face as it disappears over the horizon.
I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant. I mean, I’m careful. I don’t date football players. I’ve only ever had sex with one other guy and that was my college boyfriend. We wore condoms, we were safe.
And then I met River and now my entire life is ruined.
God, I hate looking at it that way. A baby should be exciting, right? I’ve always wanted to be a mother, I just wanted to do it on my own terms with a stable husband and my future already locked in place.
I didn’t want to get knocked up by some asshole QB that only thinks about himself.
I’m so stupid. I should’ve made him wear a condom or I should’ve made him pull out or, well, I should’ve just never touched him to begin with.
I’m so, so stupid and now I have to pay the price.
I feel like I’m falling off a cliff. My life is spinning out of control all around me and there’s nothing but solid ground… way in the distance.
If I don’t figure out how to fly soon, I’m going to go splat.
The next day, practice goes like normal. I show up early and run through everything with Dad even though I keep hearing that conversation with River in my head over and over again.
He says he wants to help. He says he wants to step up. But that’s not the kind of man River is. He doesn’t want anything but what’s best for himself… and I can’t have him anywhere near me if I’m going to figure out how to raise a baby all on my own.
“You okay, kiddo?”
I blink and nod to my dad. “Yeah. Fine.”
“You seem distracted.” He grins at me. “Got some big miracle play we can try out?”
I laugh a little bit, trying to keep it light. “Nope, nothing like that.”
“Sure, I bet. Well, you keep thinking about it then. Come on, it’s time to get them working.”
I nod and follow him out onto the field, but my mind really is elsewhere. I just keep thinking about the baby inside of me… the baby growing inside of me.
It’s strange, having a life in my body. One day I’m going to push it out of me and then…
I’ll be responsible for my child.
It’s insane. I’m barely responsible for myself… let alone for a baby.
I manage to make it through the day without embarrassing myself though. Dad doesn’t notice that I’m distracted and none of the other coaches much care. They mostly ignore me or resent me for being around. They know my father listens to me more than any of them and I’m pretty sure it drives them insane.
I’m just some little girl, right? And they’re all big, bad football coaches.
Whatever. I don’t let it get to me. Honestly, nothing can get to me right now, nothing can breach the haze of my world spinning out of control.
I avoid River like the plague. That’s not too hard, if I’m honest with myself. He’s always surrounded by people, always being coached for this or that play, constantly running reps with his receivers. He’s such a big part of this team that he’s never, ever alone.
And I like it that way. I stay on the outskirts and try not to think about what he said…
About taking care of me.
“That’s it!” Dad shouts a couple hours earlier than normal. “Wrap it up!”
Whistles blow and the general chaos of the guys heading into the facility fills the air. I stand aside, leaning up against the fence, watching them filter by. Some of them smile and nod and I smile back.
“Hey there.”
I nearly leap out of my skin. River’s leaning against the other side of the fence, behind and to my left. I didn’t hear him sneak up with all the commotion.
“Hi, River,” I say, trying to keep it casual. We’re surrounded by people so we can’t exactly get into it here.
“How’s it all looking?” he asks with a smile. “You impressed yet?”
“Not exactly.”
“Come on. We’re looking good. I’ve been on enough teams to have a good feeling for this.”
I glance at him. “That’s true. You have been on a lot of teams, haven’t you?”
He laughs off my little dig. “Come on, Coach. You gotta admit, we look strong.”
I smile a little despite myself. I do like being called Coach, even if I’m not technically on the coaching staff.
“We look okay,” I say. “I think our offensive line needs a little shoring up on the weak side, but otherwise…” I shrug and look away. “We could be decent.”
“We could be better than decent.” His voice is close now. He’s leaning against the fence and looking over my shoulder. I think to anyone else he just looks like a guy standing next to me, watching the others filter in…
But him being so close sends a shiver down my spine. This is what I wanted to avoid.
“Look, I should go.”
“We could be great,” he says, his voice almost soft. “I get it, you’re afraid. But you think that’s stopping me?”
“River,” I say, glancing at him. “Not here.”
He smirks, cocking his head. “You’re just going to run away from me. Come off it, Nicole. I get that you hate us players, but you shouldn’t punish our—”
“Don’t say it,” I hiss at him. “Don’t you say it.”
He sighs and nods. “Fine. I won’t say it. But you know what I mean. You don’t need to punish it.”
“I’m not punishing anything.” I look away from him, back to the guys. They’re fewer now as mostly everyone’s inside. My dad is lingering out on the field with his offensive coordinator and a couple position coaches, talking strategy.
“You’re punishing yourself, too,” River says softly. “You know how it felt in that sauna. You remember.”
I refuse to look at him. I don’t think I can handle his gorgeous, sparkling eyes and handsome face right now.
Because I really, really do remember what it was like.
God, I’ve been waking up wet from dreams of it. Just thinking about his hands on my skin has been driving me wild ever since it
happened.
You’d think two months would be long enough to get the memory from my skull but…
I don’t think two years would be enough time. Or two decades.
His hands on my skin, his cock between my legs, his lips on mine… the way my body practically shut down as I came for him.
It was incredible. Honestly, it was the kind of sex I always heard about but never really thought could happen to me.
And then River gave it to me… over and over.
But I can’t do this to myself or to my baby. I can’t trust a guy like River. Sure, he’s saying the right things now, but what about eight months from now? What about when the baby’s here and it’s not sleeping and we’re tired and he wants to go out and have a life but he can’t because we have an infant and—
No, I don’t have to go down this path. I’ve gone down it enough.
“You don’t know what you want, River,” I say to him finally. “You think you do. You know the right thing to say.” I turn and face him, sucking it up and breathing deep. “But at the end of the day you just don’t know what it means.”
He looks hurt. I’m actually a little surprised.
“You really think I’m just some empty asshole, don’t you?”
“History suggests I’m right.”
“Damn,” he says, forcing a smile on his face. “That’s cold.”
“What do you want from me, River? We’re strangers. We work together. We had one night, one mistake, and now we’re moving on.”
“You don’t have to move on or deal with this alone. That’s what I’m trying to say. I want to—”
“Marry me?” I cock my head. “You want to get married right now?”
His eyes flash. “Okay. I’ll marry you right now.”
I laugh but something in his tone makes me think he might be serious, which only confirms that he’s totally insane.
“Come on,” I say. “This isn’t the 1800s. Believe it or not, they let us ladies vote.”
“I’m not being old-fashioned. I meant what I said.”
“Fine, whatever, you meant it. I’m telling you that I mean what I say.”