by A. L. Martin
I kept my head down and went straight to my locker, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. I figured if I kept my head down the better. I should have kept to my original plan when I first started school here. I made my way to my first class, and I glanced up a few times on the way there to see if I could catch a glimpse of Braedon along the way. I swore time stopped the minute the bell rang for classes to start. I acted as if I was taking notes during both classes, even though I couldn’t tell you what either teacher talked about. I kept my eyes on my paper or in my book, so I didn’t have to see the eyes that were staring at me.
I couldn’t stop thinking about Braedon and Blair. I knew she was chasing after him, trying to be there for him, and filing his head with awful things about me. I had to face the fact that I lost him for the simple fact that I wasn’t honest with him about my visions. Then again, he probably would have just left me sooner. Maybe, I should have told him when we first met. It would have saved me all this heartache.
I took my time leaving my last morning class. I wasn’t ready to face the reality of not seeing him waiting for me at the doors. I wrapped my arms around my books as I held them close to my chest. I wanted to avoid the cafeteria altogether, but I knew I had to face my fear head-on. The hallway that held the cafeteria was a few feet in front of me, and I found myself taking smaller steps the closer I got to it.
Chapter 14
“You really don’t want to go in there and eat lunch.”
I stopped in the middle of the hall and turned around to see Kurt standing there, holding up a plastic bag with takeout boxes. I took off running, almost tackling him to the floor.
“Aunt Jenna let me use the truck for today. I thought you could use something good for lunch, instead of crappy school food,” he said, smiling down at me. “Do we have to eat in the cafeteria, or can we go somewhere else and eat?”
“We can eat outside since it’s nice today.”
Kurt always had a way of knowing when I needed him around. I felt a little safer walking outside with him, even though I knew kids would be out there too. I led him over to a table at the corner of the concrete wall. I was so glad Mom let him have access to Dad’s truck. She knew I would need him today. I sat my stuff next to me on the table, while Kurt got out the takeout boxes. I tried to stay focused on watching Kurt, but I could feel everyone staring.
Kurt got us cheeseburgers, fries, and two bottles of water. He sat to the side of me so I wouldn’t be tempted to look over his shoulder at everyone behind him. I took a couple bites of my cheeseburger and ate a few fries, but I wasn’t that hungry. I glanced up and took a quick look around at the kids sitting at the tables, each taking turns looking over at us.
“Karsyn, don’t you pay attention to them. Apparently, their parents never told them that staring was rude!” he yelled, looking over at a group of kids staring and laughing.
“This was a bad idea coming out here,” I said, reaching for my stuff on the table.
“Karsyn, you knew this was going to happen. Either you can go on avoiding people, or show them that it doesn’t bother you. Eventually, they will get tired of staring, pointing, and giggling like idiots.”
“They are pointing?” I asked, lowering my head as I looked around the courtyard.
“No, it was just a figure of speech. What I’m trying to say is, they will get tired of the other things when you show them you don’t care what they do.”
“It’s so hard sometimes. They treat me like I’m from a different planet now. Why can’t they see I’m still the same person I was a few days ago?” I lowered my head even more so my hair would fall to hide the tears.
“I don’t know, Karsyn.”
“I wish I could go home right now. I don’t have the strength to deal with all of this right now. I’m afraid I’m going to fall apart when I see Braedon and he ignores me. I haven’t seen him all day, so he probably didn’t even come to school today.”
“Well, look who decided to grace us with her presence at school today.”
I turned my head to see Blair, Olivia, and the rest of their minion friends trailing behind as they walked up to our table. I wanted to knock her ass out, but I didn’t need to get expelled from school.
“Wow, it hasn’t been 48 hours and you already have a new guy,” Blair tilted her head, her blue eyes piercing through me like a knife.
“I’m Kurt, her cousin.”
“That’s right. You were at Natalia’s party the other night, dressed up as Gaston if I remember correctly. Wow, you look even better without the costume.” Blair smiled.
“Thank you. I must say that I’m glad to be gay. It has saved me from having to mindlessly flirt with a catty bitch.”
Blair glared over at me, while Olivia was behind her, giggling. “How dare you talk to me like that?”
“What’s the matter? Truth hurt your feelings?” Kurt stood up.
“You can’t talk to me like that. I can get you in so much trouble,” Blair crossed her arms.
“Well, I can take Karsyn to the police station and get a restraining order against you. So, since we are done here, I suggest you and your trolls run along now. Or, maybe if you stand here long enough, Karsyn might have one of her visions.”
Olivia grabbed Blair’s arm, pulling her away from our table. Olivia seemed to be a little smarter than Blair, but not by much. I watched them walk back inside to the cafeteria and sit down at a table next to the window. Blair would turn and give us the middle finger every few minutes. I busted out in laughter, spitting my water out all over the table when Kurt blew her a kiss.
“Will you stop! You antagonizing her isn’t helping.”
“What? I’m not doing anything,” he smirked.
“Of course not.”
I had to get to class, so I walked Kurt toward the front of the school. “Thank you,” I said, smiling over at him.
“For what?”
“Coming to have lunch with me today. You didn’t have to come, but you know I needed the company. How do you do that? You always know when someone needs comforting.”
“Not everyone. Just the people I care about and love. I am going to go back to the house and I will see you after school. Remember, Braedon needs time to process everything. As for that girl, she’s a huge bitch that loves drama. You are a much better person than she will ever dream of being. Go, before you are late to class.” He turned around to face the hall. When I turned around to say bye, he was already out the door.
I started off down the hall and noticed the beige floor tiles were starting to take on different shapes. I also realized the staggering was back, which was a classic sign that I was about to have a vision. I moved over toward the right wall and leaned up against it. I was hoping that leaning up against the wall would keep me from falling flat on my face in the middle of the hall.
The halls were empty, which meant I was late to class. I looked to the right down the hall, then slowly turned my head to the left toward the front of the school. I stayed there for a few minutes. Everything around me was going back to its original shape. I moved away from the wall, sliding my foot forward, and saw grass up around the sides of my shoes.
I was determined to find out why I was still having these visions. I looked around the meadow in the direction that I saw the men’s shoe last time. It was still there, so I hurried up and took off running toward it. I was within a couple of steps of the shoe when I found myself back against the wall. What the hell? I need to find out who the shoe belongs to.
Maybe I wasn’t supposed to find out who it belongs to. There had to be a reason why my visions were becoming more frequent. I looked at the time on my phone and headed the opposite way to my last class of the day.
I could see Emerson leaning up against the Jeep when I stepped outside. She was looking at her phone as she was waiting for me. She didn’t see me until I was practically right next to her.
“You didn’t text me today. I take it everything went better than you thought?” she asked,
climbing up in the passenger seat. “I heard Kurt let Blair have it outside in the courtyard.” She giggled.
I started to laugh when the look on Blair’s face popped up in my mind. “Yeah, it was pretty great. The look on her face was the best. I thought I even saw Olivia giggle for a second.”
****
We arrived home about twenty minutes later and saw Mom was home early from work. I guess she wanted to make sure I was okay. We laid our stuff down on the table, then headed into the family room to see if Mom and Kurt were in there. Kurt was on the couch, watching a movie and having some popcorn.
“Hey, Kurt. Where’s Mom?” I asked, grabbing a bottle of water.
“She’s upstairs changing her clothes. Did the rest of your day go okay?” he asked, peeking over the back of the couch.
“Yeah, for the most part. I had a vision right after you left school.” I sat down on the loveseat.
He paused the movie and motioned me to move closer to him. “Another vision, or the same one you’ve been having?” He moved the popcorn bowl out of the way.
I sat down on the couch next to him. “I am still having the same vision, and I don’t know why. This time I keep seeing a guy’s shoe, so that tells me there must be someone else. I don’t know who it could be. Kurt, why do I keep having these visions if I can’t help anyone? What is the purpose of them if all they do is bring heartache and pain? If they could help someone and not cause me trouble, that would be one thing. I don’t want to keep running from this, always moving to different places where no one knows me,” I said, while tears dripped onto my jeans.
Kurt pulled me closer to him. “I wish I had all the answers. There has to be a reason for all of this, and I’m sure that reason will be here soon. I’m sorry that Braedon wasn’t smart enough to see all the other great qualities. I know it hurts, but there is a guy out there that will be able to look past your visions and love you the way you deserve to be. I know you have been trying to block out your visions for a while now. Maybe if you let them happen naturally, you will be able to figure out what this one means sooner. When do you notice them here lately? Is there anything that could be triggering them? Maybe if you figure out what could be triggering them, you can focus on that.”
“I don’t know. What if it doesn’t work?”
“Maybe you aren’t allowing yourself to see the full vision. I know you can’t control that part, but then again, what if you can control that part? You’ve been so busy with trying to keep your visions a secret from people. Accept who you are, and you might be able to see more than just bits and pieces.”
“Yeah. How can I accept who I am when people are scared of me?”
“I’m not a philosopher or anything, but how can anyone get to know the real you when you are constantly trying to hide your visions instead of being honest about them? Promise me you will think about it,” he smiled, giving me a hug.
“I promise. I don’t know if it will help anything though.”
Kurt went back to watching his movie while I went upstairs to change my clothes and get started on my homework. I found myself thinking about what Kurt told me downstairs, about not hiding my visions from people anymore. I knew I didn’t want to keep moving where people didn’t know me. I flopped my book back on my bed, propped my pillows up against the headboard, and then scooted to the middle of the bed. I put my phone on my nightstand and stared at it for a minute in hopes a message from Braedon would pop up.
****
Emerson was yelling at me that we were going to be late for school, but I didn’t care if I was late or not. “Karsyn! Come on! I want to talk to Allison before school starts,” Emerson yelled through my bedroom door.
I took one last look in my mirror, even though I didn’t care what I looked like today. I didn’t even put on my makeup and threw my hair up in a crappy looking bun. There was no reason to look good anymore. Braedon hated me, and there was no one else I wanted to be with.
“What the hell, Karsyn? You look like shit,” Emerson said, raising her eyebrow as she took a long hard look at me.
“I thought you were wanting to get to school.” I walked down the stairs and out the door.
****
Time seemed to come to a complete standstill once we got to school. The staring and finger-pointing weren’t making things any better either. All I wanted to do at that point was to go home and stay hidden in my room forever.
I was hoping my last morning class would go slower than normal, but the joke was on me today. When the bell rang, I got up and gathered up my things as slowly as possible without having the teacher ask me if something was wrong. I made my way to the cafeteria, and my heart sank when I turned the last corner and saw the empty space where Braedon used to stand and wait for me. I took a deep breath and opened the cafeteria doors. The minute I stepped inside, all eyes were on me. I eased my way to the salad bar, trying not to make eye contact with anyone. I happened to look up for a second, and my eyes met Braedon’s He was sitting with Tyler and a couple other friends. He looked so good in his button-down shirt and jeans. Before I had a chance to decide what to do next, Braedon was hallway out the cafeteria doors. I turned to leave and caught a glimpse of Sophie, alone at our usual table.
The rest of the week was basically a repeat of Wednesday. Each time I ran into Braedon he would stare at me for a few minutes and then walk out of the cafeteria. On his way out the doors, he would look at me out the corner of his eye as he rushed past. Sophie would sit alone at our table, avoiding me any way she could.
I was never so glad for the last bell to ring Friday afternoon. I knew Kurt would keep me busy during the weekend so I wouldn’t be able to sit alone in my room, thinking about Braedon.
Monday came around quicker than I had hoped it would. I got up a little earlier than I had last week, and even put my makeup on. I grabbed a pair of ripped jeans, a sweater, and ankle boots.
“You look good today,” Emerson said, walking into my bedroom.
“Thanks. What are you doing?” I asked, looking at Emerson going through my closet.
“Can I borrow a shirt for today?”
“Sure. Not like I have a choice.”
“Thanks, Karsyn. I will be ready in about ten minutes,” she said, hurrying out the door back to her room.
I ran my fingers down the picture of me and Rylee taken the last summer we got to spend together, then grabbed my book bag and went downstairs to wait for Emerson. She came out of her bedroom by the time I got to the bottom of the stairs. We didn’t have time for breakfast, so I told her we would get some Starbucks on the way to school. We yelled goodbye to our parents and ran out the door.
I started clutching the steering wheel the minute I pulled into the school parking lot. I could feel eyes on us as we made our way to a parking space.
“Allison is headed our way. She wants to walk with us,” Emerson said, sipping on her iced coffee.
I was glad for Emerson’s sake that her good friend Allison wasn’t scared of me. I didn’t want her to lose any friends on account of me.
Lunchtime was here before I knew it, which meant Braedon would leave the cafeteria the minute I walked through the doors. Each day the walk to the cafeteria got more and more difficult because I knew he wouldn’t be there waiting for me as I made my way around the last corner. I walked into the cafeteria, and I made a quick glance over the room. I was getting better at not making eye contact with anyone. When Tyler’s table caught my eye for longer than a brief second, I noticed Braedon wasn’t with Tyler and the rest of their friends. I slowly walked in the direction of the salad bar, my heart pounding in my chest as I glanced over at Blair’s table in fear. Braedon was with her.
****
The rest of the day went by pretty quickly. After the last bell of the day, I managed to slip out one of the side doors to avoid Blair and her friends. It was out of my way, but if it saved me from dealing with her, then it was worth the extra work.
Emerson was waiting next to the Jeep
talking to Allison when I walked up. They both asked me if Allison could come over for a little bit to work on homework. I told them I didn’t care, as long as it was okay with Allison’s parents.
“Karsyn, don’t worry. I haven’t told my parents about your visions,” Allison said, climbing in the backseat.
“Thanks, Allison.”
I enjoyed listening to Emerson and Allison talk about friends, boys, and gossip on the way home. I missed talking to Sophie and Alexina.
I didn’t talk much during dinner and went straight upstairs afterward to start on my homework. Homework was about the only thing that kept my mind busy enough so I wouldn’t think about Braedon. I had to face the harsh reality that he wasn’t going to ever forgive me for lying to him.
“Kurt told me I could go ahead and come up here. I hope that is okay?”
I sat there, frozen, looking down at my homework scattered on top of my comforter. I slowly raised my head, my hand clutching my mechanical pencil, and glanced over at my door. Braedon was standing there in my doorway in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt.
“What are you doing here, Braedon?” I turned toward him. I wanted to jump up and give him the biggest kiss. I was really confused as to why he was standing in my doorway, but I didn’t want to bombard him with a lot of questions all at once. I, on the other hand, was about to be faced with endless questions about what I told him last week. What Kurt told me about being honest popped in my mind, and I was going to try and take his advice.
“I’m sorry for just dropping by like this. Maybe I shouldn’t have come by,” he turned to head out my door.