* * *
The doctor knocks on the door and smiles as he looks at the two of us. “Good, you’re both here. I’d like to do another ultrasound, make sure that things with the baby are okay, and if they are, we can start discussing getting you out of here.”
It feels as though the sun is shining for the first time since I opened my eyes. I can see my bean and then hopefully go home.
“Really?” Declan’s voice rises with excitement. “We can see him?”
He missed the first one. Where I was able to see this precious life in my womb.
“Yup,” he says with a grin. “I put the order in and you guys should have someone come get you very soon.”
Declan’s fingers entwine with mine, and he stands as the doctor leaves. “I missed it.”
“Missed what?”
He looks at me, regret and shame in his green eyes. “The first one, when it mattered.”
We have always faced adversity. Nothing in our relationship or lives has come easily, I’ve seen that, but there is little that can be done about what happened. He’s here now. He loves me, and I have to find a way to trust that.
The choice is either dwell on what we haven’t had or forge a new path.
I think about Declan’s motto.
I know it because each time we went to his house, we recited it.
I like to think that Elizabeth Arrowood was magical. She knew what each of her sons needed in a way that still blows my mind. It was as though she peeked into their souls, saw the flaws, and tried to help them right their course.
Connor needed to take chances. Sean needs to learn that it is the shot that counts, and Jacob has to learn to adapt. Their mother somehow knew Declan had to screw it all up in order to make it right the second time around.
Which is what this is.
“Yeah, this is our second chance to see our son … together.”
Declan sits beside the bed, tightening his grip. I can see that he wants to say something, and then, I gasp as I feel the strangest sensation. “Oh!” My hands rest on my belly, and the entirety of my focus is on waiting to see if I feel it again. It’s not the light flutters that Ellie talked about, it’s much stronger and there’s no denying what that was.
Declan jumps to his feet, eyes concerned as he moves closer to me. “What’s wrong?”
My heart feels lighter than it has been in weeks. It’s beating with a flurry of emotions—joy and hope and happiness and contentment. “I … I just felt the baby.”
He rests his hand tenderly on my stomach. We both stay still, watching each other as we wait for something—anything—to happen. I move his hand to the area where I felt it last and hold his wrist. A few moments pass, and I will our son to move again, to show his father that he’s okay.
Neither of us so much as makes a sound, and then I feel it once more. “Did you feel that?”
He looks to me. His eyes are filled with wonder and the biggest smile paints his face. “Our baby. That tiny nudge?”
“That was him.”
“He’s strong.”
My vision blurs behind unshed tears. “He is.”
Here in the hospital room where so much has happened, Declan and I share a moment so beautiful that I know I’ll never forget it.
“I love you, Sydney.”
“I love you, too.”
And I do. I always have. To tell him otherwise or omit it would be a lie. While I don’t know that we will be able to weather the storm, I know that I can’t go out in it alone. Declan is who I want to be my shelter.
He and I move at the same time, and his hands cradle my face as mine rest against his chest. I can feel the steady thrum of his heartbeat as he kisses me reverently. There’s passion, which has never been something we lacked, but this time, there’s something so much deeper. There’s love, understanding, and acceptance that passes between us.
We’ve been through so much, and somehow, we’re here right now. I’d be the fool my people have said I am if I weren’t able to see it.
He poured his heart out to me earlier, and I may not trust it fully, but I know it’s true.
He deepens the kiss a little, and I surrender to him. Not only am I too weak to fight against the feelings inside, but I also have no desire to. I love him.
“Well, if this isn’t a sight I never wanted to see again.” Sean’s voice breaks the moment.
Heat creeps up on my cheeks, and I look away. “You’re a sight I wish I wasn’t looking at right now,” Declan says.
“Much easier to maul Sydney without an audience?”
I roll my eyes. “Hello, Sean,” I say, wanting to break up this fight before it happens.
He smiles at me and then enters the room. “Syd, it’s good to see you awake. I was worried.”
Declan gets up and hugs his brother. “What are you doing here? Don’t you have a game to play since your injury was nothing?”
“I do. We have a series here in Philly.” He winks at me. “Some fan my brother is, huh? He didn’t even know I was in town. Jackass.”
“I’ve been a little preoccupied,” Declan defends.
“You know, making sure I didn’t die and take his unborn child with me,” I say with a grin. “Baseball must have slipped his mind, I guess.”
Sean shrugs. “I guess that’s a good enough reason.”
I laugh. “Thank you for coming.”
He scoffs. “Please, I find out you’re carrying my newest nephew, which reminds me that I need to have a talk with two of my brothers about safe sex, and you thought I wouldn’t come?”
I laugh and then feel comfort from his embrace. Sean sits in the chair that Declan was in and takes my hand. “How are you?”
Declan and I fill him in on all the medical stuff, tell him that we’re waiting for another ultrasound, and then let him know that I’ll likely be discharged. He smiles as I tell him how much I’ve improved. I went from barely keeping my eyes open to staying awake for hours at a time now. I can walk, but I’m still very shaky on my feet. If I want to get up, I have to have someone here to help.
It’s incredibly irritating since I’ve never been dependent on anyone. I’ve run my farm, business, and been a damn volunteer without needing someone to take care of me. Now, I can’t even pee without sounding the alarm.
I, for one, can’t wait for the physical therapy to be over so I can go back to some sort of normal.
“You left me in the parking garage?” Devney huffs as she appears in the doorway.
“Dev,” I say with a smile.
Her eyes meet mine, and her scowl fades away. “You have some explaining to do too, but for now,” her voice softens, “I’m just so damn happy to see you.”
I open my arms, and she rushes forward, shoving Sean aside as she passes him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m more angry I didn’t figure it out. You’re pregnant and … with an Arrowood baby, no less. You should’ve told me, Syd. I would’ve helped you.”
“I know, and I was planning to. I just felt that Declan should be the next person to know.”
She looks at him and then back to me. “I get it. We all have our secrets I guess. Are you okay?”
“Of course she’s okay,” Sean breaks in. “She just had her tongue down Declan’s throat.”
Devney turns to Sean and huffs. “You’re an ass.”
“You love my ass.”
She rolls her eyes and turns back to me. “This is what I get for agreeing to pick him up and bring him to see you.”
One day, the two of them are going to realize just how perfect they are for each other, and then we are all going to be in trouble.
“I’m really sorry you both found out this way. I swear, it … it just all got away from me.”
Declan stands beside me, hand on my shoulder. “Nothing is going to get away from you now.”
Devney’s eyes twinkle, and her grin grows. “Does this mean you two have finally gotten your heads out of your asses and are back
together?”
Are we? I know he loves me and wants a future, and it’s all I’ve wanted as well, but this is all … scary.
The man I thought abandoned me is at my side.
The baby I thought I might lose is safe.
And I’m not sure I’m really living in my current reality or if something insane has happened.
I open my mouth to say yes, but Dec speaks before I do. “It means that Syd and I have a lot to figure out, but I love her and she knows that. What we do from there is between us.”
Well, isn’t he just my knight in shining armor? I look up to him and grin. “That was very lawyerly of you.”
“What was?”
“The way you handled them.”
Declan chuckles. “I know how to manage people.”
Sean snorts. “This kid is doomed with the two of you.”
Maybe he is, but there’s no one else I would want to have a child with. I look at Declan, wondering if he feels the same way.
His eyes meet mine and then he leans down and gives me a kiss. “I think the three of us are going to find a way to make it work.”
“You do?”
He nods.
Sean throws his arm over Devney’s shoulders and chuckles. “You owe me fifty bucks.”
Both of us turn to look at him. “For what?”
“I bet Devney that he finally figured out how much he loved you and was willing to put the past where it belongs.” Sean walks to Declan with a grin. “It’s good to see it finally happened.”
Declan punches his brother in the shoulder playfully. “Yeah, I think it’s time we all face issues we’ve been pretending didn’t exist.”
I note the subtle jab at Sean’s denial and lie back against the pillow. I gained a lot during the week I was sleeping. I got back the family I missed.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Declan
“I’m staying until I know you can go down the stairs without breaking your neck,” I tell her as she tries, once again, to get me to leave.
This is her new favorite thing. Push me away, try to get me to go, and then cave when I refuse.
“I’m fine.”
She isn’t fine. She isn’t even close to fine, but reminding her of that only pisses her off more. “I know you are.”
Sydney’s eyes narrow. “You know I don’t believe you.”
I smirk. “I do.”
She left the hospital two days ago, but her balance is still a bit off and she tires very easily. I found her earlier this morning, as she tried to get to her room on the second level, sitting on the stairs panting and pale. That was the last straw. Ellie came over and sat with her while I packed my shit and brought it here.
It definitely is not the way I planned to get her to agree to us living together, but anything works for me at this point.
“You can’t just move in here, Dec,” Syd tries to reason with me again.
She’s nicely tucked into bed, and I have my laptop on my lap so I can do some work while I supervise her. “I’ll officially own the house in two days, so I sort of can.”
Her jaw drops. I guess she forgot about that one. “And where am I going once the transaction is complete?”
“Nowhere.”
If I have my way, neither of us will be going anywhere and this will be our permanent residence.
“Am I your hostage?”
“I’d prefer the title of wife.”
Sydney’s eyes widen and then she tosses a pillow at me. “You know, when you say shit like that, you make it really hard to remember I’m supposed to be upset with you!”
I hoped that would be her reaction, but I never know. I put the laptop aside and make my way over to the bed. “Does it help when I tell you how much I love you? Or how beautiful you are? Or how much I want to kiss you?”
She shakes her head. “No.”
“What about if I were to do it now?”
“Do what?” Her voice is soft and there’s a slight tremble in it.
“Kiss you.”
Sydney’s gaze turns molten, and she smiles. “Is that what you want?”
If she only knew. “More than anything.”
I hesitate, not because I don’t want to kiss her—hell, I want nothing more—but because I want her to choose me. I want Sydney to see that, while I’m the same guy I was when I showed up here months ago, there’s something different inside me. Maybe it’s because I’ve found some way to let go of the past.
My father was a bastard, there’s nothing that will ever change that, but I don’t have to be him.
I can be my own man. One who’s worthy of the woman before him. I have a lot of healing left to do, and I’d be a liar if I didn’t think there would be times I’d doubt myself, but for her, I’ll push.
I’ll fight to be the man she believes me to be.
“Sydney,” I say as our lips brush.
I can feel her breath mingling with mine. “Yes?”
“Tell me you forgive me.”
Her hand lifts to my cheek, and she rubs her thumb softly against the scruff on my face. “I have loved you my entire life, Declan Arrowood. I never stopped, and I don’t know if I ever could.”
I kiss her tenderly and then pull back. “But do you forgive me?”
When Sydney looks at me, the vulnerability in her expression would drop me to my knees if I weren’t already sitting. I see the fear swirling in those blue eyes. “Will you leave me again?”
“No.”
She sighs.
Unable to resist the sweet sound, I kiss her again.
I kiss her as though the world around us can crumble because I have everything I need right here. Sydney is what I fought for through all the hell I’ve endured in my life. She’s the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and God help me, but I want her.
Her hands snake around my neck, and she pulls me tighter. I smooth my thumbs against the soft feel of her skin and send another round of thanks to whoever answered my prayers.
“Uncle Declan! Aunt Sydney!”
I freeze, and Sydney pulls back. “What is it with my family and their timing?” I say quietly, but Syd laughs.
“Hey, Hadley,” Sydney says around me to my niece.
“Mommy and Daddy are parking the car, and they said I should come in here and make sure you were okay. Are you okay? Was Uncle Declan and you kissing?”
I turn to her and shake my head. “What do you know about kissing?”
“Umm, I’m eight years old. I’m almost a teenager, and … I watch YouTube.”
Great. “You should be playing with dolls.”
“Well, she could be riding a horse, but her uncle hasn’t gotten it for her yet,” Sydney adds on.
I give her a playful glare.
“Yes! I need my horse, Uncle Declan.”
The women in my life are trying to kill me. But, I did promise her one, and I know it’ll piss my brother off, which is always an added benefit.
“How about we go visit Devney’s parents this weekend and see what they have?” I offer.
Devney’s parents run a farm that has horses and other animals in need of new homes, and they always have options for newer riders since the horse I was looking at from the Hennington farm still isn’t ready for her. Maybe she is going to end up with two freaking horses.
“You mean it?” Hadley asks, her green eyes bright and hopeful.
“I mean it.”
“What do you mean?” Connor asks as he enters the room.
“You’re getting a horse!” Sydney tells him, ruining my moment of joy.
“I’m going to have a brother or sister and a horse! It’s the best day ever!” Hadley yells and then launches herself at me.
I catch her, pulling her into my arms and laughing.
Yes, it really is the best day ever. I have everything going my way.
“Declan?” Sydney’s voice is quiet in the dark as she pokes me in the chest.
I sit up, alarmed that she’s waking me. “Is e
verything okay?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Are you sleeping?”
I look over at the clock sitting on the side next to the recliner I’m in. It’s two in the morning. “Not anymore.”
“Good. I wanted to talk.”
I rub my hand over my face and try to shake off the drowsiness. “Now?”
“Well, I figured now was as good a time as any.” Sydney stands in front of me, hands on her hips.
Yeah, that makes total sense. “Okay.”
“Why do you want a relationship now? What’s changed? Why didn’t you realize how much you wanted this before the possible death thing? Also, why the fuck did you buy my farm?”
That’s a lot of questions, and my brain isn’t really working, but even in my half-asleep haze, I know I have to answer this without pause.
“Because I realize that my life is complete shit without you. What has changed is me? I’ve stopped trying to think I know better than you. You said you love me and want me in your life, and I’m really too exhausted to pretend that isn’t what I want too.” She doesn’t say anything, so I continue, hoping I don’t fuck this up. “As for why it took me so long? Well, it really didn’t. It just took me a while to be able to accept it. I knew the minute I saw you again at the pond that I had never gotten over you and that I was still hopelessly in love with you, but didn’t want to hurt you. As for your farm, I bought it because you wanted it.”
She’s still quiet, and the fear I had about fucking it up is growing. “It’s millions of dollars.”
“It’s a good thing I have a really good job then.”
“Declan.”
“Sydney.”
She huffs. “I don’t know how you did it.”
“I got the cash from my company line of credit and sold my apartment. Well, I’m selling it this week. I should accept the offer I got yesterday.”
“You what?” she yells.
Here’s where I had to really hedge my bets. “I’m not going back to New York. I am selling my apartment, so the options are either to live with you or in that tiny fucking house thing on my farm. And just so you know, I really hate that goddamn thing.” I get to my feet and take her face in my hands. “I’d much rather be with you.”
Fight for Me Page 23