Hope’s laughter joined mine. “Clearly. Unlike you, right?”
“Absolutely.” I gave her my innocent smile, dimples flashing. Not that she bought it judging by the eyeroll I got in response.
“Still that’s nice that you all had each other’s backs.”
I snorted. “After that night, it was a long while before I had Nathan’s back. Fucker should’ve told me he stole the decorations. And then I would’ve told him he should’ve worn black clothes and not a fucking white t-shirt. Idiot.”
Hope laughed as she twirled her fork through the black bean salad on her plate. Despite her earlier nausea, she’d eaten most of the dinner I’d made her and had enjoyed my stories, but there was a pensive look on her face now. I remembered her words about not fitting in with her family and spending more time in daycare and at the Boys and Girls Club than with her mom. I couldn’t imagine not having my crew of partners in crime. “What was it like for you growing up?”
Hope made a face and shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s weird to talk about, you know? It’s all I knew. I had a mom who loved me, yet I didn’t see much of her. When I figured out that other kids had dads but I didn’t, my mom told me he’d died. Christ, I was four. I didn’t even know what that meant. I don’t know. It was what it was. I just… I want better for our kid. I want to be there for my kid.”
I nodded in encouragement but Hope didn’t notice. She was too busy staring down at her plate, tracing her fork through the lime juice and olive oil I’d used to toss the black bean salad.
“It didn’t even occur to me until I moved here that my mom clearly has a type. But all the men my mom dated were…rough. She didn’t bring many of them home until Cal, but the few I met were all biker kinda guys like my dad. Cal, my stepdad, looks like a freaking Viking with his muscles and mohawk and rings. He is going to shit a brick when I tell him. I might be more scared for him to find out I’m pregnant than my mom.”
A chill swept over me. Did that mean… “Has he ever put his hands on you?”
Hope looked up with a horrified expression. “God no. I didn’t mean that. He’s just… He’s never been the warmest man. Even with his own son, he’s distant, I guess? I can see that now. I’m not sure how to describe it. He’s brusque, short-tempered, but it’s all verbal. He’s never touched me. Heck, I don’t think he’s ever hugged me. But sometimes he has this way of making me feel really small. Kinda like how my dad made me feel after he found out about you and me.” Tears sheened her eyes as she gave me the saddest smile. “Anyways enough about my pitiful life. What’s going on with you? Tell me about your TV show. When does that start?”
I let her steer the conversation away from the painful topic of her family, but it was in the back of my mind as we discussed the upcoming filming and I asked her a few questions about her job. Now that I knew more about her childhood, it was kinda poetic that she’d made a career for herself with an after-school program—sort of like going into the family business.
I cleared my throat. “We’re having a celebration dinner this weekend at Austin’s house. I guess all the paperwork for filming is finally finalized. Dylan thinks Austin just wants an excuse to throw a party. But uh, I’d like it if you would go with me.”
“Dinner? With your family?” Hope’s eyes widened. “Do you think that’s a good move? I mean, this early?”
“It’s not like it’s a formal dinner. More like a barbeque. Or a kegger. There will be so many people there, I swear it won’t even register as a meet-the-family thing.”
Hope chewed on her bottom lip and didn’t say anything.
Shit, I was screwing this up. “Is it too soon? It’s too soon isn’t it? It’s fine. We can go to a movie or something else. You wanted to take this slow, right? I can do slow.”
“Ryan, stop. It’s fine. I just…” She shrugged. “Sure, it’s a little fast, but apparently that’s how we’re doing this. We’ve slept together. I’m pregnant with your baby. We’re having our kinda first date now. It’s not like we’ve done any of this in the right order. Why not meet your family? I’ve already met Dylan. What’s two or three more?”
“Technically five.” I ticked off the members of my family on my fingers. “Aunt Wendy. My cousin, Sabrina. Nathan. Austin. And Rachel. So five.”
Hope had gone back to gnawing at her lip again.
“But there’ll be other people there. Six! I forgot Rachel’s son, Wyatt. He’s a cute kid.”
Hope still didn’t look convinced.
“I don’t want to pressure you. If you’re not ready for it, that’s fine. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet my family. But I think you’d like them, especially Aunt Wendy. She has a more-the-merrier kinda vibe—always the life of the party—and she was a pretty awesome mom. I don’t remember mine, so she’s all I’ve known. You said you never felt like you fit in your family, and I want you to know that you’ll always have a place in mine.”
Tears welled in Hope’s eyes and she covered her mouth with a hand. “Oh my god.”
Fuck, I went over the top again. I was really bad at this relationship shit.
“That is the sweetest thing I think I’ve ever heard.” Hope swiped at her eyes. “Sorry. I’m not usually this tearful, but it’s been kinda a day, you know. But thank you, Ryan. I think now I have to come to dinner with your family.”
I laughed a little uncomfortably. I’d never brought a woman to tears over a dinner invite before. “With that buildup, how can you not?”
Now I just hoped that we lived up to the hype.
“And thank you for dinner. It was wonderful.” She smiled and all my unease fell away.
I’d whip my brothers into shape if it meant that Hope looked at me like that again. Fuck, I could climb Mount Whitney at that moment. It took everything inside me to stay on my side of the table and not jump on her the way I really, really wanted to.
“I’m glad you liked it,” I whispered huskily as I fought a battle with my inner demons.
“But I should probably head home. Because if you keep looking at me like that, I’m gonna stay and do things that landed me in this tangle in the first place.”
“Damn, I didn’t think I’d been that transparent.”
“Yeah, well you kinda have that whole eating me up with your eyes thing down pat. Maybe work on that before the dinner this weekend.”
I laughed. “Noted. Come on, I’ll walk you to your car.”
“Thanks.” Hope smiled bashfully at me.
I grabbed her purse off the counter, handed it to her, and we were out the door because if I were honest, I didn’t trust myself much either when there were so many horizontal surfaces nearby.
Hope’s hand brushed against mine as we walked to the parking lot. I slipped her hand into mine and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. A tingle ran up my arm to my chest at the soft smile Hope gave me. Christ, this woman might be my kryptonite. I think I’d do just about anything to see that look on her face on a daily basis.
Stopping next to her car, Hope leaned back again the door and blinked up at me. “So this is me.”
“This is you,” I murmured as I stepped into her space.
Hope ran her tongue along her bottom lip and I bit back a groan. “Thank you for dinner. Maybe we could do this again sometime?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
Hope’s mouth puckered as her eyes danced, and I just couldn’t stop myself. Leaning down I covered her mouth with mine and kissed her. Hope’s arms moved up and twined around my neck, one hand burying in my hair, the other gripping at my shoulder as she kissed me back.
As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t let my hands touch her because I knew the minute I felt her beneath me this whole going slow thing would end in a heartbeat. Still I moved my mouth over hers and swept my tongue inside her mouth, searching, tasting, remembering every small detail I forgot about that night.
And wishing we could go back there again.
Finally, I pulled away with a
groan. “If we don’t stop now…”
“Yeah,” Hope whispered back. “I gotta get home.”
It was my turn to bite my lip as I watched her take a step back and duck into her car. Fuck, I really wanted tonight to end differently.
But I couldn’t regret the way the night had turned out.
Chapter 15
Hope
Ryan: You’ve had all your shots, right?
I blinked at my phone. It was a dinner at his brother’s house, not a trip to some exotic country.
Me: What is your brother serving that I need to make sure I’m updated on my shots?
Ryan: With us a tetanus shot is kinda required.
Me: WTF? Do you have nail gun fights for fun or something?
Ryan: No.
Actually Nathan and Dylan did once now that I think about it.
Me: Yeah, I’m thinking I might find something else to do instead.
Ryan: Sorry. Bad joke. I swear there won’t be any fighting or hospital visits required.
I just stared at my phone in disbelief. Did he really think his brothers would be that pissed about us? But then I remembered my little conversation with my father when he found out I’d slept with Ryan. Would his family feel the same? Like I wasn’t good enough to be with him? How would they react when they found out about the baby?
Me: We’re still keeping the pregnancy between us, right?
Ryan: Sure. Well us and Dylan and Sabrina. But that’s all. I swear.
Right. I forgot that some in his family knew. More like half his family. Crap. At this point was there any chance at keeping the pregnancy secret?
Ryan: Just thought I should maybe brace you for some yelling and general dysfunction. My family can be a lot.
Me: Do you not remember why we got together in the first place? I’m a fangirl. I know all this.
Ryan: Yeah but seeing it on TV and living it are two different beasts.
Maybe I should’ve explained more about my little family—my stepdad Cal in particular. That man had plenty of roar when required.
Ryan: It’ll be fine. I swear. Am heading out the door now. See you in a few.
Me: I’ll be waiting ;)
And by that I meant waiting in the lobby. After last time, I didn’t want to chance Ryan running into Goldie and her blabbing to my dad. Again. I’d tried to talk Ryan out of picking me up. I could drive over his place or even meet him at Austin’s—I wasn’t picky—but he wouldn’t budge. He wanted me on the back of his bike or we weren’t going at all. It kinda pissed me off that he was being so high handed. Although there was a not-so-little part of me that was thrilled he had to have me on his bike. I couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around him, feel the wind on my face and his hard body between my legs.
I had to fan myself to calm down a bit. Stupid pregnancy hormones. Or maybe it was just the thought of Ryan’s pheromones. He did smell really good.
Rolling my eyes at my sudden horniness, I slipped my wallet and phone into my tiny clutch that should easily fit in Ryan’s saddle bags. I’d spent ages obsessing over what I should wear. Ryan had made it sound like a laidback get together, but I didn’t want to show up looking like a schlub. Although his motorcycle meant I’d have to wear jeans and boots, so I topped them off with a vee neck t-shirt that always made me feel sexy. Grabbing my clutch and a wind breaker for the brisk spring air on the back of Ryan’s bike, I was out the door.
As I stood waiting for the elevator, my phone pinged with a text. I smiled as I fumbled through my clutch for my phone. Could he really not wait ten minutes to talk to me? He should be driving!
But my smile fell away when I saw the display on my phone.
Sage: When are you coming home again?
It felt like someone hit me in the chest with a baseball bat. I didn’t know how to reply to him. While I was at college, I’d swing by the house on long weekends to take him out for a meal. Since I’d been getting to know my real father, I’d wanted to get to know my little brother too. He’d been in elementary school when I’d started hanging out with him, but he was in middle school now and struggling.
I hated to disappoint him, but with everything going on in my life I couldn’t go home now.
I stressed over my reply the whole elevator ride down to the lobby. And now sitting in a chair next to the elevators, I typed out my reply.
Me: Sorry, bro. It’ll be a while. Need to work more so I get some time off. Maybe this summer? What’s going on?
I waited, but he didn’t reply right away. Something had to be going on for him to text me. I’d always been the one to initiate contact. He had my number since I’d started taking him out for meals, but he’d never reached out before. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my bones.
Biting the bullet, I did the one thing I really, really didn’t want to do.
I called my mom.
The line rang and rang, but she didn’t pick up. That wasn’t unusual—she never had her phone on her. Ending the call, I thumbed through my contacts and called my stepdad.
On the fourth ring, he picked up.
“What.”
I blinked at his terse non-greeting. I shouldn’t have been surprised; this was Cal after all. “Hey, Cal. I was trying to reach Mom, but she’s not answering. Is she there with you?”
“Yeah, but she’s busy. She’ll call you back when she gets a chance.”
I heard a soft cry in the background and then he hung up on me.
Shit. That wasn’t good. Nothing about this was good.
I scrolled down to Sage’s contact and called him.
One the sixth ring, he picked up.
“Hope?” He whispered.
I tried to talk around the frog in my throat. “Hey, buddy. What’s going on?”
The silence on his end of the line was nerve wracking. He gave a shaky sigh. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. I really wish I could pop over there.” It was a four plus hour drive to Eureka. “I’m sorry, Sage. I know I haven’t been a good sister lately. But um, I’ll take a look at my calendar at work on Monday and plan a trip, okay? Maybe come over for Memorial Day?”
“Okay.” His voice sounded so weak and far away.
“Is there anything you want to talk about now though?”
“No.”
Sometimes it was like squeezing blood from a stone to get any kind of reply beyond a yes or no from him. We’d been so much closer before I moved to Sacramento. “Okay. How’s things going at school?”
“Okay.”
Lord. “And home? How’s life with Mom and Cal?”
He paused again before he replied. “Okay.”
“You gotta use more words, buddy.”
“Okay.” He giggled and the sound warmed my heart.
“But really, you can always call me or text me if anything’s wrong. I’m your sister. I care what happens in your life.”
“Okay.” He snorted like the little smartass I knew and loved.
“Okay.” I rolled my eyes. “And I promise I’ll text you with my plans for our next weekend together. I swear.”
“Okay. Love you, Hope.”
“Love you too, Sage.”
I ended the call with a heavy heart. I didn’t know what was going on with him. But enough of his replies sent my social worker radar pinging. I knew what life was like at home when I’d lived there. I just hoped it hadn’t gotten worse. Sage deserved better.
I would do better.
The lobby doors slammed open and I jumped. My solitary bubble burst as Goldie waltzed into the lobby.
“Ooooooh.” She shoved her teased blonde hair out of her face and smirked down at me. “Who’s the princess slumming with tonight?”
I pushed to my feet then shouldered passed her and headed for the doors. “Fuck you, Goldie.”
“Excuse me? I don’t know who the hell you think you are, but you better check yourself, sweetie. Or I can do that for you.”
Oh really? I spun around and surveyed her he
ad to toe. From the tear-smudged mascara to the mismatched black leather heeled boots and not to mention her offensive mouth, she defined crudeness. But there was no way in hell I’d let her think she could walk all over me.
Especially after our last run-in.
“You might have fifteen years and thirty pounds on me, but I can kick your ass any day of the week.”
Goldie hot footed it across the lobby to where I stood next to the doors. She shoved her face toward mine, and I winced at the waft of gin that hit my nose. “I can and will give you a lesson of what happens to little girls who think they can play with the big dogs. I’ve been a big dog longer than you’ve been spreading your legs for skinny, little punks.”
I snorted, not the least impressed. Or intimidated. “Did you seriously just call yourself a dog? Apparently, I don’t even have to think up insults. You’re doing all the work for me.”
“You little bitch.” Goldie swung her hand toward me but stopped an inch short.
Rags, her old man, stood behind her, holding her slapping hand aloft. “Seriously, Goldie? You don’t have enough shit raining down on you, you have to throw down with the Prez’s little girl? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You didn’t hear what she said,” Goldie whined as she tried to tug her hand free.
“The shit where you called yourself a dog?” Rags snorted. “I heard all of it, and it was fucking hilarious. Stop shoving your nose where it doesn’t belong.”
Goldie scowled as she finally tugged her hand free. “Little bitch is so damn uppity. Someone needs to teach her a lesson.”
“Well that someone isn’t you. Get your ass upstairs. Now.” His voice brokered no argument. And with one final glare in my direction, she stomped over to the elevators.
“Hope.” Rags nodded at me before turning to follow his woman.
I inclined my head in reply, but he’d already disappeared into the elevator.
Lord, if this was how the night was starting, maybe I’d be better off staying home.
But before I could think about texting Ryan, my phone pinged.
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