Mom charged across the room to finally hold me. Her arms wrapped around me, and I felt that feeling again. Home. Love. Forgiveness. Tears stung my eyes.
Mom pulled back and ran a hand over my head. “Fine. If it’s not my fault what your father did to your guy, then you can’t blame yourself either.”
“It’s not that easy. I—”
“Wasn’t the one beating him up in that parking lot. So I don’t want to hear it anymore.”
I finally whispered the thought that had been circling my head all night long. “But what if this isn’t the end? You had to move hours away to get away from his reach. What does that mean for me?”
“I don’t know, honey. I don’t know.”
A brisk knock at the door had us breaking apart and swiping at our eyes.
“Yes?” I called out.
The doors crashed open, and a harried looking woman dragged a rolling cart in behind her. “Sorry for the wait. It’s been a bit crazy here tonight. But what do you expect when a full moon happens on a Friday night? Insanity. I swear. Every time. Anyhow, I’m here to do a vaginal ultrasound on—” She paused a whipped out a clipboard. “Hope Stephens. Is that you?”
“Yeah.” I cringed. “Vaginal? You mean you have to—” I gestured vaguely at my legs.
“Yup, this early it’s the only way to really see the fetus. Give me a second to get set up and then we’ll see what you have cooking.”
I watched with big eyes as the tech bustled around the cart, plugging in cords, and jostling plastic bottles.
“Honey,” Mom whispered loudly. “Do you want me to leave?”
“No. Please don’t go. Uh, could you ask Sabrina and Nathan if they want to come in? They should be waiting outside. If Ryan can’t be here, I’d like someone from his family to be here at least.”
“Sure thing.” She poked her head out the door, said something to the guys waiting outside, and then held the door open for them as they trooped inside.
“Do you seriously want me in here for this?” Nathan asked as he hovered in the doorway.
“Unless it makes you uncomfortable,” I replied before looking at the technician. “We can keep me covered up, right? So no one sees anything?”
“Sure, I can do that.” She smiled back. “But uh, if you could close the door…”
Nathan shut the door behind him, still keeping one hand on the handle.
The tech positioned my feet on the bed, draping the sheet over my knees and then burrowed underneath. Nathan whipped around to stare at the opposite wall. I chuckled and turned my attention to the ceiling. This was just as awkward for me too. I grimaced at the pressure between my legs.
“Does that hurt?” The tech asked, poking her head out of the sheet before settling it over my knees again.
“No, I’m fine.” I reached up and swiped at the tears burning my eyes. I couldn’t look at the screen. I was too afraid of what I’d see.
In moments a rapid whomp, whomp, whomp pulsed through the room.
“Is that…?” I couldn’t say it.
But I didn’t need to as the technician finished for me. “Your baby. Yes, it is.” She punched at a few keys on the keyboard on her cart then gestured at the screen. “And there he is. Or she. It’s too soon to determine gender quite yet.”
I squinted at the screen. It was just a mess of squiggles to me. Nothing there even remotely looked like a baby. But for some reason I was afraid to admit it. Like maybe she’d realize she was wrong or something and the baby wasn’t there. I was afraid to believe.
But Nathan wasn’t. “Where? I can’t see shit.”
“Uh.” The tech chuckled unevenly. “This right here.” She circled a tiny almost human shape with a bulbous head. “That’s the baby.”
She clicked buttons and pressed the wand deeper into me, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the fuzzy shape of my baby. She was perfect. Okay, she looked a little weird, but I’d done enough reading to know that was how babies were supposed to look like at this stage. My baby was right there.
“Oh honey,” Mom whispered huskily as she held my hand.
“Hot damn.” Nathan laughed.
I laughed with him. The relief I felt at that moment was immense. There was my baby. “Is she okay?”
“Well, I’ll leave it up to your doctor to give you the details, but unofficially I’d say you’re fine. Some women have breakthrough bleeding in their first trimester, especially when under high levels of stress.” She clicked a few more times. “But I’d say your baby is healthy and happy.”
Sabrina made a muffled moan.
Oh god. I’d forgotten. Sabrina. I turned to look at her but she waved a hand over her tear-filled eyes. “Sorry. I’m just so happy for you.”
And so sad for herself, I finished silently.
She shook her head fiercely, and I gave her slight smile in understanding. I knew she didn’t want to talk about it—Nathan probably didn’t even know about it. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked her to be here for this. Crap, I was a shitty friend.
Nathan wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Can you believe little Ryan is going to be a daddy? How the hell did that happen?”
“Well you see, when a man loves a woman…” Sabrina smirked up at him then squealed and ducked as he tried to give her a noogie.
The tech shook her head. “All done here. You can get dressed. I’ll give the doctor my notes, and she should be in with you soon.”
She bundled everything onto her cart and was out the door.
“Since your mom is here and everything looks good, we’re going to run upstairs and check on Ryan.” Nathan kept his arm wrapped around Sabrina. “No updates since cell reception is shit down here. I’d like to get in to see him if I can. Nice to meet you, ma’am. We’ll see you up there, Hope?”
“Sure.” I smiled at Nathan and Sabrina as they waved then left.
I turned to my mom. “So.”
“So.” She smiled.
“I’m just gonna…” I grabbed my clothes and hobbled off into the attached bathroom. As I cleaned myself up and pulled my clothes on, I thought about everything my mom had said—about my dad, his club and how she had to get away from him.
And then I knew what I had to do.
When I came out of the bathroom, I met my mom’s gaze. “You had to move to get away from him?”
“Yeah, honey. You father’s not exactly known for giving up when he’s losing. He’s the kinda man who changes the rules in the middle of the game. He always has to win.”
“Then there’s only one thing I can do.”
Chapter 26
Ryan
Fuck, this was weird. I could hear my own heartbeat. Shit, that couldn’t be good. Everything felt off. Weird. Kinda floaty? That wasn’t the right word, but I couldn’t make my brain come up with the right one.
I opened my eyes and the harsh overhead light glared down on me. I blinked a few times and tried to get my bearings.
“Hope?” My voice was raspy and deep. Not like mine at all. “Hope?”
“He’s awake. Hit the call button,” someone called from the side of the bed.
I tried to turn my head and grimaced at the wave of pain that hit me. “Nathan? What? Where’s Hope?”
Silence met my questions.
Then a bunch of people rushed into the room, and I couldn’t keep track of anything. All I knew was that Hope wasn’t there.
Questions were fired at me by so many strangers, but I just closed my eyes and let the darkness swallow me again.
* * *
The next time I woke up, I could hear my brothers arguing around me.
“You should’ve told him. He deserves to know,” Austin whispered harshly.
“It’s not like I had a ton of time,” Nathan retorted. “The doctors swarmed the room and kicked us all out. When exactly should I have told him? Huh? Maybe yelled it from the doorway? That would’ve been really productive.”
“He deserves to know Hope ditched him.”
“Without coming up here and trying to see Ryan first? And not replying to anyone’s texts?”
“Can’t text if you’re sleeping.” Nathan groaned. “I should’ve stayed with her. If I knew she was going to be discharged so fast, I would’ve hung around.”
“It’s not your fault she’s a flake. At least Ryan knows now before he gave her a ring.”
“Doesn’t matter, he’s still having a baby with her.”
“Yeah, if she keeps it,” Austin argued.
“You didn’t see her. She wants that baby. And I heard her talking to her mom. She wants Ryan too. She just doesn’t know what to do about her fucked up dad.”
“Yeah, what are we gonna do about that asshole?”
“He’s already sitting in a jail cell. I say let’s give the courts a chance, first.”
“Because they did such a stellar job with our dad?” Austin groaned. “This is such a fucking mess.”
“Shut up.” I slurred.
“Ry!” Austin all but shouted in my ear. “He’s awake!”
I grimaced. I would’ve said something but my face and brain wouldn’t work together.
“Are you in pain? Should we page a nurse?” Austin asked.
“Where am I?” I closed my eyes, giving up the fight to keep them open. Everything felt fuzzy and swollen. Hospital made more sense than these fuckers being in my bedroom.
My brothers paused and Austin’s never ending questions ended. Finally Nathan asked his own question. “You don’t remember?”
I tried to shake my head, but my neck felt stiff, and moving sent a pounding ache through my skull.
Nathan made this pained sound that if I didn’t know better was the sound of his heart breaking. His voice sounded rough even after he cleared his throat. “I can’t, bro. You tell him.”
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Austin asked.
I looked up at the ceiling and that small movement hurt. Flinching, I closed my eyes. “Hope?”
“Hope’s fine,” Nathan replied.
Austin made a funny sound followed by the muffled thump. A familiar sound with us brothers. Someone had slapped the other’s arm or chest.
“Quit it. Not the time.” Nathan murmured before continuing in a louder voice. “That was Thursday night. It’s Saturday afternoon. You don’t remember Friday at all?”
I tried to say no, but it sounded like an odd croak, even to me. Then, that weird floaty sensation came back.
“We should page a nurse.” Austin’s voice sounded tense. “They need to know he lost a whole day. That’s crazy.”
I felt the uncontrollable urge to laugh. It bubbled up, and I think some leaked out.
“He’s so loaded up on painkillers I doubt he remembers his own name.” Nathan said.
“Ryan,” I murmured weakly.
“I’m getting a nurse.” Austin said followed by the scrape of a chair. “He needs an MRI or something. He could have brain damage. You know how hard the fucker wailed on him.”
“Hope?” I asked before the darkness swallowed me again.
* * *
“He’s fine. The MRI came back clean. No brain swelling.”
Instead of arguing, this time it sounded like Nathan was trying to comfort someone. Hope maybe?
“You don’t understand.” Dylan replied. “This is my fault. He tried to tell me, but I wouldn’t listen.”
Nope, not Hope.
I groaned as I opened my eyes.
“He’s awake. Should I get a doctor?” Dylan asked.
“Fuck, not you too,” Nathan muttered. “How you feeling, buddy?”
“Floating. And weird.” I tried to reach up and rub my face but my hand felt heavy.
“You’re in the hospital, remember?” Nathan replied before shooting a look at Dylan.
“Yeah. Right.” That sounded kinda familiar. “Where’s Hope? We crash?”
“You weren’t in a car accident, Ry.” Nathan sighed then rubbed at the back of his neck. “And Hope is fine. She wasn’t injured.”
I swiveled my head to take in the room, but then had to close my eyes as it swam around me. “Where’s she?”
“Uh, well…” Dylan trailed off.
“She’s fine, bro.” Nathan cut in. “She had to go home and get some rest. Doctor’s orders.”
“Doctor? Phone.” I lifted up my hand.
“Not happening.” Dylan shook his head. “You gotta rest too.”
“No.” I would’ve glared at my brothers but I couldn’t make my face do what I wanted.
“I swear, she’s fine.” Nathan leaned forward. “They wouldn’t have discharged her if she wasn’t.”
I shifted then grunted at the wave of pain that hit. Something niggled at the back of my brain about what Nathan said but I couldn’t put it together. “What happened?”
“You were working late,” Nathan replied when Dylan cut him off.
“The West Coast Kings jumped you at the shop. James called the cops and caught the whole thing on camera. They arrested T-Bone for assault with a deadly weapon and got a few others Kings on weapons possession charges.”
None of that sounded even kinda familiar. Shouldn’t I remember this? I stared at Dylan, waiting for him to continue before I passed out again.
“James said he had a chain,” Dylan whispered.
Now the pain made sense.
“He almost killed you, Ry.” Dylan blinked a few times as tears shone in his eyes. “We’ve been worried you’d never wake up.”
“How long ago?”
Nathan sighed. “It’s doesn’t matter.”
I glared at him. I had to know.
“It’s Sunday morning.” Dylan replied. “They jumped you late Friday night.”
Two days. I lost two whole days.
“What about Hope?” Had she been there? They didn’t… I couldn’t even finish the thought. Her father had jumped me and tried to beat me to death. What the hell would he have done to her?
Dylan huffed. “Last we saw her, she was fine.”
“Dylan,” Nathan hissed.
“What? It’s not like she’s been here this weekend. At all.”
I blinked. “Wha—Where?”
“She’s home. Sleeping. It’s fine, Ry. Don’t worry about her.” Nathan replied before turning and elbowing Dylan in the stomach. “You need to shut your fucking mouth.”
“No.” Dylan retorted. “It might be my fault that he’s in here, but it was her father who beat him up. And where the fuck is she? Not here, that’s for damn sure.”
My head spun. I couldn’t concentrate. I wanted to ask what the fuck, but that floaty, strange sensation came back, and I was having a hard time holding onto reality.
“Again, it’s not your fault.” Nathan said. “You didn’t beat up Ryan, and neither did Hope. You all need to lay off her and give her some space. This is some heavy shit.”
“That’s hilarious, coming from you.” Dylan laughed bitterly. “You were the one blaming her in the first place. And that was before she did her disappearing act.”
“Yeah, well, I was pissed. And then I saw her—she was fucking devastated.” Nathan sighed. “And I heard her baby’s heartbeat. Ryan’s baby. It’s… She’s carrying a heavy load right now. She deserves some space if she wants it. That’s all I’m saying.”
Heartbeat. Nathan heard our baby’s heartbeat. For some reason that fact buzzed around my head. It was important, but I couldn’t figure out why.
And then the darkness swallowed me again.
Chapter 27
Hope
24 hours earlier
Saturday morning
I shoved my bulging suitcase closed and struggled with the zipper. The stupid thing wouldn’t close. “Gah.”
“Honey, let me help you.” My mom crossed the room, and in that effortless way of hers, spun the zipper around th
e bag, closing it without a struggle. “I don’t understand why we have to do this right now.”
“Because, Mom. He beat up the man I love, the father of my child. I can’t—I won’t stay for one more minute in an apartment paid for by that bastard.”
“But Cal and Sage will be here in a few hours. I could’ve sent them to get your stuff. You were just discharged from the hospital. You should be resting. You’ve been up all night, in a stressful situation. Your doctor told you to rest.”
I shook my head. “I have to do this. I want to make sure I get everything because there is no way I’m coming back here ever again.”
My mom just sighed and grabbed the suitcase off the bed. She wheeled it to the door next to my other suitcase and the pile of boxes holding all my bathroom stuff, shoes, and odds and ends. I’m pretty sure she muttered something about stubbornness under her breath, but I didn’t care.
I just wanted to finish this. Rip it off like a Band-Aid.
Taking in my apartment, the place that I’d tried to make a home for the past year with dry eyes, my shoulders slumped. Exhaustion dragged at me. It’d been…I couldn’t even remember how long since I’d slept last. But I wasn’t tearful. I might’ve been leaving everything I knew in Sacramento behind, but I wasn’t going to cry about it.
My mom had raised a stronger woman than that.
And now I finally knew where I stood. Home wasn’t with my asshole father. This place had never and would never be home. I’d been fooling myself to think so.
“Ready, honey?” My mom asked.
I nodded. “I just wanna have another walk through before we leave—make sure I’ve got everything.”
“Okay. I’m gonna run this first load down. Wait for me to help you with the rest.”
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